++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

                 "Stars Of Tears" Theme from Xenogears
                                  Opening Title for Legacy
    (Note: These are the lyrics to the world-map song in Xenogears)

Hmm.  I usually refrain from the use of "Opening/Closing Themes" in fanfics,
because I feel it detracts from the written word concept., and I usually
counsel others to do the same.  That having been said, I actually found this
one to oddly enough, be both a distraction and a welcome change.

not being a prince anymore, but he was quietly afraid of the other
branch of his family, who's

whose

     However..

correct the ellipsis to ... instead of ..

eery

eerie

then to everyone, "There will be no death on this day, the prince's
sister has been born!"

Hmmm.  Somehow the sentence doesn't seem to click gramatically.  You may
want to add a "for", because, or what have youin there (though for sounds
more prosaic, IMHO):

"There will be no death on this day, for the prince's sister has been born!"

     And They All Lived Happily Ever After..." Tsukino Ikuko murmured

Ellipsis issue again.  Should be four here, not three, as she's trailing off
towards the sentence's end.

night, Little Princess..." she whispered as she crept softly out of

Ditto.

                         The Starguild Presents:
                        A Random Act of Fandom...

AAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!  No!!!!!  NOT a Random Act of Senseless Fanfic
Writing!!!!!  ^_^

slung a

piece of chalk expertly across the classroom, to careen perfectly off

"slung" seems out of place here, IMHO.  You may want to consider another
term.

san, I would like to speak with you after school..." he said in a soft

Ellipsis.

     Ami was a brilliant student, who had to be pried out of her shell
sometimes.

I think the sentence would do well without the comma after "student".

interesting book..  If you can translate it," he remarked.  "If you

Double period after book.

     "Are you listening, Usagi?" Minako asked as she tried to help her
friends out with their English.  She rummaged around in her backpack

and

pulled out several American comics.  "Ah, I found my copy of Mage!"

she

said cheerfully.  "The hero's a little old but he's still kinda
cute...."
     Makoto peered over the blonde's shoulder.  "He's going bald.. and
he has a glowing baseball bat..." she noted.
     "But he's dashing and brave and..." Minako trailed off.
     Rei sighed.  Minako was getting weirder and weirder every day.

<Laughs>  I wonder if she collected Grendel, Elementals and other Comico
titles as well....

with a vaguely Chinese look to them.  He chuckled and headed into
Tokyo's back alleys.

Vaguely Chinese look.  Obviously someone took the Yamanote JR line by
accident. <points> Ishikawacho line gets you to Yokohama Chinatown, buddy.
Make sure you get off at the Stadium exit and depart by the East Gate.

<notices everyone staring at him> Hey, just trying the point the guy in the
right direction!  Sheesh....

     Ryu Satori fell asleep while grading papers, `nuff said.

file://scene incomplete...

http://needs.more-description-to.it ^_^

     "Who are you?" Moon asked.  She watched as he effortlessly

dropped

to the ground, absorbing the impact with his legs fluidly.

Fluidly should be moved to just before absorbing.

Great kernel of an idea.  I'm looking forward to seeing it fleshed out as a
full fic.

Ja ne,
 Rob
Someday...
When my life has passed me by...
I lay around and wonder why
You were always there for me....
--Sugar Ray
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