====================
PART XI
More than just a pretty face.
====================

"Hey, Akane?" Ryoga turned a corner in search of her.
*KAPOW*
"Ouch." Embedded in the ground, he reached up and felt the outline of a mallet. *Found her.* Oh
well, at least it didn't hurt as much as being clanged over the head with a giant metal spatula.
*WHAM*
"JERK!!!"
Well maybe it did. Ranma's body wasn't as tough as his own was. He sat up slowly and rubbed the back
of his head. "Please don't do that," he pleaded. 
Akane's eyes widened in surprise. Her calling Ranma a jerk was usually followed by him calling her
an uncute tomboy, then her grinding him into the floor or sending across town via airmail. She
looked at him closely ... he looked OK physically... Well, breakfast was getting colder by the
minute. She grabbed him by the hand and dragged him to the kitchen. "Come on you. I made you
breakfast." This was followed by complete silence. Not good. Not good at all. Ranma made a point of
ALWAYS criticising her cooking. Him not criticising her cooking was like Nabiki not charging for
information or Kasumi getting angry. "Ranma, do you feel well?" she asked, turning to look at him. 
Ryoga looked down to where she was holding his hand. He wouldn't have cared if she force fed him
everything she'd ever 'cooked' as long as she kept holding his hand.
"Ranma?" Akane was worried now. Ryoga still didn't respond. She waved a hand in front of his eyes.
"Ranma?" Well, Akane knew one way to wake him up. She picked up a plate and lifted a spoonful of the
blue-green yellow-flecked substance she was fooled into believing was food and popped it into his
mouth.
Ryoga changed his mind as he was forced to swallow whatever the stuff was. Definitely not one of her
better attempts, he noted, eyes watering. He felt even worse than he had in his own body!!
"W-wa-water..." he gasped, groping frantically for the table. The next thing he knew, it had slammed
him in the back of the head.

Ranma hummed to himself as he wandered in search of Ucchan's okonomiyaki. Luckily, he still had his
own sense of direction, even though he was wearing the lost boy's body. He made a note of his plans
for the day. *1, get food from Ucchan. 2, get food from Shampoo. 3, muck up that idiot Ryoga's life
by flirting outrageously with every girl he could find and 4, get his own body back and leave Ryoga
to face an angry Ucchan and Shampoo.* That sounded good to him. Who knows what Ryoga was doing with
his own body? 
A little part of his mind paged him for attention, then whispered how nice it would be if Ryoga
could just decrease the level of hostility Akane usually used against him. After all, that would
definitely be what Ryoga was trying to do if he was going to be engaged to the girl of his dreams.
Then when he got his own body back... then maybe... just maybe they could make things work out. He
hated to admit it, but if he was going to be stuck with just one violent fiancee, Akane was probably
the one he would've chosen.
However, if Ryoga made Akane more friendly towards him, then shouldn't he be helping Ryoga? Besides,
what if they couldn't get their own bodies back? He'd be stuck in this body forever! *Time for plan
2. Numbers 3 and 4 are revised to 3, decrease the level of hostility Ucchan has started using
against Ryoga and 4, get his own body back.* Then him and Akane would be happy because they weren't
fighting, and Ryoga and Ukyo would be happy because they weren't fighting. Ranma had often wondered
lately why his two best friends didn't stop fighting each other and admit there was an attraction
there. Ah well. Ranma could always charm Ukyo. Then Ryoga would have a happy fiancee when he got
back, and hopefully, so would he. Everything would be settled.
"HIBIKI, PREPARE TO DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!"
Ranma dodged the eggs flying his way and landed on a brick wall. Of course, there would always be
good old Mousse to fight every now and then. He smirked arrogantly. He was still Ranma Saotome. And
Ranma Saotome never loses.

