This story was not written by me, but by my friend sl1me.  I am posting this
story on his behalf.  Please email me with all comments and criticisms, and I
will forward them to him.

Yuffie

-----------------------

THE KUNO PROJECT

Written entirely by me, sl1me
Please give any and all comments! I would love to hear
some.  

All characters, places, things, dead wombats, flying marsupials,
assorted breakfast cereals, fruit bats, sloths, etc etc etc
are copyright and trademarks of the lovely Rumiko Takahashi etc
etc yadda yadda yadda.

Any parts where this fanfic resembles that of a really really
BAD fanfic are purely coincidental.

Also please excuse any convenience writing.  There are a few instances
of this, and since I am not an _exceptionally_ good writer, and I am
typically quite lazy, I wrote in a few shortcuts when I realized some
errors upon proofreading.  A good example of this is Nabiki's odd
knowledge of Ryoga's pork content.


Chapter One: The Fanfic begins


        "Hey! Up there! I think I see it! Near that big outcropping
of rock that looks like a hawk!" someone cheered triumphantly
from the front of the group.
        Hiroshi looked up to see if he could spot the outcropping
his clubmate had mentioned, but could only see the dark night sky.
        *That person must be part owl to see in such darkness,* he
thought to himself, *That, or part loon and he's imagining the
whole thing.*
        Continuing his climb up the mountain, he turned to his own
thoughts. He began wondering if this trip out to China with the
other members of the Spellunking club was the kind of vacation he
needed right now.  The stress building from school and family was
really getting to him, and he needed some way to work things out
in his mind; But somehow he didn't think he was going to get a 
chance to be by himself much during this trip.
        Things had been pretty hectic the whole way.  First Miss
Hinako-sensei (who sponsored their club since its creation a
few months ago) had lost the airplane tickets, which caused quite
an unhappy stir from the club members.  This stir was dissolved
quickly as she started sucking the life out of them for being such
rude delinquent teenagers.  Hiroshi had been wise enough to stay
on her good side, having experienced her ki-draining attacks
once before.
        Miss Hinako had managed to get replacement tickets from
the desk at the airport, somehow.. He didn't think he really
wanted to know what fate befell the poor man whom she approached
on the subject, but didn't expect it to be good.
        Worse yet, on the plane ride Hiroshi discovered for the
first time that he got airsick. Violently airsick. And unfortunately,
his clubmates also learned this, in quite an unpleasant fashion.
After a while he got used to it enough to at least make it to
the mini-bathroom in the back of the plane. This didn't make it
any less unpleasant, however.
        Upon landing in China, Miss Hinako realized that, since
she was in child form while originally planning their expedition,
she had totally overlooked the fact that nobody knew how
to get around in China, and she didn't even think about hiring a
guide to their destination.
        Near the terminal, she spotted a young man and offered to
pay him some money to show them the way to their destination: the
foothills just outside of Jusenkyo. Fortunately, (or so it seemed
at the time) the young man she flagged down was not only Japanese,
but also from their hometown. His name was Ryoga Hibiki.
        Hiroshi had spoken with him off and on, but usually never
really saw him around.  Soon he learned why.  They spent hours
following the muscle-bound boy before they realized that he had
absolutely no clue where on earth he was going.  When Ryoga stopped
to take a breather, an elderly village man walked up to him and
inquired of their journey.  When he learned where they were headed,
he immediately gave Ryoga a look one might give a small child
who has suffered repeated severe blows to the head, and told them
in broken Japanese, that Jusenkyo was two days travel in the
opposite direction.  He also informed them that they were at the
Great Wall of China.
        At this, Ryoga looked up at the Wall, and said "Oh."
        At *this*, several club members proceeded to beat the
