The Rip-off
by Caine

					********************

	"Ranchan, no!"

	"I'm sorry, Ucchan.  I love Akane.  There can't be anything between you
and me."

	With that he leaves;  leaves me all alone.  He's chosen Akaner.  He
loves Akane.  All my efforts to win his heart have been for nothing.  He
doesn't love me.  He loves Akane.  What do I do now?  Do I step aside
and accept his decision?  Do I lay here miserable while he marries her
and ends up happily ever after?

	NO!!! I'm not going to let him off that easy.  He was engaged to ME by
his father!  He even called me his *cute fiancee* on a number of
occasions.  That means he accepted the engagement and an engagement is a
promise to marry.  NOBODY breaks a promise to me!

					********************

	I see him and Akane step out of the Tendo dojo.  It looks like they are
going on a picnic.  The day is just perfect for it.  The sun is shining
and there isn't a cloud in the sky.  I'll fix that.  There's something
no one knows about me, not even Ranchan.  I'm not human.  I'm a goddess.

	Unfortunately, my godly powers only extend to water, specifically
rain.  Otherwise, I would have hit Ranchan with some kind of love spell
by now.  I know he's escaped a lot of those before, but trust me, a
goddess' spell is a lot more potent than that second rate stuff Shampoo
likes to use.

	*boom* ah, looks like my little curse has take effect.  Poor Ranchan,
everywhere you go, my rain cloud will follow.  I imagine that would make
your life quite difficult, what with your Jusenkyou curse and all. Ha,
ha, ha.  You know, I never imagined myself as the sadistic type, but
then again 'hell hath no fury like a women scorned.'

					********************

	*splash* "ah, that's better."

	"Really Ranma, I would think you would be used to a little water by
now."

	"Akane! What are you doing in here?  I'm trying to take a bath!"

	"Your my fiancee, silly.  You shouldn't be shy around me.  Besides,
you've been a girl all day and I don't get to do this unless you're a
guy."

	Isn't that sweet?  A kiss;  an expression of their love for each
other.  If it wasn't at my expense, I'd almost appreciate the romance of
it all.

	"Does that mean I can walk in on you whenever you're taking a bath?"

	"Try it and you're dead meat."

	Another kiss.  I think I'll come back after Ranchan's done with his
bath.  I don't have to spy on him 24/7 to fulfill my plan.

					********************

	My cloud struck as soon as he got out of the bath.  The look on his
face was just priceless.  He had no idea what happened to him.

	"Why are you back to being a girl, Ranma?"

	"I don't know, Akane.  I just stepped out of the tub and got splashed
out of nowhere.  Can you get me some hot water, Kasumi?"

	Poor Ranchan, he couldn't even stay a boy for one second before my
cloud struck again.  Pretty soon they'll realize that someone has placed
a spell to keep Ranchan all wet.  Then they'll go off looking for a cure
and whoever's responsible.  Too bad they won't be able to find either.

					********************

	What's the first place he always goes to when something magical happens
to him?  The Nekohanten.

	"Hey Old Ghoul, I need your help with something?!"

	"Go away, Ranma.  I'm too busy to deal with the likes of you."

	"What ever happened to 'Son-in-law' and what's with all the crates?"

	"We're going back to China.  Now that you've broken my poor
Great-granddaughter's heart, we no longer have any reason to stay.  I
also no longer have any reason to help you."

	"Aw c'mon Ghoul, you're the only I know who could help me with this."

	"Like I said before, that is no longer my concern."

	"Well, it's still my concern!  How do I even know that you're not
behind this whole mess."

	"How DARE you!  You have already tainted the honor of my
Great-granddaughter!  I will not allow you to question mine!"

	*crash* Ow, he's gonna be feeling that later.  Guess this one was a
bust, huh, Ranchan?  Next!

					********************

	"Get back here, Freak!"

	"Catch me if you can!"

	Not much luck here either.  At least he managed to show Happosai his
new curse before he was refused any help.  He should have known better
think that the old pervert would help him;  like he'd really get rid of
any curse that would keep Ranchan in his female form.

					********************

	"Hey Ranchan.  You're looking kind of down.  What's wrong?"

	"I'll be okay, Ucchan.  Someone just cast some kind of weird spell on
me.  I keep getting soaked when I turn back into a guy."

	"Oh, so that's why you're girl now.  Haven't you had any luck finding a
cure?"

	"Nope, the Old Ghoul and the Freak refuse to help me."

	"What about Dr. Tofu?  He knows about how all kinds of weird stuff."

	He won't have any success, after all, and the more failures you have,
the more you'll suffer.

	"Already tried that.  Akane went to ask him about it.  He had no idea
what the cause could be."

	"Tough luck, sugar.  Don't worry, you'll find some way around it.  You
always do."

	"Thanks Ucchan.  That means a lot to me.  I just wish I had some idea
who did this to me.  I want to be a guy again, but every time I turn
back
this happens to me!"

	"Hey, you got tea all over my floor!"

	"Sorry Ucchan, I just wanted to show you my problem.  Hey, wait a
minute.  I didn't change back!  I didn't change back!  Alright!"

	Man, that was rude.  He could have at least said good bye before he
left.  Probably wanted to tell Akane the good news.  I wonder why my
cloud didn't strike.

	Oh yeah, I set up a protection spell on my restaurant.  It wouldn't do
for it to get wrecked by a thunderstorm or something.  Guess Ranchan's
curse is major enough to be worth protecting against.  Oh well.

					********************

	"It was the weirdest thing.  As soon as I got a block away from here, I
got soaked again."

	"Really, that is weird."

	"I also tried some hot water when I got back to the dojo.  I just ended
up back as a girl."

	"Weirdness just follows you around, Ranchan."

	"You're telling me.  I just wonder why I was able to stay a guy in
here.  Do you have any idea?"

	The look in his eyes is just so hopeful.  He actually needs my help. 
He needs me to save him.  I may be able to use this.  I just need some
time to think.

	"Why don't you come back tomorrow, Ranchan?  I may have be able help
you then."

	"You mean it, Ucchan.?  You can really help me?"

	Oh, yes.  I can definitely use this.

	"Just come back tomorrow.  I'll explain then."

	"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then."

					********************

	"So, Ranma tells me that you might be able to help him out."

	"Akane, what are you doing here?"

	"What do you think I'm doing here?  My fiancee's in trouble and you may
be able to help him out.  Of course, I'm going to be here."

	"Okay, okay, I was just wondering.  Have a seat."

	"So, can you help me, Ucchan?"

	"Calm down, Ranchan.  There's something I have to tell you first; 
something you don't know about me.  I've kind of got a curse of my own."

	"You do?  What do you change into?

	"No, not a Jusenkyou curse.  Actually it's not even a curse.  It's more
like a blessing, really.  It sort of runs in my family."

	"What does this blessing do and how does it relate to Ranma's problem?"

	"Basically, me and family are protected from any problems involving
water."

	"You mean like getting splashed with water all the time?  Is there
anyway you can share the blessing with me?"

	"Well, there is one.  The blessing also extends to people who marry
into the family."

	"WHAT?!  There is no way Ranma is marrying you!  He's my fiancee.  He's
marrying me!"

	"Will you please calm down?"

	"Don't tell me to calm down!  This whole idea is crazy!  C'mon Ranma,
we're going home!"

	"Thanks for thought, Ucchan, but you know I can't marry you.  Hold on,
Akane.  Wait for me."

					********************

	After that little incident, I decided to increase the severity of my
little curse.  I can't let Ranchan get away now.  I finally have a way
to convince him to marry me, although to be perfectly honest,  I didn't
really plan it that way.  I just wanted him to suffer after he rejected
me.  This whole marriage thing just conveniently fell into my lap.

	Ranchan should cave in any day now and beg me to marry him.  After all,
how long can he last?  He's already had my cloud raining on him nonstop
for a week.  And I mean nonstop;  I've got my cloud raining on him
24/7.  It doesn't matter if he's already a girl or taking a bath;  my
cloud is raining on him.

					********************

	"Don't you think you should let up on the poor boy."

	"Who?  Oh, it's *you*.  What do you want Taron?"

	"I've noticed what you've been doing and I'm here to ask you to stop."

	"Look, I know you're the Goddess Of All That's Decent, but this is my
business, so butt out."

	"But it's wrong."

