At 10:36 PM 5/27/1999 GMT, Gary Kleppe wrote:

	Here's part 1 of a new series. This has not been pre-read;
please C&C generously, preferably to the FFML.

Well, here's my little contribution...

Prologue

	Once upon a time, a vast kingdom existed. Its lands stretched
over enormous distances, bounded by desert and mountains and ocean. An
old and wise monarch ruled with justice and fairness, and was beloved by
all the people, or so say the legends.

	The djinn, or genies, were the bane of the kingdom. They flitted
about from place to place, causing terrible chaos and mischief with
their magics. So great was their power that none could stand against it.

	The monarch of the land saw what the djinn were doing, and knew
that they had to be stopped. One by one, the genies were captured and
imprisoned so that they could cause no further harm and disruption to
mankind.

	However, one djinn managed to escape every trap set for it.
Magic lamps, bottles, rings -- none of them could hold this genie. The
monarch assembled the finest scholars who could be found and asked what
could be done, how the kingdom could be rid of this troublesome spirit.
They had no answer.

	In desperation, the monarch traveled to the mountains, where the
most knowledgeable sage in the kingdom was said to live. The monarch
found the sage and asked what could be tried to contain the djinn that
the most powerful devices in the land had failed to hold.

	"Well," said the sage, "there might just be ONE thing...."

Engage the genie to the king's daughter? Son?

I am curious to know how they tricked a genie into drowning though.

                           I DREAM OF RANMA

            Ranma 1/2 Alternate Universe Manga Fanfiction
                            by Gary Kleppe

                              Episode 1:
                 When You Wish Upon a Martial Artist

You get hit? A lot?

	Once upon a much later time, a kingdom of sorts existed called
the Tendo Dojo. Its ruler was not really all that wise, but had a good
heart and generally meant well. He had three daughters, the youngest of
whom was named Akane.


	"I'm Akane." She smiled at the smaller girl. "You want to be
friends?"

	The other girl -- Ranma, she'd said her name was -- nodded, with
gratitude in her eyes. She stood, and followed Akane into the practice
hall. The air was humid and sticky following an early rain shower, and
Akane's gi clung to her body as she walked.

	It'd been a weird morning. They'd been expecting a boy and his
father, not a girl and a panda. Everyone had acted disappointed, and
Ranma had seemed upset about it. Akane hoped a little combat would take
her mind off it and make her feel better.

	Akane paused for a moment to stare at Ranma's odd clothing. The
basic outfit was something akin to a two-piece bikini. A vest partially
overlaid the top, and a pair of loose-fitting, semitransparent pants
covered the bottom. Shiny bracelets adorned her wrists and ankles. It
certainly wasn't what Akane had expected from someone who practiced
fighting. Then again, she'd seen and heard of some pretty weird styles;
a school of Martial Arts Belly-dancing wouldn't be that hard to believe.

So Ranma's the same type of genie as Barbara Eden was? (I think I got that
name right.) 
More on this follows.

	"You do karate, don't you?" Akane asked.

	"A little."

	The door slid open, and they stepped onto the slatted wooden
floor of the dojo. "Then let's have a little match, okay?"

	"Huh?"

	"Just for fun." Akane took up a combat stance, feet widely
apart. "Don't worry. I won't hurt you. I'm not the greatest martial
artist in the world, no matter how much I wish I were." Ranma seemed to

Rather vague wishing there. Does the genie not have any influence on
interpretation of the wish at all like in many stories about evil genies?
Or is it simply that Ranma doesn't know how to influence the wish yet?
And no outward manifestation of Ranma granting the wish either. I know
you're trying to keep the wishing a secret from Akane here, but it seems
kinda strange nonetheless.

pale a bit at those last words. Strange, Akane thought; wasn't there any

Shouldn't that semicolon be a comma? 

way to build up this girl's confidence? Oh well, it was something she
would have to work on.

	Ranma bowed slightly, and stood with her legs together and her
hands behind her back. She obviously wasn't going to make the first
move. Akane charged forward, her fists tightly clenched. Ranma waited
for her approach.