unholy crap out of him.  Hiroshi relented, seeing the angry look on
Miss Hinako's face, and figured that he was going to get what he
deserved, and several members of the Spellunking Club were also
going to get what Ryoga deserved.
        Eventually, they managed to find transportation back to a
village near the base of the Jusenkyo mountains.  They found a lodge,
and rested up for the hike the next day.  They vowed to get up early
in the morning, because of all the time lost following Ryoga.
        In the middle of the night, Hiroshi awoke to the sounds
of a bloodcurdling scream. Realizing it was just another club
member ignorantly trying to get a peek at the nightgown-wearing
adult form of Miss Hinako in the next room, he went back to sleep.
        The next morning they packed their things, and set out
on their journey up the hills.  Which is where Hiroshi now found
himself, deep in thought.
        Up ahead, the same over-zealous climber who had first seen
the cave was shouting down something undecipherable from Hiroshi's
spot on the mountain.  Word eventually passed through the group
that he had reached the top first, and was admonishing the rest
of the group for being such slow, wimpy climbers.
        An anguished gargling noise from above marked Miss Hinako's
arrival at the cave, and soon Hiroshi and the others were all
gathered around the opening.  They dug out their flashlights and
entered the cave.
        Hiroshi briefly thought to himself that this was the only
actual spellunking the Spellunking Club had done in the 6 months
since it had been formed. All the other 'meetings' had been comprised
of playing random trading card games, and talking about girls.
        He wondered if any of them were really physically fit enough
for such an endeavour as this, and surmised that they must be,
if they had made it thus far through all of Miss Hinako's 
punishments and the rigorous travel while being led by the forever
lost Ryoga Hibiki.  
        Delving deeper into the cave, they happened upon a fork
in the tunnel.  The passage they were following continued ahead,
with a small stream next to it.  The stream turned to follow the other
branch of the fork, which went in the direction of back the way they
came, but slightly at an angle.
        They continued forward, following the stream to its source.
It didn't seem to be moving that much, for there was quite a bit
of algae and other strange things floating on and/or in it.
        Hiroshi made his way to the front of the group, to talk to
his friend Daisuke.
        "Think we'll find anything interesting in here?" Hiroshi
asked him.
        Daisuke pondered that for a moment, then replied "Does it
matter? We're getting out and searching an actual cave.  If it
weren't for that damned Ryoga we would be searching a few, but
we've lost so much time..."  He trailed off.
        Hiroshi noticed the tunnel getting darker, and realized that
everyone but Daisuke and him had put their flashlights away. 
Evidently they could see well enough in the darkness to see the
people in front of them, and the light of the two boys in front was
enough to make way.
        "Hey Hiroshi, you hear that dripping noise?" Daisuke asked.
        Hiroshi listened for a few moments, his head cocked. 
Eventually he could make out a faint dripping noise, and shined
his light around to see where it was coming from.  He finally found
it, a series of cracks in the ceiling, dripping liquid, over
the nearby stream.
        "That must be the source of the stream." Daisuke commented.
        Daisuke shined his light at another spot in the ceiling, and
he and Hiroshi started wondering aloud what the source of that water
could be aboveground.  
        Suddenly, there was a scream, and everything was dark.
        The club members frantically searched for their flashlights,
and Shoji, a boy Hiroshi had only known sporadically since joining
the club, managed to get his out first.
        What they saw frightened the hell out of them.  They were
at the edge of a massively steep crevasse, at the bottom of which
was a lake the size of a small stadium.  Hanging on to the edge
of the precipice was Daisuke, his flashlight lost to the lake
below.
        Hiroshi was nowhere in sight.


