On Wed, 9 Jun 1999, Jussi Nikander wrote:

HALF A SORCERESS

Chapter 6 Shock!

Well, there's certainly shock at seeing you post again.

The Serenity of the Tendo House is Shattered!

Tendo Usagi:	Waaah!

At some level, Ranma was glad of the ensuing silence.

On some level,
On one level,

Lina brooded. It was still obvious that Ranma hadn't
forgotten. The nerve of the guy: she makes one mistake and
he keeps a sour face for weeks without end. Sure, the times
had changed from her days, and she probably would do it
differently now, given the chance, but he just wouldn't let it
go...

But next time, she'd show him!  She would dunk the next batch of bandits
in water and boil them alive, instead of deep frying them...

Lina gave the mental equivalent of a sigh. Being angry at
Ranma would do no good. She'd probably have to change
quite radically, if she ever wanted to fit in.

Like that has ever been a concern for Lina.  The places she stays usually
get destroyed before that could ever happen.

She slapped her hand at
Genma's furry forearm and let loose a tiny digger bolt, just
strong enough to make him release her.

Can she actually make tiny spells like that?

Soun's eldest daughter, Kasumi, was hanging the laundry to
dry and humming a happy little song.

She's recently gotten the newest Nine Inch Nails album, and had one of the
songs stuck in her head.

Akane -- Soun was so proud of her that he almost broke

							^^
A weird character appeared here on my mailer.  Just thought you'd like to
know.

Magic is a tricky thing. It can kill a man without leaving a
trace,

When'd that ever happen?  Usually, there's *lots* of debris, and a
couple of soot-covered people lying around.

The police, fire brigade and JSDF had already been alerted
to investigate a possible terrorist bombing/gas explosion/
nuclear attack/UFO landing/maniac sorceress on
the loose.

Upon further examination of the scene, the concluded that it was a UFO
landing, and proceeded to return to their homes, the case solved.

The middle Tendo sister shrugged in response. "Haven't got
a clue. But, it doesn't seem to be spreading."

Smoke that doesn't spread?

If only she were
stronger in magic too...

You're going to explain at some point why Lina isn't at full power, yes?

<snip>

Lina hardly noticed when she whacked Genma, who had
started to show signs of waking up.

Heh.

Slowly, Soun peered over the paper he was reading.
Whoever the girl was, she had used the front door, and thus
probably wasn't there to challenge him to savage combat.

Heh.

Rivers of tears burst out of the eyes of the Tendo patriarch.

Poor Soun, he's blinded now.  ^_^  Or perhaps you meant to say that the
tears burst from his eyes, and not out of them?

Akane nodded. "And... Uhh... You're really a thousand years
old?"

"Yeah."

Akane pressed her question.  "You mean that you're that old, and your
breasts are still that small?"

"Shut UP!"

And there's weird characters at the end of this sentance, as well.

<Gee, you should realise that the curse's a bit easier to
notice than your bust. Or the lack of it.>

<Shut UP!>

<Ow!>

Since they're only thinking at each other, how'd she hit him?

<You sure!?> Lina wasn't sure, but had there been the tiniest
touch of... regret... in Ranma's voice?

For a moment, Ranma's thoughts turned to Nabiki...

^_^

Nabiki smirked. The younger Saotome certainly had a lot to
learn about bluffing. "And, pray tell, how could I tell you
anything, being a frog? Seven thousand, and that's being
generous."

Doesn't Lina usually fireball people until they tell her what she wants to
know?  (You, bandit!  Where's the Claire Bible?)  I'd think that a little
pain would be enough to make Nabiki crack. 

<No!> Lina replied, rather forcefully. <I'm not possessing
you, as proved by the fact that I can't just wrestle control from
you when I want, and thus whatever pops and old man Tendo
might try would only be embarrassing and very
uncomfortable. For us. So we better just scramble, if they
ever try anything of the sort!>

I can just imagine them screwing up, and Ranma is ejected from his body... 

<Live here, I guess. Unless you're willing to dump your pop.>

Where'd this come from?  I'd think that she'd want to get as far away from
the two as possible, now that she knows what has happened.

<I knew it. Anyway, since that stupid engagement isn't going
to happen, I don't think There�s any danger in staying here.>

'There' is lowercase.

Kick. Punch. Feint, punch, kick, kick. Kick, block, feint,
punch, ki...

"Waaaah!"

Heh.  I can see this.  Of course, if I remember correctly, Lina was fairly
good with a sword as well.

"You see, Lina-san, we have to think about Ranma's future
here. Do you think he's going to be a wandering martial artist,
like his father, for the rest of his days?"

Actually...

Arriving at Furinkan High, Nabiki wondered if Lina, or
Ranma, would come. She was rather hoping they'd decide to
attend school. She/he was certain to bring a lot of
amusement and  probably a little extra pocket money for
Nabiki. Starting with the fee of her holding onto Lina's lunch...

Again, Lina has the ability and temprement to just fireball someone who
tries to take 'her' money.  This doesn't worry Nabiki at all?

mixture of intense concentration, confusion and annoyance
on her face.

	      ^^
More weird characters.

"Lina?" Akane asked. "You're coming?�

				      ^
Yet another weird character.

<No. But... While I figure out a way to solve our problem at
least.>

I think 'While' should be lowercase.

It took Lina a moment to recover from the shock, and a few
seconds more to realise what had happened. "So this is how
it feels," Lina remarked, rubbing her chin.

Actually, from her experience in Next with that curse, she ought to know.
 

The eyes of Furinkan High were on the oddly dressed gaijin
girl, who had arrived at school through a rather unusual
method. The crowd that had gathered for the daily ritual of
challenge-Akane-Tendo-and-get-beaten-up-by-her, was

						     ^^
More weird characters.

quiet. Those who had gathered inside by the windows were
staring. Even Kuno Tatewaki, the Blue Thunder (until
recently, the Shooting Star) of Furinkan High, was a bit
perplexed.

I just realized something!

Tatewaki combines Amelia's propensity for speech-making with Gourry's
traits of completely missing the obvious and sword wielding.

Hmmm...what could that mean?  ^_^

Lina found herself standing in the middle of Furinkan's
front yard... straight in the path of a mob which, upon
seeing Akane, decided to charge.

"Waaah! What the hell are they doing!!" Seeing the mob
charging at her, Lina panicked for a second.

You have two consecutive lines with the verb 'charge' here.  You might
want to change one of them.

"Tell me, Akane Tendo, do you know this fair maiden?�

						      ^^^
More weird characters.

And yes, in my opinion Kasumi would listen to Soun and
Genma's conversation. She's not the airhead on valium most
fanfics picture her.

Prozac, maybe.  But valium?  Never!  ^_^

Nor is she the secret master of Tendo Dojo. (the white mice have that
honour. ^_^) 

Been speaking with Benjamin Oliver, eh?



-Natsume Ranma Ranma
-------
The sardines weren't worth the trouble.  A few more shots, then 
Ryoga-san would overheat and explode.  Ducking around a corner, 
I managed to lose him as I entered the ramshackle residence of 
my Anime supplier.

One look at his face and I knew that I was betrayed.  "Tell me."
I insisted.  He refused, so I slammed him against the wall.
"Last chance.  Where can Ranma-Ranma find good fanfics?"
"Try Jason Liao." he whispered, before he slumped to the floor.
I heard the sounds of a door splintering as I left through the 
window, one step ahead of Tendo Heavy Industries...