Ranma seems rather calm about facing off against "the world's greatest
martial artist". After all, even if Akane doesn't know, shouldn't Ranma?

	Akane lashed out with a fist, and time seemed to go into slow
motion. Her senses flared into an alertness at a level she'd never
before experienced. She was aware of every minute motion, even every
drop of sweat on Ranma's body. The muted thumping of Ranma's heartbeat
quickened as her eyes tilted slightly upwards. She was about to try to
leap over Akane's strike. That was as obvious to Akane as if there had
been a six-foot sign announcing it.

	The fist's direction adjusted slightly, it struck Ranma's chest
in exactly the right spot. She went limp as she crashed into the wooden
wall, then slumped to the ground like a child going down a slide.

	Akane stared at her opponent, who was gasping for breath. *How
the hell did I do that?* Not only had she easily hit the fastest
opponent she'd ever faced, but she'd known exactly where and how to hit
so that Ranma would be unable to keep fighting, but wouldn't sustain any
lasting injury.

	Akane reached out a hand, and helped Ranma to her feet. "Sorry
about that." Why did she have to waste such a great strike fighting
Ranma -- who she had been trying to cheer up? Why couldn't it happen
against Kuno, or one of the other blowhards at school? The ones who
*deserved* this kind of beating? "I'm not usually that good. Really."

	"Yeah." Ranma nodded. "Believe me, I understand." The girls
exchanged awkward smiles and nervous laughter.

	"I'm really sorry." Akane was making a fool out of herself,
practically falling over herself to apologize, but she didn't know what
else to say.

	"Don't worry about it. It wasn't your fault. It was...." Ranma's
gaze seemed to lose focus for a moment, then returned. "It wasn't your
fault."

	"You know, I've always wanted to do that well against some of
the adolescent idiots at our school. I'm sorry I had to waste a pounding
like that against someone who didn't deserve it." She smirked at Ranma.
"I kinda wish you were a boy."

*grin* Talk about your doubled meanings! On any other girl this would have
been a horrible wish to make, but on Ranma... *snicker*

	Akane blinked. She was suddenly looking at a different person.
The black pigtail was still there, but the person attached to it now

*wide-eyed innocent look* You mean onna-Ranma doesn't have red hair!?

wore a dark red Chinese shirt and black pants. And he was male. She
spent several moments staring at the flat, muscular chest to confirm it.
Definitely male.

	"I'm Ranma Saotome," he said. "Sorry about this."

	Turning away, Akane lowered her head for a moment.

	Then she screamed.

	"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!"

*snicker* Better here than in the bathroom, girl!

***

	"...and that's the story, Tendo."

	A stunned silence pervaded the room. Tendos, their faces glazed
over with dull astonishment, stared at Saotomes. Ranma wondered whether

Shouldn't that be "The Tendos..." and "...the Saotomes."? I know what
you're trying to say, but it looks kinda odd like that.

they believed Pop's explanation. Transforming springs weren't the kind
of thing you heard about every day. Still, they'd seen the changes for
themselves, and it was hard to ignore what your own eyes told you.

Unless you're last name happens to be Kuno!

	Ranma sighed. Pop hadn't even told them the worst part of it
yet. He hoped they never found out. But it was probably inevitable that
they would.

	Mr. Tendo tried to look stately and dignified, though he seemed
like he might break into tears at any second. "If I hadn't seen it with
my own eyes...." Beads of sweat ran down his forehead. "So, Saotome....
Cold water changes you into a panda, while hot water restores you to
normal."

Shouldn't that be "cold water..." with an uncapitalized 'C' since he's
continuing a sentence? 

	Pop nodded. "That's about the size of it, Tendo."

Er, "Pop"? I had to read through this twice in order to catch this, but
since this isn't Ranma's thoughts or POV, shouldn't that be "Genma"
instead? You do this several more times in later paragraphs as well.

	"How could you take Ranma to such a place?" Kasumi scolded. "A
parent ought to be more responsible!"

