Scenes From An Elevator:
An Idiotic Utena Spamfic
By: Dreiser
EPISODE FOURTEEN: Bishonen Imitations.
SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where the
shadows of Kiryuu Touga and his girl groupies are seen inside. Touga
is talking on his cell phone. He wears a face of annoyance and
frustration. The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the background.
TOUGA: (On the phone.) What do you mean you can't give breast
enlargements to an entire school?! I'm telling you that we're in need
here! Deep need! None of the girls have large breasts! (He pauses to
listen.) That's what I thought... when can you fit them in? July?! NO!
That's far too late!
(As Touga continues to rant on his cell phone his girl groupies quietly
confer.)
GIRL GROUPIE #1,951: (Whispers.) If he had a cell phone all along
why hasn't he called for help?
GIRL GROUPIE #45,622: (Whispers.) Maybe he hasn't thought of it.
GIRL GROUPIE: #2: (Whispers imperiously.) That's not it! Our
Touga-sempai is perfect! Of course he thought of it! I bet that he
wants to stay here with us and that's why he hasn't used it. He needs a
vacation. (She lowers her voice even more and leans forward.) That's
why we should make sure not to tell Touga-sempai about using his cell
phone to call for help. Because if he did his vacation would be over
and we wouldn't have him... (She smiles sneakily as she emphasizes
the next words.) Trapped and alone.
(The girl groupies exchange the same sneaky smile as Touga keeps
ranting on his cell phone.)
SCENE: An isolated and spooky looking building in Ohtori Academy.
Mikage Souji stands behind Chida Mamiya as they look into a full
length mirror. The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the background.
MIKAGE: (Gently.) Are you sure about this?
MAMIYA: (Nods his head fiercely.) Yes! It's the only way that I'll
truly be superior to her!
MIKAGE: (Sighs.) If you say so.
(Mikage turns away and when he turns back he holds an elaborate
purple wig in his hands. He wears a strange face as he looks at it.)
MIKAGE: (Hesitantly.) Are you sure that you want to wear this thing,
Mamiya-chan?
MAMIYA: (Declares hotly.) I must wear it if I'm ever going to be
prettier than that witch, Anthy! I must surpass her with my bishonen
beauty! It is my destiny!
MIKAGE: (Slowly.) Right... (He stares at the wig as if it's a dead
animal. When he looks up again he's wearing a pathetic looking
expression.) Are you sure that you want to wear this?
MAMIYA: (Exasperated. He looks at Mikage.) Mikage-kun!
MIKAGE: (Sighs deeply.) All right, all right.
(Mikage slowly steps forward and to delicately arrange the purple wig
on Mamiya's head. A moment passes as Mamiya models the wig then
breaks out into a wide smile.)
MAMIYA: (Giddy.) It's fabulous! I look absolutely ravishing! I could
easily replace that witch Anthy as the Rose Bride just by looking like
this! (He gives Mikage a coy look.) Don't you agree, sweetie pie?
MIKAGE: (Wearily.) Yes, honey buns.
MAMIYA: (Gleefully claps his hands.) Now all I need is to find the
perfect cocktail dress and we'll be ready!
MIKAGE: (Sighs heavily and says haplessly.) Why me?
SCENE: Some wall in Ohtori Academy during an unusually
timely and frequent sunset. The figures of Shadow Play Girl C-ko and
Shinohara Wakaba are seen. C-ko holds a piece of paper while
Wakaba is busy eating skittles. The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the
background.
C-KO: (Nervously reads.) Uhm... this is a statement from the dinky
author of this parody. At least, I think it is, because it could just be a
trick. I mean, I don't know who would pull this sort of trick. Maybe
A-ko and B-ko, but--
WAKABA: (Eating skittles.) Stop babbling and just read the
statement already.
C-KO: (Nods her head.) Right. I should definitely read this. It's just
that this is my first time reading a statement and I'm kind of nervous.
This is a big responsibility you know--
(Wakaba irately shoves her bag of skittles in her pocket and grabs the
paper from a wide eyed C-ko.)
WAKABA: (Efficiently reads.) This is a statement from the dinky
author of this parody. Due to hostile threats from the Shadow Play
Girls Union there will now be eerie synopsis's given from the Shadow
Play Girls every episode. The even episodes belong to the C-ko, with
the odd episodes going to the Union bound A-ko and B-ko. The latter
getting the odd ones because those episodes are naturally the
unluckiest.
(A distant shout of rage can be heard and Wakaba lifts her head to
look in its direction.)
WAKABA: (Shrugs.) Whatever. (Efficiently reads.) Lastly, I'd like to
ask the readers to forgive me for having to put the Shadow Play Girls
in every episode. I know that this must be torture for you. Send all
complaints to Shadow Play Girls A-ko and B-ko or the Shadow Play
Girls Union.
(Wakaba crumples up the piece of paper while C-ko looks thoughtful.
Finally she breaks out into a wide smile.)
C-KO: (Jumps up and down. Happily.) Now I get twice the usual
screen time!
WAKABA: (Rolls her eyes.) For joy...
(As C-ko continues to jump up and down the scene fades to black.)
To be continued...
All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a nonsensical
out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when extremely bored. I
shall continue to write this series when I'm extremely bored because
sometimes I just don't feel like making the effort to write things in story
format and sometimes I just feel like being silly. In other words don't
take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun.
Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com
Thrilling trailer line: What will happen next week?! Will Touga still be
trapped in the elevator?! Will Mamiya be able to find the perfect
cocktail dress?! And will the Shadow Play Girls Union ever back off
the dinky author's back?!
Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780
Thanks to Red Death all my fanfics are archived at:
http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm
For SFAE in text and other spiffy Utena fanfics go to:
http://www.duellists.tj/~utena/index2.html