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Squid 1/2 

[DRAFT]

Farewell to all these Joys

by Sean Hayden (Maxwell_E)

1st Draft 10/10/97
2nd Revision 6/7/99

Disclaimer and (apologies follow text)

     Prelude to an Operation
     "In the Navy, You can sail the Seven Seas!"  
          -- The Village People

     "Moored!  Shift colors!"  The voice over the ship's 1MC, the
PA system, declared.  Everyone around Maxwell shifted impatiently
in their summer whites as they manned the rails for the
ceremonious mooring in China.  It was the first time a US Warship
had been allowed to port at the Peoples Republic and a lot of
fanfare was going into it.
     "I wish they would get this crap over with."  Maxwell Smith
thought.  His friend beside him, Howard, muttered under his
breath.  "I wish they'd get this crap over with."  He said,
echoing Maxwell's thoughts.
     "Shuttup Howard."
     "Time for some liberty, ya know?"  He continued.
     "Shuttup Howard."
     "I tell ya, my dad was stationed here awhile ago.  Oh boy
did he have some sea stories . . ."
     "Shuttup Howard, no one's ever been stationed in "
     "Phillips!"  A voice said from behind.  Max's heart sank. 
It was Chief Moore.  The biggest, bad-assed (ex)SEAL chief in the
Navy and you'd better know it.
     "Yes, Chief!"  Howard Phillips said smartly to the Chief who
had formed up out of thin air.  They have a way of having eyes in
the backs of their Chiefly heads.
     "Stand at attention, and shut up!"
     "Yes, Chief."
     "And you, Petty Officer Smith!  Keep better control of your 
Seamen."
     "Yes, Chief."  It was Max's turn to speak.  Even though he
was a junior petty officer, it seemed like his Chief expected him
to act like a Chief.  `Jeez.'
     "Thanks a lot, Howard."  Max whispered hotly after Chief had
left.
     "No prob' guy. It's what I'm here for.  It's not my fault
he's in the chub club and he's pissed at everybody."  Howard
said, pointing at Chief Moore who had recently broke an ankle and
was struggling to get his weight back to normal.  It put him in a
decidedly foul mood.
     "Secure From Manning The Rails!"  The voice once again
declared.  As the Sailors began to break up, some heading for the
smoke break and others racing down to their berthing compartment
to change, Howard sidled up to Max who was walking down to
berthing.
     "So, ya going out?"
     "Yeah.  I guess so."  He turned a corner and narrowly
avoided colliding with an officer.
     "Jeez, some people."  Howard remarked as the officer pushed
past without so much as a backwards glance.
     Max went down the last ladder and entered berthing, which
was currently in a state of organized chaos.  Lenny trotted past
in a towel followed by boisterous cat-calls and whistles.
     "Hey Lenny!"  Howard called.
     "Yeah!"  He replied sticking his leg into a pair of pants,
failing and tumbling to the deck in a heap of civilian clothes. 
Some of which were of dubiously clean quality.
     Howard burst out laughing.  "Oh shit!  That was funny as
hell Lenny.  Do it again!"
     Lenny replied with a succinct "Fuck you, Howard."
     "So where ya going?"
     "Dunno, bar I guess."
     "Me and Max are goin' out, wanna come?"
     "Sure.  Lemme get dressed ya meat gazer."  Lenny said
jokingly.
     "Hurry up Howard!"  Maxwell called, having showered and
dressed in ten minutes flat.
     Howard's Texan drawl came back, "Gimme a minute, damn it."
     Lenny scratched his head, "Why's he always get so dressed
up?  It ain't like he's going to get some."
     "I dunno."  Max replied.  "Tryin' to look cute for the women
I guess."  He flipped through the book he was reading.
     "What'cha readin'?"
     "Uhh, don't worry.  You wouldn't like it."
     "How do you know, you illiterate asshole.  Besides, you're
reading it backwards."
     "No I'm not."
     "Ramen 1/2?  Is that a cook book?"
     "No you slob, it's RANMA One half."
     "That explains it."  Lenny replied sarcastically.
     "What's it about? Come on, lemme see."
     Max handed over the manga book with distaste.
     "Hey.  This is in Japanese.  Pretty neat."
     "Oh, yeah?"  Max said suspiciously.
     "Yeah, my pop taught me how to read and speak Japanese."
     "No kidding."
     "I'm ready!"  Howard called.

