In a message dated 6/15/99 10:50:45 PM, Jedediah@tri-countynet.net writes:
Nice progress in the story. In some areas I find it hard to suspend
disbelief, such as Ranma murdering somone so quickly, or the fact that Akane
has apparently been left untouched by the Crimson Dawn.
They were all at the hospital, especially Akane and Ranma. Despite
herself, Ukyo felt a twinge of jealousy. Even though the fiancee wars were
unofficially over, she still had strong feelings for Ranma. And though
she'd admit it to no one, she felt guilty about the whole ordeal that brought
the two together.
Does that mean Ranma has already made his choice about whom he loves, and
that the losers had renounced their claim on him as his finacee? I don't
think so. If Ukyo and Shampoo's still pining after Ranma, discreectly of
course because of Kasumi incident, then I doubt very much that the finacee
wars is 'unoffically over'.
"Forgive my impertinance," Karasu began in a humble tone, "But
what do they have to do with me? Either I or my subordinates would have
brought
them soon enough."
"A wise question," Enma said. "Those two souls are not wandering
the Mortal Plane. They have vanished."
"Pardon?" Karasu asked after a couple of seconds. "They vanished?"
I find it odd that Enma's subdornates were unaware of the fact that two of
thier subjects had vanished completely, since they're perfectly aware of the
fact that they are decased, and therefore thier responsibility to bring them
to Enma.
They should have at least expressed some suprise having found them not
waiting for them - seeing that it's not 'normal,' so to speak.
"It's a PRESENT!" Ranma said as an idea came to him. "For Akane,
that is."
Ironically, in a way, it IS a present for Akane. To save her life, that is.
"You hungry?" Ukyo asked.
"You bet!" Ranma replied quickly. "Man, I'm starved. C'mon, let's
go!" Ranma leapt up from the bench, grabbing Ukyo by the hand and nearly
bolting out of the waiting area.
"Ranchan! What's gotten into you?" Ukyo asked as she was
half-dragged into the hall.
"Gimme a break, Ucchan! I've been on a killin' spree, and I haven't had
somethin' decent to eat lately!"
Cologne un-corked the vial, peering inside at the dark red liquid.
Curious, she sniffed the vial.
"Do you know what it could be?" Nodoka asked as Cologne gagged
on the overpowering odor.
//This can't be...\\ Cologne thought, a cold chill racing up and
down her spine. "I may," Cologne said slowly, her eyes narrowing at the
vial. "Would you mind if I took this with me? I may be able to discern
its nature back at the Nekohanten."
Is it me, or does it seem to me that because Cologne's been rumored to be 300
years (and least 100) old, everyone had automatically decuded her to be an
'All-wise' person? But then again, it's a fanfic convention. Same for
Evil-Tofu thing. ;)
Cologne had been entirely stumped by Akane's miraculous recovery.
When she had told Ranma to heed the advice of doctors and help make Akane's
remaining time as comfortable as possibe, she didn't mean that there wasn't
a cure. If she had told him that there were means of reversing the cancer,
Ranma would have jumped at the chance.
Apparently she never considered the possible implications of what might
happen if Ranma found out that she had deliberately witheld the information
of any cure from him.
"Then why ARE you here?" Akane asked. She trusted the Amazon about
as far as she could punt a tugboat, and was prepared for anything.
You really can't punt a tugboat very far at all. ;)
Which means Akane must trust Shampoo lot more than she was letting on.
I think it's a 'far as you could throw a stone,' if I'm not mistaken. But
then again, it's been quite some time since I last studied idioms. I could be
phrasing this the wrong way...
"You have. Shampoo no need any more." Akane accepted the necklace silently, a
look of compassion on her face.
Nice. I really like this part.
Kasumi was the only one who knew Nabiki smoked. She seemed unable
to hide anything from her older sister. Kasumi didn't approve, but wasn't
about to preach about it. Nabiki wasn't a chain smoker, she just took a quick
drag now and then when she needed to calm her nerves.
I suppose this might be a bit of nit-picking, but I'm curious about what
would Nabiki be smoking. A cigarette, crack, or some weed?
Without another word, Ranma made for the edge of the roof. Without
pause, he leapt into the shadows and vanished. Nabiki stood there, stunned.
What the HELL was he doing? Was he pretending to be Batman or something?
Or something.
And I wouldn't put it, Nabiki being stunned. She would be more likely to be
suspicious rather than stunned.
================================================
Well, there's chapter four! This is coming along quite nicely,
You must have confused the number five with four here, because in Subject...
^_-
and Ihope to have it done soon. I also plan to have Preying Angels done, and
a new chapter of Jet Moto (no, I haven't dropped it) soon as well.
Good. You keep working on that Jet Moto fic. It's been quit some time since
the last chapter, and I'm rather anixious to see how things will be
progressing.
Same goes for Crimson Dawn fic, though the story seems to be... bland in some
areas, considering the theme you've choosen for this fic. Try to spice up
some activity a bit more.
You know, I'm surprised that Akane wasn't marked with the sigil of Crismon
Dawn. Or Ranma, for that matter. Psyclocke got one when Crimson Dawn was used
to save her life.
Jed.
Until I find something new to write about,
Dark Alpha <AlphSailor@aol.com> formerly Sailor Alpha
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