On Fri, 18 Jun 1999, Disruptor wrote:
I'll gety back to my other fics now. I just wanted to get this out of
my head. <snicker><snicker>
#include <std_disclaimer.h>
// Whoohoo BGC!
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Life was about to change radically for the Knight Sabers, especially
for one.. They were at their hideout, hidden inside the Silky Doll
// ellipsis nitpick (only three periods)
building, when the earthquake hit. After the tremors stopped Syllia
looked around the room. Cabinets were knocked over,, sparks came from
// take out one of the commas
one of the computer panels, and everything was covered with bits of
plaster from the ceiling.
"I want a full assessment of the damages," Syllia commanded. "Be
careful we might have aftershocks. Take a communicator and report in
every fifteen minutes."
// I think it's after-shocks, actually on second thought, maybe ... we might
// have an after-shock.
Priss, Nene, and Linna nodded as they each picked up a radio set and
went through the underground complex, surveying the damage the quake
did. Nene walked down a corridor that had its lights knocked out by the
tremors. She quickly grabbed a flashlight from a nearby emergency kit.
*I hope we'll be able to get out of here. I have some chocolate cake
in my fridge I want to eat,* Nene thought to herself, as she carefully
picked her way along the darkened corridor.
// nitpick, single quotes for thought
"Syllia, corridor 5 has its lights out. I'm going to check out the old
storeroom and make sure nothing was damaged," Nene called in.
A long pause of silence came from the radio before Syllia replied,
+Okay. Be very careful in there and leave as soon as you have surveyed
the area.+
// replace + symbols with double quotes
*Sheesh. All it is, is a room where we store our old hardsuits as
// "Sheesh, it's just a room ...
spare parts. You think Syllia had something to hide in there,* Nene
// You'd think ...
thought. "Understood, Syllia."
Nene slowly made her way to the old storeroom and cautiously entered.
Looking around, she saw that only a few of the out of date armors were
// armors? Like as in "suits of", or as in hard suits?
knocked over. Nene sighed with relief, seeing that nothing
was damaged. She was about to leave when a new tremor shook the
building. The shaking became stronger. Nene quickly realized that the
first quake was only a buildup for what was to come. She dove
for the center of the room as the tremors became stronger. The
hardsuits that weren't knocked over in the first earthquake, fell in
unison. The multiple pounding of the metal suits caused the floor of
the storeroom to give way. Nene tumbled into a room with some very odd
looking equipment.
// she has time to figure out the room is full of odd equipment?
*Ow. That hurt,* Nene thought as she got back up. *Where am I?*
Nene looked at the odd equipment. Against one wall, there was what
looked like an electric chair connected to an old fashioned tape drive
computer, the type that stood close to two and a half meters
tall. Next to it were more old fashioned tape drives. Each of the
drives had what appeared to be headphones attached to it. A large
machine, with several two meter tall pixels tubes, stood along the
// pixels tube?
second wall. The tubes looked wide enough that a human being could
stand in one. In another corner there was a machine that had two
massive pixels cylinders. Inside each cylinder there was some sort of
apparatus that could restrain a person. The final wall had a huge
control console with a huge television screen placed up against it.
// huge is repetitive, try a variation
"Wh-what is this stuff?" Nene asked aloud.
// It's Sylia's SM collection.
Nene quickly tried using the radio to contact Syllia, but received
nothing but static. Feeling a little bit lost now that the radio was
// Sentence is passive, might try, "She wandered around the hidden room
// feeling a little bit lost, now that the radio was dead ..."
dead, Nene wandered around the hidden room. She saw another room and
entered it. In this room the walls were lined with shelves, filled with
magnetic tape. In the middle of the room was an old wooden desk, with
matching chair. Looking at the surface of the desk, Nene spotted a
whistle, some weird looking remote control, and a book. Nene opened
the tome and looked at one of the pages.
// tome? Little archaic, maybe diary? Journal?
Oct12: I still haven't figured out how my dad built
all this stuff and how it works, but I will
make up for the evil he has done.
"Syllia's dad was evil?" Nene wondered aloud.
// Actually, Dr. Stingray is just an alias for Dr. Machinegal.
She flipped though the pages and looked at a later entry.
Sep24: I have just received a job at Whiz laboratories
// Gee Whiz!
and will soon begin the redemption of our
family. I have figured out just enough of the
programming dad used to try and make a cyberoid.
I will never be as good as my dad was at
doing this, But at least mine won't have that
silly glitch in it.
// Indentation futzed up.
*No, it was her grandfather that was evil. Dr. Stingray's father was
even better at cybernetics than he was? I wonder what the glitch was?*
// ... cybernetics than Dr Stingray himself?
Nene thought as she looked at the labels of some of the
tapes. *Chinese. Japanese. Singing. Surfing. Cooking? Maid?
Drawing? What is this stuff?*
// Library of Congress, for the dull times.
She left the room with the oddly labeled tapes and returned to the room
with the bizarre equipment. Nene looked up at the hole where she fell
though and hope the others would come for her soon. She turned her
attention to the console. She noticed that one of the lights on it was
blinking. Underneath the light was a switch. Nene shrugged as she
flipped the switch, thinking that it would turn off the light. Instead,
the giant screen came on and Nene saw her friends. In the center of the
screen was Syllia and off to either side of her was Priss and Linna. At
their feet were battery operated lanterns, providing light. Nene
realized that she was seeing her friends from some sort of camera, but
couldn't figure out why it was working when the lights were out in that
corridor. She jumped as she recognized the area they were at was just
outside the old storeroom. She sobbed softly in dismay as she saw the
huge pile of rubble they had to dig though to get to her. She quickly
flipped the switch back to its former position and the screen went dark.
