Scenes From An Elevator:
An Idiotic Utena Spamfic

By: Dreiser


EPISODE SIXTEEN: Flying Wigs.


SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where the 
shadow of Kiryuu Touga is seen inside. Touga is reading a newspaper. 
The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the background.

TOUGA: (Looks up.) Ah, yes. It's about time that you returned to me. 
How I've missed your charming adoration of my presence. (Blinks.) 
What? Where are my legions of girl groupie admirers? They're waiting 
in line to receive their breast enlargements of course. (Pauses and 
blinks again.) How are they being paid for?

(Touga ponders this for a long moment.)

TOUGA: (Sheepishly.) To be perfectly honest, I'm not entirely sure 
how they're being paid for. I'm sure that my girls will find a way 
though. They haven't failed me yet.

SCENE: A long line outside of some Fre... err... Japanese hospital. 
Several thousand of Kiryuu Touga's girl groupies stand in line talking 
amongst themselves as they wait to get their breast enlargements. The 
Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the background.

GIRL GROUPIE #9,001: How are we paying for this again?
GIRL GROUPIE #43: I heard that number two has Touga-sempai's 
platinum plus credit card.
GIRL GROUPIE #100,003: (Bounces up and down.) You mean that 
Touga-sempai is paying for this? He's so generous!

(All the girl groupies nod vigorously and begin praising the various 
Kami-like qualities of Touga.)

SCENE: The East Hall dorms. Tenjou Utena is huddled in a ball in the 
corner of the room. Himemiya Anthy looks at her with skeptical green 
eyes. The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the background.

ANTHY: (Slowly.) So you're saying that Nanami is trying to steal my 
brother away from you by being more kawaii?
UTENA: (Nods rapidly and hugs her knees to her chest.) It's her 
secret plan! But now I know the truth! Now I'll double my efforts to 
be kawaii and girly for my prince!
ANTHY: (Groans.) Utena-sama, I really don't think--
UTENA: (Jumps to her feet.) I'll succeed in winning his heart if it's the 
last thing I do! 

(Utena dashes out of the room and Anthy warily observes.)

ANTHY: (Shakes her head.) This is getting ridiculous. (Her eyes 
darken and she grumbles.) Akio... this is all your fault. I know that 
you're trying to steal Utena away from me by changing her tomboyish 
ways. I wonder what fiendish plot you've come up with now?

SCENE: A deserted and winding road that's conveniently placed by a 
high cliff. Ohtori Akio is driving along it at a speedy pace in the 
dubiously named Akio car. The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the 
background.

AKIO: (Sings to himself as he bobs his head.) Oh, oh, oh... staying 
alive... staying alive...

(Suddenly Chida Mamiya's purple wig from last episode flies out of 
nowhere to land on Akio's face. This blocks his vision causing the 
dubiously named Akio car to crash through the metal fence on the side 
of the road and fly off the cliff. There is a moment of silence before a 
large explosion erupts.)

SCENE: The East Hall dorms. Himemiya Anthy stands on the balcony 
with a solemn expression on her features. A large explosion erupts in 
the distance but Anthy doesn't seem to notice. The Sunlit Garden plays 
faintly in the background.

ANTHY: (Folds her arms over her chest.) Yes, he's up to something 
sinister no doubt.

SCENE: A random field of flowers at Ohtori Academy. Kiryuu 
Nanami sits in the field of flowers surrounded by a large group of 
animals. A large explosion erupts in the distance and her eyes widen at 
it. The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the background.

NANAMI: (Extremely kawaii.) Well, someone certainly is going have 
a big boo boo after that!

(At this assessment the various animals that surround Nanami nod their 
agreement.)

SCENE: Some wall in Ohtori Academy during an unusually
timely and frequent sunset. The figures of Shadow Play Girl C-ko and 
Shinohara Wakaba are seen. The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the 
background.

C-KO: (Happily.) We're back!
WAKABA: (Droll tones.) Yay.
C-KO: (Wears a smug smile.) And we're getting more time than A-ko 
and B-ko because episode fifteen never happened! Ha! Take that you 
union slave workers!
WAKABA: (Looks at C-ko.) Wasn't episode fourteen nonexistent 
too? Mamiya showed up in that one too.
C-KO: (Thoughtfully.) Oh yeah... damn. I didn't consider that. Well, 
at least we're on equal screen time now.
WAKABA: (Shrugs.) Whatever. You going to give the eerie moral of 
this week's episode or what?
C-KO: (Sighs.) I guess I should. (Pauses to think. Suddenly exclaims.) 
I have one! (Looks serious.) When driving always be on the look out 
for flying wigs.
WAKABA: (Sarcastically.) Good one.
C-KO: (Beams widely.) Thanks!

(As Wakaba rolls her eyes at C-ko the scene fades to black.)

To be continued...

All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a nonsensical 
out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when extremely bored. I 
shall continue to write this series when I'm extremely bored because 
sometimes I just don't feel like making the effort to write things in story 
format and sometimes I just feel like being silly. In other words don't 
take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun.

Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com

Thrilling trailer line: What will happen next week?! Will Touga still be 
trapped in the elevator?! Can all of Touga's girl groupies really get 
breast enlargements?! Is their surgeon going to accept Touga's stolen 
credit card?! And did Akio survive his crash?! Ew... I hope not.

Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780

Thanks to Red Death all my fanfics are archived at:
http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm

For SFAE in text and other spiffy Utena fanfics go to:
http://www.duellists.tj/~utena/index2.html

A RANDOM QUOTE AND ANALYZATION:

"The best thing about being a woman is the prerogative to have 
a little fun."
-Shania Twain-

MIKI: (Looks up.) Is that supposed to be a feminist statement?
RUKA: (Shrugs.) Don't look at me. I'm not a feminist.
MIKI: (Looks at Ruka and blinks.) What are you doing here?
RUKA: (Dryly.) I'm analyzing this quote. What does it look like I'm 
doing here?
MIKI: (Shakes his head.) You haven't even shown up in any episodes 
yet. How can you be analyzing this quote with me?
RUKA: (Shrugs again.) Beats me. I just analyze here.
MIKI: (Grumbles.) Stupid author...