What horror! With the recent reminders of how C&C has reached a
nadir in level, I noticed that my own output of C&C has virtually
ceased. Can I blame my renewed 2hr connection contract with my
ISP (compared to the original 4hrs)? Or the renewed attention
demanded from me by reality? Or even the fact that I've recently
joined a public library and thus devoured 20 or so novels in the past
fortnight? Obviously I can but the true reason is, of course, laziness.
Well, with some guilt energy, I shall attempt another foray into the
time-consuming world of C&C. Give some, get some IMO. Besides
this renewed energy probably won't last past next month. :)
All C&C are my opinions and suggestions only. Feel free to disregard
anything I say.
David A. Tatum wrote:
Guide in the Wilderness
by David A. Tatum
[snip]
'Where's Sanosuke when we need him?' Kaoru thought desperately. A knife
Lost like Ryoga :)
"Goddamit, Saitoh!" Kenshin cursed- not something Kaoru usually liked to
hear him say. "You KNOW that what happened was not her fault- I was about
to be killed, she was being held in mid-air by that giant oaf, she was
swinging wildly, and she couldn't even see that she was holding a poleaxe
at the time! She never meant to kill the guy- just to buy me some time to
recover and prepare for his next attack!"
I hate to even mention it but its a big part of RK (the anime anyway, I
haven'tread the manga) - at the time of the Meiji Restoration, Christianity
didn't have
much of a following in Japan, in fact most Christians were still persecuted.
Kenshin certainly wasn't a Christian so it would be unlikely for him to curse
using 'Goddamit'. This didn't strike me the first time I read the fic nor would
it
occur to most other readers but perhaps a small change to 'Damn it, Saitoh!'
might be a good solution.
'Oh, god,' Kaoru thought, her mind suddenly snapping all of the sleepiness
out of her system. 'It wasn't a dream- I really did k-kill him... but my
father's teachings, my philosophy- why? Why was I not able to control
myself better? Maybe I was in a desperate situation, but I should have
known from its weight that it was more than just a bo, and swung in such a
way to make sure only the flat of the blade would impact him! But I
couldn't... I didn't... I failed. I failed to follow my budo- the sword
that protects life.... Oh, god...'
Very nice usage of the Kamiya Katsushin Ryu school of thought.
Again, I feel that 'Oh, god' doesn't quite fit in here - Kami-sama might
work better.
Saitoh nodded gruffly. "Of course I know that- and that's the only reason
I haven't killed all of you yet to get to her! Remember, I live by the
philosophy of Kill Evil Instantly, and if I thought Kaoru was a real
murderer she would be dead already, as would anyone who tried to stop me!
But if someone is obviously cut down by a blade, then his death MUST be
investigated by the law, and for that reason I must take her down to the
station with me for questioning, and so I need her to come with me now."
A bit harsh, even for Saitoh IMO. I don't think he'd stress the fact that he
wouldattempt to kill the others, who are pretty much innocent bystanders, to
arrest or
kill Kaoru.
"No!" Kenshin screamed. Kaoru could hear his sword sliding in its sheeth
in preparation for some battou-jutsu technique, and she felt the shifting
of Saitou's feet on the floor to indicate that he was moving to his
Gattoutsu stance- she knew the battle was about to start, one which
(between these two) would lead to one of them being killed and the Battosai
likely emerging, but... she couldn't stop it. She'd killed a man- what
right did she have to stop someone else from doing the same?
'sheath'
And just for consistency, since you're using the -u- for entended syllables,
'Battosai' should be 'Battousai', I think.
"Stop it, both of you!" Megumi's voice shouted. "You are being as
unreasonable as five year olds- no, less. Ayame-chan and Suzame-chan have
always been more willing to compromise than the two of you are right now!
Kenshin, Saitoh is right! He HAS to bring Kaoru in, or else she won't be
able to explain what happened and will be thought of as a murderer!"
Saitoh smiled slightly, amused at having been defended by one of Kenshin's
friends. "And you, Mr. Policeman, should realize the necessity of allowing
Kaoru the time to recover her wits- she's been in a great shock! And you
should also allow Kenshin to accompany her, as well- she'll need the moral
support-"
Heh. Typical of Megumi and very IC.
