The Ranma Revolution:
An Idiotic X-Over Spamfic

By: Dreiser


EPISODE THREE: Spam Repeats Itself.


SCENE: A very cluttered control room that is very... cluttered. The 
Goddess Urd sits in a spinny chair and behind her stands Katsuragi 
Misato. Urd stares at the screen to her laptop computer while Misato 
peers over her shoulder.

URD: (Reads.) Damn. They're whining about Ranma again.
MISATO: (Reads.) Well, that's what started up this spamfic series, 
right? Too much Ranma fic overload?
URD: (Looks at Misato.) Actually, what started it was the threat of 
revolution against our resident multiverse ruler, Iris Chateaubriand. It 
was said that if the other anime characters didn't get some screen time 
they'd revolt. Most of us don't have anything against the Ranma cast. 
We just want more time focused on us. Hence this spamfic series.
MISATO: (Makes a face.) I'd agree with that if this wasn't such a 
stupid series so far. I mean, this project is never going to get 
nominated for any of the fanfic awards.
URD: (Coughs.) Uhm... we're in charge of this series. We're the 
directors. You do know that, don't you?
MISATO: (Blank expression.) I know that. So what?
URD: (Slowly.) So maybe it's not a good idea to insult the series we're 
in charge of. It's like insulting ourselves.
MISATO: (Wisely.) Ah. Suddenly it all makes sense.
URD: (Arches an eyebrow.) Really?
MISATO: (Sheepishly.) Not really but it sounded good, didn't it?
URD: (Turns back to computer.) I give up. (Reads.) Don't they ever 
post any lemons on this list?
MISATO: (Scratches the back of her head.) Shouldn't we be setting 
up the opening scene already?
URD: (Reads. Waves her hand.) You go ahead and start it without 
me. I'm going to search for lemons.
MISATO: (Blinks. Stares at the panel.) How do I do that?
URD: (Reads. Sounds distracted.) Just pan in on one of the several 
dozen scenes we have randomly set up. Dad knows I've hired enough 
anime people to fill up screen time.
MISATO: (Stares at the panel.) Right...

SCENE: A very busy street corner that is very... busy. Tamahome 
stands next to Carrot Glace and Mima Tokiko aka Key. A ragged 
looking Tamahome holds a paper cup filled with spare change. He 
rattles it as people walk past them on the street. Carrot leans up 
against a nearby building ogling women as they pass. Key stares at 
Tamahome.

KEY: (Robotic voice.) Key does not understand why Tamahome is 
trying to get money from these people.
TAMAHOME: (Shakes the cup.) Look, kid. I'm trying to get money 
because there's money to get.
KEY: (Looks confused.) Key still does not understand.
TAMAHOME: (Groans and looks at Key.) There's nothing else to do 
around here so why not make some cash?
CARROT: (Ogles women.) Personally, I agree with Key. Why waste 
your time getting money when you could be trying to get the ladies?

(Carrot spies a particularly good looking women and hoots as he 
jumps up to go running after her.)

KEY: (Watches Carrot.) Key does not understand Carrot as well. 
These are very confusing people Key is with.
TAMAHOME: (Mutters.) It's not like you're Little Miss Personality 
either sweetheart. (To a passing business man.) Spare some change, 
Mister? It's for my sickly daughter here. See how pale her skin is? 
She's an albeano.
BUSINESS MAN: (Stares at Tamahome.) She's a what?
TAMAHOME: (Smiles.) You know, an albeano. People who have no 
skin color and are really pale.
BUSINESS MAN: (Droll tones.) You mean albino.
TAMAHOME: (Confused.) What?
BUSINESS MAN: (Explains.) You said that she was an albeano. It's 
albino, not albeano.
TAMAHOME: (Laughs.) Right. Albino. That's what my poor little girl 
is. A pale sickly albino.
KEY: (Blinks.) But Key is not--

(Tamahome slaps a hand over Key's mouth and she stares at him with 
a nonplused expression.)

TAMAHOME: (To the business man.) Ignore my daughter. She has 
this strange obsession with keys. It's caused from being an albino I'm 
told. Makes her sorta crazy.
BUSINESS MAN: (Skeptically.) Right...
TAMAHOME: (Wears a sad expression.) It's also what's made her 
so small and underdeveloped. I can't stand to see how the boys just 
look past my daughter. That's why I'm going to use this money to fix 
her condition. So she can finally get dates like other teenage girls.

(Before the business man can comment on this Carrot runs past with a 
large mob of women pursuing him with weapons. He stops in his 
escape to flirt with another woman who soon joins the mob which 
continues down the street.)

TAMAHOME: (Watches Carrot and sweatdrops.) Even that man 
didn't flirt with her because she looks like this.
BUSINESS MAN: (Digs through his wallet.) She really does need 
help then. Get her the operation quick.

(The business man slaps the money into Tamahome's palm then walks 
down the street shaking his head.)

TAMAHOME: (Grins and counts the money.) Score one hundred and 
twenty six, Tamahome!
KEY: (Robotic voice somehow sounds angry.) Key is not 
underdeveloped and Carrot has flirted many times with Key.
TAMAHOME: (Dismissive.) Whatever you say.
KEY: (Scowls.) See if Key invites you to any of her concerts when 
she has become a famous idol singer.
TAMAHOME: (Dryly.) Yeah, that's what they all say.

(As Carrot runs past with the angry mob of women still pursuing him 
the scene fades to black.)

To be continued...

All characters in this spamfiction are from various anime series that I'll 
list in order below. This is a nonsensical out of character piece of tripe 
that I wrote when extremely bored. I felt drawn by some unexplained 
force to write another dumb spamfic series and this is it. Hopefully this 
project will help get the need out of my system. Please don't take this 
stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun.

Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com

Not-so thrilling trailer line: What will happen next time?! Will the 
Ranma complaints ever stop?! Will Urd find the lemons she's looking 
for?! Can Tamahome ever get enough money to make him happy?! Is 
Key really an albino?! And will the angry mob of women ever catch 
Carrot?!

CAST AND CREDITS:

Urd... Oh My Goddess!
Katsuragi Misato... Neon Genesis Evangelion.
Tamahome... Fushigi Yuugi.
Carrot Glace... The Sorcerer Hunters.
Mima Tokiko aka Key... Key: The Metal Idol. 

Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780

Thanks to Red Death all my fanfics are archived at:
http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm