Phil wrote:

Ah, an RK fic. And by Krista Perry no less! Must comment on
it. :)

As requested, some C&C. As always, all C&C are my opinions
and suggestions only. Feel free to disregard anything I say.

Krista Perry wrote:

C&C is both craved and appreciated.  :-)

Chrysalis

A Rurouni Kenshin Shortfic
by Krista Perry

~*~

        It's hard to wake up and realize that you are a cold-blooded
murderer.

        Cold-blooded.  That's the way it has to be, when you kill
someone.  Lots of someones.  You have to be dead yourself, in a sense,
so that all those deaths can't touch you.  You have to be soulless.  So
that, after you wipe the blood from your sword and wash your scarlet-
stained hands, you can continue.  And you can sleep peacefully in the
relief of oblivion, undisturbed by the razor-sharp blade of remorse
that can kill, if not your body, then your sanity in an infinitely less-
merciful manner than the deaths you've inflicted on others...

'you have' scans better IMO

Yup, I'll change it.
 

        But the soul can't really die, I've discovered.  It can only
sleep, suspended in an icy cocoon, waiting to be reborn in all its
terrible raw beauty; waiting for an unwitting spark to wake it and set
it free so it can rage up, white hot, out of its frozen confines,
burning through the numbness and...

        Damn.  My hands are shaking.  I come to myself again, surging out
of my dark inner depths to feel the warm sun on my back, the soft,
grass beneath my knees...  I quickly grab a rice bowl and plunge it
into the bucket of warm soapy water with the rest of the dishes and
wash fervently, hoping that Kaoru is too absorbed in helping Yahiko
with his kendo practice to notice my momentary lapse...

'the soft grass' - no comma needed

Oops!  ^^;
 

[snip]

        Kaoru nods, still eyeing me with open suspicion.  "Well, if it's
not a challenge, then what's wrong?  You were over here looking as if
you'd been struck by lightning."

The last sentence reads a bit clumsily - perhaps 'You looked as if you'dbeen
struck by lightning.'

Okay, I'll consider changing it.
 

        I shrug, still smiling.  "Oro...  Everything's fine, Kaoru-domo."
I say it in a way that communicates, without being offensive, that I've
said all I'm going to say on the subject.

'Kaoru-dono'

D'oh!  ^^;
 

        "Well, if you're sure..."

        I assure her that everything is fine, and she reluctantly wanders
back to the practice area, where she immediately puts Yahiko back to
work on his katas.

        I watch him practice for a moment.  He's good.  Focused, and
determined -- a rare quality in a boy his age...

        Sometimes, I can almost remember what it was like back when I was
a boy, without a single drop of shed blood on my conscience.  Full of
idealism, ready to change the world... and too willing to kill my own
soul for the sake of what I considered a greater cause.  A new era for
Japan, free of the violence that was the signature of the Warring
States; an era free of the "might makes right" mentality, where
ordinary people wouldn't have to live in fear.

Just a point of interest - I believe that the Warring States period(Muromachi
Period?) finished with the introduction of the Tokugawa
Shogunate/government. The Meiji Restoration/Bakamatsu no Douran
was a rebellion against the Bakufu - the Shogunate bureaucracy -
who had failed to stop the foreign incursions by the Americans, Dutch
and Portugese.

You know, I typed "Shogunate" first, since I was pretty sure that's what
happened, but then something I read on a web page made me change it to
warring states.  D'oh!  I should learn to trust my instincts...
 

The Tokugawa Era was more characterised by bureaucratic
mismanagement and corruption, escpecially towards the end, than
by warfare.

        I liked that dream, even then.

        Once the decision was made, it was easy.  I buried my own soul
far from the reaches of any human feeling.  I became, no longer human,
but merely a tool.  The instinctive will behind the sword and nothing
more.  No love, no hate, no desire.  Just Hitokiri.  Manslayer.  A tool
of perfect accuracy, weilded by the new government to forcibly eliminate
the old, barbaric social order, and get the job done as swiftly and
efficiently as possible.

'I became no longer human, but merely a tool.' otherwise it reads as 'Ibecame
but merely a tool.''wielded'

Ah.  Will fix.
 

        I fully expected, in the beginning, to die for the cause.  I
certainly didn't expect to be such an *effective* weapon.

        I often wonder what cruel twist of fate, what laughing kami,
bestowed me with such deadly talent.

Seijiro Hiko laughing? If you've seen the Kyoto arc, you'll understandit. :)

Again, my newbie inexperience comes into play.  I've caught snatched of
spoilers about Kenshin's master, but I'm not sure about details.  That's
why I said "talent" instead of "skill," so as to refer to his inborn
ability, rather than something he was trained in.
 

        I think that if I had known then that I was going to survive
beyond my usefulness as a tool -- that I would be required to actually
*live* in the glorious new Meiji era that my sword had carved out of
flesh and blood -- I would have thought twice about my decision.

        Maybe.

        I don't know.

        All I know is that my soul is now awake.  It's awake and burning.
The shattered remains of its frozen chrysalis lie in the dark depths of
my mind, never melting, always there to remind me.  And my sleep is no
longer the obliviousness of the dead, but rather, full of slack faces.
Wide, lifeless eyes.  And rivers of blood.

Nice descriptives.

Thanks.  :)
 

[snip]

Very nicely written. The dark scenes came to life for me. Quiteapropos for the
early part of RK.

Well, since that's all I've seen so far, it's what I was going for.  Of
course, now I'm absolutely dying to see the rest, and then hopefully any
future RK fics of mine will be more informed.  ^_^
 

And let me add my name to the crowd asking when the last
part of HoI is coming out. :)

^_^;;  Working on it, but I'm stuck on a fight scene.  That's why I
moved to something else for a bit.  Hey, you know, it just ocurred to me
-- this is my longest complete fanfic!  ^_^
 

Phil - hoping this helps.

Yup!  Thanks!

Krista