On Sun, 11 Apr 1999, DB Sommer wrote:

At last. Here's the end.

And finally winding down my own comments,...

He knew she was lying. She secretly pined for him and believed that by
asking him out it would draw the two of them closer together. Fat chance
of that. Being snapped in half like a dry twig was too high a price to pay
for sleeping with any woman.

But you can survive that!'

 He was going along solely because weddings

were a great place to pick up babes. The unattached women always felt
their biological clocks ticking when they saw one of their own married off
to some guy, and were more inclined to be looking for a prospective mate
during the first few hours after attending a wedding. The perfect hunting
ground.

Unfortunately, it didn't work for me either.

Aki watched in confusion as the little oni dive bombed directly into the
captain's head, confirming her belief that there was nothing inside.

Except a mysterious voice.

Carefully, she watched as two tiny horns sprouted from the captain's head.
So, he was possessed. Given the captain's usual personality, a demon could
only be an improvement.

"I suddenly feel less horny than usual," D'Amour commented.

She was right!]

Akira looked at her in confusion as he tried sorting out the seemingly
conflicting orders of 'don't talk to strangers/talk to strangers' he had
just been given. As his child's mind continued to work, he saw two people
that were most definitely not strangers.

strange, but not strangers...

"Unca Shanpoo. Hug!" Akira looked up to Shampoo, holding his own arms
expectedly. He was not disappointed as Shampoo picked him up and gave him
a great, big hug.

He knows his daddy, even if he can't get the title straight.

Ranma finally got up and scowled at the embracing duo. They did make quite
a pair, Akira in his little suit and Shampoo in a red and brown,
Chinese-style dress that had a high slit along the leg and a gold border
around the legs and arms. Hardly the traditional Japanese style wedding
his mother had wanted, but Shampoo unilaterally refused to wear a kimono,
claiming it was ridiculously uncomfortable and confining. When Ranma tried
pressing the point, Shampoo mentioned that if Nodoka was so enthusiastic
about seeing someone married in a kimono, all she needed to do was splash
Ranma with some cold water and she could get her wish. Ranma let the
subject drop after that.

Sore winner, especially as I suspect the groom's family is having to 
spring for this.\

"Have you decided what to do about the name?" As Kasumi recalled, the two
were still in disagreement about who would take whose name.

"She's going to be Shampoo Saotome after today," Ranma informed her as he
persuaded Shampoo to release him before she wrinkled his suit.

"I still think Ranma Pu has a better ring to it." Shampoo gave her fianc�
a wicked little smile. She almost refused to take on his family name, but
when it became obvious it meant a great deal to him, she relented. It
really was a trivial thing, but it would serve to make everyone know that
there was an official bond between them.

Actually, if it's Chinese order, it'd be Shan Ranma....

"We ain't got no money 'cause renting the hall and hiring the priest took
it all up. We are officially broke," Ranma informed her, wondering why she

Oh.  Okay...

"And what do you get out of this?" Ranma asked.

"I'll be your agent, of course. It's not like the two of you have any
connections to advertisement agencies." Nabiki didn't either, but if they
signed the contracts, she could make some.

"And you'll be getting how much of our money?" Ranma asked.

"Only a standard agent's fee."

"Which would be...?" Shampoo continued, waiting for the other shoe to
fall.

"A nominal sum."

"Which would be...?" Shampoo pressed.

"Only fifty percent."

Nabiki must have been drinking before she got here.  Otherwise she would 
have phrased this a lot better....more sneakily that is...

"HALF?!" Ranma and Shampoo spluttered out as one.

"How nice. You two are reading each other's minds, and you aren't even
married yet," Kasumi said sweetly.

"How do you justify getting half of what would be our money?" Ranma
growled.

"It goes into Akira's college fund."

Kurumi almost jumped at that. "No. I've just heard a lot about you. You
look a lot different from what I expected."

Shampoo found herself amused by that. "And what did you think I would look
like?"

"Male."