Chapter Two: The fanfic continues.

        "Honestly, Ranma, I'm just trying to help.  You can be such
a baby sometimes!" Akane was heard yelling from the other room.
She appeared in the living room moments later, an exasperated look
on her face.
        "Not responding well to treatment?" Nabiki queried of her
younger sister.
        "He's such a pigheaded fool sometimes.  I just wanted to
make him some food or something to help him try and regain his
strength, and he suddenly freaks out on me!" she replied.
        Nabiki returned her attention to her book and smiled
inwardly.  *What do you think probably made him sick in the
first place, sister dear?* she thought to herself.
        Two days ago, Akane had again brought out her mother's
recipe book that she had found, and was again trying to follow
a recipe within letter for letter.  Unfortunately, as always,
she failed miserably.
        Ranma had come in after training with his father for longer
than usual, and started shoveling the food in his mouth before
Nabiki could warn him who had made it in a manner that her sister
could not hear.
        Moments later, Ranma was dead to the world, and Kasumi had
called Dr. Tofu.  He was put to bedrest, and was admonished to
stay in bed with a cold cloth on his forehead until his fever
came down.
        Akane, feeling slightly responsible for Ranma's current
condition (even though she would say nothing of it), took to 
freshening the cloth on his head, and generally helping him by
bringing food and even a small TV into the room, and attending
to his every need.
        Late yesterday evening, however, as she was freshening his
cloth, she tipped over the bucket that was sitting on the
nightstand for just such a purpose, and it had splashed all over
Ranma.
        Ranma-chan had been awoken and yelled in a delirium at
Akane, and she had run out of the room, steamed at him(her) again.
Ranma-chan had fallen asleep moments later, oblivious of the
whole exchange.
        Today, Ranma, still in his girl form, was semi-conscious and
in a very grumpy mood, and had been snapping at Akane all day. They
hadn't bothered to change Ranma-chan back into her boy form,
something that she eventually wished they had done.
        For around dinnertime that day, the ever-poetic Tatewaki
Kuno had learned of his beloved Pig-Tailed Girl's illness, and
rushed over to the Tendo household to visit her, and smother her
with his undying love.
        "WHITHER THE FALLEN PIG-TAILED GIRL, THAT I MIGHT HEAL
HER WITH MY LOVE?" Kuno shouted as he ran through the front door,
in a louder and more exasperating manner than ever.
        "Kuno-chan, you really should let her rest.  I don't think
she has enough energy to-" Nabiki began.
        "Silence woman! She needs love, and she needs it now!  How
could a nobleman such as I abandon the lovely Pig-Tailed Girl,
in her hour of need?  Nay! I shall bring her my love, and her
heart shall swell at the sight of me, and I shall rejoice at her
recovery in mine arms!" Kuno blathered.
        Nabiki moved to stop him, but was too late.  Kuno vaulted up
the stairs to Kasumi's room, where Ranma-chan lay groggily staring
at the ceiling.
        "Oh no," Nabiki thought to herself. "Ranma's still in his
girl form. And he's in no shape to deal with Kuno-chan in the
shape he's in." Nabiki followed after Kuno in an attempt to stay
his idiotic and painful love towards Ranma-chan.
        Halfway up the stairs, Nabiki could hear muted blatherings
of Kuno's from within Kasumi's room, and realized she was too late.
But the sight she saw upon coming to the door of Kasumi's room was
not one she had expected, nor would it be one she would ever forget.
        For at the bed where Ranma-chan lay, Kuno held her in his
arms, a kiss planted on her lips.
        There was a dull, fiery glare in Ranma-chan's eyes. One
that conveyed very clearly that, sickness or no sickness, Kuno
was going to die.
        It was bad enough that she hadn't realized what was going
on until it was too late, because of being sick from Akane's
cooking, but to have Kuno kiss her?  She went nuclear at such
a thought.
        Miles away, on the roof of a skyscraper in downtown Tokyo,
some children of a wealthy businessman were playing with their
newly bought telescope.  One boy was looking off into the distance
trying to spy something interesting in his glass, while the other
waited for his turn.
        The boy looked off in the opposite direction than the child
with the glass was looking, and distinctly heard something faint,
off in the distance.  It sounded like someone yelling.
        Gradually, the noise gained volume, until it was the most
unbelievably loud shriek of anger that the boy had ever heard.
(Not that he had heard many, mind you, being a small boy, but it
was still quite loud.)
        The other boy turned to look around to see if his friend
was the one causing the enormous noise, but he was not. He could
not find the source. 
        It was definitely a girl's voice, the boy mused.  The yell
was getting so loud now that the boys had to cover their ears.
It was almost starting to hurt.
        Then, abruptly, it stopped.
        The boys thought about it for a while, then lost interest
and turned back to their telescope, only to find that the lens
had cracked.


Chapter Three: Shuck 'em, suck 'em, and eat 'em raw!


