Overuse of the word "grin"
			     or
		How to kill a characterization



	Words have meaning.

	That's pretty much the long and the short of language.  We use
words in various combinations to evoke images that we want our readers
to come away with.  Quality and care with how we, the majority of us 
amateur writers, use and sculpt our words is what makes our fics what
they are in the end.  I've written a little something along these lines
in months past, so I won't rehash my points of view.  Rather, I 
wanted to express a dissatisfaction with something I notice in a lot
of fics written out there... something that really does a lot to 
hurt an author's characterization.   And it's just one little word.

	Now, I'm not going to single out a fanfic or use a 
passage from one.  I'm going to make my own example for you.  However,
this passage does represent something I've seen in a good number of
fan fictions.

	Here we go:

*****

	Uncontrollably, the flood of fear and emotions that he had
been pushing down finally swept over him.  Ecllipsing the pain in
his seered hands, Shinji's head dropped as he was overcome with tears
and a bout of fitfull sobs.  Still leaning into Unit-0's ejected plug
with one hand submerged in LCL and supporting his weight, Shinji wiped
at his eyes shamefully, his head bowed.  Only feet away, resting wearily
in her command seat, Rei watched the boy cry and felt a very
uncomfortable feeling grow inside her chest.  Shifting her thin legs,
there was a tiny ripple and lap of LCL as Rei struggled to deal with
her own emotions from seeing Shinji so upset.

	"I'm... sorry," she finally whispered quietly, embarrassed.  
"I don't know how I should react in situations like these..."

	Shinji's chin lifted up then, his eyes wide and stained with
tears.  He was crying, but the boy's incredulous expression betrayed his
obvious surprise at the pale girl's admission.  Wiping his free hand
at his face again, a tremulous smile arose from Shinji.

	"You..." he said encouragingly through a little sob, "you could
just try smiling..."

	Incompression matted Rei's face at first, but a slow 
transformation eventually dawned on her lovely features.  Highlighted
with the tiniest of blushes, a hesitant expression formed as cheeks not
used to such efforts struggled to comply.

	And then, a ray of sunshine to Shinji's eyes in the fading
twilight of evening in the surrounding countryside, the mysterious and
stoic girl graced the smallest amd most fragile of smiles.


*****

	Okay.  Ya, it may be a little overdone, but I'm trying to make
a point.  Here's the same passage again, but with that crucial word
change I've seen in so many fics:

*****


	Uncontrollably, the flood of fear and emotions that he had
been pushing down finally swept over him.  Ecllipsing the pain in
his seered hands, Shinji's head dropped as he was overcome with tears
and a bout of fitfull sobs.  Still leaning into Unit-0's ejected plug
with one hand submerged in LCL and supporting his weight, Shinji wiped
at his eyes shamefully, his head bowed.  Only feet away, resting wearily
in her command seat, Rei watched the boy cry and felt a very
uncomfortable feeling grow inside her chest.  Shifting her thin legs,
there was a tiny ripple and lap of LCL as Rei struggled to deal with
her own emotions from seeing Shinji so upset.

	"I'm... sorry," she finally whispered quietly, embarrassed.  
"I don't know how I should react in situations like these..."

	Shinji's chin lifted up then, his eyes wide and stained with
tears.  He was crying, but the boy's incredulous expression betrayed his
obvious surprise at the pale girl's admission.  Wiping his free hand
at his face again, a grin arose from Shinji.

	"You..." he said encouragingly through a little sob, "you could
just try smiling..."

	Incompression matted Rei's face at first, but a slow 
transformation eventually dawned on her lovely features.  Highlighted
with the tiniest of blushes, a hesitant expression formed as cheeks not
used to such efforts struggled to comply.

	And then, a ray of sunshine to Shinji's eyes in the fading
twilight of evening in the surrounding countryside, the mysterious and
stoic girl grinned.

*****




	Notice the difference?  The word grin really just doesn't fit
the scene, and it REALLY doesn't fit Rei's character.  Yet, I've read
a lot of fanfics where the author spends a lot of time on setting up
a great scene with loads of detail, only to wack it at the knees by
trying to shorten up the sentence with a one-word-fits-all expression,
grin in this example, to describe the characters actions.

	Yes, it is a little thing, but grin is, when you think about it,
a really strong word.  It takes a lot of feeling and expression, be it
genuine or caustic, to set off a grin.  Rei doesn't "grin".  It 
doesn't fit what readers know to be her characterization from the series.
I've seen the same thing with an Iforita characterization in an 
El-Hazard fic, just to show another example.  Every other paragraph,
the author was sabotaging well written dialogue by tacking on
'she grinned' at the end of each sentence.  Same thing as with Rei:  
Ifurita may be prone to smiling now and again, but a grin from her
would be an ultra-rare thing indeed.

	Now, I'm being picky with the word 'grin', but you can expand
this observation to any number of overused one-word adjectives used to
describe how a character is saying something.  If as much detail is 
put in by authors as to how not just what the characters they write
about say, but also in how they say it, fanfic quality can probably
improve quite a bit.  And from just this simple change, too.

	This isn't rocket science as far as writing goes.  Perhaps
because it is such a basic and simple little thing is why a number
of author's seem not to pick up on it.  When you write a stunning 
dialogue, it's easy to miss something like a descriptive word or two.

	Just a thought that's been rattling in the stopes and headings of 
my mind for a while.  Hope it helps your fanfics just a little bit.

Sincerely,
Mike McAvoy
www.acm.vt.edu/~mmcavoy/
mmcavoy@acm.vt.edu