Ummm....... 'tis interesting. Definitely dark. Can't for the life of 
me figure out what anime it's based on, but there's a lot of stuff 
out there I haven't seen.

One thing that hit me right off - you seem to switch viewpoints with 
no warning whatsoever. Here's on example :

    She walked out looking darker then she did before. And older, as I
imagined she would look at this age. She was wearing a long black robe.
Her long black hair flowed behind her which matched her dark brown eyes.
Her skin was a pale white and her lips were a dark purple. She smiled
and moved around, dancing in an odd way. Then the fire leapt all around
her and she seemed to throw it at him. Then his world went up in flames
and it all vanished and he was back to the real world.
    I wondered what that was. What could it be? Did it have a symbolic
meaning? And why did I suddenly black out?

It goes from "I" to "him" to "I" again in the span of 3 paragraphs. 
Very jarring, to say the least.

well, that's all I could come up with after skimming over it. I'll 
read it more carefully later tonight and see if anything else jumps 
out at me.

Derek