At 11:06 PM 6/23/99 -0700, Vincent Seifert wrote:

After far too long a wait, the much-delayed Chapter 38 of Waters
Under Earth.  This past month has seen me enormously busy at 
school and with other projects, and for a long time I was blocked
on just how to go about writing this chapter.

Well, it's not like "Eidolons" was a waste of time. Given the choice of
getting another chapter of WUE sooner, I'd still go with things the way
they went.

So would I.  Except that I believe I started WUE38 after I finished
Eidolons... writing WTF with Willmore, final exams and just a general
malaise in my writing in WUE are more to blame.  :\

I hope I've finally persevered, though.  After a year and a half
of work, I have only two chapters left to go.  :)

Don't get run over by a truck.  You'd become a shinentai.  :)

I'd just possess someone and get them to finish the series, then.  :)

Commentary is extremely welcomed and much appreciated.

So I've noticed.  :)  I've tried not to overlap with Gary's.

As usual, unless I have a specifically useful response to a
grammar/phrasing correction, I've snipped it.  :)

     Had it been like this for Kasumi?  Had she fought at first,
struggled, and then descended down into the comforting numbness 
of not thinking of anything, of not fighting any more?

{Good question. Questions like that are what lead to empathy, and Nabiki
really needs to feel another's pain as though it were her own.}

It is essential for her to grow beyond her own selfish nature, yes.

     Nabiki raised her head from her rescuer's shoulder, knowing
even before she saw the face who it was.  Kasumi looked back, and
smiled gently.  She was wearing the same ragged clothing she had 

{suggest} she had worn {also for the double meaning of "worn"}

Oooo.... double meanings.  ^_^

     (She hadn't been able to move.  They had held her down and
      cut her arm that they might catch the blood in a bowl of
      hammered silver.  They cut her and burned her and flayed
      her and threw her down into the pit where her mother and
      her sister clawed at her.  They locked her heart up in a
      box and put a stone in its place.  They danced her on
      strings like a puppet.  They made her kill for them, the
      animals, and the boy in the garden.  Then she was back in
      the pit, but someone came down to her - an angel perhaps,
      one who left the safety above to descend into the dead -
      but they were too deep, all too deep and there was no way
      out)

{Ah. Empathy. Not only to feel his pain, but to know how he feels about
what she did. Very good. }

This scene is really something beyond empathy, though; Nabiki not only puts
herself in Kuno's place here, but _is_ in Kuno's place for a time.

     "Just stand up.  Take his hand, make sure he stands up to.
Now, put your hand in mine... that's right.  Now close your 
eyes... we're going to step off.  And don't think about where
we're going."

     "What?"

{heh. How often does telling someone NOT to think about something work?
:) }

Well, it didn't work to well in the first Ghostbusters movie, IIRC.  :)

     And then, as if the words were a command, Nabiki sank down
into a dreamless sleep.

{Hmm. I'm not sure Nabiki was in there long enough to learn what she
needed to learn. Being rescued by Kasumi might have been necessary in
the short term, but I can't help thinking that it'll have adverse
consequences in the long term...}

We'll see, won't we?  :)
 

     "There was a deal, was there not?" a cold voice asked.  The

{Suggest "bargain", or perhaps "pact"; "deal" sounds too
20th-century-casual.}

Hmm... probably go with "bargain"

     Suddenly, Baazel laughed.  The threat was gone.  "Very well
then, Yan.  If it will make you happy."

     "It will not," Yan replied.  "But I will see it done all the
same."

{Yan is far beyond happiness, isn't he? And Baazel can only pretend it.
Triumph, but not happiness.}

Oh, I suspect he at least believes himself to be happy much of the time.  I
can't honestly say which of the two, Yan or Baazel, is the more inhuman.

     Ryoga's sour expression transformed into contemplative,
passed from that into bitterness, and settled eventually upon a
sort of weary peace.  He looked quite suddenly like a man who had
followed a long trail in search of something, only to turn around
and see it had paced behind him all the while.  Slowly, he 
smiled.  "Nothing, anymore," he said.  "You're right, Akane."