"...hai."
"...Hai."?
After a moment, Megumi clucked. "You know, I really don't like treating
people who only pretend to be sick."
Kaoru's eyes opened and she sat up. "Then why don't you leave?"
Megumi smirked. "I'm not going to answer that just yet. First, I think
you need to be caught up on the news. It seems our Saitoh was only
pretending to be dead to us, but when he heard you had killed a man he
rushed right over. To gloat about it to Ken-san, I suppose."
"Gloat?"
"Saitoh has always said that Kenshin was an idealist. You, as it turns
out, were that ideal."
"Ideal?" Kaoru asked.
"The sword which fought for what it believed in, protected those it cared
about, and never had to take a life. Your philosophy, in other words- and
your ability to keep it."
Kaoru sobbed. "Until now. I've ruined Kenshin's ideal, I've failed
myself, and I've killed a man- what do I have to live for?" She closed her
eyes again, laying back down. "I should just kill myself right now, before
I mess up anyone elses life."
The stinging sensation of Megumi's slap forced Kaoru's eyes back open.
"Snap out of it!" the female doctor snarled. "You killed a man, yes, but
in doing so you saved Ken-san's life! It would all be for nothing, though,
if you were to kill yourself. You may have ruined Kenshin's ideal, but as
long as you live he will go on with his own life. If you were to die,
though, he would become a shell of what he is... or may even follow you in
death."
"But-"
"Don't 'but' me! If anything, you can give Ken-san a new ideal- a person
who was once forced to kill, but resists the urge to kill again. And if
you kill yourself, you WILL be killing someone else."
Kaoru sighed. "Okay... for Kenshin's sake, I won't kill myself...."
Megumi frowned. "With that attitude, you'll start feeling suicidal the
next time you and he have an argument. You have to live not JUST for him,
but for you, as well. And Sano, and Yahiko-chan, and Ayame-chan, and
Sazumi-chan, and Tae-san, and Tsubasa-chan, and Misao-chan, and... and me!
Dammit, you're my friend, too! Live for yourself and live for us, because
no-one here wants to see you die! Not even Saitoh- if he did, he would
have killed you already."
'but for yourself, as well.' would work better IMO.
This whole conversation between Megumi and Kaoru is just perfectly IC
and just what I would expect from them. Very well done. It reminds me of
the bridge scene at the end of the Kyoto arc when Megumi and Kaoru
hold their frank talk.
Timidly, Kaoru nodded. "Alright, Megumi-san. For myself, and you, and
Kenshin...."
Megumi smiled. "Good. Now, get some rest... when you wake up next time,
I'll let Ken-san know you're awake, and you and he can go meet Saitoh and
get everything cleared up...."
* * * * *
"Kaoru, Are you sure you're feeling up to this?" Kenshin asked, concerned.
"We can always hold off for another day or two..."
'No,' Kaoru thought. 'I will not delay whatever punishment I deserve for
killing that man. I deserve it...' She paused for a moment. 'And why
isn't he calling me 'Kaoru-DONO any more?'
Yes, why?
Saitoh laughed. "If everyone who killed a man was imprisoned, then
Kenshin, Aoshi, and probably Sano and Misao would likely be in jail right
now... and we would have just executed Shishio Makoto's gang in quiet
instead of giving them the jobs we did. And you were acting in
self-defense, after all...."
Isn't he forgeting someone? Like himself? And I don't recall Sano or Misaoever
killing anyone in the series. Even in self-defence. Maybe my memory
is failing?
Kenshin nodded. He expected the reason to be something like that. "Well,
if that's so, then I'd like something from you...."
Saitoh blinked. "From me?"
What? What?
All said and done, an excellently written fic. I'd like to see more.
Phil the Magic Mirror.
'There are no wrong turnings. Only paths we had not known we were meant
to walk.'
Guy Gavriel Kay, 'Tigana'
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Sir Desaix, member # 116 of the Knights of the True Fiancee
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http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Acropolis/7872
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