Subject: [FFML] {DARK FIC}{PART 1}{The seven sins and virtues.}
From: Matthew Maddocks
Date: 6/21/1999, 4:25 PM
To: ffml@fanfic.com

This story is original to my knowledge. If it isn't, please point it
out.

WARNING: This is my first fic with more of an emotional theme. So bear
with me and try to help me by sending C and C's or flames.

WARNING: This fic contains blood, murder and sad and demonic themes {Sad
to my knowledge. maybe not}. Sorry no rape.
.....................................................................................................

               Part one of, The seven sins and virtues..........


    I remember the day well, the day she left. Dark clouds roamed the
sky and the heavens seemed to shake, at least in my eyes. The day when
my girlfriend vanished in front of me while walking home from school,
that�s when my life shattered like a mirror.
    She was walking alongside me, smiling, she was so beautiful, so
nice. But fate is cruel, and more dark then the blackest night. Fate
took her away from me, fate and something else.
    Her family was crushed, and I couldn�t blame them. They wept forever
it seemed, as did I. But life went on, but it seemed to be all in a
shade of grey�s and blacks. Then came the day, the day when it all
changed, when everything changed.
    When it happened, it was on a black day, as the last day. The black
day when I was fifteen was much like the one when I was twenty-five.
Then I still remembered the day from ten years before, ten long years
when I was fifteen.  But now things seemed different. I knew I was now
twenty-five. Older and more mature but something else was different,
something. I was different, or was it she?
    So now I tell this story as I saw it. If you meet the character�s in
which I tell of they may
say things were different then the way I say them now, and maybe there
right. But different people have different perspective and they have to
be respected.
    So on begin�s the story...........

    I walked home from the University, I didn�t feel like taking the
bus. I felt like hell, like hell since she left. My dear angel, Sarah, I
loved her deeply. But she vanished into nothingness
and I could do nothing only watch as my hope vanished with her.
    The whole world seemed to be against me, I could not even find
escape in my dreams. They were plagued by nightmares, terrible
nightmares. Nightmares of a slain girlfriend, my girlfriend. Of her
dying, of her being crucified amongst fire.
    On a hill of skulls a black cross stood, looming over the dark
barren ground. The sky seemed red as fire, much like the ground was, set
ablaze. And my dear Sarah, stripped of clothes, her head towards the
ground with a lifeless stare. She was dead, but whatever bound her to
death could not let her est in peace, no. It had to torture her with
fire and then nailing her corpse to across. That was the nightmare which
drew him to the brink of insanity.
    The sun was dropping below the tall buildings. It was like how I
felt. I felt like the light being drained from my life, but that has
already happened. All I feel now is the emptiness left by Sarah�s
disappearance.
    As I walked down the street, I looked around. Houses and small
business littered all around. People walked back and forth, but compared
to the normal day it was not busy. But I felt like I was being smothered
by a crowd of people. Fighting against a flow, which was pulling me from
where I wanted to be. But it was not people, no, it was memories of
Sarah. The memories still haunted me, pulled me apart piece by piece and
slowly pulled me into madness.
    My feet made a slight sound as I walked but I never heard it. I was
in my own world. The world where no one has been, the world of darkness
within me. It is a desolated place where mydreams drift to after I see
my dear love burn. When I am there, I am beckoned by death, beckoned to
go to the devil and suffer some more. But something holds me back, back
away from the eternal darkness. But what?
    Cars passed by me, all colors and sizes, but I only saw the dark
colored ones. All I saw were the dark colors, that�s why I wear all
black. Black jeans, black te-shirt, black everything. I wear them to
know that I exist, most of the time I still don�t.
    I always remembered my life before Sarah vanished, before she left
me, before my life shattered. I was such a great student. One of the
best, I was said to be the best student in the school. But then she left
me when I was in high school. Then my grade�s dropped, I failed each
highschool grade�s twice each. But now I have been in University for
four years, and am doing terrible.
    I then shifted the position of my black book bag on my back, it was
getting uncomfortable. Then I saw it. The cross from my dreams flashed
before me. The cross then burned to ashes, only being left by the ashes.
Falling on a background of black darkness, darkness of no escape. Then
the ashes went up in flames and the fire burned. Though there was
nothing to burn it still burned. And from the flames emerged my love,
Sarah.
    She walked out looking darker then she did before. And older, as I
imagined she would look at this age. She was wearing a long black robe.
Her long black hair flowed behind her which matched her dark brown eyes.
Her skin was a pale white and her lips were a dark purple. She smiled
and moved around, dancing in an odd way. Then the fire leapt all around
her and she seemed to throw it at him. Then his world went up in flames
and it all vanished and he was back to the real world.
    I wondered what that was. What could it be? Did it have a symbolic
meaning? And why did I suddenly black out?
    I shook it off and continued home. Leaving this incident behind me.
I missed her so much and couldn�t do anything about it. I am living in
the past and should go on! It�s time to start a new life!
    So I left for home, hoping the idea�s for my new life would sink in.
Hoping I would leave the past where it belongs. But the memories of my
love would haunt me forever, and now I could on think of her. Maybe time
would heal that wound. All I needed was the truth, to turn my black and
grey world to bright colors. To remove the clouds from my mind and let
me go on. If only I could stop love. But no one can choose whom they
love, no one can.