"It's nice to meet you too." Shampoo agreed. Kurumi seemed nice enough.
Shampoo had assumed both of the new Tendo girls might take Akane's side
and despise Shampoo on general principles. It seemed at least one of them
had kept an open mind.

Umm, no.  An empty mind...

Nabiki interjected herself into the conversation as she moved closer to
Shampoo. "Now, how about letting me see the ring that Ranma got you."

oops.

Shampoo held out her hand proudly and displayed the ring for Nabiki's
benefit. Nabiki grabbed it, holding the hand steady while she whipped out
a jeweler's loupe and held it to her eye. She examined the ring closely.
One glance and the loupe fell from her hand. "Th...that's..."

"The most beautiful ring in the world," Shampoo cooed.

"It's crap," Nabiki corrected. "It's not even cubic zirconium. How can you
possibly feel satisfied with a piece of junk like this?"

"Ranma picked it out all by himself," Shampoo insisted as she shook her
arm out of Nabiki's grasp and fawned over her ring once more. "I'd never
trade it. Not even for all the jewels in the world."

Nabiki made a retching noise at that. "I can see it's not going to take
much to please you. You know, it's girls like you that make guys think
it's easy to satisfy a woman."

"I am easy to satisfy," Shampoo said.

"I just want my way, that's all."

Ranma handed Akira to Shampoo, then facefaulted. Shampoo leveled a scowl
at him, that was going to be joined by a reprimand, when Nabiki spoke up.

"Hey everyone, don't you think Akira looks a lot like Shampoo?"

Yes.

"They don't look a thing alike."

"I think he looks more like Ranma." Shampoo let Ranma hold Akira, then
compared the two.

"Say, he does look a little like him," Kurumi said, mystified at the
slight resemblance between man and child.

odd...

Nabiki was about to say something else when she felt a slight weight
settle on her head. With a growing dread, she froze. Slowly, an object
came into view from above her head.

Birdy let out a low hissing sound.

"NOOO!" Nabiki shouted as Birdy began pecking at her face.

"Isn't that sweet," Kasumi sighed. "Birdy's saying 'hello' to Nabiki. I
thought he missed her. They always have such fun playing with one
another."

"Actually, Birdy's trying to gouge her eyes out," Shampoo noted as Nabiki
ran off, trying to dislodge the small pterodactyl.

Birdy must be Kentucky Fried.
 

"That's just his way of saying 'hi' to her," Ranma added dryly before
noticing someone else approach. "Great. Look who's coming. How the hell
did she find out about this?"

Connections.

Ranma was considerably less enthusiastic about Perfume's appearance. From
what little contact he had had with her, he was under the impression she
did not think highly of him,

rightly
 and even disapproved of the relationship he

had with Shampoo. He certainly did not care for anyone that had claimed to
be Shampoo's friend, then turned around and brought a party of Amazons
with her to drag her 'friend' to her death. It was only luck 

and Perfume's own reluctance...

"Who's that girl with her?" Ranma asked as he took notice of an attractive
woman, with long flowing brown hair and dressed in a white kimono, that
was escorting the pink-haired Amazon.

"I don't recognize her." Shampoo examined the face of Perfume's escort
carefully. She did not appear to be anyone from the village, and the
kimono implied that she was probably Japanese. Shampoo was still trying to
place the face when she noticed something else about the pair.

"She's holding the new girl's hand," Shampoo said.

Ranma scowled at that. He knew all about Perfume's weird tastes in men.
"There ain't no way that's a guy."

Jyuusenkkyo?

"I know it looks impossible, but I'm pretty sure from the smile on her
face he must be a male."

"No way. Even Tsubasa doesn't look that good," Ranma insisted, receiving a
surprised look from Shampoo. "I mean Tsubasa didn't look as convincing as
that girl, not that he was good-looking, which he isn't."

Ranma's still trying to deny to himself that he was attracted, hmm?

