James Chu wrote:

This is not even close to a full fic yet...

    That's an understatement!  So far, this seems to be a loosely related
series of vignettes; I couldn't get any idea of what the story is going to be
out of them.  All I did get was a.) Keiichi and Bell are married, b.) they are
a husband and wife team racing for BMW, and c.) this seems to be a cross
country race of some sort.  There is no hint of the plot, what's at stake, or
why they are involved.  This fic is probably far too sketchy at this point for
you to get any good feedback, but I'll give it a shot.

---
Race Time

by James Chu

        A jumpsuited news reporter strode up to a silver door with a
small,
 circular black and blue logo on it.  He rapped on the door three times
in
 quick succession and then turned to the camera.

    This is just personal taste, but "in quick succession" seems superfluous.
It's implied.  After all, this would be silly:

    "He rapped once on the door, but stopped as he noticed his shoe was
untied.  He corrected the problem with swift, sure motions, marveling at his
own dexterity.  Rising to his feet, he knocked on the door a second time...
darn, his shirt was buttoned in the wrong holes!  'That's what you get when you
let your wife do it for you', he thought ruefully.  After rebuttoning his
shirt,  he decided that it was better to be safe than sorry, and pulled a hand
mirror out of his pocket and checked his hair.  Perfect!  NOW he was ready.  He
faced his obstinate enemy, the door, with renewed determination.  Taking a
heroic stance, he gave it a third, mighty knock; a knock that he was certain
would resound throughout the history of door knocking.  Satisfied with the
results,  he turned to the camera."

        "Hello!  I'm Desmond DuChamp from Racing World Weekly.  We are
on
location at the BMW garage for an interview with the ever popular racing
couple, the Morisatos."

        The reporter stepped back as the door opened; Keiichi and
Belldandy
walked out of the office, holding their hands.  They were both clad in
logo
covered, body hugging, racing Nomex bodysuits; Belldandy's normally
perfectly

    It isn't very good for a sentence to be this long.  I'd recommend breaking
it up into at least two sentences..

coiffed hair was slightly out of place, and her zipper was not quite
zipped
up all the way, and Keiichi's hair looked quite a bit wilder than usual.

        "Good evening, Mr. Morisato.  May have a moment of your time?"

        Keiichi looked at Belldandy.  Her eyebrows twitched a little.
Keiichi
looked back at the reporter and nodded.

    "But make it fast... I have to get Bell to the doctor's and have that
twitch checked out!"

        "Altough there are many cases of racing families, it is
certainly is
unusual to see a husband and wife team racing competitively.  How do you
manage to keep the personal and professional aspects of your lives
separate?"

Keiichi cleared his throat and then attempted to answer the question.

        "Uh, well, we really never made a hard distinction between our
professional and personal view of racing.  I think Bell-chan can explain
it
in better terms than I can.  Bell?"

    Was Keiichi really this wimpy?  Recalling his first speech to Skuld about
having the Norns and Megumi living with him, I can't picture him so terse about
something he's really passionate about.

        Belldandy wrinked up her forehead slightly and pouted cutely for
a
second a moment before replying, "Our passion for racing is the same
passion
we have for each other.  I have faith in my Keiichi.  He has faith in
me.
That is all that it takes for us to win."

    Yep, Bell definitely needs those facial muscles looked at by a
professional...

        She leaned in and kissed Keiichi on the cheek.

        Keiichi looked kind of sheepish for a second before breaking
into a
full faced blush.

    No, no, Keiichi... first you blush, _then_ you look embarrassed about it.

        He managed to sputter out, "I guess that's all for now.  We
have, um,
business to take care of right now."

        He then retreated into the office with Belldandy in tow.
Belldandy
grinned mischeviously out at the reporter before gently closing the
door.

        The reporter flicked a rouguish smile at the camera before
signing
off.

        The camera man's comment, after shutting the camera down, was
quite
succinct, "Yeesh...  Can't they wait 'till they get to a motel?"

    You mean... that ISN'T what desks are for?

---

        The blue and black BMW roared to life as Keiichi gunned its engine.
He peered at the various dials and meters, making sure that the car was
working at peak efficiency.  He glanced at his partner, as she carefully
arranged the maps and radio equipment inside the crowded car interior.
Something caught his eye and he shuffled over and whispered into his
companion's ear.  She turned towards him and gave him a dazzling smile.
Belldandy then twisted about in her seat harness and leaned slightly out
the
window, waving to her sisters in the sidelines.

