Wow.  Nice work, very nice work.  I don't think I can fault your grammar
or spelling at all, and the concept and execution are sterling.  In fact,
the only quibbles I have are quite trivial.

There are two types of people. Thosec who divide people into 2 types and
those who don't.

There are three kinds of people.  Those who can count, and those who can't.
<grin>

"Turn back, old man, foreswear your foolish ways." Her voice
was smooth and sultry. "All now is earth and none may count her
days." She grinned and weaved through the circle singing, "Da da
da duh da."

Oh, I know *this* song.  I suspect that you reconstructed the lyrics
by listening to a recording.  The playwright actually took an old
hymn and put its lyrics to new words (many of the songs in Godspell
are the same).  

Anyway, you have a few misinterpretations, but understandable ones.
The first verse actually reads:

	Turn back, o man, forswear thy foolish ways
	Old now is earth and none may count her days
	Yet thou, her child, whose head is crowned with flame
	Still will not hear thine inner God proclaim
	Turn back o man, forswear thy foolish ways.

Oh, and nicely staged, btw.  I have this, well, interest in how
well songs play out in fics <grin>, and I must say you handled the 
scene very well.

"I am Savere Imani."

Is this S.I. an SI? he asks, looking up at the author's name...  <grin>

She turned back to Hotaru. "But please understand, I'd be good
for you. I'd be surprisingly good for you."

Now here's my other quibble.  Is she singing in Japanese or English?
(Then again, does it matter?  Surely the songs you're quoting have
reasonable Japanese translations, but what I know of Nihongo-to-English
makes me wonder how closely English-to-Nihongo works...)

Imani hugged Hoatru and headed out the door with a final bow.

Spelling error:  Hotaru, obviously.

"They flit from one thing to another because they don't
understand the dance that follows the rhythm." Nyale said.

Imani finished in a low, but clear tone. "How can the rhythm,
the music, the dance, and the words be understood if there is not
first silence?"

"For I am the Lord of the Dance, said he..."

Hotaru was stunned. She had always seen Silence as the end.
These people saw it as a beginning. A ray of hope filled her.

I'm not a Sailor Moon fan; I barely know anything of it.  But what little I
know of Hotaru has seemed overwhelmingly sad -- this tiny, fragile child who
is, all but against her will, the horseman of Death.  To see her realize that
there are other aspects to her nature is glorious.

I'm looking forward to Part 2, in my inbox right now even as I write...

-- Bob

-- 
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Robert M. Schroeck         rms@eclipse.net          http://www.eclipse.net/~rms 
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Tax the churches:  It will raise both dollars and sense.
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