Chapter One
Liberte A La Jhusenkyo

     "Things get worse under pressure."
          -- Principle of Hydrodynamics

     Howard slammed his twelfth beer on the table, he was looking
a little sloshed.  Max nursed his third Rum and Coke and Lenny
was passed out after six or seven boilermakers.
     "Max!  You woman, drink up.  We only have one night here ya
know."
     "All right."  He said, succumbing to the pressure and
slugged the rest of it down.  He was starting to feel downright
drunk, now that you mention it.
     "Oh shit!"  He said, "It's almost twelve!"
     "We gotta get back to the ship."  Howard agreed soberly,
which he wasn't.
     "Lenny!  Wake up!"
     "Hunhgggak?"
     "We gotta get back to the ship!"
     As Howard dragged Lenny out of the bar, Max hailed a taxi. 
A little yellow newspaper cab drove up.  The cabby was a squat
ugly Chinese man wearing a brown outfit and a little cap with a
red star on it.
     He said something in Chinese which Max did not understand. 
He made pantomiming gesture and said, "How much to go to the
American ship?"
     The cabby shook his head and shrugged his shoulders.  Lenny
however spoke up.  "Lemme talk to him, I know a little Chineesh." 
Howard shoved him forward and Petty Officer Lenny Wu said
something short in Chinese.  The driver shook his head up and
down in understanding and replied.  "He saysh that it'll be two
bucks American apiece."
     The three piled into the back of the Taxi cab and all of
them promptly passed out.

     The three awoke as the sun dawned beautifully.  Howard
murmured, "Today's Saturday, Mom."
Lenny snored peacefully and Maxwell sat up suddenly.  He blearily
opened his eyes, which were superglued shut.  A throbbing
headache reminded him that today was going to definitely suck.
     Wait a minute.  He thought.  Something is amiss.  Hmm. He
ran through his morning checklist.  Reveille, roll out of rack,
take shower, brush teeth, shave . . .  
Hmm. He scratched himself.  He rubbed his eyes and quickly shut
them again. Whew, I'm dreaming.  He thought again, with relief. 
"So, I'll just go back to sleep."  Hang on.  What time is it?  He
opened his eyes again.  Man.  This sure is a vivid dream.
     "Odd.  It's seven thirty.  Shouldn't I be up?"  He tested an
unsettling hypothesis.  He pinched himself, hard.  He opened his
eyes.  He wasn't dreaming.
     "We're dead!  Lenny!  Howard!  Wake the hell up!"
     "Le'me alone, habn't called reveille yet."
     "We're not on the ship idiot! And we're late!"
     At the word "late" both men popped to attention.  
"Shitshitshitshit."  Lenny muttered. "Where in the hell are we?"
     "Looks like some kind'a weird rice paddy.  What are the
poles for?" Howard wondered.
     Lenny looked around.  "I don't know about you guys, but I
gotta take a piss."
     As Lenny walked towards one of the pools, Howard and Max
both got up to do the same.
     "Whew!  I had to piss like a racehorse."  Lenny said.
     "No kidding, I . . ."
     "SMITH!" A voice roared out from behind them.  "WHAT THE
HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?"
     All three men were so startled they all didn't notice the
signs that were laid on the ground and proceeded to trip
unceremoniously into the water.  The Chief, seeing them dive into
the water, broke into a dead run, hoping to catch the deserters. 
Like the other three, he didn't notice the signs strewn about the
ground and tripped and flew head long into a pool.
     Maxwell was the first to pop his head out of the water.  He
felt funny, there was something odd on his chest.  Out of
nowhere, a squat ugly Chinese man, wearing a brown uniform topped
by a cap with a red star appeared out of nowhere.
     "Oh.  Too bad.  You fall in Nannichuan.  Spring of drowned
girl."
     I watch to much anime.  Max thought.  Did he just say . . . 
His train of thought was derailed almost as well as a bandit
blowing up a trestle--as he looked down, and screamed the most
un-manly scream possible.
     At that point, a large Panda bear reared out of the water. 
It held up a sign that read "Hey!  That's the cab driver!"  It
then turned to Max.  The sign it held up read, "Wow, would ya
look at those knockers!"
     Max read the sign and threw a large rock at the Panda bear.  
Strangely it hit the Panda with a clanging sound.  Steam
evaporated from the Panda . . . No, it was Howard!  He looked
down and noticed the Chinese man drinking tea with a huge cat.
     You are about to enter a zone where normal rules of sanity
do not apply . . .  The thought was cut off by the sight of, Max
fell on her ass laughing.  That was the pool the chief fell in. 
Max had a feeling that Murphy designed this place.
     The barking seal that climbed out of the water did not look
happy.  Somehow, a golden chief's anchor and SEAL trident pendant
happened to be hanging around the seal's neck.  Howard saw this
and proceeded to roll about with much amusement.  
     "Where's Lenny?"  Max asked to the world at general.  His
question was answered by a little fox, barely older than a kit
that crawled sputtering and bedraggled to Max's feet.  It shook
itself several times and sprayed Max with water.  "Aww, cuuuute!" 
Max said, sarcastically.
     The fox gave him the finger.  The claw more precisely.
     Max took stock of the situation and quickly decided that it
was time to get the hell out of Dodge.  One problem.  "Where the
hell are we?"
     They made a strange quartet, Max thought. A kit fox, a
Panda, a Seal and a Red headed girl.
     The Chinese tourguide puffed on his pipe as honored sirs
considered what to do with their predicament that faced them.
     

