Nature had prescribed gray uniformity for the day, and in all her
kingdom only the Musk had dared to disobey. 

Prescribed, while techincally correct, connotates too much of the medical
profession to seem correct at first glance here.

mountains shed their usual ruddy tone for that of quick-cooked flesh

Quick-cooked?  What odd word choice!  I would expect 'seared' or
something.

Once the monks had disappeared, once there was no doubt in its mind that
there were no individuals but only a mystic lotus, Fierce Protector and
the Mentor at the pool, then it did its teacher's bidding. 

Who's the 'it' who's visualizing this?  It isn't clear.  In fact, this
whole sentence is slightly awkward.

The mystic lotus bloomed; their yellow robes wounded the surrounding
gray and from the pool walked out the human fruit, twice-born, unclad. 

An interesting description, human-fruit.  In the Journey West, a classic
Chinese tale, one of the adventures of Sun Wu-Kong involved the fruit from
a tree that was supposed to grant youth for a large number of years (I
think 20,000, but it's possible that I misremember).  I thought that was
their object, for a brief moment, before I read on. 

     "Well, not a pair like--"  Hiroshi shut his mouth as Ranma gave him
a look promising painful death, or at least something involving caltrops
used in ways not approved of by the manufacturer. 

You know how caltrops are used, right?  I suspect that anyone who's
willing to make the things aren't going to care how they're used.  It's
pretty bad any way. 

     The bell rang in time with Ranma's anguished yell.  Hiroshi's
anguished yell followed almost immediately. 

Heh!

     Or... Terrifying as the thought might be, was his age finally
catching up to him? 

I believe that the 'Terrifying' should be lowercase.

and what had they given him?  Nothing but pain and rejection. 

As I once wrote to Mike Allen when prereading his Happosai fic.

"Waaah!  Poor Happosai...wait a minute.  What the hell am I saying?"

     The word 'wedding' invoked a silence comparable to that caused by
the mention of privatisation at a meeting of the Chinese economic
council. 

Except that for all intents and purposes, Chinese business *is*
privatized.

"I just did not think it would take you so very long.  Oh, woe and
perdition." 

Er...woe and perdition?!

     o/~ To be in love, must be the sweetest feeling that a girl can
feel o/~

*WHAPWHAPWHAPWHAPWHAP*

Then again, I did write that spamfic with the Macek-nichuan, so I suppose
I shouldn't cast stones.

"Ka... ka..."

..me...ha...me...

 Frankly, there were times when she genuinely contemplated giving Mousse
some advice on where he was always going wrong; the idiot did truly love
her great-granddaughter, and if he wasn't as strong as Ranma, he was
strong enough. 

HEX!!  HEX!!  ICK!!!

(no, I don't like Shampoo-Mousse matchups.  I like Shampoo just fine, 
but I don't like Mousse)


'snot bad.  Just from loose interpretation of this intro, it seems like a
Ranma-Akane matchup, but since Alan's had a hand in writing this, it means
that most likely,  nothing of the sort will happen.

-Natsume Ranma Ranma
-------
The sardines weren't worth the trouble.  A few more shots, then 
Ryoga-san would overheat and explode.  Ducking around a corner, 
I managed to lose him as I entered the ramshackle residence of 
my Anime supplier.

One look at his face and I knew that I was betrayed.  "Tell me."
I insisted.  He refused, so I slammed him against the wall.
"Last chance.  Where can Ranma-Ranma find good fanfics?"
"Try Jason Liao." he whispered, before he slumped to the floor.
I heard the sounds of a door splintering as I left through the 
window, one step ahead of Tendo Heavy Industries...