Jed Bidwell <Jedediah@tri-countynet.net> wrote:

       "Oh!" Nodoka exclaimed, startled. "What brings you, Ukyo?" The two
stood outside the gate to the Tendo Dojo, the gentle light of the midday sun
bathing everything in it's cheerful glow despite the pronounced chill in the

its

       "These souls," Enma began, "Were supposed to have left the Mortal

were shouldn't be capitalized.

Plane. The fat one a few days ago, while the other just the previous night."
Enma's references were to time as it passed on the Mortal Plane. Time in the
Kami Plane passed at a much faster rate. "They have yet to come to me."
       "Forgive my impertinance," Karasu began in a humble tone, "But what

Same with but here.

       Akane sat in the abysmally uncomfortable chair, her eyes never
leaving Kasumi's face. She had refused to leave when the doctors came to
tell them so. Kasumi never left Akane's side when she had cancer, and Akane

Kasumi had never left

       "Hey, mom," Ranma said as he locked eyes with her.

Mom (caps)

"Sorry if I woke ya,"

ya."

       "Oh, you didn't," Nodoka replied. "Come, sit by me." Ranma did as he
was told, silently cursing. Of all the times for his mother to want a
heart-to-heart chat with him...
       "Sure, mom," Ranma said as he took a seat on the bench near Nodoka.

Mom (caps)

       "Then why ARE you here?" Akane asked. She trusted the Amazon about
as far as she could punt a tugboat, and was prepared for anything.

Hey, in HER case that's pretty far. :)

       "It's beautiful, Xian Pu," Akane said, finally getting the other

AAARG! That's not her name!

The Chinese characters for all the names appear in the manga. Hers is
Shan Pu.

       Lately, she had been smoking quite a bit. Everyone had their own
ways of dealing with crises, and this was her's.

hers.


Some good character development in this chapter. Hope to see more of
this soon!


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html