Chapter  Two
Attention On Deck!
     "Damn the weirdos!  Full speed ahead."
          -- Adm. Nelson (sorta)

     After beating the truth of their new existence out of Mog,
the ugly Chinese guy, the cursed quartet made it back to the ship
in time before it got underway.
     Max was swabbing the deck when Howard happened upon him
several days later.  
     "Hiya Howard."  Max said, not raising his eyes from the
deck.  He was a little peeved with Howard and Lenny.  Fifteen
days of extra duty had done nothing to improve his humor.
     "Max.  I been thinking."
     "Yeah?  I thought I heard something funny."
     "Shuttup.  I was wondering how the hell we're supposed to
explain these curses."
     "Deal with it, hope your dad hasn't got three fiancee's
lined up for you and a dirty old martial arts instructor."
     "OK, listen, jerk-weed.  You're the expert.  How do we get
cured?"
     "You don't, or die trying.  However, I would like to point
out that the normal laws of physics no longer apply to you."
     "Whatta'ya mean?"
     "Punch the bulkhead.  Hard as you can."
     "Huh?"
     "Just do it."
     "OK."  Howard reared his arm back and slammed it into the
bulkhead. 
"Owowowowow SHIT!  That hurt Max!"
     "Look at your hand, numbskull."
     "Holy cow!  Not a mark."
     "Nope, now look at the bulkhead."
     A large drop of sweat appeared on the back of Howard's head
as he looked at the dented bulkhead.
     "You should have crushed your hand with that much force."
     "Uh, Max.  I think we should get out of here, before
somebody notices."
     "Good idea."  Max twirled the mop over his head, with
apparent ease.  
     A largish crack began to creak its way down the bulkhead. 
Max and Howard's eyes bugged out, looked at each other and turned
to run as the bulkhead gave way to a torrent of water.
     "Flooding Flooding Flooding!"  The 1MC voice declared. 
Bells sounded and sailors rushed frantically around carrying
shoring timbers and patch equipment.
     Inside the flooding compartment, a red headed girl in soaked
dungarees fought with a huge Panda bear.  "It's your fault ya
jerkoff!"
     The panda whacked! the girl with a sign that read, "YOU TOLD
ME TO DO IT!"
     "It wasn't a legal order, dumb ass!"  She dodged a swipe of
the panda's claws and punted the Panda ballistically.  It crashed
through the overhead and left a sweeping arc of dust and debris
in its wake.
     "What the HELL is going on here . . . Gurgh!" The Chief's
voice was suddenly drowned out as a gout of water splashed him. 
The seal barked impudently at Max.
     "It's not my fault Chief!  Phillips cracked the bulkhead!" 
She deftly dodged a flipper undercut with a neat backflip.
     The Panda, who somehow had mysteriously get back on ship,
and not land in Iraq, held up a sign, "This guy seals our fate!"
     Max launched a bucket in the Panda's direction and said, "I
knew I had a porpoise in life!"
     Hmm. Not good, Max thought, looking at the gushing water
that was continuing to flood in.
     Howard held up a sign that read "It's an otter disaster!"