	"All for the sake of the art," Pop replied without shame. "I'll
make Ranma into the world's greatest living martial artist if it kills
both of us."

"Pop" again here. 

	"Just a minute." Akane eyed Ranma dubiously. "There wasn't any
hot water in the dojo when we fought. Yet you changed back."

	"Ah, yes." Pop pushed his glasses up to the top of his nose.
"You see, there's more to Ranma's curse than we'd originally thought."
Without warning, he grabbed Ranma and flung him through the air. For the
second time that day, Ranma landed with a splash in the pond.

"Pop"!
And when was the first time Ranma landed in the pond? I don't recall him
landing in the pond prior to Genma's explanation in the canon either.

	As always, the change happened without any sensation. There was
no feeling of his body being stretched and squeezed. He didn't notice
that he'd changed until he looked down and saw his breasts. And his
clothes were gone, too. Every time it happened, whatever he had been
wearing would disappear and he'd be wearing the costume. He felt like a
pervert in it. And it put his assets on display for all of the other
perverts to stare at.

And considering how thin those clothes are, they're probably transparent
when wet as well!
*drool* 

	"You see, the pool Ranma fell in wasn't just a spring of
ordinary drowned girl. Again, it would be easier to demonstrate." Pop
turned to Ranma and raised his voice. "I w--"

	Ranma quickly poured a bucket of water over him, and his words
became a series of grunts and growfs. "That's nobody's business, Pop!"

Ranma didn't punt him into the pond?

	"I wish you hadn't done that, son," Mr. Tendo gently admonished.
"Your father was trying to--" He stopped in mid-sentence, gaping at Pop
who was now back in human form. "Saotome? How did you--?"

"Pop"! Somehow, I don't think Soun thinks of Genma as "Pop". 

This is also another violation of standard genie protocol, like Akane's
wish before. I'll explain what I mean in a moment.

	"You wished for it, Tendo. You see, as near as we can figure,
Ranma's pool has turned him into a genie."

	"Oh my, a genie?" Kasumi said, as if the news were no big deal.
"You mean one of those Arabian spirits who can grant wishes?"

	"Yup." Ranma felt as if he were confessing to a crime, and about

"Yup" sounds awful casual for "confessing to a crime". I'd think a more
formal "yes" would be appropriate here. Spoken in a short, sharp voice.

to take his punishment. It had been bad enough having Pop making all
kinds of dumb wishes. Now the whole Tendo family would be doing the same
thing. "Akane made one before, by accident. That's how she won the fight
we had."

	"Wait a minute!" Akane said defensively. "What are you talking
about?! I beat you fair and square!"

	"No you didn't." Ranma flashed a smug smile. "You wished to be
the world's greatest martial artist, or something like that. That's
cheating."

	"What do you mean, 'cheating?!'"

She's already into the 'disbelieve everything Ranma says just because he
said it' stage I see. Even she was thinking before, back in the dojo, that
it was unusual for her to win so easily.

	"I mean cheating. If you don't understand, try wishing for a
dictionary."

	"Look, Ranma." Nabiki glared at him with steel eyes. "You can't
possibly expect us to believe what you've told us, can you?"

	"I don't care what you believe." Actually, Ranma hoped they
*wouldn't* buy it.

	"Uh huh. Well, gosh, this summer heat is such a bother," Nabiki
said, her tone flippant. "I really wish this house had central air
conditioning."

	The low, soft hum of machinery activating was heard. Air blew
into the room from a vent that hadn't been there minutes earlier,
bathing the occupants in delicious cool.	

That was sucked right through the thin walls and open doors letting the
hot, muggy Tokyo summer heat come back in. I don't think a traditional
Japanese house like the Tendo's have would work too well with central air.
(Forgive me, I'm in HVAC skilled trades and this is the sorta of stuff I
deal with all day. *grumble* Now work's found me on the blessed FFML! Grrr!)

	"It WORKED?!" Nabiki gaped incredulously as she stared at the
vent. She ran over and felt the stream of air with her hand.

	"Goodness!" Kasumi exclaimed. "Ranma will certainly come in
useful around the house!"

