{My goodness. My logs show that I C&Ced Illuminations 21 way back in
January... it's been a busy spring! 

{For the benefit of those who care to know -- and pleading the
indulgence of those who don't -- I'm C&Cing this for two reasons: first,
I like this story. Second, Freemage was kind enough to provide extensive
(and very encouraging) C&C on "The Taming of the Horse", which was my
first posting of any kind to the FFML. I consider that I learned how to
C&C by using his as an example. When he stopped posting C&C, I tried to
fill the rather noticeable gap by posting C&C as I thought he might have
done.}

* Illuminations *
* A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction *
* By Freemage *
* Chapter Twenty-Two *

     Ranma sighed.  "Okay, Akane.  If I explain to you
 rationally why you have to let me do this on my own, will you
 do it?"

     She smiled sweetly.  "Not a chance."

     "Aaarrrgghhh!!"

{Go, Akane! God help you if Ranma ever figures out that this is verbal
jujitsu and starts practicing, though. :) }

     A sigh.  "No, I guess you're right.  So are we just going to
 sit around here doing nothing?"

{"Oh, I'm sure we can come up with something better to do..."  :) }

     "You even get lost in conversations, don't you?  Look.  I'm
 being... blackmailed.  No, don't even bother to ask.  If I was
 willing to tell people, they couldn't very well be blackmailing
 me with it, now could they?  I've had enough, though.  I think
 tomorrow I've got a chance at finding out who 'they' are.  And I
 want you along in case things turn ugly."

{It took to here the first time before I was sure it was Nabiki and
Ryouga... but perhaps that was because it'd been so long since I read
21. I like this sort of dialogue-only scene, though.}

     She reeled, wanted to accuse him of lying again--but she

{suggest} reeled, wanting to

 knew he wasn't.  She could feel the truth of his words.

{That's, um, pretty amazing, considering how poor she usually is at
telling when he's speaking truth... which underlines the impact of the
situation rather than seeming OOC.}

     She picked up the lantern and walked into the adjacent room.
 Ranma hadn't even gotten through a three-count before she came
 out, trying to scream around ragged gasps for air.  Ranma snaked

{suggest} came back out

 his hand around her mouth, clamping it tight.

     "Keep it down, Akane.  One good scream and we're spending
 the night in the park."  As she settled down, he eased his grip,
 slowly, steadily, until she fully loose.  "Now, is there

she {verb? missing} fully

 something you wanted to ask me about?" he inquired sardonically.

     "Is-is that really...."  She couldn't even complete the
 thought.

     "Yup.  A gift from my dear old Mom, just the thing to remind

{suggest}  Mom.  Just  {or}  Mom; just

 me of my dear, departed pet on a chilly evening."

{*FLINCH* Aiya. For him to send her in there unprepared was... almost
cruel of Ranma, excused only by the way he feels about it and his
concern for her safety.}
 

     She looked up at him, her eyes full of compassion and fear.

{suggest "horror" rather than "fear"}

     A thought occurred to her.  "One more thing, though," she
 said as he went towards his own sleeping area.  "If you even
 think of running off again, keep in mind that I'm going to
 follow you.  And that means I'll be close enough to be in
 danger, but too far away for you to protect."  The sudden slump
 of his shoulders told her she had guessed correctly.

{Bullseye!  Nice shooting, Akane.}

    "Ranma no baka," she whispered as she drifted off to sleep, a
 slight grin on her face.

{suggest} slight smile {unless her teeth really are showing}

    They slipped out under cover of darkness, before the first
 light of dawn.  He carried his pack and umbrella, and she, two
 thermoses filled with hot water.  A note on the table in the

{suggest} Thermos bottles {for one thing, I think it's still
trademarked; for another, it avoids the question of how to form the
plural gracefully. :) }

 dining room explained that she needed to work on a project at
 school.

    Of course, they went nowhere near the school.  Instead,
 Nabiki led Ryouga across town to a post office--or, more
 precisely, to a clutch of bushes facing the post office from the

{suggest} clump of bushes {"clutch" is eggs, isn't it?}

 opposite side of the street.

    In order to distract himself from that line of thought, he
 tried to get some more information out of her.  "So what,
 exactly are we doing here?" he inquired.

exactly, are

    "Oh."  Contrary to popular opinion, he could take a hint.  He
 shut up.  And thought about baseball.

{"baseball"? I don't get it, but I get the feeling I should. Oh well.}

    Ranma looked over the bar, impressed.  The thugs they had
 been "speaking" with were being much more cooperative than the

cooperative than they had been {?}

 when the duo had first entered--at least, those few who were
 still conscious were, that is.

    Akane was smiling sweetly at the bartender as he tried,
 vainly, to restore the interior of his establishment to its

{suggest} tried in vain to restore

 former condition.

    "So, are you a little more inclined to answer some
 questions?"

    The large man grumbled something, then nodded, uprighting

{er... "upright" is a noun, an adjective, and an adverb, but not, AFAIK,
a verb. "righting", perhaps? "setting upright"?}

 tables and chairs, although precious few of the latter were
 still intact.  "What do ya wanna know?"