{The right words at the right time, for a change... Ryoga must realize,
however dimly, the terrible price of Ranma's power. Even he, who is
usually so self-absorbed, can see that it's not a good deal, er,
bargain.}

It's been said before, but "with great power comes great responsiblity."  :)

     It came closer, and pulled down the hood, and Akane gasped
softly.  Her own face stared back from within the shadowy mantle;
for a moment, Akane looked with shock upon her own doppelganger,
and then the rational part of her mind put things together.  
"Kima."

{Yes, that's just about right. I was trying to remember if Akane's ever
seen Kima's cursed form; I don't think she has. I'm sure Ranma or
Ryoga told her about it, though.}

Undoubtedly.  It's naturally a momentary shock to look at your own twin for
the first time.

     Night fell early over what had been Jusenkyou.  Beneath the
shadow of the menacing spectre in the sky, no light of the fading
sun could penetrate.  By the time it had vanished, the sun was
entirely set, and the stars had come out overhead.  They were
especially bright that night, bright enough to see clearly what
the black mists had done to Jusenkyou.  The land was cracked and
blighted; splinters of woods and scraps of withered flora were 
all that remained to mark the existence of life.  The darkness 
had devoured the land like a ravaging cancer, and only the island
surrounded by the lake gave testament to what it had once been.
Yet even the waters seemed dead as the land around them, 
reflecting only dimly the stars in the sky.

{"Cancer" is also a constellation... :) }

Double meanings!  ^_^

     Ritter said nothing.  He seemed to be gazing off at 
something no one else could see.  Finally, he spoke:  "The
Joketsuzoku are in the pass.  You will destroy them, and then 
march upon the Phoenix."

     "Yes."  Yoko nodded her head.  Her heart was clear now, no
longer so heavy.  Until the end of time, let the master's will be
done.  

{This shows nicely how alien Yoko is: Yan's answers are not compelling
to me, but clearly are to her. I really don't understand how she thinks,
and I'm glad I don't.}

Knowing all the intimate details of the cosmology in WUE, I understand
quite well.  One of the necessities of many kinds of writing is having to
get deeply into the minds of some fairly unpleasant people.  

     She raised her hand; young again, like the rest of her.  
That was a blessing, of sorts.  The waters stirred, though no
wind blew across them.  A single ripple cut the surface, and
rapidly became a slow movement of spreading rings across the
water.  The circles crossed over one another, intertwined into 
more complex patterns, and then finally died away into nothing.
     
     Yoko said, simply and gently, as a mother calls to a child, 
"Come."

{Uh oh.  When they don't bother to be flashy, look out.}

I'm experimenting with minimalism these days.  :)

     Of their own accord, her thoughts turned to the others.
Ryoga was with Bai, of course, and Ranma was wherever he had gone
to; whatever she might wish, she could not entirely decry the

{"decry" carries the connotation of external or public comment; this
seems internal. "dismiss", perhaps?}

Yes, that's much better.

wanted to be here, really, any more than he did... Watcher's Hill
had rid her of any belief that battle could be glorious.  But 

{Hmm. One inglorious battle doesn't necessarily mean there's never any
glory in battle, does it? Of course, Shampoo may think that anyway; she
tends to be more comfortable with absolutes...}

Yes, she does.  Her first real experience of battle was an ambush by
betrayal in which women she'd known since she was a child were not only
killed, but brutally slaughtered and their dead bodies defiled.  They were
noble, brave and skilled, but in the end, this couldn't save them from
their fate.

     He nodded once, and put down the second completed arrow.

{Er... before it was "a pile of arrows". The image I got was more than,
well, one... or do you mean the second arrow he'd completed while she
was watching?}

Yes.  Will try to make this clearer.

     With a shrug, he finished another arrow, his attention
turned away from her again.  Shampoo looked up at the night sky, 
in time to see something star-bright moving overhead, and somehow
she knew that it was neither star nor plane, nor any other thing
entirely of the earth or of the heavens.

{Hm. I wonder what the Joketsuzoku -- or any people who are familiar
with the sky but not with current events -- think of artificial
satellites. Some of them are pretty bright... and they move like nothing
else in the sky.}

Well, the Joketsuzoku are probably pretty familiar with current events, if
Cologne's rather cosmopolitan nature is any indication of their general
mindset.  They may not entirely understand man-made satellites, but they
probably aren't terrified every time one passes overhead.