Perfume shrugged. "I had some problems a while back, but I feel a lot
better now." Perfume was as giddy as a school girl as she released her
hold on Shampoo and once again looped her arm around her escort's. "A lot
of it is thanks to him. Meet my new boyfriend. I rescued him from his evil
stepsisters and stepmother a few days ago. His name's Konatsu Kenzan."

Last minute surprise cameo!

"Umm, could we change the subject off of cross-dressing?" Kurumi asked as
she took Akira from Shampoo and held him. Kurumi had never been
comfortable talking about the subject. She had heard enough talk about it
from the loud 'discussions' Natsume had with Ukyou about them. Curious how
those two had taken an instinctive dislike to one another, but then social
dynamics around Nerima never were easy to comprehend.

Interesting...

"Last week," Shampoo said happily, remembering how Ranma, with the help of
cue cards, made an elaborate 'official' pronouncement to challenge Shampoo
in a duel with the intent to prove his worth, as an outsider, to his
would-be warrior bride. "It took him half an hour, but he defeated me at
last."

"Maybe if we had used the Challenge Log, it would have gone faster."

"Dumb Amazon marriage traditions," Ranma mumbled under his breath. Why he
had to prove his worth to her, when she already knew what a great (and
better) fighter he was, irritated him to no end. But she had insisted on
it since she still considered herself an Amazon warrior and, as tradition

Despite ignoring most of their other laws...

"At least," Ranma seconded. "Some of them are friends, but a lot of them
are my family that I never even met."

The Saotomes from Tokimeki Memorial?

"It was I, The Director!" Loud music blared from hidden speakers somewhere
nearby as he bowed gracefully before the startled Amazon.

Hi!

The Director nodded in approval. "Very well. I shall make certain my
incompetent production staff have not screwed everything up. Earlier I
caught them trying to set up a sacrificial altar to the demon Balthazar

oh dear.]

"I think we should stick to pit fighting," said Shampoo. "I'd rather deal
with criminals and cutthroats than Nabiki. And I still don't think I've
met anyone as insane as that director."

Famous last words.

"So this is what my future son-in-law looks like."

uhoh.

Comb's anger switched to the identical pleading look that Ranma had just
seen on Shampoo. "You can't marry this boy! He's all wrong for you! I can
tell just by looking at his beady, little eyes that he's an egotistical,
outsider male that will abandon you the instant he grows bored with you!"

yes.  Thanks goodness he won't get bored with her.

Comb continued her diatribe. "He's a liar that will use flowery words to
turn your head, at least until he finds someone else that catches his
interest, and then you'll be forgotten!"

Flowery words?  Comb sure got wrong info somewhere.

"Just call me 'father-in-law'," the man told him. "You're probably
wondering why my wife finds my daughter's marriage to you so
objectionable."

"Because I'm scum?"

Shampoo's father gave Ranma a knowing smile. "I didn't say that. Oh, at
first she was ambivalent towards me, but over the years she learned to
love me, and I her, in spite of her flaws. She really is a good woman. It
might take her several years to warm up to you, but as long as you treat
our daughter well, she'll eventually accept you."

On her deathbed.

Ranma was surprised by the soft sound of steel in the rather meek man's
voice. "Hey! I love her. I know how to treat a gal right."

Ha.

"Why don't you marry a nice, quiet girl instead?"

Like that Kasumi.

Comb was unrelenting as she tried using guilt as her tool. "That way you
could have children. I really want to have more grandchildren."

"I am not...what do you mean 'more grandchildren'?" That didn't make any
sense. Shampoo was an only child.

Comb began sweating appreciably. "Did I say more grandchildren? I meant to
say, 'lots of grandchildren'. Lots and lots of grandchildren. Right now
you can't have any with a man. But with a woman you could have many. It
would mean so much to me. I want to hear the sound of little feet running
all around."

Get a few cats.

"Kasumi, Silk came today, didn't she?"

"Yes. Everyone came today except Akane and Natsume," Kasumi explained. It
was a surprise to no one that Akane did not want to come. Natsume had
remained behind to keep Akane company.