     JYUSENKYOEX 86

    "Get off my bridge!"
         -- J.L. Picard, CAPT, SF to "Q"

     Water roared into the small compartment at a frightening
pace. A Panda batted away a shoring timber launched in its
direction. 
     "Hey Dummy!" A feminine voice cried out as she struck the
Panda in the back with a flashing kick.
     The panda held up a sign that said, "Can't you just grin and
bear it?" The sign blocked a spin kick from the fiery girl who
was absolutely furious.
     Out of nowhere, a small fishlike alien in an orange space
suit megaphoned to the two aquatic combatants. "The Ship is
sinking." It lobbed a spiky steel ball at the panda for good
measure that Lenny dodged exaggeratedly. Unfortunately, the Chief
seal was clocked dead center. Bubbles rose in the water where it
went down.
     Max saw the seal go down and dove after him. She swam
around, searching the murky water for the seal.
     'There!' She kicked towards the unconscious seal laying on
what used to be the deck and grabbed the seal by the scruff of
it's neck dragging it up to the surface.
     She slapped the seal around for a minute, more to vent
frustration at the Chief than actually to wake it up. The seal
snorted delicately and sent a spray of water and other gross
substances onto Max.
     "Aww Chief! That's fuckin' nasty! I save your life and you
blow snot on me!"
     The seal coughed and eyed Max curiously.
     Meanwhile, the shoring teams had sealed off the hole in the
bulkhead. Stopping the flow of water. Submersible pumps chugged
double-time to bring the hideous water level down. Finally, the
water was reduced to a few puddles, a wet panda, which stunk to
high heaven, a bedraggled seal and red headed girl dressed in
dungarees on an all-male ship.
     'Not a pretty sight.' Max thought, wringing out his dungaree
shirt. Normally, this wouldn't be such a problem... 
     The shoring team stood, slack jawed in amazement. Max
noticed this, and suddenly realized that the squids were getting
a cheap thrill.
     "Hey jerk offs! Quit starin' and shore that shit up!" She
yelled to the sailors. They scattered quickly going about their
job. Max took off for berthing.
     Since the ship was at general quarters, the berthing
compartment was deserted. Max poked her head through the hatch,
checking for anybody. She grabbed a towel and her shower shoes
from her rack and ran to the head to take a shower. 'Hot,
preferably.' She thought.
     The curse was reversed easily enough and soon Maxwell was
simply showering. Trying to calm the butterflies in his stomach.
He was simply worried about the eventual inquiry . . . 
     He supported himself on the bar in the shower stall, wishing
for it all to go away. He was so wrapped up in himself that he
didn't notice the footsteps . . .  
     Sploosh! "Argggggggggggh!" Max.'s scream turned from a
fairly normal baritone to a soprano. Causing the guys who had
just dumped a bucket of cold water, over the shower stall, to
laugh even harder. Max ripped open the stall curtain and was
ready to beat the tar out of the idiots when suddenly, they
froze.
     "Shit!" Max realized. 'Stephens!' he thought. 'Oh well, at
least the guy is queer.' She actually chuckled to herself. 'He
wouldn't know what to do with a piece of feminine ass if it
slapped him in the face.'
     She did just that, with a roundhouse to the jaw. "Ya fuckin'
pervert!" She shouted.
     Stephens screamed a colorful scream and hauled ass.
     She laughed until it felt like she had stitches in her side.
'Well.' She mused. 'This is the perfect chance to get out of the
Navy...' Max quickly gender morphed and went to find his friends.
     "Howard! You'll never believe what just happ..." Max stopped
midsentence.
     The old man peered quizzically at Petty Officer Smith. "Ahh.
Smith, excellent. I was wondering if you could explain certain
going on's as of late."
     It took a minute for Max.'s enlisted brain to translate
officer-speak. His brain translated it to, "What the fuck is
going on here?"
     Chief Moore summed up the situation for the Captain fairly
quickly.  "Well sir, it seems that Petty Officer Smith and Seaman
Phillips were attempting to shore up the breach by themselves."
     "That's commendable." The Captain said after a moments
thought. "However, there are rules to follow gentlemen, and I
expect them to be followed.  Safety is paramount on my ship and
stupid heroics get people killed.  Am I understood?"
     "Yes Sir." The men said.

