----------
From: LN411@aol.com
To: ffml@fanfic.com
Subject: [FFML] [Draft] [Dirty Pair] Double Vision
Date: Monday, June 14, 1999 10:09 AM
here we go again folks...after much computer wrasslin' I am now
attempting
once again to post the draft of a fic I am writing as a favor to a couple
of
friends. Any and all opinions are not just desired, but neccessary. For
those
who might be interested, Sakura Tenjo and Natsumi Ogawa, the original
characters, are my friends Medi Kitty and Raingoddess respectively.
Standard Warning: The Dirty Pair aren't mine, and I don't pretend that
they
are. Please don't sue me.
"Stop fidgeting."
"I'm not fidgeting."
"Yes you are. Now stop it!"
"�"
"�"
"�"
"You're fidgeting again."
"I am not!"
"You're fiddling with your hair! That's fidgeting!"
"I'm not fiddling with it! I'm fixing it! It's getting all frizzy�"
"Oh, for�It looks fine! Your hair looks just fine! Now stop playing
with
it. It makes you look vapid."
"Okay! Okay! You didn't have to snap at me�"
"Look, I'm sorry, okay?"
"�"
"Fine then, be that way�"
"�"
"�"
"Are you sure it looks fine?"
"�"
"Okay, okay�you don't have to give me that look�forget it."
"Sorry�yeah, it looks fine. I'm sorry I'm being this way�I'm just
nervous."
"It's okay�I know how you feel. I mean, here we are, getting our
first
assignments for the 3WA!"
"Yeah�now, stop fidgeting before I bash you."
"Jerk."
I detect a hint of Ranma 1/2 in the air.....
Expository Publications Presents�
"God, I hope we don't end up having to do desk work or something�"
"I know. Well, don't sweat it. The odds of that are pretty slim,
actually. We'll probably end up doing basic patrols or something�pretty
tame
stuff, most likely�"
An original work of fanfiction by Captain Exposition�
"Do you think this thing is too tight?"
"Natsumi, that's your academy uniform. They wouldn't have let you
wear
it for two years if it was in any way indecent."
<Sarcasm> 3WA agents wearing uniforms that are in anyway indecent? Perish
the thought!
And while you're at it try to forget the Lovely Angel's battle bikinis.
"I know that, but I still think this blouse is a little tight.
Hmmm�Maybe they grew. Do you think they grew?"
"I can't believe I'm having this conversation�"
Featuring the Dirty Pair in�
"Okay�here we are�stay cool, girl�are you cool?"
"I am cool."
"Right. Well�here we go then. What we've been waiting for�"
"Yeah�are you ready?"
"As I'll ever be. Let's go then."
The Dirty Pair: Double Vision
Cycle One
The elevator doors slid open on a silent puff of air, and two very
pretty girls stepped out. They exited the elevator car into a bustling
office, filled with busy-looking people rushing back and forth from room
to
room carrying documents, computer readouts, palm-computers, or just a
panicked expression. A number of these people paused to look at the
newcomers, the women with curiosity, and the men with admiration. And
their
admiring glances were justified.
The girl on the left was a very shapely five-foot-eight, with
bubble-gum
pink hair that swept down to mid-back before curling daintily at the
ends. A
paler pink streak ran through the middle of her glossy hair. She was
fair-skinned and very pretty in a preoccupied, slightly distracted way.
Behind wide, machine-gunner style glasses a pair of intelligent green
eyes
watched the hustle and bustle of the office with frank curiosity. When
her
eyes met those of one of the watching men, she flicked her eyes over them
as
if trying to decide what to make of them, and then darted off
disinterestedly.
The one on the right was shorter, perhaps five-foot-six, but just as
pretty as her taller companion. She had a rather cute face, somewhat pale
but
obviously used to smiling. Her own hair was cropped short in a sort of
long
pixy cut, glossy black with a streak of brilliant cerulean blue in the
longer
bangs on either side of her face, where the hair fell just below her
ears.
Her eyes were the gray of gunmetal, and boldly met those of any of the
men
who gawked at her as they passed. One man met her eyes, and as he did,
she
winked at him languidly. He began to smile rather foolishly, right up
until
he walked headlong into a mail cart. Both girls rolled their eyes.
Both of them were dressed in the standard uniform of a female 3WA
trainee; knee-length navy skirt, white blouse, and navy jacket,
three-quarters buttoned. Each also wore a laminated ID badge clipped to
her
jacket proclaiming her name, rank and an identification bar code for the
security systems. The pink-haired girl's badge read, "Tenjo, Sakura:
Agent,
Third Class". The shorter girl's badge read similarly, stating, "Ogawa,
Natsumi: Agent, Third Class".