     Close to panic, Nabiki looked from Kodachi to Kasumi.  "I
don't understand."

     "Do not understand, then," Kodachi said coolly.  "Only 
ride."
     
     They rode.

{Nabiki must just HATE being this much out of control. Even in the hands
of friends, they're friends who are strange to her, and whose sudden
power must be frightening. I fear this will trigger Nabiki's worst
impulses: what will she do for the illusion of security?}

It would all depend on how much she's learned, and how far she's come from
what she once was.

Something in Yan's eyes told her that he was wavering upon the 
edge of sanity, that he was very close to cracking.  Whether he'd 
be more or less dangerous after that, she couldn't say.

{Very nice. Sometimes your ability to describe these crazies makes me
nervous, though. :) }

Don't worry.  I'm actually quite sane.  :)

     "Your son is gone.  There is only Baazel now."

{Liar.  Never believe evil.}

Well, Yan may actually be speaking the truth as he sees it.

     The Guide was a small man, but his strength was surprising

{Hmm... I don't think of the Guide as "small"; he's short, but quite
stocky. I notice that he's a lot bigger in the anime than the manga,
though. Strange.}

The manga Guide is extremely short; judging from the first volume of the
manga, he barely comes up past Ranma's waist.  Then again, Takahashi isn't
noted for maintaining absolute standards of height between volumes.  ;)

     "You look as if you have been through much, travellers," he
said gently.  "Fear not.  We of the Musk shall not harm you.  
This is as good a place as any to wait for our king.  So we shall
wait, and you shall tell us what you know of what transpires to
the south."

{Yay!  More cavalry!}

Literally, this time.  :)

     Wind scuttled between the Teeth of the Dragon, keening in

{"scuttled"? That makes me think of many legs; suggest "swirled"
instead...}

Gonna keep "scuttled", actually.  I like the way it sounds in the context;
as you say, the sound of many legs.  

     He let his humanity melt and flow away like wax, until he
stood in the pass in the new body he had been given, hairless and
scaled.  He cried out to the wind and stars, and heard no answer
back.

     Finally, he snatched up his sword and walked away to the
south.     

{Huh. Leaving the pass unguarded? Verrrry interesting. Sounds like Yan
has less confidence in his master than he was able to inspire in
Yoko...}

Or perhaps he simply doesn't care what happens to Yoko and the rest any
longer.  

a true name, launching himself into flight even as he did.  
Baazel's attack scorched him into a drifting cloud of black
feathers even as the left syllable left his beak, but it was too
late.

{Ack! Not again! Man, Shiso's stunt double is getting a workout from
this script...}

You wouldn't believe the kind of clearance you have to get from the unions
to do this sort of thing.  ;/

     The words echoed in the cavern like the fading peal of a
bell, and Xanovere's eyes cleared.  His face cracked with grief,
and tears rolled down his face.  "Light and lady and life," he
whispered.  "What have I done?"

{Well, at least Shiso didn't die in vain... sniffle.}

Not everyone dies in vain.  Even in this series.  :)

     The Gekkaja blade swept up, and he laid his own throat open
from ear to ear.  Even as he did that, he reached up and ripped
free the Dragon Crown that had been bound to his forehead for
four millennia.  He seemed to fall as slowly as if he were 
swimming through waters.  His knees crumpled, his body pitched
forward, and he fell face-first to the ground.  Blood hit the
stone floor of the cavern like rain.  The Warmother cried out, 
distracted for a moment, and in his rage Baazel flung her across 
the cavern and into a wall with a wave of his hand.  

{Waters.  Rain.  Even wave.  Nice.}

Thanks.

     The brothers were dead now.  Both of them.  And that 
meant...

     Again my power is returned to me.  

{Heheheh.  That's not Baazel.  That's the Dragon.  Heheheh.}

You catch on quick.  :)

     He turned, unable to resist.  The voice of the dragon spoke
like his own thoughts.  Her eyes were open, aching blue.  All 
the oceans were in there, swallowing him up, him and Ranma
Saotome both, down into the sea.

{Somebody's about to get a lesson in true power.  Banzai.  :) }

Once again, into the breach.  :)

     Now you belong to all of us, it said.  You shall see.  And
he too shall tempt you, and he knows well the ways of temptation.

