Scenes From An Elevator:
An Idiotic Utena Spamfic

By: Dreiser


EPISODE TEN: Go Speed Racer, Go.


SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where the 
shadows of Kiryuu Touga and his girl groupies are seen inside. Touga 
is collapsed on the floor, his breathing is confined to shallow rasps.

TOUGA: (Hoarsely sings.) I've lost that lovin' feeling...

(The girl groupies exchange worried looks then go about their various 
orgy activities involving Touga.)

SCENE: A random lawn in Ohtori Academy. Arisugawa Juri runs 
across it then stops to look upward. She stares at the top of the school 
flagpole wearing a humorous smirk.

JURI: (Shading her eyes. She pulls another megaphone out of 
nowhere and shouts into it.) Hey Nanami! What are you doing up 
there?
NANAMI: (Faintly replies.) Wonk wonk wonk!
JURI: (Shouts into the megaphone.) Your cronies and zombie 
followers turned on you? How come?
NANAMI: (Faintly replies.) Wonk wonk wonk!
JURI: (Shouts into the megaphone.) But why Saran Wrap?
NANAMI: (Faintly replies.) Wonk wonk!!
JURI: (Shouts into the megaphone.) No need to get huffy! (Tosses the 
megaphone to one side.) See if I help her get down now. She can just 
stay up there. (Snickers.) Ohtori is officially free of all Kiryuu's! Oh 
happy day!

(Juri runs off into the distance while Nanami faintly shouts from the top 
of the flagpole where she's been tied up with Saran Wrap.)

SCENE: The East Hall dorms. Tenjou Utena is sitting on the floor 
playing video games with Chu Chu. Himemiya Anthy is busy 
conversing on the telephone.

UTENA: (Scowls.) Dammit. How can you keep beating me?
CHU CHU: (Smirks.) Chu chu, chu.
UTENA: (Grumbles.) Ken is not cooler than Ryu.
CHU CHU: (Mockingly.) Chu chu chu!
UTENA: (Starts a new game.) Yeah, yeah. I'll beat you this time. 
You'll see.
CHU CHU: (Smirks again.) Chu chu.
UTENA: (Scowls.) I don't seen anyone calling you 'Victor of the 
Duels', SD monkey boy.
CHU CHU: (Offended.) Chu chu chu! Chu!
UTENA: (Snickers.) Yeah, well. Say hi to Tarzan for me.

(While Utena and Chu Chu resume playing their video game Anthy 
suddenly leaps up from her seat.)

ANTHY: (In a voice with actual emotion.) He's what?! He can't do 
that! (She pauses.) When?! (She lets loose a high pitched scream of 
frustration then hangs up the phone.) Well, that just makes my day 
Utena-sama.
UTENA: (Doesn't look up from her video game.) Eh?
ANTHY: (Flops down on her bed.) My big brother Akio is coming 
back into town. It seems that his job training in Hawaii is completed.
UTENA: (Drops her controller and whirls around.) Akio? As in your 
older brother, Akio? My prince, Akio? Mr. Smooth Operator, Akio? 
Lucifer himself, Akio? That Akio?
ANTHY: (Grumpily.) Yes. That Akio.
UTENA: (Jumps to her feet and forms a sickeningly kawaii expression 
as she clasps her hands over her heart.) Akio! My one true love! I 
wonder what he's doing now?

SCENE: A deserted and winding road. Ohtori Akio is driving along at 
a speedy pace in the dubiously named Akio car.

AKIO: (Sings to himself as he bobs his head.) Go Speed Racer... go 
Speed Racer... go Speed Racer... goooooo...

SCENE: The East Hall dorms. Tenjou Utena is still clasping her hands 
over her heart and wearing her sickeningly kawaii expression. 
Himemiya Anthy watches her in disgust.

UTENA: (Happily exclaims.) Oh, I can't wait to see him! (She skips 
out of the room in girlish glee.) I'm going to go buy a dress and act 
appropriately feminine for him!
ANTHY: (Shakes her head.) Victor of the Duels my butt.
CHU CHU: (Still playing the video game. Wisely.) Chu...
ANTHY: (Groans and flops on her bed.) Got that right.