     "Umm. Thanks Chief." Max said.
     "Yeah Chief, that was great." Howard said.
     "I don't know what the hell is going on here, but you'd
better figure something out, Smith."
     "Yes Chief."
     
     Max walked towards engineering berthing.  He was an
Electricians Mate for crying out loud, he thought bitterly.  Not
an expert on ancient Chinese Aquatic curses...  That stopped Max
cold, so to speak. "Ancient Chinese curses."  He said aloud,
wonderingly.


     "Howard! Lenny!"
     "Mmmmph?"
     "We have to see the Chief."
     "Aww shit, what'd we do this time?"
     "That's not it Howard, we need to talk about you know what."
     "Too early. Go way."
     "Howard, unless you want to explain to seventy squids in
sign language why you're a panda... You can that chance, right?"
     "Fuck man, leave me alone. Why ya always gotta be such an
ass, Max?"
     "It's life Howie. Now get moving."
     "Shit, all right."
     "Lenny was up and dressed quickly and the three men headed
off to find Chief Moore.

     The sunrise outside, although a gorgeous sight, was stock
material for the sailors who stood at the smoke break chatting.
     Max puffed on a cigarette nervously while waiting for Chief
to show up.
     A hatch swung open revealing Chief Moore, he seemed
agitated. Who wouldn't be? He had 17 years in the Navy. He'd seen
some weird shit but nothing topped this.
     "Chief," Max said flicking his butt over the side. "I think
you know what this is about."
     "I think so." He said uncertainly.
     "I think I understand the curse. After a lot of careful
thought, I think we should go back to China. I've got an idea how
to get us cured. Unless of course, anyone has a better idea?" He
looked around, no one said anything. "No? Nuts. I was hoping for
one."
     "What will we find in China? The old guy said we wouldn't be
able to find a cure." Lenny asked.
     "That's a good question, Petty Officer Smith?" Chief asked.
"Why should I go along with this harebrained scheme, assuming
it's a good idea, which it's not. Besides, how are we going to
get there?"
     "As to what's there is simple. People like us with similar
problems. More than likely the have figured out their curses or
know a way to cure us."
     "Who are these people?" Howard asked.
     "I really don't want to color your perceptions of the
situation, all I have to go on are some guesses."
     "You want us to go back to China, on a guess? This is
insane,even for you, Smith."
     "Hear me out chief, is it anymore insane than the curses we
have? This isn't a hangover or a bad dream, and it isn't going to
go away."
     "You still haven't answered my question, 'How do we get
there?' I'm not going unauthorized for a curse. You can count me
out if that's your scheme."
     "No, it's not, Chief. I think it's time we spoke to the
Captain."
     "What? Are you nuts?" Howard said.
     "Not quite yet, I think he'll see it out way with a little
demonstration."
     "Oh lovely, if we don't end up in the funny farm we'll get
kicked out for drugs." Lenny said.
     "Three years to go to my retirement . . . " Chief bemoaned.