     And he opened his eyes and saw.

{The surreal, kaleidoscopic blurring of this passage is very effective
at evoking the deeps of time and the retracing of lives.}

Mission accomplished, then.

     The archers launched another flurry of arrows.  Akane, she
knew, was among them; twisted monsters died, feathered with 
shafts.  

{A lot of people forget that Akane's not just a decent unarmed martial
artist; she's good at archery and kendo, and probably other things not
shown explicitly.}

I think people sell Akane too short at times; all the others may be better
in their specialized field than she is, but she's got the broadest
demonstrated skill base - with the possible exception of Shampoo.

     Once, twice, three times she struck the mountainside with
her fingers.  She had done it before, strategically, weakening it
in the right places in the time she'd had.  And it worked; a few
pebbles at first, and then boulders, and then slabs the size of
houses, until the walls of the pass began to fall like rain upon
the monsters, burying them.  She ran away from the devastation,
barely escaping being swept along, weeping.

{Old, old trick, even older than gunpowder.}

Yup.  But effective.

     My love, my love is dead

{I would put an emdash after "dead"-- but you know what you want. Nice
device to segue into the next scene in any case, especially repeated as
it is.}

This is meant to convey both the chaos of the battle and Ranma's own
fragmented glimpses of it; thus, I think I'll be keeping the punctuation as
is.

     Again, she thought of her children.  They would conquer 
here, annihilate the ancient foes of the master, and then sweep
over the world.  And it would be time for vengeance, to level the
cities of those who had murdered her children.  How little they
had been on her thoughts in these past few years, only to return
now... How close she had come to forgetting her own desires in 
the joy of service to the Dark...

{Oho.  Evil turns upon itself.}

Not exactly, but close enough.  

     Killed another, and watched the winged body fall towards the
ground.  The slim blade hidden in his cane was dark with blood, 
the blood of his former people.  He had left them behind, gone to
walk now with the Dark in the light rather than in the shadows.  
And what allies he fought with now!  The Souleaters, and the
Undying, most beloved of the King of Ashes.  Surely he would be
rewarded with youth again, as he'd been promised, when all this
was done.

{Dream on.  :> }

Well, everyone's got to hope for something.  :)

     They were outnumbered in the air, but he was smarter,
leading his force of effective, albeit hideous, winged troops 
against the Phoenix.  He knew well the tactics of his people, and
they were killing more than they lost.  Somewhere in the chaos
was Kima; he had glimpsed her far away once, bearing the Kinjakan
as a symbol, perhaps - there was no way she could be using it as
a weapon.

{Famous last words.  :) }

Eeyup.  This scene has been coming for a very long time.  :)

     The ring of the Kinjakan returned to its place at the end of
the staff.  Which she was currently weakly pressing against
Shouzin's chest.  It was not especially pleasant in any way, but
it brought a smile to her face as the Traitor plunged screaming 
and dying from the ledge, dragging the Kinjakan from her hands as
he did.

{*Vince waves "Go Kima!" cheering fans*}

Do I sense what's going to become a repeated motif here?

 and then a fist big enough to engulf a 
full-grown man smashed him between itself and the sides of the 
pass.

{*Vince waves "Go Tarou!" cheering fans*}

Apparently so.  :)

     With a snarl, he rushed at Herb, sword raised, and the 
young prince raised his own blade to defend himself.  And even as 
the combat whirled around them, the two of them seemed to stand 
alone against each other.

{Uh oh.}

Herb's in trouble, yes.

     Cologne turned her head as Tarou's familiar shape, monstrous 
and shaggy, landed on the ground nearby.  In his arms, there was
a crumpled white body, small and childlike in appearance cradled 
as it was against his massive chest.  He lowered Kima's still 
form gently to the ground and lowed mournfully.

{Hmm.  Tarou and Kima?  Hmm.  :) }

Mind.  Gutter.  Out.  -.-

     Yes, something whispered.  Arms cradled him.  My warrior, my
killer, my little sweet son.  You need no name.  They shall give
you many names, those who fear you, as they have given me many,
and until the end of time we shall slay and slay, slay all that
lives in the heavens above, or on the earth beneath, or in the
waters under the earth.  Together, you and I.  We are the lost
ones, the forsaken, those who are alone forever.  