Souun I suspect only came to keep Silk company...

"Have you guys picked out a name yet?" Ranma asked, curious as to what it
would be like to have a brother. Even though he and Shampoo had decided
against settling down in any one area for a while, maintaining their
search for a cure and additional knowledge in the martial arts, he would
still be certain to swing by his parent's home and visit them frequently.
It would be kind of neat to watch his brother grow up over the years. Of
course, once the kid got older, and was informed that his future wife had
been picked out for him before he was born, he might not appreciate his
older brother quite so much.

	Yeah, somehow I can't see Narasuma having much respect for or 
trust in his big bro.

"Narasuma. It's a good name," Nodoka said, beaming at her son in pride.
"I'm so proud of you, Ranma. I'm sure Shampoo will make you happy."

"We'll make each other happy." He was aware that Nodoka still did not care
much for Shampoo, but at least she was covering her dislike better,
especially when Shampoo was not around. Maybe someday they would get
along. Someday.

Maybe after Narasuma and Kiri get married, and the family dihonor no 
longer is an issue...

"Yep." Ranma thought the plan would probably work out just fine, having
been developed by himself.

they're doomed.

Ranma noticed Ai make an annoyed face before turning to confront the

Why would she be annoyed by Kyoko?  Unresolved jealousy over still being 
able to cheerlead?

her form it was still the finely toned muscle that was on all the girls
that had taken martial arts cheerleading. Her face had changed as well,
her cheekbones becoming more prominent and she now seemed to be more along
the lines of sultry instead of cute. Her bust was far more noticeable now,
and her voice had gone from a high pitch to a far deeper and seductive
tone that even Ranma had failed to recognize as belonging to her.

ooh.

out. Now all I have to do is get him prepared for the, you know, stuff
that comes after the wedding. I don't want him to bleed to death or
anything on our wedding night. Do you think I should have him donate some
blood a few weeks beforehand, just in case he needs a transfusion?"

Yes.

"It's an idea," Ai said. "And here's some free advice. Since I know you
aren't going to sleep with him before the wedding, you can break him in by
giving him blow-jOW!" Ai rubbed her side where Ukyou had elbowed her.

--torches?

"Okay." Aki handed him the gift wrapped package containing the object of
Ranma's concern.

The Kaisuifuu...

"That's Saotome, you idiot! How many times can you get that wrong?" Ranma

indefinitely

Silk raised her head at the sound of the visitor. "<Oh, it's you.>"

Shampoo could scarcely miss the sound of disappointment in the woman's
voice. Knowing Silk, it had been intentional as well. Kasumi had warned
her that Silk had not been pleased with Shampoo's actions concerning the
Tendos. She had not realized quite how irate her former mentor was.

uh-huh.

"<You don't seem too happy to see me.>" Shampoo crossed the room to stand
next to Silk.

"<That's because I'm disappointed in you.>" She returned her attention to
her daughter, who had paused in her feeding. After a moment, Kiri resumed
and Silk looked towards Shampoo once more. "<The others told me what
happened.>"

"<You mean they gave you their side of things,>" Shampoo snorted out in
response.

That too...

Silk raised an eyebrow at that. "<You mean you didn't abuse the shelter
they gave you by stealing Ranma and breaking the pact between the two
families?>"

Shampoo became defensive at that. "<I didn't intend to fall in love. It
just happened. What was I to do? Pretend nothing was happening? Ignore my
feelings for him? I love him and he loves me, even if it took a lot for
him to realize it.>"

Well, you could have moved out from under their roof.
	Ranma is less culpable in the "abuse of hospitality" charge since 
1) he was there at the order of his father, who he still theoretically 
had to obey, while Shampoo voluntarily chose to stay with him; 2) He 
didn't realize the promise to the Tendous was any more serious than the 
others Genma had made until Nodoka told him (and still doesn't understand 
why); and 3) Didn't realize he couldn't follow through until after he 
left the Tendou home.  He should still apologize, but he's not terribly 
culpable, where Shampoo most certainly is.

