===================
PART XVII
Little Washu
Genius Scientist.
Lousy Geography Teacher.
===================

PS - I also apologise in advance about the fact that I suck at sugar scenes too. 

"WAKE UP, YOU JACKASS!!!!"
Ryoga clutched the blanket tighter and pretended he couldn't hear her. True, she was knelt on the edge of the futon and
screaming at the top of her voice, but there was always the off chance that he had concussion. Hell, he wouldn't be surprised
if he _did_ have concussion, with Ukyo, Skuld and Akane regularly hitting him with blunt objects. *Maybe she'll give up and
go away,* he thought fuzzily. *I should be so lucky!*
Ukyo gave up and walked away. 
After a few moments of silence, Ryoga cracked an eye open to see if she really _had_ gone, before embracing his good luck and
slipping back into sleep.
Luck is not a big fan of Ryoga Hibiki.
*SPLASH* 
"YAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!" Ryoga-chan jumped to her feet, shivering all over. "That was COLD!!!" 
"What can I say but whoops?" Ukyo courteously poured hot water over her before making her way to the door. "Now get a move
on or we'll be late for school."
"Oh goodie. School. Be still my beating heart." Ryoga yawned. That was a definite drawback to staying in one place - having
to go to school. And why so early?!? How teachers expected their students to learn anything when they were all half asleep
was a mystery to him. He'd have skipped school today and gone back to sleep, but now his bedding was soaked. "Go away, then."
"Yes, Dad," Ukyo mumbled, walking over to the door. She paused in the doorway, then turned back to face him. "Hey. Where did
you disappear to last night?"
"Huh? Me?" Ryoga pointed to himself and struggled to think of something. "I uh.. I went for a walk! Yeah, that's it!" He
laughed nervously. "A short walk around the block, that's all! Y'know, it was a nice night and all..."
*A perfect night to be saved by Magical Guy Makoto...* Ukyo smiled dreamily. "OK, you get dressed, lost boy."
*Why on earth is she grinning like that?* Ryoga wondered, gazing at her. *Still... she's awfully cute when she does that.*
"What are you looking at?!" Ukyo asked, snapping out of her daydream. 
"Huh? Nothing! Nothing at all!" Ryoga protested. 
Ukyo turned into the Flaming Ukyo Fire Oni and gripped her spatula. "Are you saying I'm nothing?!!" 
"What?! No! I never said that!" *Eep! Impending doom!* 
"So you think I'm nothing to look at?!!"
"No!" Ryoga quickly scanned the room for his clothes. If he was going to be air mailed across Japan, he wanted to do it fully
clothed at least. This meant that his mouth spoke before his mind could double check the words. "You're nice to look at."
"WHAT?!???" Ukyo dropped her spatula in surprise.
"Umm... Gotcha!" Ryoga poked her in the centre of her forehead, throwing her off balance. 
She landed on the floor, slightly dazed. "Th-th-th... THAT was DIRTY!" she wailed, jumping to her feet. 
"You snooze, you lose," he shrugged, finally locating his trousers (under the futon), his shirt (wedged behind the chest of 
drawers), socks (bookcase) and shoes (wardrobe, surprisingly enough). 

Ukyo sneaked a quick peek at Ryoga as he tried to organise his homework into some sort of order. *Did he really mean what he
said...?* Watching him, she stifled a small snigger as the pages slipped out of his exercise book and showered over the
floor. He muttered something uncouth under his breath and disappeared under the desk to retrieve them. *He's not so bad
either.... and he _does_ look awfully like Magical Guy Makoto...*
"Psst! Ucchan!"
Ukyo looked around, startled, then let out a small squeal as something tapped her on the knee. She glanced under the desk,
then slowly began fuming. "What on _earth_ are you _doing_?!!" she hissed to Ryoga, red-faced with anger and embarrassment.
Ryoga looked totally unfazed. "Could you move your foot? You're stood on my homework."
"Get out from there, you _pervert!_" Ukyo snarled, ignoring the request.
"What do you mean, pervert?!" Ryoga protested, tugging at the piece of paper. "There's nothing to look at!" He meant the fact
that she was wearing trousers and not a skirt. Ukyo didn't quite see that.
