A Bugs Bunny/Ranma 1/2 Crossover
By: Jon Osborne


I would like to apologize in advance for what you are about to read.  I lay
the blame for this clearly on the shoulders of Cartoon Network and their
June Bugs Marathon.  Just Fair Warning.


Ranma belongs to Rumiko Takahashi.  Bugs Bunny and all related Looney Tunes
characters belong to Warner Bros.  As always, they are being used without
permission for the sole amusement of myself and anyone on the FFML.

*****

"Bugs Ranma and Kuno Fudd"

[The scene opens with Kuno dressed in a hunting outfit, tiptoeing around
Furinkan with his bokken held like a shotgun.  He turns to the camera and
places a finger over his lips.]

Kuno: Shhhhh!!!  Be vewy, vewy quiet.  I'm hunting Wanmas.  Hehhehheh!

[Suddenly he stops and stares at the ground.  It is covered in craters that
look suspiciously like the leftovers of several Bakusai-tenketsus.  He
looks at the camera.]

Kuno: Wanma twacks!

[He follows the path of destruction to the Tendo household.  He points his
bokken at the gates to the compound.]

Kuno: I've got you now you dastawdly Wanma.  Come face the wath of the
gweat Kuno Fudd!

[Ranma hops down from the roof of the house across the street and sneaks up
behind Kuno.  He pulls out a carrot and starts chewing on it.]

Ranma: Eh, what's up doc?

[Kuno spins around.]

K: I'm hunting Wanma.

R: Oh yeah?  Does he wear a red chinese shirt like this?  And black pants
like these?  And does he have a black pigtail like this?

K: Yeah, yeah, yeah!

R: Sorry.  Haven't seen him.

[Ranma turns to leave.  Kuno looks crestfallen.]

K: Oh, alwight then. [A lightbulb goes on above his head.]  Hey!  You're
the Wanma!

[He leaps at Ranma, who dodges effortlessly, then zips into the Tendo
compound.  Kuno chases Ranma to the Tendo house.  Ranma just manages to
slip in the door and closes it in Kuno's face.  When Kuno opens the door,
he is greeted by a female Ranma.  Ranma is now dressed in a white blouse,
red skirt, white pantyhose, and black patent leather shoes.  She is wearing
lipstick, blush and eyeshadow and a black patent leather purse is hooked on
her right arm.  Kuno's jaw drops to the ground and his tongue rolls out a
good ten feet from his mouth.  She brushes by him to sit coyly on a bench
by the Tendo pond.  Kuno pulls himself together and follows her.]

K: Oh my pig-tailed goddess!  To so dwess youwself up fow my gweat
pewsonage must mean that that foul sowcewow Wanma has lost his hold on you.
 

[He sits next to her on the bench and reaches out for her hand.  She bats
her eyelashes at him and his heart thumps out of his chest.  As she leans
forward to kiss him, a teakettle comes out of nowhere, dousing Ranma and
turning her back into a guy.  Seeing the 'Wanma' in front of him, Kuno
starts.  But before he can do anything, Ranma Grabs him and kisses him on
the lips.  He then leaps away and races back into the house.]

K: Why that foul sowcewow has stolen my bewoved pig-tailed goddess away
again!

Ryoga [From atop the fence of the Tendo compound]: You fool, that was Ranma
the whole time.  Now go over there and get him!

[Kuno approaches the door to the Tendo house and opens it.  Ranma is
standing in his usual garb, munching on a carrot.]

Ra: Eh, what's up doc?

K: Now I shall smite thee foul sowcewow Wanma!

Ra: But I'm a Martial Artist Ranma, not a Sorceror Ranma.

K: You awe?

Ra: Yeah, see!  [He holds up his foot.  On it is printed a seal.  The seal
reads 'One Martial Artist Ranma, as certified by the Japanese Government.']
 Now, do you have a license to smite a Martial Artist Ranma?

K: Uh, no.

Ry: Oh brother!  [He pulls Kuno aside]  Wait here!

[Ryoga walks past Ranma into the Tendo household.  He comes out a moment
later with a pen and paper.  He is talking as he writes.

Ry: The bearer of this license is hereby granted permission to smite...[He
turns to Ranma.]  Hey, bub.  How do you spell Martial Artist?

Ra: M-a-r-t-i-a-l A-r-t-i-s-t...R-y-o-g-a.

Ry: Thanks

[He hands the paper to Kuno, who reads it.  Kuno then looks at Ryoga, then
Ranma and then Ryoga, and back to Ranma.  He is confused.]

Ry [Irritated] : Well!  Go on!  Smite him!  Smite him!

[Kuno shrugs, then whacks Ryoga over the head with his bokken.  After the
stars clear away, Ryoga grabs the paper and reads it.]

Ry: Huh!  I guess it's all nice and legal.  [He returns the paper to Kuno.]
 Well go on.

[Kuno shrugs again and whacks Ryoga hard enough to floor him.  Ryoga drags
himself over to Ranma.  Then, using the door jamb as support, pulls himself
up to look Ranma in the eye.]

Ry: You're despicable.

[Ranma smiles at Ryoga then punts him into orbit.  Kuno quickly follows
Ryoga.  Fade to black.]

*****

Well, you were warned.  I don't really care about C&C for this piece.  It
was only a 1-hour spamfic.  I do feel better now that I've written it
though.

C-Ya ='P
Jon Osborne

"When life hands you dilemmas, make dilemmonade."