Shampoo held up her hands in frustration. Why did Silk have to be so
difficult? Couldn't she see the obvious? "<Why don't you tell me what I
should have done to keep everyone from being miserable.>"

Everyone, nothing, but you could have limited the damage...

"<I don't know if that could have been done,>" Silk answered. "<But not
acting on your impulses would have been the right thing to do.>"

Shampoo felt her temper begin to fray. She had not come to be lectured for
something in which she had made the right choice. "<It's easy to stay on
the moral high ground when you're not the one making the sacrifice!>"

Anger began to overwhelm Silk as well. "<I have had to make choices like
that! I did make the sacrifice! Sometimes loving someone means being able
to let go!>"

"<And sometimes it means holding on, no matter what,>" Shampoo answered
softly, but without the slightest hint of doubt.

Surprisingly, Silk was not able to respond to that. She just stared in
irritation at the younger girl.

Shampoo found herself at an impasse. Silk was still firm in her beliefs,
even if she could not argue the point with Shampoo. The barrier between
them was still there. There was little left but to try to break the
barrier again. "<Didn't you ever have second thoughts about the choice you
made? Didn't you ever wonder if it had been the wrong one?>"

"<Sometimes,>" Silk relented, then looked down at the child in her arms.
"<But it worked out in the end.>"

"<It's worked out in the end for me too,>" Shampoo said. "<The promise
still holds, it just doesn't apply to Ranma anymore.>"

"<Fortunately,>" Silk agreed, her mood lightening somewhat.

though dubiously.

there to be these kind of problems between us. You're one of the last
links I have to home. Isn't there something I can do to satisfy your
anger?>"

	Well, a full apology to the Tendous would be a good start.  
Acknowledging that you've hurt people is a long way towards healing the 
wounds.   Unfortunately, Silk can't ask for this because 1) she can't 
fully explain what Shampoo's done wrong to her without revealing Kasumi's 
lie; and 2) If you have to *ask* for an apology, it isn't worth anything. 
	Kasumi's little speech in "Breaking of the Circle" was very 
pretty, but a bit too easy on Shampoo.  Yes, over time, wounds will heal, 
or people learn to compensate for their losses, but that doesn't mean 
that harm wasn't done.  And Shampoo has to own up to that.

Shampoo stared quizzically at that statement. "<What's that supposed to
mean? What else did I do?>"

"<Nothing of any particular importance. Just some of your general
attitudes,>" Silk lied effortlessly, silently cursing herself for saying
too much and cursing Cologne for forcing her to remain silent.

Unhoh.

"<Oh,>" Shampoo said, not really understanding and not wanting to go
through any other arguments. She decided to change the subject. "<Kiri
looks beautiful.>"

Silk beamed with pride at her daughter. "<She is. Poor thing, though.
She's going to have to marry Genma Saotome's offspring. I can't imagine a
worse hell.>"

Ataru Moroboshi?  He's available.

Shampoo began to nod her head. "<Oh, I agre...hey! I'm getting married to
one of his offspring!>"

"<I know,>" Silk sighed. "<That's why I'm going to have to keep a close
eye on how their son's raised this time around. I don't want him turning
into another Ranma.>"

Shampoo's eyes narrowed at the woman. "<What's that supposed to mean?>"

"<Let's just say that he's not the sort of boy I would have been
interested in when I was your age. I would have looked for someone more
open with his emotions and less egotistical.>"

And not given to sluffing off his problems on others...

Speaking of her daughter, she adjusted her grip on Kiri, then looked back
at Shampoo once more and was surprised to see a forlorn expression on her
once again. One that was not directed at Silk, but rather at the child in
her arms. "<What's wrong now?>"

Shampoo was not sure if she should say anything, then reconsidered. "<I'll
never be able to do what you're doing.>"

Still got that blind spot, eh?