{Heh. Between that and what the Dragons gave him, the choice is pretty
easy... evil's being stupid again.  :) }

Evil is often not only banal, but dumb.  :)

Nodoka appeared to be watching the battle, but she would
occasionally turn her eyes away, lost in thought - about Ranma,
no doubt.  He'd gotten them all involved in some dangerous
things before, but this, she thought with a sour humour, 
certainly was the winner of them all.  And he'd apparently gone
insane as well.  Wonderful.

{Oh, Nabiki.  How petty that view is.}

Unfortunately so.  Nabiki is scared and confused, and is looking for
someone to blame.

     "You are my daughter, and I should be able to forgive you.
But... what you did dishonours yourself and me.  I cannot."

{Argh. Bad, bad timing, Soun. It had to be said, but not there, not
then, and not in that way.}

Unfortunately, this has been stewing inside Soun for a long time now.  :/

     A name.  
     
     Akane.

{The strong thread...}

Yup.  

     No.  No illusion.  Even the warp and weft of time is not 
beyond us now, the voices said; the dragons, all three of them.  
We have sent you back.  Slay him, and Wurdsenlin will never fall, 
Tang Jin will never die.  Slay him, champion, and you shall be as
we are, gods, beyond good and evil.

{Uh... that can't really be the dragons, can it? It doesn't sound like
their style.}

Quoting from earlier:

"...And he too shall tempt you, and he knows well the ways of temptation."

This is the pivotal moment of the chapter; the point where Ranma makes the
choice that will determine where he stands.  If he chose to kill Baazel
here, he would in time have doomed himself to become like him.

     Ranma let his hand fall.  He stepped forward, and reached
out with his other hand.  "Come on," he said gently.  "Come on,
I'm not going to hurt you.  I'm not going to leave you alone
here.  You aren't alone.  None of us are alone.  Not even you."

{That's Ranma. Always give a defeated enemy a chance. Always try to turn
enemies into friends, in your own ineptly effective way.}

Beyond even that, he's conquering the darker side of his own soul -
represented in this case by Baazel.  Rather than give in to the urge for
destruction and hatred, he reaches out in compassion, and finds that this
conquers just as well in this case.

     So, at last, it had come to this.  Perhaps this was the end
of his own long journey, the thing which he had been destined to
do.  He had seen the battles, and suffered with them all; not
only his friends, but his foes as well.  He had been Baazel, and
Baazel had been him.  There was no hate left in his heart any
longer; only grief for the sufferings of all things.  We are all 
of us wounded, he thought sadly, and raised the Gekkaja in his 
hands.  Now, he would do what must be done.     

{Ahhh.  And this is a weapon Ranma knows well how to use.}

Useful for setting up gigantic HSHs.  :)

death to the service of Dark, and now at his end he would serve 
no one but himself.

{...and how does he do that?  Sad.}

By trying to survive, really.  He can't do anything else.  

     High above the carnage of the battle, two sisters stood
watching.  They were not sisters to each other; not, at least, 
as most would reckon things.  One was eldest, and one was 
youngest.

{She who was Kasumi, and is now (at least partly) the Dragon of Life,
and she who was Kodachi, and is now the Dragon of Death, yes? My
goodness, I can just see those two, suddenly not looking silly at all.
Applause.}

Thanks.

     Eldest said, "It is done."
     
     Youngest said, "Are you afraid?"
     
     Eldest said, "Yes.  I am very afraid."
     
     Youngest said, "So am I."
     
     And so they held each other's hands, and waited.

Eeek!

It is the beginning of the end.  :)

Nicely-done battle scenes, particularly the one between Kima and
Shouzin. The chaos and fury of large-scale combat is well depicted. I
had to turn the contrast down on my visualizer a bit. :)

Attempting to visualize everything that actually happens in this chapter
will make you confused or give you a headache, I think.  :)

Waiting (patiently, mind you) for the next chapter-- thanks for writing
and sharing!

In all likelihood, you won't see Chapter 39 for some time... work in the
next few weeks is going to be on WTF, and on going to Otakon.  :)

Thanks as always for the great commentary, Vincent; very appreciated.

Ciao,
-Alan Harnum