	"You never told me you had such a talented offspring, Saotome!"
Mr. Tendo put his arm around the boy-turned-genie, patting him on the
shoulder. 

"That's not my shoulder, Tendo-san!" 

Anyone else think Tendo Soun has a rather unfatherly interest in Ranma's
female side? (Well, so do I, but I'm just a hentai otaku! *grin*)

"Ranma! I'd like you to formally meet my three beautiful,

eligible daughters. Pick the one you want, and...."

	"Forget it." Ranma waved a hand dismissively. "No offense, Mr.
Tendo, but I ain't gettin' married to nobody."

	"This is a matter of family honor, boy," Pop said. "I told you
that before."

"Pop"!

	"Stuff it, Pop." Ranma stared back at him defiantly. "I ain't
pickin' one of them."

"Pop"! Oh wait, it's appropriate here.

	Pop smiled maliciously. "I wish you would."

But not here!

Possible violation of genie code again.

	"Akane," Ranma blurted out uncontrollably. Then he clubbed his
father over the head with his fist. "Damn it, Pop! You got no right
to--"

Hmm... in light of Ranma's thoughts later on, I can see where this comes
from, Ranma just seems to be going with the lesser of three "evils". Ie,
he's picking the one that he's had at least *some* contact with. But it
doesn't seem to me that he'd have had a chance to form much of an opinion
at this point on *any* of the Tendo girls yet.

	"ME?!" Akane glowered. "Why would I ever want to marry an
egotistical jerk like you?"

Where's she getting "egotistical" from? Other than the cheating comment
Ranma hasn't really done anything one way or the other to provide material
for insults. Wouldn't Akane be hung up on Ranma being a "hentai" like she
is in the canon at this point?

	"Hey! At least I don't cheat to win fights."

*Now* we're starting to get some meat for insults. Though "arrogant" or
"rude" seem like better choices.

	Akane's teeth clenched. "I. Did. Not. Cheat," she hissed. "Why
don't you make a wish to not be such a jerk!"

Why don't *you* wish for him to not be such a jerk?
Though that would be another violation of genie code in my opinion.

	"Don't you get it? It doesn't work when *I* do it!" Her insult
sank in, and he felt the need to counterattack. "Anyway, you couldn't
beat me in a fair fight in a hundred years." Middle school had taught
him that verbal fighting was like any other kind; you won by finding and
hitting your opponents' vulnerable spots. "I'm faster, stronger, and
when I'm a girl I'm even built better than you." He laughed.

But what does that have to do with fighting? That last insult seems kinda
out of place here.

	"Ranma," Akane said with surprising calm. "I wish I had a really
big hammer."

	A large mallet appeared in her hand. She promptly clubbed Ranma
over the head with it.

	"Now *that* he had coming," Pop said.

Argh! "Pop" again! Additionally, this little scene seems forced. 

And I can't believe *you* of all people, used the mallet gag. Though it is
a *little* more believable here. At least we know where the mallet's coming
from.

	"You were right, Kasumi," Akane said as she walked away from
Ranma. "It *is* convenient to have him around!"

	Ranma winced, nursing the painful lump that was now on the back
of his head. Of course, that was something else he'd learned in middle
school: insult fights could easily turn into other kinds.

	"It's all very impressive, Ranma." Nabiki looked at him, a
skeptical eyebrow raised. "But what's the catch?"

	Mr. Tendo turned his head. "Catch?" It evidently hadn't occurred
to him that there might be one.

	"Catch?" Pop repeated innocently.

"Pop"!

	"Yes, catch." Nabiki shot a hard glare at Pop. "It can't be this

"POP"!

easy. Why haven't you wished to be cured of your panda curse
permanently? Why aren't you obscenely wealthy? Et cetera, et cetera. And
puh-LEASE don't try to tell me you'd never thought of it."

	"Well." Pop cleared his throat. "To use my son's abilities for
personal gain would, of course, be dishonorable."

*snicker* Genma (not Pop!) trying to act innocent is a sight to behold. A
completely unbelievable one, but quite the sight nonetheless.