        Ranma-chan stood over Kuno's prone body, breathing heavily.
She was so furious over this, that she still wanted to beat the
crap out of Kuno, but had done enough damage to stop and rest, and
consider with a clearer head a more efficient way of dismembering
the fallen bokken wielder.
        "Ranma... That was the most violent display I have ever seen,
and I've seen alot around you and Akane." Nabiki commented, looking
at the still figure of Kuno on the floor.
        Bruises covered Kuno's entire body, and a trickle of blood
crept from the corner of his mouth.  His robes were in tatters, 
and even now Ranma-chan wondered idly to herself which of the
thousand moves she had blindly used on Kuno had done that 
particular bit of damage.
        "This has to stop. I'm not about to get kissed or groped
by this buffoon ever again." Ranma-chan said.
        Nabiki thought about this for a while, and then came up
with an idea. She motioned for Ranma to help her drag Kuno into
the dojo.
        Oddly enough, Ranma seemed to be feeling a lot better.
Whatever was making him sick seemed to leave him after getting
some 'exercise'.  *Too bad he didn't start feeling better _before_
this mess happened.* Nabiki thought to herself.
        Once in the dojo, Nabiki strapped Kuno into a folding chair
that had previously been leaning up against the wall, and waited
for him to regain conciousness.  The wait was a long one.
        Days later, upon checking on Kuno, Nabiki finally found him
awake, albeit groggy.
        "Nabiki Tendo, whither am I?" he asked her in a slightly
condescending tone.
        Nabiki smiled to him and replied, "You're in our dojo,
Kuno-chan. I'll be right back." and went to fetch Ranma for the
next part of her plan.
        Ranma, now back in his boy form, followed behind Nabiki
carrying several buckets of water.  He placed these down on the
floor as Nabiki approached him with some scotch tape.
        "What do you plan on doing with such implements, Nabiki
Tendo?" he inquired of her.
        She did not respond, but proceeded to tape his eyelids open.
        "What is the meaning of this!?" Kuno shouted.
        "Calm down, Kuno-chan. I just want to make sure you don't
miss anything.  We're going to try and teach you something that
we should have taught you long ago." Nabiki cooed at him.
        She motioned to Ranma, and he picked up one of the buckets.
        "Okay Kuno, pay attention." he began. "See this?" Ranma
motioned to the bucket he held up in his hand.
        "Yes, foul Saotome. I recognize a bucket of water when I see
one.  I am not as ignorant of the world as the likes of you." Kuno
hissed at him.
        Ranma ignored his jibe and proceeded. "Now watch what happens
when I pour this bucket of cold water on me. And watch carefully.
Okay?"
        Kuno sighed. "Very well, Saotome, although I do not know
what one such as you could ever possibly teach one like me, who
hath been brought up with such noble upbringings."
        Ranma ignored Kuno's bad Shakespearean grammar and proceeded
to dump the bucket of water on his head, when he was sure Kuno was
looking directly at him.
        "PIG-TAILED GIRL! From whence did you come my love? Where
did the sorcerous Saotome pull you from, that he had previously
imprisoned thee?!" Kuno yelled, straining against his restraints.
        Ranma-chan sighed. "You idiot, didn't you see what happened?"
she admonished him, "Okay. Watch CAREFULLY. See this bucket?" 