	"I said get out!!!"

	Meddling goddesses and their high morals.

					********************

	"How about if I just pretend to marry you?  That way I can still stay
with Akane."

	"Sorry, that won't work either.  The blessing is kind of particularly
about who it protects.  You can't just have us legally married and then
leave me.  You actually have to act like your my husband.  You
have to, um, go through all the motions."

	"You mean everything?  Including...?"

	"Yep."

	"Oh.  Maybe I'd better keep looking for other solutions.  Dr. Tofu said
he'd ask around and if worse comes to worse, there's always China. 
Thanks anyway."

					********************

	Well, it's been another week of constant rain.  Despite his best
efforts, Dr. Tofu hasn't been able help Ranchan get rid of my cloud. 
Any attempts to go to China have been thwarted by problems with the
weather.  Those rainstorms just seem to spring up out of nowhere.  Poor
Ranchan's actually becoming quite ill.  I hope he doesn't end up dying
before he decides to marry me.

					********************

	"Ranchan, me and Akane have been talking."

	"We've come to the conclusion that the only solution will be for you to
marry Ukyou."

	"but akane..."

	"This damn cloud is killing you Ranma.  Your so sick, I can barely hear
you."

	"It's not like you'd have to married to me forever.  You can get
married to
Akane later.  She'll wait for you."

	"what do you mean, later?"

	"Oh.  Um, the blessing should set in permanently after 6 months or so. 
Did I forget to mention that?"

	"yes."

	"Sorry."

	"So we're all in agreement.  You and Ukyou can get married right away."

	"i don't know."

	"Ranchan, it's for your own good."

	"Please Ranma, I can't stand to see you like this.  It's only 6
months.  I'll wait for you."

	"no, there's more.  i have to..."

	"Ukyou already told me about that.  I understand, Ranma.  Really, I
do.  Please do this, for my sake, if not your own."

	"ok akane, i'll do it.  i love you."

	"I love you too, Ranma."

					********************

	"I now pronounce you man and wife.  You may kiss the bride."

	I've finally done it.  I've finally won Ranchan.  Oh, sure he thinks
he'll only be with me for a limited time, but a lot can happen in 6
months.  I'm sure I'll be able to convince him to stay by then.  We
goddesses have our ways.

					********************

	It's been about a week since I got married to Ranchan.  The first
couple days were spent nursing him to health.  He really was in bad
shape.  Once his health was restored, however, that was when the real
fun began.  He was a little hesitant at first, but he soon started to
enjoy himself.  All us goddesses are just good at this sort of thing.

	To be perfectly honest though, I'm getting kind of bored.  I think I'll
go back to Kansai.  I'm sure father misses me terribly.

					********************

	So long, Ranchan.  I guess I never really loved you after all.  Oh
look, he's calling to me;  giving me one last laugh to remember him by.

	"Come back, Ucchan!  You said you still had more to show me!  I want to
be with you!  I want to sleep with you!  Come back!"

	"Ranma no Baka"

					********************

Author's notes:

	This is my first fanfic, so while I really want comments, please try to
be gentle.  I originally wanted my first fic to be more canon, where
none
of the characters are gods.  That changed, however, when I saw an
episode of Urusei Yatsura.  It featured this water-spirit who placed a
similar curse on a love interest of Ataru.  The reason the curse was
placed on the poor girl was because her father promised to be the
water-spirit's friend.  Unfortunately, he moved away soon after making
the promise.  The water-spirit ended up chasing away after the moving
truck and that scene inspired this fic.
	The scene was almost exactly like the scene where Ukyou is chasing
after Ranma and his father.  The little girl running with both arms in
the air.  She shouts stuff like "stop" "you said..." "you promised..." 
Then she falls forward onto her face.  A close-up shows her lift her
head
and vow revenge.
	For those of you who don't know, Rumiko Takahashi is the genius behind
both Urusei Yatsura and Ranma 1/2.  I guess she used the same scene
twice.  I just had to find a way to connect both characters.  After
thinking of the possibilities, I finally decided to fuse the two
together.
	That conveniently also gave me the ending to my fic.  I basically
altered the ending to the Urusei Yatsura episode, so any complaints
about the ending should be directed to Rumiko Takahashi, as well as
myself.