	Rolling his eyes, Ranma motioned for Mr. Tendo to hand him a
kettle of hot water. He lifted it over himself as Pop kept talking.

	"Such an action," Pop continued, "would not befit the high
standards that I as a martial artist have naturally come to--" Ranma

"...I, as a martial artist, have..."

poured the hot water onto himself; he became male. Exactly
simultaneously, Pop turned back into a panda, and his words became
unintelligible. Akane's hammer vanished, as did the air conditioning.

"Exactly simultaneously,"? As opposed to "Randomly simultaneously"? It's a
bit of a mouthful that seems a bit redundant.

	"I see," Nabiki said. "Dad's wish had turned him human, but with
you no longer a genie, there was nothing to keep it in effect. When you
go back to male form, it cancels all the wishes. Right?"

	Ranma nodded.

	"Hmmm..." She stared at him. He could almost see the wheels
turning in her head. "How's that lump?"

	He carefully felt the bump on the back of his head. "Still hurts
a little." Why was she asking? From her expression, she didn't seem
concerned about him. It was more like he was a lab rat and she was
observing him.

And Genma hasn't picked up on this little tidbit? While Genma isn't the
most intelligent fellow in the classical sense, he isn't exactly stupid,
especially about turning a situation to his advantage.

	"Thought so." She flashed a shark-like smile that gave Ranma a
sinking feeling in his stomach. Nabiki was going to mean trouble,
probably more than any of the others. He was glad, at least, that he
hadn't picked her for the fiancee deal. If he married her, he'd probably
end up living in some magic lamp, let out only when she wanted another
new car or something.

He knows about magic lamps? When did he learn this? Come to think of it,
where *would* Ranma have picked up such "useless" knowledge? 

	Kasumi, on the other hand, seemed relatively safe, but he
couldn't picture himself married to her. Though she was only a few years
older that he was, she still seemed so... motherly. A mother would be a
nice thing to have, he supposed, but he didn't want to marry one. He
thought about what married people did together, and shuddered. With
someone who was like a mother? That was just wrong.

	And what about Akane? She didn't seem interested in exploiting
him, which was a good thing. But she'd gotten all hostile as soon as
she'd found out that he was a boy. Would they ever be able to live
together without arguing and fighting all the time?

Eh!? Ranma seems almost accepting of the marriage proposal throughout this
sequence. He seems to be seriously considering it at least. Then again,
Ranma does seem to be remarkably obedient to his parents, especially
considering how much crap he has to put up with from them.

	He glanced over at her, and saw what might be sympathy in her
eyes. Then, noticing that he was looking, she hmphed and turned away
indignantly. So much for the lesser of three evils, he thought. Maybe
the magic had just made him pick her at random.

Ack! Didn't realize you'd use the same phrase to refer to the Tendo sisters
when I wrote about them earlier. *snicker*

	*I ain't gettin' married to nobody.* He repeated the thought to
himself, over and over. He was living with the Tendos now -- there was
nothing he could do about that. But he wasn't going to let Nabiki and
the others take advantage of him. And he'd keep his curse a secret from
everyone else in the neighborhood.

	After all, how difficult could it be?

Oh geez, that questions so loaded I'm not even going to touch it! *grin*

Ok, we've reached the end so I guess I should explain my complaints about
the genie powers you've given to Ranma. Basically, I've got three problems
with Ranma's genie form.

The first problem is who gets to wish. As written, Ranma grants any wish
that he hears, regardless of who utters it. Yet, if this were true of the
genie that drowned in the Jusenkyo pool, why was the genie so difficult to
catch in the first place? All it would have taken was someone getting
within earshot of the genie and saying "I wish you would do everything I
tell you to do." or something to that effect. In most every genie style
tale I've ever heard, the genie either has a "master" who it has to obey
(such as "I Dream of Jeanie" from which the title of this fanfic is taken I
assume) or if the genie has no master, it is free to grant or not grant
wishes at its own discretion. Considering that Ranma's genie form isn't
bound to anything, such as a ring or bottle, why is Ranma granting wishes
so indiscriminately?