 "JERK!!!" Unable to spatulate him, she settled for stomping on his fingers. Hard.
"OW!" He snatched his hand back with a hiss. "What did you do that for, you violent tomboy?!"
"Get out from under my desk, you perverted, womanising idiot!"
"Get your stupid great big feet off my work and I'd be happy to!!" Ryoga tugged at it with his other hand.
"Get a room!" Ranma called. 
"SHUT UP!!"
*STOMP*
"OW!"
"Don't tell Ranchan to shut up!"
"Excuse me under there!"
Ryoga jumped in surprise at the new voice, promptly slamming his head on the underside of the table. "Miss Washu Sensei!" 
The alien scientist sighed. "Little Washu!! And what are you doing under Miss Kuonji's desk?" 
Ryoga flushed in embarrassment. "She's uh... stood on my homework." 
Ukyo blinked. "I am?" 
"YES! You ARE!" 
"Sorry." She shifted her feet slightly and Ryoga stood up with the sheet of paper, which now boasted a large footprint, and returned to his seat.
"OK, class, your regular teacher is sick so I'm filling in," Washu explained, walking to the front of the classroom. "Today,
I thought we'd go on a field trip." She held her hand up for silence as the class began to whisper loudly.
"Where are we going?" asked Hiroshi.
Washu shrugged. "Dunno. We're going to follow Hibiki."
The whispers started up again. "Sensei, are you sure that's wise?" Akane asked above the din.
"That's Little Washu. And no, it probably isn't wise, but it'll definitely be interesting! The principal's also given us the
rest of the day off to get _really_ lost in, so you get to skip maths!" This made the expedition an instant success with
everyone and Washu grinned cutely and bounced over to Ryoga's desk. "Is that OK with you?"
"I... I guess so..."
"Good." Washu paused for a second before continuing, slightly bashfully. "I figured that this would be a good opportunity to
find out how you get lost so easily."
"O-OK..."
"Ready class?" Washu began to move around the classroom, advising various students on what to take with them and other such
advice.
Ukyo leaned over to Ryoga. "Hey, this would be a perfect opportunity to split up Ranchan and Akane!" she whispered gleefully.
"Huh? How?" Ryoga looked blankly at her. 
Ukyo grinned. "I'll walk with Ranchan and charm the socks off him, and you can walk
with Akane and impress her with your vast and extensive knowledge of the country. We'll keep them separated. First for the
field trip, then for life!" 
Ryoga looked doubtful. "Are you sure that will work? What if they decide they _want_ to walk together?"
Ukyo frowned. "Don't be such a pessimist! As if they're going to want to walk together! She hits him all the time and he
insults her!"
"Like us," Ryoga observed without thinking.
Ukyo scowled. "So? _We_ don't want to walk together, do we?!"
"No way!"
*CLANG*
Ukyo lifted the spatula and glared at him. "You don't have to sound _that_ horrified! Go and give Akane your usual cute - I
mean _clueless_ grin andaskhertowalkwithyou!" Mortified by her slip, she turned and dashed over to Ranma, her face burning.
Ryoga remained seated in stunned silence. *Did she... just call me... _cute_?*

"Oh WOW!" Mihoshi bubbled happily, gazing over the ocean and clinging tightly to Ryoga's arm. She grinned perkily at him.
"The ocean's so beautiful, don't you think?"
Ryoga nodded aimlessly. He long since given up trying to prise the girl from his arm - and besides, it was nice to have
company who appreciated him, he thought sourly as Akane stared daggers at Ukyo, who was alternating between bubbling at Ranma
and trying to disembowel Mihoshi with her eyes. He sighed and looked at Akane again. "Akane, don't you think the ocean's
pretty?" he asked woodenly, expecting her to reply with another answer - if she answered at all - from the girls handbook to
conversations that aren't worth listening to. (Made a best seller during football season when us females had better things to
do than be given step-by-step explanations of the match.)
Akane looked back at Ranma again, who was laughing at one of Ukyo's jokes, and fumed silently. *That JERK! Well, two can play
that game!* She grabbed Ryoga's other arm and smiled sweetly. "I think the ocean is _beautiful_!" she gushed merrily, raising
her voice a little. "It's so ROMANTIC!!!"
