Subject: [FFML] [C&C]Review June 28 1999
From: David Johnston
Date: 6/29/1999, 3:36 AM
To: ffml@fanfic.com

Ritual Disclaimer:  Omission of a fic implies nothing 
concerning my opinion of it.  I do not limit my reviews
to Ranma fics. 

Subject: 
        [FFML] [fic][ranma] [new draft] Lanko of the Amazons 
  Date: 
        Sun, 20 Jun 1999 02:16:03 -0500 
  From: 
        doug_w@mail.geocities.com

Description:  Alternate universe where right after his
curse, Ranma is split apart into himself and an amnesiac
female version of himself.

Comments:  Her hands are soft?  Not judging by the kind
of damage Ranma can do without hurting them.  Really,
apart from anything else, Cologne should scold Shampoo
for conceding defeat so easily.  She wasn't knocked out
or seriously hurt, so how did she lose?

Some grammar and spelling problems.  This paragraph
was particularly bad.  

      �Hello.� Nodoka began. �My name is Nodoka
Soatome. I belive you know my husband, Genma.� She
motioned to the panda. Genma held up a sign: Hello old
friend. Soun stared incrediously. The last time he had seen
Genma was after his wifes funeral.

"Saotome", Change paragraphs when Genma begins to "talk".
You should use some kind of quote indicator for the sign.
Quotation marks would actually be perfectly adequate for
the purpose.  "incredulously", "wife's".  And just why
did Nodoka have a funeral?  

Subject: 
        [FFML] [fic] [SM/Ranma/ST xover] Alterations and Revisions, Ch 1 
  Date: 
        Sat, 19 Jun 1999 12:30:50 PDT 
  From: 
        Beky Sarver <bekyx@HOTMAIL.COM>

Description:  The cast of Ranma turn out to be 
reincarnations of the parents of the Senshi who must 
substitute for their children.

Comments:  Strictly speaking, a slightly more fatigued
Sailor Moon with 4 living friends would probably have
better odds than a Sailor Moon totally on her own.  
Frankly, I find all of this a little too easy and simple.  
"Xalen" shows up, taps people on the shoulder and suddenly
they remember everything and have their old powers back,
and are totally cooperative with the program.

Spelling's kind of sloppy as well. 

Subject: 
        [FFML] (Ranma) Second Chance at Love chapter 6 revised 
  Date: 
        Sun, 20 Jun 1999 15:04:07 PDT 
  From: 
        sean wrinkle <swrink@HOTMAIL.COM>

Description:  After years, Ryoga divorces Akari to try to
make a relationship with Ukyo.

Comments:  What, no kids?  What's a divorce without kids?

Subject: 
        [FFML] [Fic][SF2] Declaration - Chapters 11, 12 
  Date: 
        Sun, 20 Jun 1999 17:55:43 -0400 
  From: 
        "DucThe Truong" <elanark@email.com>

Description:  Streetfighters continue to drift into the
Shadowlaw orbit.

Comments: Did they magically heal Charlie's ribs?  One 
wonders whether this is the Cammy from Streetfighter 2 V 
or if her cross garrote was in something else.   

Well written combat.  

One minor technical problem, this "P Align=" thing.

<P ALIGN="JUSTIFY">"Do not underestimate your opponent for any reason.

Subject: 
        [FFML][Ranma]Nemesis 4.1: Fighting for a Better Tomorrow 
  Date: 
        Sun, 20 Jun 1999 14:47:37 PDT 
  From: 
        Razorclaw X <spiceoflife@HOTMAIL.COM>

Description:  As before.

Comments:  I find the conversation between Nabiki and 
Kasumi to be utterly incomprehensible.  

Subject: 
        [FFML][SM/SPC] The Admittedly Peculiar Adventures of Sailor 
Luna, ch 1-4 
  Date: 
        Sun, 20 Jun 1999 17:08:21 EDT 
  From: 
        Kenjiko2@aol.com

Description:  Luna is transported via plot device into
the anthropomorphic world of Samurai Pizza Cats to become
that world's Sailor Moon.  

Comments:  SPC is that rarest of all cases, a dub
that actually improved on the original to some extent,
thanks to the snappy banter of the English language 
narrator.  Not that it was perfect, with it's insistence
on pretending that fox was a rat, but this fic has managed
to capture that narrator's spirit, nicely.