    "Oh, just where we might find some folks who could tell us
 how, if we needed to, we could get out of the country, no
 questions asked."

{"Let's just say we want to avoid any... Illuminated entanglements."  :) }

    The bartender sneered at her.  "Gee, two nice kids like you?
 I can't imagine you ever wanting to run from the law."

{"The law wanting to run from you, on the other hand..."  :) }

    Ryouga tried to come up with a reasonable-sounding
 objection, but failed miserably.  Squaring himself, he followed

Squaring his shoulders, {?}

 Nabiki across the street to the St. Jude Orphanage.

    "Oh, you mean Sister Mary-Margaret."  The girl, whose nametag
 read, "Tsukino Ai," cast a speculative, and slightly hostile,

read "Tsukino Ai",

 glance at Ryouga.  "Are you here about her... program?"

    "Didn't you say you were her for Sister Mary-Margaret's

were here for

 program for teenage mothers?" the young girl asked in confusion.

    Ai shot out of her chair and retreated into a back office,
 with a cry of, "WaitrightthereTendou-sanandI'msureSisterMaryMar- 
 garetwillbehappytoseeyourightaway!"

{I would hyphenate between the words, but up to you.}

    "Why, it's been... let's see, three years now, hasn't it,
 Ai?"  The young girl, who had returned to the receptionist's
 desk outside of Nabiki's notice, nodded vigorously.  "I must
 admit, when you first contacted us, I thought your request
 for--how was it you phrased it?  Oh yes, 'professional
 distance', was a little odd, but we've had other shy donors, and

distance'--was {to bracket the clause properly}

 I was not about to turn down any source of funds."

    Considering Nabiki's last words, he nodded.  "You know, I
 think you're right about that, Sister.  Thank you for your
 time."  He gave a full bow and went after Nabiki.

{suggest} deep bow {"full bow" in this context makes me think kneeling
and touching forehead to floor}

    Just as the pair entered the Tendou home, the phone rang. 
 Still in a bit of a daze, Nabiki picked up the handset. 
 "Hello?" she asked lethargically.  What!?"  Ryouga turned

"What!?"

 sharply in reaction to the change in tone.  "Jeeze, when you two
 screw up, you don't go halfsies, do you?  Alright, I'll be there
 in a bit."  She hung up, then chewed her nail for bit,

for a bit, {but suggest} for a moment,

 pondering.

    Soun approached him and said, sotto voice, "That matter we

sotto voce {Italian: "under [the] voice"}

 discussed earlier--you remember?  A certain letter?  I think
 there are a few details that need ironing out...."

    Nabiki allowed herself a moment of satisfaction as the
 sergeant led in Ranma and Akane, both looking very sheepish.  A
 playful grin on her face, she drawled, "Well, well, imagine
 running into you two here.  I can't wait to here this one."

to hear this

    As both of her victims began to speak at once, overriding
 each other and creating a general cacophony, she held up her
 hand in a gesture of halting.  "On the other hand, perhaps I can

{suggest} held up her hand to halt them.

 wait," she sighed.  "I'd rather we didn't start a brawl here in
 the police station.  C'mon, Ranma, Akane, let's pick up your
 possessions and get out of here."

    The guard looked up sharply at that.  "Hey!  I thought you
 said your name was Ran-KO?" he queried the redhead, emphasising
 the last syllable.  "What's with this 'Wild Horse' business?"

    Nabiki groaned. {Haven't these two found enough ways to
 humiliate me?}  She decided that a little revenge was in order,
 and wrapped herself tightly around the redhead's arm, an
 affectionate--and slightly horny--look overtaking her features.

    "Oh, that's just a nickname I gave her," she answered the
 sergeant.  "You know, because she rides like one."  To seal the
 effect, she ran her tongue lightly over the shell-shocked
 Saotome's ear, and was rewarded with a trickle of blood from the
 police officer's nose.

{Bwahahaha!  The perfect way to paralyze Ranma.  :) }

    Miraculously, at least by Nabiki's figuring, they made it out
 of the police station without further incident.

                    End Chapter Twenty-two

The plot thickens!

The Ranma/Akane confrontation was pretty much what I was expecting, and
nicely handled.

The Nabiki/Ryouga team is... well, let's just say there's no doubt about
who's on top. Poor Ryouga. :)

I have NO idea how it came about that Nabiki is sending money to a cause
whose purpose she doesn't know. It's almost enough to make me wonder if
there's another cause she DOES know about, and someone behind the scenes
is confusing the issue. Oh, well, I imagine you'll let us in on the
secret at the appropriate time.

Now let's see--this means I'm supposed to start working on Chapter 23,
right?

Why, however did you guess?  :>

Thanks for writing and sharing!


Vince Seifert    Network Analyst     seifertv@csus.edu
Techie: http://webpages.csus.edu/~seifertv/
Fanfic: http://www.csus.edu/indiv/s/seifertv/toth/
CSUS hired me to build their LANs, not to give away the homeworld.