Oh good. She wasn't about to mallet him. Then he blinked. "Huh?!!!" *She replied?!?!*
Mihoshi growled and clutched Ryoga's arm tighter. 
Behind them, Hiroshi and Daisuke glared jealously at them. "This is so unfair!" Hiroshi grumbled. "Look - Hibiki has two,
Masaki has two. Can't they share the girls out fairly?"
Behind _them_, Ryoko growled. "We are not candy bars!" Her expression brightened. "But you can have Ayeka if you want!"
"Why would they want me when they can have you?!" Ayeka replied. 
Tenchi groaned. "I'm going to walk with Miss Washu."
"You can't walk with me until you call me Little Washu!!" the teacher shouted.
Ryoga suddenly stopped. "Hey. Where did these giant head statues come from?!"
Washu walked into his back, then looked around. "Oh. We're on Easter Island... EASTER ISLAND?!?!"
"WHAT?!?!" screamed Ukyo in horror, charging forward and clouting Ryoga over the head with her spatula.
"OW! What did you do that for?!" he protested, rubbing his head. "And where are we, anyway?"
"Easter Island is an island off the coast of Chile. We are supposed to be in Japan!" Ukyo hissed.
Ryoga shrugged. "Maybe we are. Nobody noticed us cross an ocean or anything - maybe these heads are just imitations of the
ones on Easter Island."
Washu shook her head, looking very pale. "I just checked. Somehow, in just a few hours, we have managed to get from Japan to
Chile. Without crossing any oceans either." Her face broke into a broad grin and she gleefully smacked Ryoga on the back. "If
I can figure out how you managed to do that, it could revolutionise space travel! Cross vast open areas of space without
noticing! It's incredible!"
Ryoga laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head. "I hate to say it, but it's also probably a fluke. It only
happens every so often when I'm travelling, and if we want to get back to Tokyo today we're going to have to find a different
way."
Washu blinked. "Pardon?"
"Ocean crossing is fine if I'm going in a random direction. If we want to get back to Tokyo it won't work. It never works
when there's a specific destination in mind. But I can't control it - it seems to happen by chance. We can't rely on it to
get us back - we don't want to end up in Kosovo or someplace like that," Ryoga explained. He was fully used to this happening
- it was how he'd first gotten to China. Getting back to Japan though, he'd had to hike for weeks, then take a boat, then
hike some more.
Washu massaged her temples. "So basically, we walked about fifteen miles here and we have to walk thousands back?"
"Yes."
*THUMP*
Ranma blinked. "Why'd Little Miss Washu Sensei faint?"
Ryoko blinked. "Something has actually fazed Washu?!"
Washu sat up. "That's 'Mom' to you, young lady!" She sprang to her feet and began to think. A quick check of the register
proved everybody to be present. "Hibiki, what do you know about this place?"
Ryoga thought. "In 1722 several thousand Polynesians inhabited the island, but disease and raids by slave traders reduced the
number to fewer than 200 by the late 19th century. The island was named by a Dutch explorer who landed here on Easter Day in
1722. The Chilean government annexed the island in 1888. An area on the western coast is reserved by the government for the
indigenous population; the remainder is used as grazing land for sheep and cattle. The ancestors of the present Polynesian
population are thought to have travelled in canoes from the Marquesas Islands, massacred the inhabitants, and made the island
their home. Many archaeologists believe that at the time of the invasion the megaliths, including about 600 statues, were
standing throughout the island and that many were destroyed by the Polynesians during a period of violence on the island."
"You're so smart!" Mihoshi gasped. "So what are we going to do, Miss Washu?"
Washu thought for a moment. "This western coast is for the general population?" Ryoga nodded. "So they'll have telephones?"
Ryoga nodded again. Washu clapped her hands. "Then I guess the only thing for us to do is to call home and tell them we'll be
back tomorrow, hopefully. I'll tell Principal Kuno that we're here because of the archaeological interest and we can all camp
here tonight!"
Ryoko sidled up to her mother. "Why don't I just call up Ryo-ohki?" she whispered.