Whatever happened to that sheep, anyway?  

      "That's pretty much what the ragged man said, isn't it?" Lita
added.  "That she was needed to be a Sailor somewhere else... but I
can't see how Luna could be a Sailor Scout... I mean, she's a CAT."

Sailor Mau begs to disagree.  

Subject: 
            [FFML][fic][yaoi][slightly-dark]Crimson Tears 2A 
       Date: 
            Fri, 25 Jun 1999 13:07:16 -0700 
       From: 
            ShadowCat <csmith2@home.com>

Description:  Ranma/OMG fusion in which Ranma was actually
an angel/god forced to reincarnate into a chaotic human life 
as a punishment and something more

Comments:  You know, the Frantics did an Angel Boot Camp
routine.  "I want to see some precision close order wafting!"
The whole point of the doublet system is to 
prevent direct killing warfare between the two sides.  
That being the case, why is Ranma going to war?  
And where do dead angels go?  

One last thing.  The Creator, ala Christianity, is 
"Kami-sama", not just "Kami".  It's the difference between
God and a god.  

Subject: 
        [FFML][FANFIC][RANMA 1/2][REPOST]Forgiveness and Forgetfullness 
pt. 1 
  Date: 
        Mon, 28 Jun 1999 21:13:26 MST 
  From: 
        Liz MUN <evilkasumi@HOTMAIL.COM>

Description:  Aliens think that Ryoga is a Second Coming
equivalent, and every time Ranma says or does something, 
he's knocked unconscious.  

Comments:  Gee.  No doubt where this author stands on the
subject of Ranma versus Ryoga.  Not to mention Ukyo versus
Akane.  Several spelling errors. 

       Seeing there was no greeting host or not even a
"Please Seat yourslelf" sign, they were obliged to

"Yourself"

      Ukyou turns back to the grill.  There she finds
Ranma, knocked unconsiosly by Akane, who in turn
was still screaming at him. *Why does he even put

"unconscious"  And why is Akane that angry?  
Note the slip into present tense.  

Subject: 
        [FFML] [Ranma]Ranma-chan: Genie of the Ring chapter 07 
  Date: 
        Tue, 29 Jun 1999 01:23:49 GMT 
  From: 
        "Tom Mathews a.k.a.Disruptor" <godphoniex@HOTMAIL.COM>

Description:  Ranma, having had his female form turned into
a genie under the control of a ring worn by Akane must 
learn to adjust to being his fiancee's slave.  

Comments:  Ranma's decision to ask Akane to make lots of 
wishes so he can practise using the genie's powers 
doesn't make sense.  Either he can use her powers on his
own or he can't.  If he can't, then practise won't matter
much since they aren't really his powers, they're his 
master's powers.  If he can, then he doesn't need Akane's
help to practise.

Spelling gets sloppy near the end of the chapter.

      "Okay then.  Ranma, I wsh that you were back in your standard _boy_ clothes
and some hot water would splash you in the face."

"wish".  

       Wiping his face with his hands, Ranam stated somewhat sarcastcially,
"Thanks a lot Akane.  I really needed another bath."

"sarcastically"  Actually, "with a hint of sarcasm" might
work better.  You know, it's amazing the number of 
people who are afraid to use the word "said".  

Subject: 
        [FFML] [Fanfic] I Dream of Ranma, Episode 3 
  Date: 
        Mon, 28 Jun 1999 23:44:03 GMT 
  From: 
        kleppe@execpc.com (Gary Kleppe)

Description:  Spawned from the same idea post as the last
one, in this alternate universe Ranma arrives with the
curse of "drowned genie" from the start.  However, rather
than having a master, his female form must grant any wish
spoken in it's hearing.  

Comments:  It might be better if the moment Nabiki hears 
that wish she points and says, "Look!  Halley's Comet!"
to Mrs Saotome.  Otherwise Ranma disappearing right before
her eyes is going to undermine the idea that the oni 
problem has been solved.  

Subject: 
        [FFML] [Ranma] Girl Days, part 11, teaser 
  Date: 
        Mon, 28 Jun 1999 10:47:04 EDT 
  From: 
        Kenjiko2@aol.com

Description:  Everyone dresses up in wacky outfits.

Comments:  Now how would Ranma know about Lara Croft?