After a few uncomfortable moments while they met public scrutiny, a
secretary stood up at a desk to their left and asked, "Can I help you
ladies?" The pink-haired girl nodded and replied, "Yes, we're here to see
Director Foley. We're being expected."
The secretary nodded and asked for their names. After they stated
them
and pointed to their ID cards, the secretary spoke briefly into a
headset.
She listened for a few moments, nodding slowly, then looked up at them.
"Go
right on in," She said to them, "Go down the hall on the left, last door
on
the right side of the hall." The two girls bowed politely and walked
briskly
down the hall.
When they reached the door in question, they paused to bolster their
courage. They read the brass plate on the door. It read, "Victor Foley,
Director of Human Resources". Both girls silently noted that the door and
its
frame appeared to have been shot at a number of times, all of the holes
filled and painted over. The pink-haired girl, Tenjo, glanced at her
shorter
friend. Ogawa was lazily blowing a large white bubble with a wad of
chewing
gum. Tenjo stared. "Is that chewing gum?" She demanded incredulously.
Ogawa
stared at her and nodded wordlessly. Tenjo pressed her mouth into a thin,
hard line and pointed at an ashtray by the door. "Spit that out!" She
commanded. Ogawa shrugged and turned Tenjo's hand over. Opening the
fingers,
she noisily ejected the well-chewed gum into her friend's hand. She
smiled
sweetly as she closed Tenjo's fingers around the squishy mass. The taller
girl stared down at her hand and turned slightly green.
Good thing they're not armed......
As she flicked it from her hand, she whispered, "Remind me to hit
you
really, really hard later." She knocked on the door, three short, sharp
raps.
As they waited, each girl pictured the Director in her own mind. Tenjo
pictured a tall, acetic man with a piercing gaze, silver hair, and
strong,
sure hands. He would have a low, firm voice and would wear wire-rimmed
glasses that gleamed when he spoke�
In Ogawa's mind, the Director appeared as a tall, shadowy figure
wrapped
in a dark cloak, who sat on a massive throne while spirits swirled around
him. He would have a mighty rumbling voice, and would point dramatically
at
them as he said, in dramatically archaic speech�
"What is it?!" The girls looked at each other worriedly. The voice
that
spoke sounded frazzled, raw, and anxious. From within, the voice issued
again. "Get in here!" They looked at each other again, shrugged, and
opened
the door.
The office within was large to be sure, but made up for this by
being
the messiest room either of them had ever seen. Every surface available
held
piles of paper, empty coffee cups, instant noodle bowls, and a variety of
other bric-a-bracs. Two television monitors flashed random newsfeeds at
thirty-second intervals. Three computer terminals were on, each set to a
different program or function. And at the eye of the storm was a long
metal
desk, also covered in at least four inches of loose paper. Sitting at it
was
a man. He was short, no more than five-foot-two. He was rotund, virtually
bald, and had red-rimmed eyes with large black circles under them. A
cigarette was caught in a deathgrip between his jaws. As they entered he
looked up and glared at them. "Are you Tenjo and Ogawa?!" They nodded. He
jerked his head towards a pair of chairs studded with cigarette burns and
coffee stains. "Good. Siddown." He pointed at the gaping door and
bellowed,
"And shut that door!" The two girls practically scrambled over each other
to
shut the door first.
Once the door was shut and they were sitting, the Director seemed to
calm down a little. He fished a pair of tan dossiers from the jumble on
his
desk and opened them. The girls tensed as he began to read aloud.
"Humph�you
girls made quite the ruckus over in the Academy. Let's see�both Lucien
genetic upgrades�both graduated with honors from Meizuiru University�both
applied and were accepted in the A-group applicant pool to Takachiho
Military
Academy." He looked up at them. "I take it you two are good friends
then."
Tenjo nodded and answered. "Yes sir. We met during freshman
orientation
at Meizuiru and have sort of stuck together since." Foley grunted and
continued reading aloud. "At Takachiho you both maintained grades in the
top
one percent of your class�impressive. According to this, you two tied for
third place in final exams. Good job." Ogawa smiled. "Well sir," She
said,
"They hadn't posted grades when we left for here, but we had a pretty
good
feeling about our scores. If I may ask sir, who placed second and first?"