Washu grinned. "Because although these students may be a little more used to high levels of craziness than the ones at
Tenchi's old school, I think the appearance of a huge space ship may just freak them out." She winked conspiratorially.
"Besides, don't you want to spend the evening on a romantic island with Tenchi?" She grinned wider as Ryoko rushed away.
*Plus it'll be amusing, and I get a chance to study my guinea  pig further!*
Chattering ran through the students, who quickly weighed up the pros and cons. Many of the girls gave evil grins as they
thought of various ways to capture the love of their lives - in a romantic island setting, how could they fail? Many of the
boys also sported evil grins as they considered ways to smuggle the girls into their beds past the eagle eyes of Washu ....
Sorry, gained access to Hiroshi and Daisuke's minds for a second.
"Where are we going to sleep?" Sayuri began. This began a flood of questions.
"How are we going to pay for food?"
"What are we going to eat?"
"We don't have any tents!"
"What are we going to _wear_?!?!"
Washu waved her hands in the air. "I have a dimensional portal. I can call up food, drink, tents, clothes and other assorted
junk from there, OK?" *After all,* she reasoned, *if seeing Ryoko waving her sword around and teleporting through walls
doesn't faze this lot, _nothing_ will! And this is a perfect chance to study Hibiki!*
Ranma shrugged. "Sounds fine to me. But how many tents can you call up?"
"I dunno. They'll probably be four man tents." Washu observed Ryoko and Ayeka out of the corner of her eye and added, "And it
will be single sex tents, you all got that?!?!"
There were a few groans of disappointment, although Hiroshi and Daisuke were currently begging Ryoga and Ranma to share with
them and plotting ways to get the two totally soaked.

The rest of the day was spent sightseeing, playing around on the beach, exploring the local area and putting up tents as
Washu decided they all needed a break as they'd be doing a lot of travelling the next day. It was now evening on Easter
Island and most of the class was gathered around the bonfire in the middle of their camping ground. Ryoga idly scanned the
group as he roasted the marshmallows he'd bought earlier to share around. Yuka and Sayuri had gathered a small crowd of girls
and were currently holding some sort of fashion show with the clothes they'd liberated from the dimensional portal, with a
small gang of boys giving them their opinions. Ranma and Akane were arguing, surprise, surprise although he really couldn't
be bothered to go over there and smack Ranma over the head. Ryoko and Ayeka were also arguing. Gosunkugi was hammering a
straw doll into a tree trunk. Hiroshi and Daisuke were filling water pistols. Tenchi was hiding.
Ukyo sat down next to him and pinched a marshmallow. "Tonight. You can get Akane and I can get Ranchan," she stated, ignoring
Mihoshi's glare.
"Mmm hmm." He winced as Akane whacked Ranma over the head with a tent pole. "You going to nurse his injuries?"
Ukyo grinned. "Good idea, sugar!" She clapped him on the back and his marshmallow fell into the fire. "Oops."
"You can have one of mine," Mihoshi offered. 
"Thanks." Ryoga peeled it off the skewer. "Ow hot!"
"Idiot," Ukyo proclaimed fondly. "You know anything about astronomy?"
Ryoga nursed his burnt fingers and glanced at her. "A little, why?"
"There you are! When the sun finishes setting, you can offer to point out the constellations to Akane and it'll be so
romantic... it can't fail!"
Ryoga stole another look at Akane, who was still chasing after Ranma with deadly weaponry. Somehow, seeing her like that
didn't make him feel romantic, it made him feel terrified. *He probably deserved it,* he tried to convince himself. It wasn't
working. He'd probably made an off-hand remark which she'd taken the wrong way. *But she only gets so mad because she cares
about him.* With a small sigh, he skewered another marshmallow and held it over the flames. *I wish I'd never ended up in
Ranma's body!* Now he couldn't hurt Ranma every time Akane got upset because now he _knew_ it wasn't all Ranma's fault. *She
_is_ a little over reactive, I guess.*
"Penny for your thoughts," Mihoshi inquired lightly.
"Hmm?" Ryoga shrugged. "I wasn't thinking much."
"Same as usual, then?" Ukyo teased.