"Ow... ow...ow..." Ryoga marked each step down the hall with a small 'ow' of pain. Akane had smashed
him over the head with a table. And he hadn't done anything to deserve it! Sure, he knew she could
be short tempered sometimes, and a leeeeeetal over-reactive.... maybe Ranma didn't always start the
fights. *If I wanted to be smashed over the head, I'd go back to Ucchan's!* he grumbled inwardly.
Akane was usually so nice to him! *Well, I guess I'd better go do something Ranma never does.* And
one thing he knew she wished Ranma would do - was apologise. "Ow... ow...ow..."
Finally he was standing outside Akane's room, looking at the duck name-plate. He raised a hand
cautiously. *Well... here goes nothing...* He knocked.
After what felt like an eternity of waiting, the door finally opened. "Ranma. What do you want?"
Akane growled, poised to slam the door in his face.
Ryoga gulped. Akane and her mallet were a scary couple. "I-I just wanted to say... I'mshry..." he
mumbled, looking at the floor.
Akane looked puzzled. "What did you say, Ranma?"
Ranma. That was his name for now, he'd have to remember that. "I-I said... I'm sorry. F-for not
eating the breakfast you made for me." He kept his gaze locked on the floor. If she booted him
through the roof, he'd try and switch back with Ranma, then never comment on her cooking. Ever.
Akane was stunned. "W-w-what?" She blinked a little. "Y-you mean that?!" Ranma and humility were a
rare mixture. Then again, she didn't know it wasn't Ranma in front of her.
Ryoga nodded. "Yeah." He was hit by inspiration. "Hey, Akane, why don't we make some cookies
together?" *Pleasedon'thitme,pleasepleaseplease!!!!* He decided he was developing a phobia to being
hit. If she pulled that mallet out, he was going to run. At least Akane was predictable. She'd
usually shout RANMA, YOU JERK!!!!, which was an obvious give away that the mallet was about to make
an appearance. With Ukyo it was just, 'Hi' *CLANG* with no warning.
Akane blinked for a second, doing the goldfish impression, before smiling at Ryoga happily. "You're
offering to cook with me?"
"Y-yeah."
Big grin. "OK then."
Ryoga was happy for a record breaking 2 seconds (Now, is that sarcasm or serious? Take your pick!)
before Akane brought him back down to earth with one word. 
"Ranma."

*That was almost too easy,* Ranma though with a smirk, walking towards Ucchan's. With his skill and
the phenomenal strength Ryoga's body possessed, maybe things wouldn't be so bad. If only he didn't
hurt so much. *If I'm going to be stuck in Ryoga's body for any more time, I'm going to _have_ to go
back to Doc Tofu's and get something!* He was _never_ _ever_ going to push anyone into a room
occupied by Doctor Tofu and Kasumi _ever_ again. Plus, this claw guy had _really_ torn up his side.
He should've known it would take some real work to bring Ryoga to his knees. He slid open the door
to Ucchan's and licked his lips in anticipation of an edible breakfast.
*CLANG*
"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN, PERVERT?!!!!!"
"Ouch..." Jeez! Ucchan could really swing hard with that thing!!! He slowly climbed to his feet,
trying to get his bearings. 
*CLANG*
"Don't ignore me!!!"
Ranma climbed back to his feet painfully. "Ow... Ucchan, _please_ could you not hit me with that
thing for a while? I'm in kinda a lot of pain."
Ukyo looked concerned. "Really?"
"Mm hmm." 
She darted forward and poked him. "Like here?"
"OW!"
"And here?"
"STOP IT!!!!"
"And here? Here?" 
Then she made the mistake of poking him where the bonbori had struck. Ranma's eyes widened in pain
and he collapsed on the floor. "AHHHH!!!! OWWWWW!!!!! THAT _HURTS_!!!!!!"
Ukyo's fake concern melted into real concern. "Uh.......... Ryoga? Are you all right?"
"No." Ranma hadn't felt this much pain since he'd attempted to eat one of Akane's more creative
creations. You'd have figured he'd be wary of it when it started to wriggle off his fork, but he'd
eaten it anyway. "I feel like someone's ripping me in half," he muttered, trying to pull himself
back to his feet. He guiltily remembered poking Ryoga there yesterday, and had laughed at him when
he cried out. *Who would think a guy with a rake-head could do so much damage?* he wondered. Looking
down he could see blood beginning to stain the shirt he was wearing where the stitches had broken
again.
Ukyo narrowed her eyes. "OK. I'm going to close the restaurant for the rest of the day and call
Doctor Tofu. Kasumi isn't likely to turn up here." She pointed a finger at him. "You, go upstairs
and rest." She stood poised, battle spatula at the ready to whack his lights out if he even thought
about arguing with her, as he was ...
"OK Ucchan."
.. certain to do. "What?" Ukyo blinked a few times. "What did you say?!!" 
Ranma smiled at her. "Hey, I'm agreeing with you here!!" He leaned on the counter for support.
Ukyo looked flustered. Ryoga _always_ argued with her, insisting that he didn't need any help and
generally being stubborn. If he was agreeing this easily.... she began to feel a bit guilty about
kicking him through the roof. 
And the smile. Ryoga almost never smiled, not at her. He'd smiled at Aiko a lot, but since she'd
died, cheerful, natural smiles were rare, few and far between. And wow, did they make him look cute!
After a few moments of the goldfish impression (My my. Everyone's an expert.) she finally became
aware of a hand waving in front of her face. "What?! What?!" she blustered, trying to hide the blush
creeping onto her face.
"You were just staring into space. Are you all right?" Ranma looked curiously at her. 
Ukyo laughed a little. "I'm fine. Now go! Go rest!"