SCENE: Some wall in Ohtori Academy during an unusually
timely and frequent sunset. The figure of Shinohara Wakaba is seen 
talking to a zombie student.

WAKABA: Why would I want francs? Look buddy, you get me fifty 
thousand yen and I'll get you the stuff. All right? 

(The zombie student nods nervously then runs off. Wakaba turns and 
leans up against the wall.)

WAKABA: (Mutters under her breath.) Newbies. (She pulls out a 
candy bar and begins munching. This goes on for a few minute until 
she notices her audience.) Where'd you people come from? You here 
to buy or what? (Pauses.) What? You can't talk or something? (Blinks 
and she looks around more closely.) Aw, dammit. This is the Shadow 
Play Girls wall. I didn't notice it before. (She sighs deeply.) Well, I 
can't do their stupid jargon for you. You'll have to go to them.

(Another zombie student approaches and Wakaba turns her attention 
to them.)

SCENE: A very long line at some Fre... err... Japanese movie theater. 
The figures of Shadow Play Girls A-ko and B-ko are seen with 
Saionji Kyouichi standing in line.

B-KO: (Hands on her hips.) About time you showed up. You get lost 
or something?
A-KO: (Munching on popcorn.) I think they went to the usual wall.
B-KO: Oh. Well, that makes sense.
SAIONJI: (Waxing his bokken.) My resources told me that said 
random wall has been taken over by a ruffian.
A-KO: (Blinks.) What ruffian? It's just Wakaba.
SAIONJI: But she is dealing sugar products.
A-KO: True...
B-KO: (Stands on her tippy toes.) How long are we going to have to 
stand in line? I'm getting tired of waiting.
A-KO: (Brightly.) That can be the moral of this week's episode! 
(Faces forward.) Patience is divine.
B-KO: (Scowls.) Screw that. There is no moral to this week's... (She 
trails off and suddenly grins.) Ha! Ha! This is our third appearance in a 
row! See if we're faceless now high and mighty author person!
A-KO: (Coughs.) Uhm... we'll always be faceless. We're the Shadow 
Play Girls. That's sort of our schtick.
B-KO: (It finally dawns on her.) Oh yeah...
SAIONJI: (Waxing his bokken.) Tell me again why I'm standing in line 
with you ladies?
A-KO: You're our bodyguard. You protect us from our more 
psychotic and ravenous fans.
SAIONJI: (Dryly.) If any truly exist.
A-KO: (Sharply.) What was that?
SAIONJI: (Looks innocent.) Nothing!

(A-ko is about to reply when Ohtori Akio drives past in the dubiously 
named Akio car.)

AKIO: (Sings to himself as he bobs his head.) Go Speed Racer... go 
Speed Racer... go Speed Racer... goooooo...

(The Shadow Play Girls A-ko and B-ko, along with Saionji, watch 
him drive past. All wear dumbfounded expressions.)

A-KO: (Drawn out.) Okay...
B-KO: (Slowly says.) That was weird.
SAIONJI: (Blank expression.) Who is Speed Racer?
A-KO & B-KO: (Appearing baffled.) Uhm...

(As the Shadow Play Girls A-ko and B-ko ponder this question the 
scene fades to black.)

To be continued...

All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a nonsensical 
out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when extremely bored. I 
shall continue to write this series when I'm extremely bored because 
sometimes I just don't feel like making the effort to write things in story 
format and sometimes I just feel like being silly. In other words don't 
take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun. And yes, this was 
partially inspired by DDFA's Waiting For Minako series.

Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com

Thrilling trailer line: What will happen next week?! Will Touga still be 
trapped in the elevator?! Will Nanami ever get down from the 
flagpole?! Can Anthy help Utena escape from her bimbo like girly 
state?! And who is this mysterious Speed Racer?!

Thanks to Red Death all my fanfics are archived at:
http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm

For SFAE in text and other spiffy Utena fanfics go to:
http://www.duellists.tj/~utena/index2.html

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