"Meanie," he replied cheerfully. Now _this_ was nice. Good friend on one side, violent fiancee not being violent on the
other. "Marshmallow?" 
"Thanks." She bit the marshmallows off the skewer with a giggle.
"Hey! I meant one! And you've got it all over your face, you mucky idiot!" Somehow this was a lot more fun than trying to
make small talk with Akane and mucking it up. 
Mihoshi laughed a little. "Have another of mine," she offered. She grinned at Ukyo. "You go get your Ranma," she said
encouragingly.
Ukyo edged a little closer to the fire. "Yeah, in a minute." Truth was, she was in no hurry to cut in on the couple's
argument - people rarely were - and besides, it was nice to sit and joke and roast marshmallows while watching the sunset
with her idiot fiance who wasn't being an idiot and a sort of friend... "Hey Mihoshi, want to share a tent?"
"Sure!" Mihoshi was pleasantly surprised. "I was going to share with Ryoko and Ayeka but they do nothing but argue over who
Tenchi likes better."
Ryoga laughed. "Girls. I will never understand you, ever." 
*SPLASH*
Ryoga-chan jumped to her feet with a small scream, turning to glare at Daisuke. "I'm SOAKED!!! What did you do THAT for?!?!"
"I thought it would help you understand girls better," Daisuke lied.
"What I _do_ understand," Ryoga-chan growled, "is that I am cold, wet and pissed off where I wasn't a moment ago."
The mood was spoilt. Ukyo sighed and stood up. "Well, I'm going to go talk to Ranchan. I'll send Akane over."
"Goodie." Ryoga-chan tried to mask her lack of enthusiasm. *Marvellous. Send Akane over while I'm a girl. Grrrrrreat idea.* 
Mihoshi sighed. "I'll go get a kettle."
Ukyo lingered around for a moment longer after sending Daisuke away with threats of pain echoing through his mind. "Good luck
with Akane, sugar."
"You too," Ryoga-chan replied. "I mean, good luck. With Ranma, that is." 
Ukyo smiled and gave her a little wave. "Tell me how it goes!"
"I wonder what she sees in him," Ryoga-chan wondered aloud as Ukyo walked away.
"Sees in who?"
"Huh?" A genuine smile appeared on Ryoga-chan's face. "Tenchi. I see you've come out of hiding at last!"
Tenchi laughed ruefully. "Yeah. I hope it'll soon be dark enough that neither of them notice me."
"I don't suppose you could do me a big favour and keep Mihoshi occupied while I talk to Akane?" she asked hopefully. "I mean,
she's nice, I like her, but I want to talk to Akane alone."
"No problem." 
Mihoshi chose that moment to reappear with the kettle. Tenchi waited until Ryoga was back to normal, before dragging her away
to buy some more marshmallows to replenish supplies. A few minutes later, Akane wandered over and sat down next to Ryoga with
a scowl on her face. "What's the matter?"
Akane pointed to Ranma and Ukyo. "Three's a crowd, that's what."
"Oh." After a short silence, he offered her the bag. "Y-you want to roast marshmallows?"
"OK." Akane skewered a few, then settled back, her eyes never leaving the couple. There was another short silence. It was
followed by a longer silence.
"Um... nice night, eh?" Ryoga started, watching the marshmallows blacken. "You can see all the stars here, out of town."
"That's nice. Do you know what they're talking about?" 
"No." *And I don't care, either.* 
"I'll bet that womanising jerk's trying to get her back on his good side so he'll get free food again," Akane grumbled. "He doesn't get free food now. Shampoo
emptied her ramen over his head and Ukyo flattened him."
"Did you know that this island is formed from three extinct volcanoes?" Ryoga began again.
"He keeps saying he's hungry, but he still won't eat my cooking."
Ryoga glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. She was still staring at Ranma and Ukyo. "Hey. I'm going to bungee jump
off the top of Everest and knit a pair of socks on the way down," he said dryly.
"It's not my fault my cooking's bad, I try, I really do, but that jerk just won't appreciate it!"
"You've ruined your marshmallows. They're on fire." He decided there was wasn't any point in pointing out the shooting star
in the sky.