// might want to break up the previous paragraph.
*I'm trapped in some weird room with devices that look like they're out
of an old horror movie. Wait a sec,* Nene thought. "How come this place
has power?"
// ding! Give the girl a cookie!
Nene examined the room and found cords leading from the various
machines leading to a third room. Nene easily identified the central
object in this room: a very powerful self contained generator. Off
to one side their was an old cryogenic capsule. The rest of the room
was taken up by racks that held women's clothing on hangers. A large
section of the clothing was gold colored bathing suits. Underneath
the clothing were shoes and boots. Gold colored thigh high boots were
the most common. Nene scratched her head in confusion at what she was
looking at. She shrugged it off and went back to the machines. Nene
headed for the device with the two giant cylinders.
*Okay, what does this device do?*
// it revives people from the 60's with their MoJo intact. Oh, umm.
Examining the controls, the red-haired girl saw that each control's
functioned was written in separate languages.
// Instead of separate, try ... in a different language.
"What sort of madman would make a machine's controls so hard to figure
out? Sheesh."
// That's why they call them, "Madmen."
She shrugged slightly as she pushed a button labeled with the letter
'T'. The cylinder on her right lifted up and allowed access to the
apparatus inside.
*Ah. 'T' stands for tube,* Nene thought as she walked up to the
exposed device.
// Or Teletubby
Nene visually examined the apparatus. It appeared to be some sort of
restraint to keep a person from falling down. Feeling a bit silly, she
put her hands into the device.
"Hey. Look at me I'm handcuffed," Nene said with a giggle.
// See, I was right! It *is* Sylia's SM collection.
The laughter stopped as the restraints suddenly tightened and the
cylinder came down. Nene, panicking, tried to wrench her arms free of
// ... panicked and tried ...
the restraints. She was unable to do so. The cylinder finally
shut and the machine hummed to life. A vague sort of pulling was felt
by the trapped girl. Before blacking out, she saw Syllia and the others
leaping down into the room. The last thing Nene saw was Syllia's face
showing shock and fear.
// full of shock and fear.
--
Nene woke up and saw that she was in Syllia's apartment. For some
reason Syllia was wearing a one piece gold bathing suit and a pair of
those gold high-heeled boots. She looked down at herself and
saw that she was in the same sort of get-up. Nene looked around and saw
that Priss and Linna were looking at Syllia and waiting. Seeing that
she was awake, Syllia spoke.
// Hey, Nene's shagadelic!
"I wished you hadn't found grandfather's old equipment. Normally I
would berate you for playing with equipment like that, but you have
already paid a high price for your carelessness."
// "You will be forced to spend the rest of your life chasing after men who
// have 'mojo'.
Syllia stood up and helped Nene to her feet. The leader of the Knight
Sabers sighed and continued speaking.
"Grandfather was a madman and a genius. He was able to build robots
that could fool humans back in the 1960's. That equipment you saw was
his, and it still defies any attempt to figure out how it works."
"Uhm. Syllia, what happened to me and what price did I pay?" Nene
asked, feeling a bit scared.
Syllia looked at her friend and answered, "Your consciousness was
transferred into a robot body."
// See, I was right. Dr. Machinegal.
"I'm a boomer?"
"No. Not exactly. Boomers were developed by my father after he
figured out enough of the old robots programming."
Syllia paused and addressed the other two Knight Sabers, "You made a
promise to hear this out. Remember that."
// Groovy, baby.
Not bothering to see if they nodded or not, Syllia turned back to Nene.
"My father used the machines to create me. And studying how I worked
allwoed him to develop the boomer programming," Syllia said.
// allowed
// "But I managed to figure out the fashion routine, unfortunately, you'll be
// stuck in that for the rest of your life."
Nene pointed to herself and asked, "What's with these bathing suits?"
// It's your mojo suit.
Shaking her head, Syllia answered, "Default uniform. I'll explain more
later."
// Well, it could be worse. It could be that furry number.
Nene sighed and tried to accept her new fate. A sudden thought came to
her.
// "Hey, now I can't get fat! I can eat all the chocolate cake I want!"
"Syllia, I read in that journal downstairs that there's a glitch in
the programming of the robots. Do I have it and what is it?"
Before Syllia could answer, Priss, feeling a bit in shock, had snapped
on the radio and music came pouring out. Priss and Linna watched in
confusion as Nene and Syllia started doing a robotic dance
number. After a minute of watching her friends dance, Linna realized
something.
// o/~ Let's go, oh oh, Discotheque! o/~
"Priss, turn off the radio," Linna said.
Not understanding why, Priss did so. As soon as the music stopped the
two robotic girls stopped dancing.
// Ok ok, do they have mamary machine guns, or not?
"Wh-what was that all about?" Nene asked in shock.
Smiling ruefully, Syllia answered, "That's the glitch. There is some
sort of urge in us that causes us to dance. I was caught off guard and
you're not used to resisting your urge. So, we both wound up dancing
until the music was turned off."
Linna asked a question that had been bothereing her for a while, "By
the way Syllia, what was the name of your grandfather? I don't recall
any Stingray's into robotics that were active in the 60's."
Syllia looked up and said, "His name was Dr. Goldfoot."
Aaaaaaaah! Oh, the humanity! ^_^ I think it's time to play some Disco.
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Sean E Hayden || Maxwell Edison || Flinx
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Tagline for Saturday, June 19, 1999
To live well, know the difference between good and evil.
LinuxTaRT version 2.27
Bavaria has been up for 285 hours. Hail Eris.
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El Presidente De La Norte Americano IBOS!
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