Ryoga slowly backed away from the bowl, with a knife in his hand. "On the count of three, mash it.
1, 2, 3!"
Akane whipped out her mallet, ran forward and whacked a number of flaming tentacles, before
retreating. Ryoga moved in and began hacking at the monstrosity. Once again, the creature retreated
to the depths of the soggy mixture sitting in the bowl, with bubbling blooping sucking noises. Ryoga
cautiously poked it with the knife. "Think we got it?"
"KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYMAAAAASTEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!" With a roar, tentacles exploded out of the
bowl and wrapped themselves around him. 
Ryoga freaked. "AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! GETITOFF!!!!! GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!!!!!!!!!!" he
screamed, trying to fight his way free.
Akane looked at it carefully. "I think it needs a little more salt." Calmly, she picked up the salt
shaker and emptied the contents into the bowl. The creature instantly vanished and Ryoga fell to the
ground. He immediately armed himself with an even vaster quantity of cutlery, just in case...
Akane picked up a large wooden spoon and began mixing cheerfully. "I _knew_ that would do the
trick!" she exclaimed gleefully.
Ryoga thought for a second, trying to search for words that wouldn't have him flying through the
ceiling. How did she do it? He could see half of the stuff she added before his view was obscured by
flour, but how could her cooking move? Attack him? And her be totally unfazed?!!! He was on mallet
guard. "Uh... Akane, can give you a little tip?"
Akane narrowed her eyes. "OK then Ranma. Shoot."
"Now please don't take this the wrong way or anything, I mean it nicely, so please don't hit me
again..."
"Ranma, you're babbling." Akane crossed her arms. "Tip."
Ryoga took a deep breath. "When the food starts to move on it's own, the best thing to do is to start again. Really."
Akane considered this for a moment, along with whether she should mallet him for daring to give her
a tip. After a while, she decided to let him live. He hadn't insulted her (unusual), he'd asked
before giving her advice, (very unusual) and the advice _did_ give seemed to make sense. (as unusual
as frogs appearing on the moon.) Food should be alive in presentation, not alive and trying to set
up home in the kitchen. She tipped the bowl full of ....stuff into the dustbin, before starting
again. "OK. 1 cup sugar...." 
Ryoga's eyes widened as he saw her reach for washing powder. "STOP!"
Akane whipped out the mallet and advanced on him menacingly. "What, Ranma?"
*I _really_ don't like that mallet,* Ryoga thought. He laughed nervously. "Umm, Akane, you know I'm
only trying to help," he explained. He reached over and gently removed the box of washing powder
from her grasp. "We have all the time we want, so before you add something, check to make sure it
really is what you think it is."
Akane looked at the box and sighed. "Yes Ranma." Ranma was actually handing out _good_ advice. There
was definitely something wrong here. Oh well. Maybe it was just the effects of her unsuccessful
attempt at breakfast. If only she hadn't thrown it away.... ah well. Besides, this new Ranma filled
with good advice kinda spooked her. 
Ryoga continued with his advice. "How about, I gather all the ingredients and put them in front of
you? And you promise not to use anything else but those ingredients?"
"OK Ranma." After a moment, Akane tipped a bag of flour into the bowl and made a solemn vow to make
the best cookies in the world. 
Well, best edible cookies she possibly could. And Ranma could be her guinea pig.

End part XI
Final song - The Strangest Thing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Member 30 of SSoAGMA, Deadly Everyday Object Weaponary Technique, Dragon Warrior Style
Mousse no miku; Generally dangerous English otaku; Supporter of cliched pairs;
Member of the Chan club; WoS; SCG; COURT; SOotCiP;CotMHW - Launderer of the Robes of Death;
Head Castrator of the Hotnit Feminisation Project; Keeper of the Moneybags for the Hotnit Fan Club;
4th Gen. EOE; Image Consultant For "That Guy"; #WASHU#;AKPReSS, Gen. Div.; SLAP;
____/\____________________________
|___||_____________________________\
    \/
Coming soon to list near you.. the legendary 50 foot sig of Team Chan !