     The walk to the bridge to find Commander Toni Packard, CO of
the USS Paul Ryan was less than inspiring to say the least. When
they found the captain, seated in his chair on the bridge, he
seemed to be in a bad mood.
     "Captain, sir, if it's possible, could we speak with you for
a moment in private?" Chief Moore said approaching the Captain's
chair.
     "Yes, of course Chief, you know I always have time for you.
Officer of the deck, continue on course, I'll be in my cabin."
     "Yes sir."
     The captain walked through the hatch and down the p-way to
his At Sea cabin. He walked in and motioned for the enlisted men
to sit down.
     "Ok, what is it?" The captain asked.
     "Actually sir, before we begin we need to demonstrate
something. Petty Officer Smith?"
     The Captain noticed the bucket of water that Smith carried.
     "What's this all about Chief?"
     "If you'll just bear with us, Captain."
     Howard winced at the word bear. Max unbuttoned his dungaree
shirt and took it off, leaving his white T-shirt. He lifted the
bucket over his head and poured the cold water.
     As the water slopped away it revealed a soaked Petty Officer
Smith, with a pair of very prominent breasts now showing through
her nearly invisible soaked shirt.
     Credit the captain for thinking quickly. "How long have you
been pretending to be a female, Ms. Smith?"
     "You don't understand sir," Max said and took off her
T-shirt. "Howard?"
     Howard provided another bucket and handed it to Max. "Nice
knockers."
     "Seaman Phillips!" The Captain said, visibly shaken.
     "Give it a second, Sir. You'll see." Howard replied.
     Max then dumped the hot water on her--his self. The other
three repeated the same performance until the captain's floor was
soaked.
     "One request before we go on, sir." Max said to the totally
confused Captain.
     "Huh?" The captain said intelligibly. 
     "Can I borrow a towel?"
     The captain listened while Maxwell explained their strange
curse, interrupting only to clarify a point. After Max was
finished, the Captain leaned back in his chair and steepled his
fingers.
     "The way I see it gentlemen, you have on your hands a
dilemma which I cannot resolve nor understand. I believe I agree
with Petty Officer Smith.  However, I'm not prepared to put you
men on assignment yet.  I believe I need to give this some
thought. After I make a decision, I will call you men back here. 
Until then, you men are to be taken off any watches that place
you at risk of activating your curses.  I think you can find
something else for the men to do, Chief."  The Chief nodded.
"That is all, gentlemen."
     After the men had left, the Captain thought for a few
moments and then called the bridge. "Yes, this is the Captain.
Pass the word for Ensign Burns."
     The Captain picked up the phone and called the XO.

     "Ensign Burns, your presence is requested in the Captain's
at sea cabin." The 1MC declared, startling the Ensign. He put
down the manga he was reading and got dressed quickly to see the
Captain.

     "You wanted to see me sir?"
     "Sit down, John. I have an odd request for you."
     Burns nodded his head for the Captain to continue.
     "I understand you are something of a Japanese animation
buff?"
     This was the last thing in the world he expected a senior
officer to ask. "Uh, yes sir, may I ask..."
     "Are you familiar with a Japanese series called Ranma 1/2?"
     "Yes Sir, it's a fairly popular series."
     "Tell me, could you explain this aquatic curse?"
     Ensign Burns looked at the XO and the Captain who were
looking for all the world like they had just seen a ghost.  He
took a few moments to explain the series and was dismissed by the
Captain.  "Thank you John, that's what we needed to know."
     "If I may ask, Sir..."
     "No, you may not." The Captain replied pointedly.
     "Yes sir." The Ensign said and left, closing the Captain's
door behind him.
     "So, what do you think Joe?" The Captain asked his XO.
     Lieutenant Commander Joe Hyades thought about this for a
moment.  "Seems like our boys have managed to stumble on some
sort of new Chinese warfare."
     "That was my thought." The Captain replied.  "I think we
should put in a call to the Squadron, see what the Commodore has
to say."
     Hyades agreed with the plan.  "Easiest to kick the problem
upstairs." he thought.

     The cursed quartet was at the moment playing spades down in
the bilgeroom.  Engineers probably have some of the best spots on
a ship to hide in, Max thought with a grin.
     "So Chief, what do you think the Captain's going to do?"
     "Couldn't say Phillips.  You know as much as I do."
     "It's been two days." Max said, "Besides, I'm getting sick
of spades.  Scrabble, anyone?"
     "Shuttup and deal, Smith." Chief Moore growled.