Tenjo poked her in the side, eliciting a yelp. Foley waved it off and
answered, "It's alright, I admire that sort of competitive edge. For you
information Agent Ogawa, second place was taken by a certain Miss
Ami Mizuno IV. First place went to one Frederick Dalton." Both girls
nodded
thoughtfully. They remembered both of those students. Mizuno came from a
long
line of intellectuals, all of whom had served one government or another.
Dalton was a tall and vaguely sinister boy who, though unpleasant and
arrogant, was unquestionably a genius. Word around the Academy had been
that
he had already had a spot reserved for him at the BTR, the Bureau of
Technological Regulation. This came as no surprise to most, as the
majority
of the student body agreed that he would be an ideal spook.
"This is most impressive." Foley continued reading their files. "I
see
you both excelled in combat training, both real time and slow time.
Tenjo, I
have to say, even I am impressed by your scores on the artillery range.
Where
the hell did you learn to fire an anti-aircraft cannon so well?" Tenjo
blushed and said demurely, "Oh, I guess I just have a knack for it�Sir."
Foley nodded and continued reading. He paused at something in Ogawa's
dossier. He looked up at her with his brow wrinkled curiously. "Ogawa,"
He
asked, "Why is there a recommendation here by your vehicular instructor
that
you never be allowed behind the wheel of anything bigger than a tricycle
without proper supervision present?" This time it was Ogawa's turn to
turn
red. "I�I just have a tendency to, um�crashthevehicles." This last phrase
came out in an embarrassed jumble. Foley raised an eyebrow. Tenjo glared
at
her friend and supplied, "What she means, sir, is that she had more than
enough enthusiasm behind the wheel of the training vehicles, and often
lets
said enthusiasm take control, to the detriment of the vehicles."
Foley shot her an amused look. "Thank you Agent Tenjo. The next time
I
want your help interpreting one of my employee's words, I will ask you."
Tenjo flushed and muttered an apology. Before she could be further
embarrassed, an intercom balanced precariously on a pile of papers
buzzed.
Foley jabbed at the button and snapped, "What is it?!" His secretary,
long
used to his abrupt manner, replied smoothly, "Mr. Foley, the Lovely
Angels
are here." Foley twitched slightly, an action he seemed to be totally
unaware
of. "Send them in." He leaned back in his chair and drew a blue bottle
from
one of the drawers on his desk. Tenjo and Ogawa recognized it as a
popular
brand of liquid antacid. To their amazement and alarm he opened it and
began
slugging at it as if it were a bottle of water.
After a long swig he exhaled and glared at the two new agents. "I
take
it you two have heard of the Lovely Angels?" The girls paused, then shook
their heads. The name did seem vaguely familiar though�
Foley twitched again and continued, "Of course, they are usually
known
by their public-given nickname�the Dirty Pair." Both girls made
simultaneous
noises of surprise. Tenjo blinked and said, rather succinctly, "Ack."
Ogawa
paled and said, equally succinctly, "Gleep." Foley nodded in
commiseration.
"Did you know stress makes you go bald?" They stared at him dumbly,
brains
still locked in deep-freeze. "Well it can!" He snapped. He took another
swig
of antacid. It was then that his door flew open.
He would know, wouldn't he?
Like a henna-haired tornado of bouncy energy and�other bouncy
things,
3WA troubleshooter Kei trooped into the office dressed in a black men's
suit,
complete with dark tie, white oxford, and black leather gloves. She
knocked a
pile of papers to the floor, much to Foley's irritation, and sat on the
corner of his desk. "Hiya Foley!" She chirped, "Howya been?" He glared at
her
with what could best be described as the expression of a man eyeing a
vial of
nitroglycerine held in an unstable clamp.
Or something that had a big, red, flashing button with the words, "press
me" on it.
Following in the aftermath of Kei's entrance was her more discreet,
and
in this case more normally dressed partner, Yuri. Yuri entered wearing a
sensible blouse and skirt combo and an embarrassed smile. "Er, hello
Director
Foley�sorry about Kei�" As she shut the door, she spied Tenjo and Ogawa
sitting and watching them like they were snakes of a particularly lethal
variety who had happened to escape from a zoo. She smiled at them and
asked,
"Oh, hello there. Director, if I may ask sir, who are your pretty guests?
New
recruits?" Kei blinked and noticed the two girls for the first time.
"Oh,"
She said, "Hey! Are you two new victims, I mean, new employees?"
Something tells me new recruits are used like the Red Shirts in Star Trek
(cannon fodder). by the 3WA
Foley grunted and leaned forward in his chair. "I'm glad you girls
asked
that. Because," He took a slow puff on his rapidly diminishing cigarette
and
said, "You two will be working with these two newbies for a few months.