As she headed out of the room, Silk spoke up. "<Shampoo, it is the
responsibility of the parent to take care of the child, no matter what,
wouldn't you agree?>"

yes...

Where had that come from? Silk was becoming more enigmatic by the moment.
"<Yes. Why do you ask? Does it have something to do with Kiri?>"

sorta...

Silk shook her head as she gave a sad little smile. "<I just wanted to
know your feelings on the matter. Who knows? Perhaps, by some miracle, you
will produce offspring of your own blood. It would be your duty to help
take care of them, though.>"

	In order for Shampoo to be happy:
Akane: gives up her choice of husband, and friendship with Ranma.
Kasumi: gives up her choice of husband, has to raise her son alone, and 
lie about his heritage, and suffer a bad reputation.
Nabiki:  Has to go along with Kasumi's lie.
Kurumi:  Has to go along with Kasumi's lie.
Silk:  Has to go along with Kasumi's lie, and sacrifice her daughter to 
the family promise.
Souun: has to give up his choice of son-in-law, and wait decades for a 
chhance to restore his family's honor.
Akira:  Has to grow up without his father, and suffer the effects of his 
mom's reputation.
Kiri:  May well have to give up her choice of husband.

All in all, Shampoo owes the Tendou family a *huge* karmic debt, after 
sharing their bread and salt...
	And she seems to have forgotten the lessons she'd theoretically 
learned from the Perfume affair.

She watched the others observe her intently. Good. She had their full
attention. "The gist of this problem is Shampoo's curse. With it, she
should be put to death. I would guess she's had it since she first
disappeared without a trace from home three years ago. Is this correct?"
she asked Shampoo-kun, who nodded in response. "As I thought. It's been
three years since she's had this curse, yet by some miracle our society
has not fallen apart." That was said in a heavily sarcastic tone. "Bearing

Due to her not being there.

that in mind, and the fact Shampoo has been officially declared dead, I
see no reason to disrupt that 'mistake'." She gave Shampoo a serious look.
"As long as you swear to me that you will not return home, bearing a curse
or not, I shall forget that I ever saw you alive."

Shampoo-kun found himself considering that, despite the fact it really was
no choice. To give up his home for the rest of his life seemed too high a
price to pay, especially if he found a cure, but considering the
alternative...

Not to worry, something will happen to get you back there eventually.

"Let me put it to you this way. If you don't hurry things along right now,
an eighty foot psychotic Chinese Dragon/Emperor might very well come
along, rip the roof off of this place, and begin turning us all into piles
of briquettes."

No, he's busy tonight.
'

"We're married," Shampoo confirmed.

"And nothing bad happened?"

"And nothing bad happened," Shampoo confirmed once again.

depends on your definition./

Aki rubbed her chin in thought. "Shoot. I thought I was the only one that
would have thought of that. Maybe I can figure out something else before I
have to go."

It could have been toasters...

D'Amour's voice disturbed her peaceful wish. "I've been talking with Aki.
She says you aren't going on much of a honeymoon, just to some crappy
little hot spring for a few days. Well, it just so happens that my
wonderful ship is going on an extended voyage to Taiwan. I was thinking
that, since I didn't get you a present, I could offer a pleasant honeymoon
cruise to you."

Sail the Earth, eh?

even the bride, and still no luck. Even when he offered his services to
the lesbians, Ukyou and Ai, they had hit him with a spatula and a baton.
Everyone was just so violent lately. Whatever happened to 'free love?'

It went out with AIDS.

D'Amour unleashed his most roguish smile as Comb's hand slowly went for
something tucked behind her back.

oops.

"But all I did was offer to make you happy!"

"I know what you wanted! The same thing all of your kind wants! You were
going to try to sweet talk me into bedding you!" She swung her sword, the
captain barely avoiding the blow that had been directed between his legs.

"Well, yes, but I hadn't even gotten to that part yet!"

"DIE!!!" She swung once again.

Ah.  Comb thought Ranma was Captain D'Amour in disguise.  that explains 
everything.  


ja,
SKJAM!