Ranma-chan motioned to the bucket of warm water she had picked up.
"Watch very carefully what happens when I pour this bucket of
warm water over my head." At this, she did as she said.
        "FOUL SAOTOME, WHITHER DID YOU SPIRIT THE PIG-TAILED ONE!"
Kuno bellowed.
        "This is hopeless." Ranma said to Nabiki. "He isn't ever
going to get it."
        "Try again. Take it step by step." Nabiki replied.
        Ranma sighed.  "Alright. Now for a moment, ignore any feelings
you have towards me or the pig-tailed girl, okay? I need you to be
as objective as possible here, Kuno." 
        "Forget my feelings of the pig-tailed goddess? I KNEW IT! You
are trying to spirit her away from me, and to enchant her with your
evil spells in order to make her fall in love with you! YOU ENEMY
OF WOMEN! BRING HER BACK TO ME RIGHT THIS INSTANT OR YOU WILL PAY!"
Kuno shouted, becoming red in the face.
        Ranma momentarily thought this sounded familiar, but shrugged it off.
        Nabiki took a moment and whispered something in Kuno's ear,
and eventually calmed him down, much to Ranma's amazement.
        Nabiki walked over to Ranma, and turned back to Kuno.
        "Alright Kuno-chan, I'm only going to do this once.  You know
that I have no intent of spiriting away your pig-tailed goddess,
right?" Nabiki asked Kuno.
        Kuno thought about this, thought about this some more with
his eyebrow arched, then dismissed that train of thinking and shook
his head to clear his mind of it.  "I shall take your word, Nabiki
Tendo.  You have always been honest towards me."
        Nabiki raised a speculative eyebrow at this comment, but
said nothing of it. "Okay, and you know that I have no special
feelings towards Ranma, neither hate or undying love?"
        "You are not the type of woman that he would attract, Nabiki
Tendo." Kuno replied.
        Ranma glared at him but held himself back.  Nabiki proceeded
with her dialogue.
        "Now, please take note what Ranma here is wearing. Red Chinese
shirt, black trousers. Yes?" she quizzed him.
        "Yes." Kuno replied.
        "And he is standing, right over there, next to the empty buckets."
        "Yes."
        "Now we take this bucket of cold water, and we will upend
it over his head.  But when I do this, I want you to observe, and
do not react to what happens. Understood?"
        "Very well, Nabiki Tendo. I shall do as you instruct." Kuno
replied.
        Nabiki poured the cold water on Ranma's head, revealing his
girl form.  Kuno make a strange face, but followed Nabiki's 
instructions to the letter, and did not vocally react.
        "Okay, Kuno-chan, who do you see standing here?" she asked.
        "My beloved pig-tailed girl! Whi-" Kuno began.
        "Hush now.  What is she wearing?" she continued.
        "Er- a red chinese shirt, and black trousers."
        "And she is standing where?"
        "Right next to the empty buckets, are you blind?" Kuno replied.
        "And what was Ranma wearing?" she asked.
        "Why, a red chinese shirt, and black trousers."
        "Which leads you to assume...?" she asked, a hopeful look on
her face.
        Kuno thought for a moment, then replied "That Saotome has 
not only spirited her away with his evil powers, but he has also
stolen her clothing! YOU CAD! HOW DARE YOU KIDNAP A WOMAN AND GO
ABOUT IN HER CLOTHING! HAVE YOU NO SHAME!?" Kuno ranted.
        "You were right, Ranma, this is hopeless." Nabiki sighed.


