Scenes From An Elevator:
An Idiotic Utena Spamfic

By: Dreiser


EPISODE ELEVEN: Never Gonna Hafta To Duel Aaagain...


SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where the 
shadows of Kiryuu Touga and his girl groupies are seen inside. Touga 
hangs halfway out of the elevator and is dimly looking up at the sky. 

TOUGA: (Wisely.) The life of a playboy is a bland and sad existence 
filled with nothing but meaningless sex. 

(There is a long pause where nothing is heard but the faint sound of 
grasshop... err... crickets chirping. Suddenly Touga sits up and 
exclaims loudly.)

TOUGA: (Overly stimulated.) By the Kami, I have it! I've discovered 
the secret of happiness! Meaningless sex!

(The girl groupies exchange wary looks then shrug as Touga breaks 
out into maniacal laughter.)

SCENE: The front lawn to Ohtori Academy. Tenjou Utena skips 
across it wearing a hideously frilly dress. She also has an orange rose 
stuck in her hair. Several zombie students are staring at her in horror.

UTENA: (Sings to herself.) Never gonna hafta to duel aaagain... never 
gonna hafta to duel aaagain...

(As she skips along singing she is interrupted by another repetitive 
song starting to play. This other repetitive song is otherwise known as 
the Sunlit Garden. The various Ohtori students stop to try and figure 
out where the music is coming from but when the music keeps playing 
they shrug and go about their business. Utena remains frozen.)

UTENA: (Looks around.) Miki?
CREEPY VOICE: (Rasps.) Utena...

(Utena whirls around and comes face to face with Arisugawa Juri who 
looks doubly horrified on seeing Utena in a dress.)

UTENA: (Jumps backwards.) Juri-sempai! Where have you been? I 
mean, how have you been? I mean, what?
JURI: (Stares at her in disgust.) What are you wearing?
UTENA: (Brightens and does a twirl.) Don't you like it? I'm wearing it 
for my Prince. He's finally returned!
JURI: (Eyes narrow.) Prince?
UTENA: (Smiles widely.) Akio's back! Isn't that wonderful?
JURI: (Mutters lowly.) It's something all right...
UTENA: (Hastily.) I'd love to talk more but I'm late for my cooking 
class! And I have to be a good cook if I ever want to marry my 
Prince!
JURI: (Watches Utena run off. Shudders.) I had forgotten just how 
strong Akio's brainwashing powers are. They're even stronger than 
Touga's. Oh, how I rue the day that Akio first arrived at Ohtori. (She 
pauses and blinks.) Wait a minute... his name is Ohtori. Ohtori Akio. 
(She gasps.) That means Akio is Ohtori! Oh, the horror! Oh, the 
humanity! (She pauses again and looks thoughtful.) Akio's sister is 
Anthy but she has a different surname. He's Ohtori Akio and she's 
Himemiya Anthy. If they're really brother and sister then why don't 
they have the same surname?! (She hits the palm of her hand.) 
Treachery is afoot! I must tell the fencing club! They'll help me, they 
have to! I'm their Captain!

(Juri runs towards the fencing club while the repetitive music of the 
Sunlit Garden continues to play across campus.)

SCENE: A random lawn in Ohtori Academy. Kiryuu Nanami hangs 
from the top of the flagpole. She is tied up from head to toe in Saran 
Wrap. The Sunlit Garden faintly plays in the background.

NANAMI: (Thinks.) I'll get those plebeians for this!
 
(Suddenly out of nowhere the same Shadowy Figure from episode 
eight appears in front of Nanami.)

NANAMI: (Muffled thanks to Saran Wrap.) Wonk!
SHADOWY FIGURE: (Blinks.) What? Oh... allow me to remove 
that Saran Wrap for you. (The Shadowy Figure takes the Saran Wrap 
off of Nanami's mouth so she can speak.) Is that better?
NANAMI: (Deep breath.) Thank the Kami!
SHADOWY FIGURE: (Flattered.) I may be powerful but I'm hardly 
the Kami.
NANAMI: (Irate.) I wasn't talking about you! (She stares at the 
Shadowy Figure.) How is it you're flying?
SHADOWY FIGURE: (Sniffs.) As if I'd really tell you after you were 
just rude to me. You should be grateful for all that I've done for you.
NANAMI: (Doubly irate.) All that you've done?! You let my ex 
cronies and zombie followers capture me! You haven't helped me one 
bit!
SHADOWY FIGURE: (Folds arms over chest.) I don't think that you 
appreciate my help at all. I think that I'll just leave you up here if 
that's 
how you're going to treat me.
NANAMI: (Quickly.) No, no! Don't do that! I didn't mean it! I'm 
sorry... I really am. Just don't leave me up here! I need to get down so 
I can get my revenge!
SHADOWY FIGURE: (Brightens.) Does that mean you'll be joining 
me in the great cause? Because I've come up with just the evil plan for 
you exact revenge with!
NANAMI: (Looks intrigued.) And what evil plan is that?
SHADOWY FIGURE: (Deep breath.) Weeell...

(As the Shadowy Figure launches into the evil plan for Nanami to 
exact revenge with the scene fades to black.)

To be continued...

All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a nonsensical 
out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when extremely bored. I 
shall continue to write this series when I'm extremely bored because 
sometimes I just don't feel like making the effort to write things in story 
format and sometimes I just feel like being silly. In other words don't 
take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun. And yes, this was 
partially inspired by DDFA's Waiting For Minako series.

Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com

Thrilling trailer line: What will happen next week?! Will Touga still be 
trapped in the elevator?! What is the Shadowy Figure's evil plan?! Will 
the fencing club really follow Juri like the lemmings they are?! Is Utena 
going to keep wearing that hideously frilly dress?! Ewww...

Thanks to Red Death all my fanfics are archived at:
http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm

For SFAE in text and other spiffy Utena fanfics go to:
http://www.duellists.tj/~utena/index2.html

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