Ugh.

Mihoshi places her coffee mug down on the table and begins
to calm herself down.   She keep trying to remember to just

keeps

read what's on the telepromter.  The cameraman gives her the

teleprompter

"Good Morning everyone, and welcome to the first installment
of Early Morning Coffee with Mihoshi.  I'm your host
Mihoshi..."

Okay...we have garbage characters rolling around in here for some reason.
Why are there garbage characters rolling around in here? I think we need a
dose of ASCII.

She paused for a second and began to think out loud.  "The

They

Incidentally...you need to pick a verb tense and stick to it. You started
off in the present tense in the first paragraph, then jumped to the past
tense in a later paragraph. This is usually not a good thing to do.

"You said you'd help me out with this show.  I need this job or
I'll have to go back to dancing on tables to pay off my student
loan and apartment bills."

Errrrrrrrr......

Just my opinion, but...this paragraph sounds an awful lot like
Mihoshi-bashing. Putting aside the fact that the explanation for the need
of money is a bit off, the implication that Mihoshi would take a job
table-dancing...

Let me put it this way. Mihoshi is a bubblehead. She's ditzy and klutzy.
But she is neither a bimbo nor a slut, and this is getting dangerously
close to insinuating that.

Washu opened one of her eyes and sighed.  "POUR ME
SOME COFFEE."  Mihoshi picked up her GP cube and began
to fidget with it to get a cup of coffee to appear.  She then
began to read from the telepromter as she worked on it.

teleprompter

=Genma Saotome and Shoun Tendo are seen sparing in the

Soun, sparring

middle of  a fight mat.  The two stop and face the screen.=

'fight mat'? Let's learn some terminology, please...

Hello, Im Master Saotome

And Im Master Tendo

We are two of the worlds greatest martial artist.  Isnt that
right Tendo

And while you're at it, work on using punctuation that doesn't turn into
garbage characters in ASCII.

Right you are Saotome.  We have spent all of our lives toning

That should be 'honing our skills'...

our skills to reach the point that many martial artists can only
dream of.  Our deeds took us many years to accomplish, and at
great pains taking risk.

painstaking

Thats why were here to speaking to you now.

'to speaking'? Grammar much?

GENMA!  SHOUN!  Who told you that you two could call

Soun

We meant now harm, we were only looking to make a little

no harm

Mihoshi is picking up the last of the stuff that got swept onto
the stage by the black hole.  She heard someone calling her, so
she turned around to see the cameraman waving her arms
again.

Alert! Rampaging verb tenses!

Welcome back.  Its 3:05 and youre watching Morning
Coffee with Mihoshi.  I, once again, am your hostess
Mihoshi.  Before we move on to our next guest, lets have a
moment of silence for our first guess Washu.  Whom selflessly

Who selflessly

Okay, my next two guest are very important people.  One is
the crown princess of Juri and the other is a intergalactically

Jurai

That does it, Im leaving.

Me too.  This is an outrage Mihoshi.

Gee, quite a mild tone of voice for an outrage, wouldn't you say? Work on
your punctuation.

The two of them began to try to get out of their chairs.  They
couldnt muster up the energy to get out of their chairs.

The repetition of the phrase 'to get out of their chairs' in two
consecutive sentences does not look good. Replace one or the other with 'to
stand up.'

Both Aeka and Ryoko had their eyes closed.  They were
hanging in between staying awake and completely falling
asleep.  Ryoko had a trail of slob slowly declining from her

A trail of WHAT!? Dictionary time! A 'slob' is someone who is untidy,
unclean, unwashed, and wallows in filth.

The word you're looking for is 'slobber', or even better, 'drool'.

Oh, and drool doesn't 'decline'. It 'descends'. Or it 'drips'.

Miho poured some coffee into on a mug.  An afro comb fell
into the cup from the pot.  She picked it up and placed it to the
side.

Ah  The coffee must be black.   Please dont ask how I
know.

...

That was one of the lamest jokes I have ever had the displeasure of seeing.

So Aeka how do you feel about this love triangle that you
and Ryoko are in with Tenchi.

Punctuation, man! Commas and question marks!

Ryoko rubbed the slob for the side of her face and lifted his

O_o Does Tenchi know that Ryouko's into that sort of thing?

head toward Aeka.  She picked up her mug of coffee and took
a sip.  She then lifted her fist to the side of her head.

Right on.  Hmm, black coffee?

...

I take it back. That was MUCH lamer than the first joke.

Girls  Girls  Calm down there is no need for that.

There is apparently also no need for punctuation there doesn't seem to be a
need for proper sentences either run-on sentences are lots of fun.

Aeka and Ryoko both looked at each and then began to fume
as they turned back toward Mihoshi.  She thought about what
she just said, as she mumbled out, Uh oh.  The two girls
began to scream out in unison.

SASAMI WIN NOT WIN TENCHI!

Y' damn right, pilgrim.

<snip second commercial>

Ryoko and Aeka are both bond and gagged when the monitor

bound

turns back on.  Mihoshi is hunched back in her chair, as she
knocked out one last cup of saki.  The Stage hand, picks the

Okay, let's review here...

-Mihoshi was drinking coffee when this farce started.

-Mihoshi was still drinking coffee when this farce continued.

-Now, Mihoshi is inexplicably drinking a 'last' cup of sake? She never had
a first!

Mihoshi puts down her drink and squeenches her eyes as she
begins to read off of the telemonitor.

Another verb tense switch. Shame on you.

And 'squeenches' is not a word. 'squints' would work best here.

Gourry walks onto the stage and takes a seat.  He sat down
and immediately began to talk to Mihoshi.

...okay, verb tense switches from paragraph to paragraph are bad enough.
But switching tenses in the middle of the paragraph?

I have heard that you and I have something in common.  We
both suffer from Attention Deficit Syndrome.  This is terrible

this is *a* terrible thing

As she did was sip and stare off into nothing.  Then the little

'As she did was' makes no sense.

Thanks for putting up with this fic.  It was mostly written at
4:00 am in the morning.  So I have no idea what I wrote
period.  Sorry, but I hope you enjoyed it.

Sorry, but I didn't enjoy it.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Be a good trainer. Don't rape your Pokemon.

------

The Eternal Lost Lurker
Now available with the kung-fu grip and electronic buffalo stance!
I've got one hand in my pocket, and the other one's givin' you the
finger...
White Knight of the Knightly Order of Mihoshi Enthusiasts
Necessity is a mother.
Spare the rod. Boil the child.
What goes up, must come.
lurkerdrome@megami.net
http://lurkerdrome.megami.net
ICQ# 22559724

Pikkoro-san dai-dai-dai-dai-daaaaiiii...su-kiiii!