Akane ignored him. "I mean, he never tries anything I offer him without checking to make sure who made it first."
"Akane, your marshmallows are on fire," Ryoga repeated. It wasn't particularly important, but surely she could notice the
temperature of the skewer, which was beginning to glow red.
"If I offer him food that Kasumi obviously made, he'll still ask first. I told him that I'd cooked some cookies and it was
really Kasumi who'd cooked them and they smelt _great_ and he _still_ refused to try them!"
"Watch it, you'll get burned!" Ryoga snatched the skewer away from her. "OWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! HOTHOTHOTHOT!!" he yelped,
shaking his hand in pain and dropping the red-hot metal skewer on the floor. 

"...And she still insists on feeding me that toxic sludge she calls cooking, no matter how many times I beg her not to. I
can't trust anything she offers me - she thinks it's normal for food to break the laws of physics!" Ranma continued.
Ukyo pasted a smile on top of her scowl and laughed loudly. She was sick to the back teeth of hearing about Akane, Akane,
Akane! If he hated her so much, why did he go on about her so much? She could barely get a word in edgeways and when she
could, he obviously wasn't listening. "Ranchan, I'm going to streak across Antarctica."
"If she would just try some first, or let me help her and actually listen to what I was trying to say, she might make
something edible one day.... Hey, what're those two doing?"
Ukyo jumped to her feet and ran over to them, closely followed by Ranma as Ryoga let loose an ear-splitting yell.
"Ryoga-sugar, what's wrong?! What did she do?!" She grabbed Akane by the collar. "What did you do to him, you violent
tomboy?!!"
"Who's calling who a violent tomboy?!" Akane retorted angrily, shoving Ukyo away from her.
"I'm calling _you_ a violent tomboy! You beat up Ranchan and now you've hurt Ryoga!" Ukyo shoved her harder.
"STOP IT! BOTH OF YOU!!" Ryoga yelled, stepping in between them. Much to his surprise (and relief!) they stopped. "And I'm
fine. Akane's marshmallows caught fire and I grabbed her skewer to stop her getting burned and wound up getting burnt myself.
That's ALL!"
Ukyo scowled at the floor, feeling extremely foolish. "In that case... I'm sorry, Akane," she mumbled.
Akane matched her expression. "That's OK. If I'd been paying attention it wouldn't have happened."
Ukyo watched her and Ranma wander away before switching her gaze to Ryoga. "I guess that means you had no luck with Akane,
huh?" she asked casually.
"You guess correctly." He sighed. "She didn't pay me the slightest bit of attention. What about you and Ranma?"
"No luck either. He just complained about Akane's cooking." She laughed. "How that girl can ruin a marshmallow is beyond me!"
She settled down next to him. "How's your hand?"
"Hurts. It won't blister or anything though."
Ukyo grabbed his hand and looked at it critically. "You should hold it under cold water for a while," she advised as he tried
to pull free.
"No thank you! I'm fine!"
"You're a macho idiot, that's what you are."
"I like being macho. It's encoded into the Y chromosome," Ryoga joked. "I don't want to become a girl - they're not macho,
they're stubborn."
"'Kay class, go to your tents. We've got a long way ahead of us," Washu called. "Anyone who thinks it would be fun to disobey
me will be used for scientific testing!!"
Tenchi charged over to his tent. "She's not joking, trust me on that!"
"Well, goodnight, Ucchan. See you in the morning," Ryoga waved and disappeared into a tent, only to be met by screams and
projectiles. "Sorry! Wrong tent!"

