Glad to see you're continuing this. Not much to say overall, except that
the suspense is good and I'm interested to see what happens next. :)
Now here come the nitpicks:
Jed Bidwell <Jedediah@tri-countynet.net> wrote:
//Now will you SHUT UP!?\\ He began a series of isometrics exercises to keep
the muscles in his legs limber, twiching them in a rhythmic pattern that his
twitching
father had taught him.
I think that should be either isometric exercises, or just isometrics.
Another hour had passed, and Ranma's patience was completely gone.
He'd seen niether hide nor hair of any of those bastards, and his time was
neither
Kenji Sakimoto dodged and weaved through the crowd, his face and
body a study in conceit. Lighting the cigarette, he dook a deep pull,
took
He stumbled through the darkness of the alley, hands before him
feeling for any obstacles. His hands connected with a chainlink fence,
stopping his escape cold. Keinji stood there for a moment, gathering his
You spelled his name "Kenji" before.
calm as his grip on the thin wiremesh tightened.
"wire mesh" should be two words, I think. Probably same for "chain
link."
From behind, he heard a soft thump, as though something had landed.
Quickly, Kenji spun, eyes scanning the darkness desperately for any sign of
what made the sound. The lights from the street beyond the alley's mouth
cast a dim glow half way into the narow space, giving the illusion that the
narrow
Looking up again, he saw a shadow standing in the pale glow that
halfheartedly illuminated the alley. He couldn't make out much detail, but
it was obviously human, wearing a hooded cloak and standing in his only
escape route. The shadow stood there, unmoving, and Kenji almost felt it's
its
gaze searing into his own eyes. The shadow took a step forwward, arms
forward
appearing from beneath the cloak. Five points on the knuckles gleamed dully
in the pale light, small metal discs that Kenji was certain weren't for
decoration.
The shadow took a few more steps forward, closing the distance
between them. It said nothing, just approached menacaingly. In desperation,
menacingly
The large emerald sat on the scarred table, glowing faintly in the
darkness of the filthy room. The old man sat on the only clean spot on the
concrete floor, glaring at the emerald with mounting frustration. What the
hell was taking him so long? He should have found the little shits by now.
A low, anguished moan slithered through the cieling above, another
ceiling
faint green glow appearing in the darkness. The old man let out a
consternated sigh. It was about bloody time!
The pale green light snaked down to the floor, curving toward the
emerald. The moan had turned into a full-on wail as the beam circled the
emerald. The old man's face twisted into an exhilarated rictus as the beam
disappeared into the emerald. He had FELT the rage, the hate the boy had for
this man when the soul entered the room. It was magnificent. His eyes glowed
a bright jade, as the glow from within the emerald increased, casting a
little more of its pale light into the space. It wouldn't be much longer, now.
"Emerald" is repeated four times here. Maybe you could rewrite this so
that it's not so repetitious?
=============================
Dawn broke over the Tokyo skyline, the shadows of the night
vanishing as the day approached. The streetlamps clicked off, as did the
neon signs at the coming of the sun. Their garish glow would never compare
to the brightness of the star around which the Earth revolved.
Nabiki awoke to find most of the others still asleep, save Akane who
cast her gaze about wiht a slightly annoyed look on her face. As Nabiki
with
Opening it, she found a startlingly sparse wardrobe. It seemed that
all her husband wore were dingy white gi's. Her son, on the other hand,
The plural of gi is probably just gi. In any case, there's no
apostrophe.
Nodoka stopped when a green vial hit the floor with a loud thunk.
Let's hope it's not fragile....
Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html