Kei,
Yuri, say hello to Sakura Tenjo and Natsumi Ogawa. Your new partners."
Four
voices rang out in identical shouts. "WHAT? PARTNERS?!"
Foley leaned back and grinned savagely. He said, "Yep. I have you
girls'
next assignment, and I want you to take along these two young ladies,
show
them the ropes. It ought to keep you two out of trouble too, while you're
at
it." Yuri stared at her boss in dismay. "But�but sir, they're just
Third-Classes! Barely out of the Academy! You can't possibly expect us to
carry them for an entire assignment!" She glanced at Ogawa and Tenjo and
smiled, saying, "Nothing personal." Over mutters of, "None taken" and
"Don't
sweat it", Yuri went on, "Why not assign them to someone else? Someone a
little less busy, maybe."
Foley shook his head, obviously enjoying this immensely. "No dice
Agent
Yuri. They applied to be field troubleshooters, just like you two. They
are
also a team, and both females. You are the only other all-female team I
have.
Frankly, I think they can learn a lot from you�slaughtering civilians,
decimating cities, costing me money and years off of my life�"
BWAHAHAHAHA! He's being nice isn't he? I remember one episode of the anime
where they accidentally blew up an entire planet. If the Empire had
operatives like them, they wouldn't NEED Death Stars.
Kei had had enough. She slammed her hand down on his desktop and
leaned
forward until she was about an inch from Foley's face. "What gives? What
did
we ever do to you to deserve this�this babysitting job?" Foley, utterly
unimpressed, replied wryly, "You mean aside from ruining my life,
shredding
my career and wreaking havoc on my nervous system? Look, I am serious
about
this! I think these girls show a lot of promise, but they need guidance.
And
if one looks beyond the fact that you two are psychotic, ultra-violent
bimbettes�" He ignored twin cries of "Hey!" and concluded, "You're both
damn
good agents. They could really benefit from this, if you don't get them
killed, that is. And if it helps any, this is a direct order."
As if they ever obey orders........
The staring match between Foley and Kei went on for several more
seconds
before Kei finally gave up and leaned back. She crossed her arms in front
of
her chest and grumped somewhat huffily. "Fine. Whatever. We'll guide them
by
the hands and change their diapers�but I don't want to have to do this
again.
Ever." Foley held his hand up and said, "Hey, no promises there. But if
you
do well on this, it could reflect very well on you come evaluation time,
get
it?" Kei snorted. "I repeat, whatever. Now gimme my mission so I can get
the
hell out of here."
Foley held out a plain CD to them. "Contact me if you have any
questions." Yuri took the disk and gave a polite bow. "Yes sir. Thank
you."
She turned to go. Kei glared at Ogawa and Tenjo. "Come on, you two."
The two new agents stood to follow as Kei and Yuri exited the
office.
When they turned to go, Foley called out to them. They turned to look at
him.
He toasted them with his bottle of antacid. "Good luck, you two. You'll
need
it." They made identical "ack" noises and trooped out into the hallway.
There
they joined their new partners.
You can hear the "Last Post" being trumpeted as they walked out of the
room.
Kei held a finger under Tenjo's nose. "Listen you two!" She
snapped,
"We'll get along fine as long as you remember a few basic rules. One: Kei
is
God. Treat her as such. Two: As God, Kei must be obeyed at all times. And
Three: Kei does not like having more than one partner, so stay outta my
way!"
With this she stomped off, stopping only to kick a passing mail-boy into
a
wall. Yuri watched her raging partner storm off with a large sweatdrop
standing out on her head. Smiling somewhat embarrassedly she said to
Tenjo
and Ogawa, "Sorry about Kei�she gets a little grumpy whenever we come
into
port for an assignment. It isn't really you. But just the same, for the
duration of the mission, try to stay in the background and just watch
what we
do, okay? Right then, let's go collect your things and have them loaded
on
our ship!"
This said, she walked off down the hall in the direction of Kei, or
rather the noise of Kei savaging some unoffending employee who had had
the
misfortune to admire her for more than the .5-second limit. Tenjo and
Ogawa
just stood there and stared after the two legendary troubleshooters.
Without
looking at her, Tenjo said, "Natsumi-chan?"
"Yes, Sako-chan?"
"I want my guns."
"I know. This is gonna suck."
"Yeah."
This issue clarified, they went after the two girls whose hands
their
lives would be in for the next several months.
To be continued in Cycle Two
Very nice, I really like the way this fic captures the spirit of the Dirty
Pair.
Regards,
Mechamorph