Ranma couldn't sleep. Normally this wasn't a problem for him - what with spending his days battling various friends, fiancees
and foes, he usually slept like a stone. When he couldn't sleep, it was either because Akane had given him food poisoning, he
was under attack or baby phoenixes were trying to peck him into small pieces. What was unusual was that he couldn't sleep
because he was thinking. (I mean it's unusual that he's giving up sleeping time to think rather than doing it at some other
time - for example, during a lecture from his father.) It seemed to him that he had a few problems on his hands. Firstly,
there was Ryoga and Ukyo. Him and Akane were definitely going to have to play matchmaker at some point. *That little scene at
the bonfire _obviously_ proves that there's _something_ between them,* he decided. *Ucchan does not blow up at Akane for
nothing.*
Then there was that stupid duel. Now there was no encouraging voice in his head, he was seriously questioning his sanity at
asking for a rematch. *That voice was probably due to a blow on the head. There is no way I want to fight Ryoga in a rematch
with those new tricks of his!* Although Ryoga seemed just as unenthusiastic at the prospect of a rematch as Ranma himself did
- for no reason Ranma could see. *I would've thought Ryoga would be happy to beat me again.*
Hmm.... What to do, what to do.... He shrugged, rolled over and shook Ryoga. There was no _way_ this would work, but the
reaction would be hilarious. "Hey lost boy, wake up!"
"G'way Ucchan. I'm asleep..." Ryoga mumbled into his pillow.
"It's Ranma, you idiot!" Ranma thought for a second. "She's been kidnapped!"
Ryoga pulled the blankets over his head. "Go away."
"A crazy prince has kidnapped her!" Ranma pulled the blanket away.
"Akane's a professional hostage, she'll be fine." Ryoga pulled the blanket back again. "Tell me again in the morning."
Ranma fought down a snigger. "Who said Akane? It's Ukyo who's been kidnapped."
"WHAT?!?!" Ryoga sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Why didn't you tell me SOONER?!?!"
"Gotcha." Ranma started to laugh. Hard. "Your face!"
*WHAM*
"Goodnight." 
Ranma rubbed his face. He'd have a hell of a bruise in the morning, but that had been worth it! Well, it wasn't over yet. He
reached out and shook Ryoga again. "Hey, Ryoga-chan..."
*WHAM*
"I said goodnight," Ryoga said calmly as Ranma twitched underneath the mallet.
"......ouch........" Ranma eventually managed to remove the mallet and read what was written on it. *From the people who
brought you Akane Tendo's Mallet For Pounding That Jerk Ranma When He Screws Up My Day, is the Mallet For Casually Pounding
Ranma Saotome Into Burger Meat. Not to be used for any other reason except maybe sending him into low Earth orbit. Have a
nice day.* He sweatdropped. *A _company_ actually do these things?!!!* He scowled. "Lost boy. You wanna call off that duel?"
"I wanna go to sleep. Push off."
"Look, do you want to call off that duel or not?"
Ryoga sighed. "Yes. Now _please_ would you let me go back to sleep?"
"One condition." Ranma grinned. It would be worth getting pounded into burger meat if this worked or not just to see the
expression on his face.
"Whatever you want, Ranma. Just Shut Up." Ryoga pulled the pillow over his head and attempted to block out the sound of
Ranma's voice.
Ranma bit his lip to keep from laughing. "One week. You have one week to kiss Ucchan or you leave town. If you manage it, I
pay for all the okonomiyaki I freeloaded." He waited for the reply.
"OK, that's fine. Goodnight," came the muffled reply. Ranma facefaulted. There was a long silence.
It was followed by an even longer silence.
Ranma wondered whether Ryoga had fallen back asleep when he spoke up again. "I just agreed to do something _REALLY_ stupid,
didn't I?"
"You just agreed to do something phenomenally stupid," Ranma confirmed.
"Oh." Pause. "Tell me I'm asleep and I dreamt that bit."
"You're asleep and you dreamt that bit," Ranma obliged. Pause. "Although that's not true."
After a moment Ryoga sat up. "I just agreed to either kiss Ucchan or leave town, didn't I?"
Ranma gave him a wide grin and nodded cheerfully. This was even more entertaining than the time Kuno had proclaimed his love
for Nabiki before noticing he had the wrong Tendo sister! This was going to be worth any amount of pain Ryoga dished out! "No
potions, no hypnotism, no telling her you want to kiss her and especially not _why_ you want to kiss her, it has to be the
real thing, on the lips, tongues optional." 
Ryoga stood up and pulled on his trousers, his face pale. 
"Where are you going?" Ranma asked. "Raring to go already?"
"I'm going to commit seppuku."
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Wouldya believe it.. this chapter's too big for my mail.. oh well, next installment next week!