Chapter Four:  I don't know why I'm naming these Chapters like this.



        Soun placed his piece on the Shogi board with a smirk. *Let's
see him get around that!* he thought to himself smugly. His smirk
soon soured into a frown with Genma's next move.
        "So, Saotome," Soun began, in an attempt to lure away his
opponent's attention, "What would you think of helping me add an
addition to the house?  With Nabiki's recent vacation to that
casino in Australia, we can finally afford something like that."
        Genma thought about this and replied, "There are casinos
in Australia?"
        Soun hesitated, and then replied "There must be.  Otherwise,
where would she have gotten all that money?"
        Genma looked at his friend but said nothing.
        "So," Soun continued, "What of my idea?"
        Soun placed his next move down, and took a drag on his
cigarette.  He coughed violently when he saw Genma's next move.
        "Excellent, Tendo, that sounds like a marvelous idea. Why,
we could have Ranma help with it, and maybe keep sending Akane
out with sandwiches or something.  It would be perfect!". His
glee soon ended when he saw Soun's next move, and he made a scowl
that almost resembled his panda form.
        "That's exactly what I was thinking, Saotome," Soun replied
as Genma considered his next move.
        Just then, there was a lot of shouting from the direction
of the dojo, but the two were far too engrossed in their game to
notice it.
        Kasumi walked up to the two men and inquired if they wanted
any sandwiches or drinks while she was up.  Soun looked up at her
and considered, scratching his chin.  Genma took this opportunity
to move some of the pieces on the Shogi board without him noticing.
        "Yes, that would be great, Kasumi. I'll have some tea." he
replied. "Want anything, Saotome?" he asked as he turned to his
friend.
        Genma, flushed in the face for some reason, replied, "Why, er
yes, that would be great, if it weren't er- too much trouble, er
um... yeah.  Excellent." Genma gave a nervous look to his lap, which
Soun did not catch.
        He turned back up to Kasumi, and relayed what Genma had said.
Genma took this opportunity to place the piece that he had not had
the time to place before, because of Soun's abrupt return of looking
towards the board.  Having successfully "moved", Genma laughed and
said, "Ha! Beat that one, Tendo!"
        Soun looked disapprovingly at the board as Kasumi walked off.
She went into the kitchen, fetched their food and drink, and walked
off in the direction of the dojo, to see if Ranma and the others
wanted anything.
        Upon opening the door, she saw a very exasperated Ranma
clutching his head in despair, Nabiki yelling loudly in Kuno's face
something about him being an utter fool, and Shampoo, Ryoga, and
a duck sitting against the wall, looking tired.
        "Does anybody want any food while I'm up? Some drinks? You
all look tired." Kasumi asked.
        Ranma looked up and said he was fine, Nabiki asked for one
of her bottles of water from the fridge, Shampoo declined, and
Ryoga asked for some rice, if it wasn't too much trouble.
        "Oh not at all, Ryoga," Kasumi replied with a smile on her
face. "But what are you doing here, weren't you on a trip to China?"
she asked.
        "Yeah, well," he stammered in reply, "I kind of got lost and
found myself back here in front of the dojo, when Ranma saw me and
asked me to help with something."
        "Oh, okay." Kasumi looked down at the duck, wondered briefly
what a duck was doing in the dojo, and then closed the door to
fetch their food.
        Upon returning to the dojo, she found Ranma-chan in the corner
crying, Mousse, and a cat and P-chan all against the wall looking
exasperated, or the closest thing the miscellaneous animals could
come up with.
        "Here's your water, Nabiki, but where did Ryoga go?" Kasumi
asked.
        Nabiki gratefully took her water, and, giving an exasperated
look towards Kuno, replied "He just went out back. You can leave
his food here, he'll be right back."
        "Oh, okay." she replied, and put the dish of rice on the
floor. She then proceeded to again leave.
        Once Kasumi was gone, Nabiki turned to Ranma.  "I give up.
He's never going to learn this way."
        Ranma-chan stopped crying in frustration for a moment as
her eyes lit up with an idea. "I've got it!  You still have some
money left over from your trip to Australia, don't you?" she asked
Nabiki.
        "Yeah, I gave some of it to daddy, but I kept a lot more
to myself.  But I was going to save it for birthday presents, or
reinvestment." she replied.
        "Well, you can consider this my birthday present, if it
works." she continued, and walked over to Nabiki and began to
whisper things in her ear.
        Nabiki's eyes lit up, and she said "Boy, Ranma, you sure
can be evil sometimes.  But hey, it just might work. And, even
if it doesn't, boy does he deserve it anyway." She giggled at
the thought of Ranma's plan, and proceeded to clean things up,
and untie Kuno from the chair.


Chapter Five: These chapters are too short.


        Four days later, Ranma, Nabiki, Ryoga, Mousse, Genma and Kuno
were on a plane to China.  Ranma didn't know what Nabiki had told
Kuno to convince him to go with them, but whatever it was didn't
seem to sit very well with him.  He was in a bad mood the whole way.
        Ryoga, Mousse and Genma had come along to China, on the
off-chance that they found the Spring Of Drowned Man, so that
they might cure themselves of their curse.  Ranma was looking
forward to finally being able to do that too, but he also had
his plan to cure Kuno of Pig-Tailed-Girl lust on his mind.
        Ryoga was lost in a paperback book, and his seatmate
Mousse was looking out the window, keeping to himself as well.
Ranma, seated next to his father across from Nabiki and Kuno,
wondered if this was really going to work or not.
        Ranma turned to Nabiki.
        "How long did you know about Ryoga, anyway?" he asked her.
        Nabiki looked up from her in-flight magazine, and turned
to him. "Oh, I knew it a long time ago.  What is there that goes
on in this household that I _don't_ know?" she replied.
        Ranma realized this was true, but was still uncertain.
        "Why didn't you say anything all those times?" he asked.
        Nabiki shrugged. "I was waiting for some opportunity to
use it to my advantage, of course.  Just never really seemed to
get around to it."
        Ranma thought about this, and was about to continue when
his father spoke up.
        "So, Ranma, I knew you would eventually spend one of your
summer vacations this way.  But then I suppose I can't blame
you." Genma commented.  Ranma ignored him.
        Genma looked down the aisle, hoping they would be serving
pork buns.