    What kind of race is this?  Is it cross country?  I've only seen Keiichi in
motorcycle drag racing and track racing.
    How long after the OAV does this take place, anyway?

        Skuld wiped the back of her grease stained gloved hands across her
forehead as she finished tweaking the alternate engine and gave a quick
wave
to Belldandy before going back into the crew trailer to get the last
tires
mounted on their rims.

    This makes it sound like she's going to do the job inside the trailer.

        Urd strutted before the cheering crowds in an obscenely short blue
minidress with spaghetti straps and dark leather knee high boots, her
platinum hair hanging in a single wide braid that was laced with gold
thread.
She held a large, laminated cardboard sign with the BMW insignia and
Keiichi
and Belldandy's car number aloft.  She let the sign go with one hand and
also
managed a quick wave to Belldandy.

    I'd recommend dropping the word "also".  It leaves room for confusion about
which hand she's doing the waving with.

---

        The white and red Toyota Corolla powerslided around the corner,

    "rounded the corner in a power slide,"

torrents of dust kicking up from the tires.  Much to Keiichi and
Beldandy's
surprise, it peeled off to the side and skidded to a halt with expert
precision on a nearby dirt shoulder.

    "peeled off" is a term normally used for aircraft formation flying.  I'm
getting a weird image of the car shedding its skin...

The driver and co-driver emerged
from
the car and chucked their helmets into the car as they trotted over to
the
crashed car.

    If the car had crashed, wouldn't they be out of the race?  A little later,
it sounds more like they slid off the road and got stuck in the ditch.  That's
not a crash; crashing implies that they ran into something.

        The ponytailed driver shouted something to her short haired
companion
and motioned to Belldandy to toss the end of the line to her comrade.
Keiichi started to query whether the other team had a winch handy, but
trailed off as the short haired woman slowly dragged the mired car out
of
the ditch by hand.

    Is this supposed to be a cameo of Natsumi and Miyuki from YUA?  Neither of
them has that kind of strength!  They are portrayed as ordinary people, except
for Natsumi's Flintstone braking system.

        Keiichi, shocked into silence, stared at the freshly unstuck car
for
two minutes, as Belldandy apologised to the other team for the setback.
The
other team got back in their car and sped off.  Belldandy gently guided
him
back to the drivers seat and buckled him up before getting in and
seating
herself.
---

    If this is the same race, you have Keiichi getting into the driver's seat,
but in the next scene Belldandy is driving.  From the little I know about cross
country racing,  you have two people in the car: a driver and a mechanic.  As
far as I know, they don't trade off.

A huge gout of water splashed onto the windshield as the car powered
through
a large puddle across the path.  The car started to hydroplane somewhat;
Belldandy flicked the wipers on momentarily and continued to handle the
jolting steering column calmly as the car managed to regain traction.

Keiichi noted to himself how serene Bell-chan looked when driving, in
spite
of the fact that their jumpsuits were mostly mud encrusted and that the
extremely primitive dirt path that they were taking could only be
loosely
called a road.  He wondered what it would be like driving in a
demolition
derby with her as a competitor.  Visions of a totally serene and happy
individual ramming a large, beat up car mercylessly into a hapless car
plastered on the side of the arena made him shudder for a moment,

    The phrasing here doesn't read very well.  Perhaps something like:
    "He had a sudden vision of Belldandy sitting at the wheel of a large, beat
up car.  He pictured her with the same totally serene and happy expression as
she rammed another car mercilessly into an area wall, and shuddered as he swore
never to..."

as he
swore
never to try to bring up _that_ particular bit of mental imagery again.

---

Keiichi and Co. peered at the shattered transaxle as the recovery truck
lifted
the broken car onto its bed.

"Himmel donner wetter...  SheiBe!"

    Not very familiar with German, are you?  "Himmel!" means "heavens!" and
"Donnerwetter" literally means "thunder weather" or "bad weather".  Both are
expletives, but they are very mild.  "Scheisse"  means what you probably think
it does, so it would be more shocking.  I'm not used to cursing in German (they
don't teach useful stuff like that in school), but maybe something like:
"Scheisse!  Diese Gottverdammte dinge ist ganz Schrecklich!"

Everyone turned around and stared at Skuld.

"Ooops.  Heh heh heh.  Um...  I guess I've been hanging around a little
too
much with the pit crew, eh, Oneechan?"  sputtered Skuld, sheepishly.

---

--
 Ja ne,
 LarryF

http://home.earthlink.net/~lwf58