    I opened the door to my house and walked into the porch. I removed
my sneakers and but them away neatly. Then I hung up my jacket and
walked into the main room which led of to all the other rooms. I tossed
by book bag to the carpeted floor and was about to yell, I�m home, when
I heard the sound of my mother talking on the phone.
    I listened very closely as she talked. �I don�t know what to do with
my son Ryan. He needs some sort of help to leave his old life behind. I
hope he gets better soon but it�s been ten years and nothing has helped
him. Maybe a psychiatrist would be the best for him. Okay, sure.
Goodbye.� I then heard her hang up.
    I decided not to confront mom in fear that this would bring up the
subject of mental health. She doesn�t understand how I feel, I�m in a
world, alone, dark afraid and alone. No fate could be worse then this.
    Instead of confronting her I decided to get some rest. I was tired,
it was a long and hard day of school. My mind didn�t stop drifting from
my lost love, that�s the way it was every day. Just one long nightmare.
I wondered if she would ever return.
    I walked up the small flight of red carpeted stairs, holding onto
the guardrail all the way. My feet made a light sound as they moved on
and off the carpet. It was nothing usually noticeable but it was so
quiet here that you could hear a pin droop.
    I soon was finished walking up the stairs and walked towards my room
at the end of the hallway. The walls were painted a dim blue and looked
very dreary, that�s the way I felt.
    I leaned off the wall as I walked, I was very tired, oh so tired. I
didn�t know why I was so tired, I shouldn�t be but I am.
    I finally reached my room and opened the brown door to reveal the
black room that belonged to me. The walls and ceiling were painted a
dark black and showed just how bad I have been feeling for so long.
Someone might have thought that the feeling of pain would subside over
the years, but it had not an ounce. I still felt as lonely as ever,
everything was dark and gloomy.
    The room was empty say for a large bed with a black blanket. I
wanted it to be empty so nothing would remind me of Sarah while I was
here. The large room was so bare, nothing to be seen at all say the bed
and the closed window with the black blinds over it to prevent me from
seeing the world which I once loved.
    I closed the door behind me and locked it. I then went over to my
bed and decided to sleep. even though I could not find rest or comfort
there I was to tired to be anywhere else but in my nightmares. Maybe
sooner or later the nightmares won�t bother me, I�ll be too far into
insanity to notice them. They will become the normal and I will be
forever haunted by dark images that will never let me forget the past,
the past which is turning my life into hell.
    Love is a fragile thing, it shatters easily. And some times it�s an
illusion. Not real. Maybe my love was not real, but was a place to blame
my pain upon. Maybe�s it�s all my fault. I�m in pain and I blame love
for it. Maybe.
    As I lay on the bed, without the covers over me I begin to doze of
into the world of nightmares. Sleep is just another way to torment me
now, for old memories to torment me. So the world blackens and I sleep.
.................................................................................................

 Well here is the end of my most planned out and hardest worked on fic
that I have ever made. This is my masterpiece after  a third of a year
of fanfic work. Hope you enjoyed it so far. Please send C and C or
flames. As long as you read this fic it's okay.