        Upon landing in China, they hired transportation, and made
it to Jusenkyo without incident.  Once at the springs, they stood
and looked with a frown at the pools of water that had begun all
this.
        "So, why do you bring me to such a low-class tourist
attraction, Nabiki Tendo?" Kuno asked.
        Nabiki ignored him, and walked up to the Jusenkyo guide.
        "Excuse me, do you know which springs are which?" Nabiki
asked him.
        The Jusenkyo guide, in his broken Japanese, replied, "Only
some, miss, mostly just ones you friends here fall into. Very
dangerous what they did, very tragic."
        Nabiki continued, "Which one was the one that Ranma here
fell into? Do you remember off the top of your head?"
        The guide thought about this, and replied, "Oh yeah, sure,
he fall into Spring of Drowned Girl, that spring over there.  Very
tragic story of young-"
        "Yes, we've heard that tragic story, thanks." Ranma replied.
        The guide went quiet.  Nabiki walked over to Kuno, who was
flanked by Ranma and Genma.  "Okay, Kuno-chan. Now begins your
next lesson in Pig-Tailed-Girl 101.  Do it, boys."
        Ranma and Genma picked Kuno up, and heaved him into the
Spring of Drowned Girl.

Chapter Six: Didn't I say these chapters were too short?

        There are several popular theories in Furinkan High about why
Ranma-chan looks the way she does.  One is that her body is how Ranma-kun
would have looked, had he been born a boy.  Another theory is that her
body is made up of all the recesssive genes of Ranma-kun's that never
came out.  Thus explaining some things like the red hair, etc.
        There is yet another theory that Ranma-chan looks exactly like
whatever young girl originally drowned in the Cursed Spring, although
how a Japanese girl would have found her way to Jusenkyo and drowned
long before it became a tourist attraction is a question to be asked
of said theory.
        Upon thinking this far upon the subject, most average Furinkan
High students move on to more interesting things.  The event that was
then happening at the Cursed Springs, for example, was quite interesting.
        Ranma and company waited patiently as Kuno splashed around in
the Spring, waiting for him to calm down and climb out, waiting to see
what his female form would look like.
        She did not look exactly like Ranma-chan, as one of the mentioned
theories might dictate, nor did he resemble his sister Kodachi, as he would
if the theory of recessive genes were true, or if he had been born a girl.
        Upon finally exiting the Spring, Kuno's female form laid with
her head on the ground, breathing heavily, getting her bearings on things.
        "Oh, Kuno...chan?" Nabiki heard herself saying.
        Kuno-chan looked up at Nabiki, and glared.
        Nabiki found herself staring into green eyes, and realized that the
face that looked back at her was not what she expected Kuno's female form
to look like.  She had blue hair, similar to Akane's, but not as dark.  She
was almost as tall as Kuno-kun, falling short by only about half a foot. Much
less height loss than Ranma had when changing into a girl.
        She couldn't put her finger on what it was exactly that she had
expected Kuno to change into, but the Amazon-looking take-no-prisoners girl
she saw in front of her was not it.  She had expected something more...
        Well, dopey.
        Ranma, a smug look on his face, turned to Kuno-chan as she stood up,
adjusting her robes.
        "NOW do you understand, Kuno?" he asked, waiting for it to be finally
over.
        "Understand what?" she replied, in a voice that although much more
feminine, was undoutably Kuno.
        Ranma dug in his pack and pulled out a hand mirror for Kuno-chan to
see.  Kuno-chan gazed in the mirror, and repeated her question.
        Ranma faulted.  "Errr... Kuno... don't you see what's in the mirror
here?"
        Kuno-chan gave Ranma a look of exasperation and mild-rage.  "Of course
I see what's in the mirror! I am! What do you take me for, some kind of
simpleton?"
        Ranma was at a loss for words.
        "B-B-But... you... you're..." he stammered.
        The rest of the group was as astonished as Ranma was, and stood there
silently watching the exchange.
        "I'm what?" Kuno-chan demanded of Ranma.
        "A girl, you fool! You're a girl! Look at you!" he yelled at her.
        "Is that not normal, or are you truly as dumb as you look?" she
replied.
        "No, it's not normal! Don't you even remember? What the hell
is wrong with you?" Ranma shouted at her, enraged that even THIS seemed
to not be working.
        "I remember much more than you would even have the cranial capacity
to retain, you buffoon!" she shouted back.
        They continued on and on like this until Nabiki walked up with a
bucket of hot water that she had just heated up and threw it on Kuno-chan.
        Kuno stood there, just as before.
        "Well? Thou didst mention something of teaching me. I await your
instruction." Kuno said.
        Ranma walked over to a nearby rock and started smacking his own
head against it in frustration.
        "You mean..." Genma began, "..he doesn't remember when he's his
female form?  Why would that happen with him but not with Ranma?"
        At this, the Jusenkyo guide spoke up. "Is very common with people
who fall in spring.  Some they cannot handle strain of being transformed.
Some they just messed up in the head."
        *Well,* Ranma thought, *That last certainly includes Kuno.*
        Exasperated, portions of the group went to search for the Spring of
Drowned Man with the Jusenkyo Guide, while Nabiki and Kuno returned to their
campsite down the hill.
        "I certainly do not grasp the reasoning for such a trip to China."
Kuno said to her as she worked the fire.
        Nabiki glanced at him and said nothing.
        "I expect recompense if this trip serves no purpose." he ventured.
        "Tell you what, Kuno," she replied, "I'll flip you for it."

