On Wed, 16 Jun 1999, Brian Payne wrote:
Well, I'm back. :)
So many people asked just WHY the Tendo's and Saotome's (excluding
Nodoka) were in New York City that I had to write this. :) This
actually should have been Chapter 1, but oh well.
Ok, I'll bite!
This is NOT part of the Olsen's fic with the similar name! :) That
is A Different Viewpoint: American Vacation... this is just good ol'
plain-vanilla American Vacation. :) See the difference?
Umm. Well. <scratches head> If you say so.
[snip]
Brian Payne
sofaspud@ior.com
brianp@nhspokane.com
Visit Sofaspud's Couch at:
http://www.ior.com/~sofaspud/
<insert neato-keen disclaimer text here>
"Warning -- The following fanfiction you are about to read, contains
Nabiki acting strangely, nudity, strong language and violence. Parental
discretion is advised."
(Hey, the panda wasn't wearing any clothes!)
-----------------------------------
American Vacation - Prologue
-----------------------------------
Nabiki's hands trembled as she sat on her bed, looking at the
plain white business envelope clutched in her fingers. The only
adornment was a small, unobtrusive logo above the return address.
A New York return address, she noted. She turned her face to the
ceiling and offered a silent prayer that the contents would be what
she hoped they were.
Ah, a follower of the church of the almighty Yen, I see.
Taking a few deep, calming breaths, she closed her eyes and
turned the envelope over. With her eyes still shut, she carefully
eased a fingernail under the flap and slowly ripped the seal. A few
moments later, she'd eased the stiff, creamy paper out of it's prison
and unfolded it, letting the envelope drop and bounce off her lap to
land on the floor.
Ya know, taken in a certain light, that last breath sounds kind of *cough*
erotic.
She opened her eyes.
Dear Miss Tendo:
I am happy to inform you that your application for the Currier
Foundation Business scholarship was granted. We realize that you are
not yet ready to attend college, but when you are you will be one of
a very few individuals that will receive a full scholarship
to the college of your choice. This is a top honor, and you should
be proud of your accomplishments. We certainly are!
Hey, you've got that lingo down alright.
The scholarships will be awarded on the 20th of next month, at the
Currier Foundation headquarters in New York City. You and your
family are all invited to attend. You must make your own travel
and living arrangements, but expenses will be paid (voucher and
instructions enclosed). If for some reason you cannot attend the
awards ceremony, please contact us immediately to make other
arrangements.
Heh. Seeing as how the word, "voucher" was the cheese in the trap... I don't
think you could have pried this one out of Nabsie's hands with a crowbar.
[snip rest of letter]
The peace and quiet of the Tendo home was shattered by a feminine
scream of triumph. Genma dove for the koi pond, figuring that
somehow Nodoka had discovered him. Soun leapt to his feet,
scattering the go game all over the floor as he rushed for the
stairs--
--only to collide with his middle daughter as she skipped down
them, three steps at a time.
You sure this isn't that /other/ American Vacation fic? ^_^
Out in the dojo, Akane - for the first time in years - missed
her strike and bruised her knuckles on the unbroken block as her
concentration was shattered.
<What in the world?> she thought, rubbing her knuckles as she
made her way to the door.
Minor nitpick, but if you use symbols to denote thought or whatever, it might
be helpful to give us a key or go without. :) (It's a personal thing, take it
as you will, but I've never seen a novel that used angle brackets to denote
thought, foreign languages or what have you. I find it kind of distracting.)
[snip feline terror]
"CAAAAAATTT!!!" Ranma screamed, fleeing the area in a panicked
dash. The cat stared after him in surprise, one paw frozen in
midair.
"Mrow?"
Hey, shouldn't that be, "C-c-c-aaaaat!!!!" ^_^
[snip]
<My little girl has lost her mind!> Soun thought, terrified.
Nabiki was now playfully tugging at the pandas fur, giggling
uncontrollably all the while. Genma-panda was manipulating
his sign like mad.
<Ow. Quit it.>
*bzzzzt* Ow. Quit it. *bzzzzt* Ow. Quit it. *bzzzt*
Pull.
<Ow! Tendo, your daughter has gone insane!>
Pull.
<Ow! Don't hurt me, I'm just a panda!>
Pull.
<Ow! Help! Madwoman!>
*bzzzt*
Akane stood in the dojo doorway, bruised knuckles forgotten.
Her face registered total shock as she gazed at her older sister.
"Wha- what's going on here?"
<Akane! Help me! Your sister is insane! Ow!>
"But we knew that Mr. Saotome. What's the problem?"
Ranma ducked involuntarily; that was Akane's voice! He turned,
Nitpick, in prose (IMO) a semi-colon is kinda jarring. A double dash does the
job and flows much better. (IMO opine, anyways.)
[snip]
<Oh no! It's spreading! Quick, run away boy!>
*chuckle* "Fleeing Tiger Escapes Insane Business Woman"
Ranma eyed the sign, glanced at the girls, then grabbed the sign
and bashed Genma over the head with it. "Cut it out, old man.
They're just happy about something."
"zzz...." was the unconscious pandas response.
"Stupid Pop," Ranma sighed. He grabbed the furry beast by the
Hmm. Instead of "Stupid Pop" (I get the idea that your going for the
analogous, "Ojissan (sp) no baka" I'd suggest something like, "Dumb Geezer" or
something.
[snip Takahashi-esque communication breakdown (TM)]
Later that night, a tentative knock on her door roused Nabiki
from her perusal of travel agency recommendations. Without looking
up, she responded.
"Come in."
The door opened, then closed. Nabiki could feel a human
presence, but whoever it was made no sound. Sighing, she set down
the info packet and turned to the door.
Ranma stood just inside the doorway, anxiety plainly written
across his face. He seemed to be trying to say something, but wasn't
able to. Finally, his shoulders slumped and he turned his face to
the floor.
Nabiki was puzzled. "What is it, Ranma?"
Ranma blushed and refused to look up. "Immrlysry."
Uhh. For what?
[snip]
"Hey, Pop, get your own peanuts!"
"Sorry boy, but this is for your own good. You know what
everyone says about airline food."
"Give those BACK!"
Yuck. Who would want those peanuts anyway?
//This is the captain speaking. We may experience some
turbulence in a moment here, so we are activating the seatbelts
light and requesting that all passengers return to their seats now.
Also, please make sure your drinks and snacks are secure. The
turbulence should pass in a few moments.//
"Also, please ensure that your tray tables and seat backs are in their full and
upright position."
In eight years of airline travel, I've never heard a pilot say that. :) Even on
a JAL flight.
"I'm sorry ma'am, but we need to see a permit for that panda
before we can let you enter the country. And how did you get him on
the plane in the first place?"
Don't worry about it. Just say, "Nothing to declare." They'll let anything
through. ^_-
Overall pretty good premise for getting da crew to New York. (I would have said
Chicago, just for the excure to slip in a Frankie Sinatra song.)
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Sean E Hayden || Maxwell Edison || Flinx
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Tagline for Wednesday, June 16, 1999
People say I'm apathetic, but I don't care.
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