     The threat of a strange Chinese bio-warfare device was
ringing every bell from Hawaii to Washington and down to Quantico
and back.  Captain Adele was about to wish he had never mentioned
the problem and had just kicked the men off his ship on a dinghy
headed to China with orders not to come back until they were
cured.
     A knock at the door awoke the Captain from his deep slumber. 
He flicked on his desk lamp and looked at the clock. 03:37.  This
had better be good he thought.  "Come." The Captain called.

     "I don't think this was such a good idea, Smith." Chief
Moore griped.
     "Don't worry. Maybe, umm, they can figure this out and cure
us." Maxwell said, reserving his doubts.

     Dr. Bran Boaicy looked up as the Major walked in. "Any
results?"
     "Well, umm, actually, no."
     "No?" Major Jake Wrath asked incredulously.
     "Well no, we can't figure it out." Dr. Boaicy replied.
     "You mean to say, you're group has had 6 weeks to work on
this and you haven't figured anything out?"
     "Let me show you something Major."  The scientist said
pointing at some charts.
     The Major recognized all of the medical charts.  They had
stumped the Corps best men.  That's why the Department of the
Navy had grudgingly allowed the CIA to take a look.  The problem
was that there seemed to be no reason why cold water activated
the weapon and why hot water reversed it. Every micron of the men
had been gone over with X-rays, CAT scans and you name it.  The
CDC's top men had given up in a week, saying what ever it was,
wasn't a biohazard.  The men had breathed a sigh of relief over
that one.  It meant they wouldn't have to live in clean rooms and
under biohazard conditions.
     "Special Agent Drake Wej, I hope I'm not interrupting
anything." The FBI agent said, interrupting the two men.
     The Major looked up in surprise, "How did your people get
wind of this?"
     "Secret Chinese bioweapons attacking US citizens?  Stuff
leaks."
     "They're not US citizens," the Major grumbled, "they're
squids."
     "Even if they did sell their soul to the service Major,"
Agent Wej said, "we still have an interest in this."
     The Major grumbled some more.
     Dr. Boaicy coughed politely, "If I may continue Major? I do
have a busy schedule."
     "Please." The Major grated out.
     "As you can see, this change occurs instantaneously. One
moment, the subject is in its natural form, the next it is
changed."
     "Almost like an animation."
     The Major looked at the FBI agent suspiciously. "What do you
mean?"
     "Well, if you look at it," Agent Wej said, gesturing to the
high speed photographs, "one moment it's one thing, the next it's
another. Poof." He gestured.  "It's like someone forgot to draw
the intervening steps."
     The Major nodded thoughtfully.  "This is getting us nowhere. 
Dr. Boaicy, you have enough data.  I believe it is time to try a
different approach."
 
                                    ~*~
* Author Notes and a Disclaimer *

Some of you may have guessed that the ship is the USS Rentz, the
first US Naval warship to make an official portcall on the PRC
since 1949. (Which was in '86). Also, when I first released this
to the FFML back in  97, the choice in character names where
actually a whim (as so many are) and Maxwell Smith believe it or
not, is not an SI.  A particular song by the Beatles happened to
catch my fancy when I wrote this back then (I'll leave it to the
honored reader to guess which one) and I promptly forgot about it
when I chose my nom de plume a year later (Maxwell_E).  Yes,
there are elements of my life and character that I chose to imbue
Maxwell Smith, but most of these were unintentional.  Make that
of what you will, but I don't call this an SI, for what it's
worth.

This work is copyrighted (C) 1997-99.  Ranma 1/2 elements are used here
without permission. (Sorry.)  The Navy is used on a artistic license.  
All other copyrights, trademarks and stuff are still owned by those
respective folks who still do.  This is of course, a work of fiction.  
The author implies no guaranty as to the quality of his work.  Of course
any relation to persons living or dead, allegory to religious figures
etcetera is purely coincidental.  If you do find them, the author suggests
meditating on the benefits of gardening and giving up fandom.  The views
represented here do not reflect those of the Department of Defense, the
U.S. Navy or Shonen Sunday Comics.  They are mine, so git.


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Sean E Hayden || Maxwell Edison || Flinx 
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Tagline for Wednesday, June 09, 1999

A good pun is its own reword.

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Bavaria has been up for 54 hours. Hail Eris.
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El Presidente De La Norte Americano IBOS!
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