Chapter Seven: The plot thickens, like 2-week old cream of chicken soup.

        "Whaddya mean you don't remember which one is the Spring of Drowned
Man?" Ranma yelled into the Jusenkyo Guide's face.
        "We not know! Not all Springs have markings!" he replied.
        Ranma grimaced. "Well then, we'll have to test every single one,
won't we?" he said.
        The Jusenkyo Guide looked slightly bothered by this, and replied,
"Sir! You don't do that! That very very bad!  You change into all kinds
of horrible things!"
        "Who said I was going to test the springs with myself?" he asked.
        The Guide's look of bother turned to one of horror, as Ranma flung him
into the nearby Spring.
        A panda came out.
        "Well, there's the one I fell in, Ranma." Genma remarked.
        The panda climbed out of the spring, and Ranma fired at it with
a watergun filled with hot water.  He had brought the water guns to use on
Kuno on the way home, in order to torment him continuously, but it seemed
that was pointless now.
        The others stood in a group not far off, hoping that Ranma found
the proper spring.
        The Jusenkyo Guide fell to the ground, gasping for breath.
        Ranma picked him up and chucked him into another nearby Spring,
where he surfaced as a duck.
        "Oh, too bad." Ranma told the duck. "You fall in Spring of Drowned
Duck.  Very tragic story."
        Ranma picked up the duck by the neck and flung him into another
nearby Spring.
        This went on for hours, until nightfall.  By Ranma's count, they had
checked 57 Springs, and had not found it yet.  Ranma placed the Jusenkyo
Guide, now in hamster form, in his pocket and walked back to the group of
others who looked as tired as him.
        "Let's head back to camp for tonight," Ranma suggested, and they
headed down the hillside.


        Hiroshi woke up.
        He was on a hillside.
        He didn't remember much.
        He groaned and tried to move, but his body responded with telling him
in no uncertain terms that if he wanted to move, it was damn well going to
hurt.
He opened his eyes, and surveyed his surroundings.
        From what he could tell, he was near the cave that the Club had gone
spellunking
into, because he could see the outcropping of rock that someone had commented
on looking
like a hawk.  He couldn't seem to make out the entrance of the cave, however,
as there
was lots of low-lying shrubbery in his way.
        He laid there for a moment, gathering his strength, and tried to move
again.  It hurt,
but not quite as much this time.  He looked himself over, and surmised that
nothing was
broken, or at the very most, cracked.  He felt like a dummy that you might see
people
practicing on in a local dojo, and then began to wonder if even the dummy felt
this bad.
        He tried standing, and was rewarded with a face full of weeds as he
fell from
a dizzy spell.
        After some time, he realized this portion of the story was rapidly
getting boring
as hell, and decided that the author needed some sleep, or else it would just
gradually
degenerate into even worse literary crap.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...........