BTW, in the author's notes for this chapter I forgot to thank Grayson
Towler, who gave me the idea for the scene where Ranma tries to look at
Kodachi's stomach.

Alan Harnum <harnums@thekeep.org> wrote:

Nice portrayal of Kodachi here.  Her fondness for cruelty and 
domination seem only to have increased over the years.

Yep. :) When I want to write a "good" Kodachi, I work on SSOA. :)

    "Wrong." A playful smile spread across his face. He became
female, then went back to male again.

Might want to describe more specifically what this looks like to 
Akane; is it so quick as to be unnoticeable, or is there a second
of transition that she can see?

Hadn't even thought about it. I'll decide something and then put it in.

    Or... Akane shuddered as a new thought came to her. What if the
power of Jusenkyo *hadn't* wanted its victims freed, but Kasumi had
helped them anyway, not knowing? What if it was aware of what she'd
done, angered at the young upstart priestess who thought she could defy
its will, and ready to swat her like a fly?

Or maybe... maybe there isn't any spirit at all... :)

Maybe. But she who assumes the worst is never disappointed. :)

    "I cannot help you," she said, again not lying. "The Linghunbao
has been hidden away somewhere by Elder Ke Lun. I do not know where."

I do believe this was the mystery object that went missing during the
preludes.

Maybe... maybe not.

Nice allegorical-type interchange.  Good showing of Ranma and Ryouga's
character and attitude.

Thanks. :)

    He reached into his mind to change himself to female form, and
smiled at her.

And no one on the bus notices this?  o.O

Good point. I wonder what the average Qinghai native's reaction would be
to seeing that? "Ah! I see you've been to the cursed springs!" :-)

    "Use your female form whenever you wish to do so," Kuno said in
a heavy voice. "A man ought to be reminded of his mistakes, in order
that he might avoid repeating them."

Again, nice moment of characterization.  You're expanding well on the
changes in the cast established in the preludes.

It's taking me a while, but I am trying to showcase all the characters
to some extent.

    "You're an all right guy, Kuno." Ranma gave him a friendly chuck
on the shoulder,

I have never heard of "chuck" being applied to anything other than
someone's chin.  It also has an air of condescension to it that Kuno
wouldn't take well to; I recommend replacing it with "pat".

Will think about this, but I'm pretty sure I've heard it used this way.

I think Shan is selling herself short here.  She's demonstrated 
admirable leadership qualities in the story so far, and will no doubt
continue to do so.

Necessity is the mother of invention. She doesn't want to lead, but is
having to step into that role anyway. And, of course, she has a rather
rose-colored view of what it was like for Cologne.

Shampoo's only experiences so far have been with a man who loved her
that she didn't want, and a man she wanted who didn't love her.  It's
no surprise she's hesitant to enter into anything with Kuno.  I wonder
at the time, though; ten years is quite a while.  Has there been

Actually (where the heck did I put that timeline?) it's only been 5 or 6
years since Pu came back home. Not that that invalidates your point
any....

nothing between them in all that time, not even attempts to reach out
to each other?

Sure there've been attempts (to show them would take us into side story
territory) and some degree of progress has been made. But there's been
no definitive event to make Pu decide that she wants to commit her life
to him. Yet. :)

    Suddenly, Ranma's face was inches away from the most horrifying
beast in the universe. "AAAAAAAA!" He leapt to his feet and ran, barely
noticing the tent pole he knocked down on the way out. "CAT! CAT!"

Heh.  Good comical scene; I think anyone with a good knowledge of the
manga has figured out Kodachi's secret by now.  At least, I think I 
have.

I think a fair number of people have figured out at least part of it.

    "Oh, good morning, Ryoga!" she said brightly. "How are you
today?"

I assume you mean Kasumi stepped forward, not Ryoga.

Um... no, I meant Ryoga did, to where Kasumi was dishing out rice. I'l
try to clarify the scene a little better.

How many hints are you going to drop, Gary?  ;)

Two or three more.

Well, if he knows it, he certainly won't acknowledge it.  Cats are 
like that.  You want something that responds to its name, get a dog.

Hey, she did tell Ranma to do that earlier in this series. Too bad she
didn't take her own advice. :)

I'm still not sure how the 'marriage' thing between Ukyou and Mikado
fits into the mix.  It seems supplementary more than anything else at
this point.

That's probably a good word for it; though it'll cross with one of the
other plot threads before long.

    Some sort of bird swooped through the sky. Hikaru stared at it,
using a hand to shade his eyes from the bright sun. As it got closer, he
saw that it wasn't a bird -- rather, a woman with white, feathery wings.
She wore something similar to Kodachi's leotard, and even from such a
distance it was obvious that she was well-built. All in all, she looked
like a cross between an angel from Christian mythology, and one of the
Lovely Angels.

And we all know who this is.  ^_^

Yes, it's cameo time!

    "Well...." He looked around, probably wondering where he should
begin. "In case anyone doesn't know, that person was Ji Ma. She's a sort
of captain of the guard for a race of bird-people who live somewhere
near here."

Hmm... this seems to make it clear that Ji Ma has left by now, but
she's there in the next scene. 

Hmmm... continuity problem. Will fix.

Did you consider the possibility of lingering bad feelings between
Akane and Ji Ma over the Jusenkyou-pool incident?  It seems possible
that Shan Pu has met up with Ji Ma over the years and reconciled 
whatever anger might be there over the enslavement, but this is
probably Akane (and nearly everyone else's) first meeting with her
since V38.

Thought about it, yeah, but I couldn't really see her holding a grudge
for seven years like that. I mean, Mousse kidnapped her and nearly
turned her into a duck, and she didn't seem to bear him a grudge
afterwards at all.

    Yes, Batachikhan hated them for making him leave his home. By
rights, he was supposed to be there looking after Tikhtamysh. And Alagh
had just had his tenth birthday, without Daddy there, all because of the
damn 'Amazons.' So if he wanted to have a little pleasure with a local
girl once, that was his business. It was a lot less than they owed him.

What a deeply unpleasant human being.

Yep. To be fair, though, he has been fed a fairly steady diet of
propaganda....

    "The violence is bad enough." she said with agitation in her
voice. "But the sexual titillation and innuendo... 

"...those are the sorts of things that establish a good basis of
manliness.  I approve."

Hey, Hikaru's too *young* to be manly! (But don't try telling *him*
that....)

Lots and lots of good character development, but very little actual
plot.

The characterization and interaction between the cast is wonderful,
but so little attention is paid to the situation in the Amazon village
that I don't find myself all that concerned for it.  Except for the
short scene at the beginning, there's nothing that really creates much
tension for me about the fate of the Joketsuzoku.  I'd work on
developing that plotline a little more in the future, and having a few
more things "happen" than simply character interaction.

Yeah, this chapter was kind of a lull in the action... but the next one
should make up for it, as it's the big confrontation between our heroes
and the occupying force.

Still, I enjoyed reading this chapter for the characters alone.  Good
job, Gary.

Thanks; as always, the commentary is much appreciated!


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html