Second, there's the matter of control and interpretation, and this is a big
one for a masterless genie like Ranma. How many stories are there about
evil genies twisting a wish so that something bad happens to the wisher
instead of the good thing they wished for? Dozens? Hundreds? Again, Jeanie
in IDoJ was quite capable of this herself, not always granting exactly what
her master wanted, either because she didn't know, or because she was mad
at him or didn't like the wish. Why don't we see Ranma doing this? Akane's
"big hammer" could have been a wiffle hammer or paper-mache.

Thirdly, why doesn't Ranma have any magical powers to use at his discretion
when in genie form? Every genie I've ever read about, (or seen on TV!) has
had its own magical powers. If nothing else, shouldn't Ranma's genie form
be immune to having it's own wishes used against it? While Akane wishing to
be the best martial artist or wishing for the hammer are indirect wishes
and so wouldn't be covered, her wishing Ranma to be a boy shouldn't have
worked. Otherwise, again, you have an incredibly easy to bind genie which
doesn't agree with what you wrote in your opening paragraphs.

Right now, I can see why you're having trouble making this humorous instead
of "moody drama". Ranma's "genie" form is rather flat and lifeless, being
simply a normal girl form with powers that Ranma can't use but that can be
easily turned against her. If things stay as they are, Ranma's going to be
subject to some rather intense abuse by those around him. Forget Nabiki,
she's small change. What about Ryouga? "I wish you were dead, Ranma!" Or
Genma and Soun? "We wish that Akane and Ranma were married, right now!" Or
*shudder* Happosai? "I wish Ranma would..." No, let's not go there. I think
there's going to need to be some changes, and shortly, or Ranma is going to
have a rather miserable life. (Additionally, the "catch" to Ranma's powers
doesn't hold water either since it would have never applied to the original
genie. It also means that someone, like Nabiki, is going to be wishing real
soon for Ranma to *stay* a girl so the wishes stay in affect. More abuse
for poor Ranma.)

This wouldn't be proper C&C if I didn't offer a few suggestions as well, so...

One, you could hack off your opening paragraphs, leave Ranma with no
control over his powers and write a tear-jerking story about a boy being
abused by everyone around him while his fated love fights those around him
for control of him. This could end with a Akane (or another fiancee of your
choice) holding a happily sobbing Ramna-chan as she (Ranma-chan) swears her
eternal love and servitude to the one who saved her from her wretched
relatives. Or than again, maybe not...

Two, and this is the one I'm hoping for, have Ranma learn to control the
genie's powers. Don't have him suddenly be all-powerful of course. Learning
anything means making mistakes, *lots* of mistakes, lots of magical, funny
mistakes. Additionally, limit who can make wishes off his genie side.
Certain criteria have to be met before Ranma will grant the wish, but then
he *has* to grant it. Or perhaps make it so he has a "quota" of wishes he
has to grant within a certain amount of time. Say, a dozen every lunar
month or such. Also, limit how much the wishes can effect Ranma directly.
Else, someone, Nodoka perhaps, could wish to end Ranma's curse. (Ranma's
curse should be the only one curable since the genie magic, under the
guidelines established in the story so far, will affect Ranma so it can
simply annihilate itself, curing Ranma. Or killing him, perhaps.) And most
importantly of all, give Ranma *some* control over how the magic manifests
itself. Half the fun of genie stories is watching the wish get twisted into
something the wisher most definately *didn't* want. 

	C&C is welcome and desired, preferably to the FFML. I currently
plan 13 episodes, and might add more if I think of ideas for them. I'm a
bit concerned about the tone of this chapter; it's supposed to be
something close to original flavor comedy, and I'm finding it hard to
break out of "moody drama" mode.

	Thanks for reading, and I hope to hear from you.

Well, the mouse has roared. I certainly hope you appreciate it. I don't
spend (*gak* Is it that late already!?) over an hour on fics I don't like,
so I hope to see more of this. 

I think that's all for now. 

Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html

----------

Scott Pollert [pollerts@hsonline.net]