Okay, here's the final of 1:1. Not major changes, but some little
refinements and some added jokes here and there.
As with other recent stories, I won't send it to RAAC for several days,
so if you spot any last minute errors, let me know right way. Thanks.
Also, Garden of EVA is now in Portuguese. Parts 0:1 and O:2 are now on my
website. Enjoy.
FanFiction - http://home.earthlink.net/~jimlazar/anime
=======================================================================
Garden of EVA 1:1 - Families Suck!
Book 1: Sucks
Neon Genesis Evangelion characters and situations created and Copyright
by Gainax, Project Eva, ADV Films - Used without permission
Garden of EVA series created, written, and copyright 1998-1999 by Jim
Lazar
A series set within episode 26 of Neon Genesis Evangelion that really
sucks.
<Speech text in angle brackets is thought by character.>
"Speech text in double quotes is spoken as Japanese."
E-mail comments and/or criticisms to: mailto:jimlazar@earthlink.net
Previous parts and my other fanfiction can be found at:
http://home.earthlink.net/~jimlazar/anime
=======================================================================
This story begins the second book of Garden of Eva with the appropriate
theme of 'sucks' for the titles. Because, man, are their lives really
going to start sucking big time.
=======================================================================
This series contains 400% of the recommended daily dose of: Sex,
spoilers, various sexual organs, bad language, 14-year-old hormones,
naked people, and really horrific plot twists.
=======================================================================
Two hours before Second Impact.
Two men worked on a gantry surrounding... something. They snapped
to attention as their boss, a middle-aged man, walked by. "You two,
insert the lance into IT right there." The boss pointed at the chest of
the... something, which had a circle labeled 'Insert Lance Here' written
on its surface in crayon. Other notations on the glowing skin included:
'Stand back 3 meters', 'Elvis was here', 'Post no bills', 'Gendou was
here', 'Gendou is a jerk', 'One more day of this frozen hellhole and I
can finally see the new Star Wars movie', and 'What the fuck is this
thing, anyway?'
Before the man got out of earshot, he turned and snapped off one
more instruction. "No deeper than three-point-one-four decimeters."
"Yes, Doctor Katsuragi!"
After their boss left, the two men began to move the large lance
into position using an overhead crane. One of the men looked around to
make sure their boss was out of earshot and then leaned over to his
comrade. "Where is Ikari, anyway? This is the final phase of the
project."
"He flew back to Tokyo, something about dealing with some political
problems."
"That's a laugh... he probably wanted to fuck that fine wife of
his."
"Yeah, probably. Why else would he miss out on the final tests?"
For some reason, the two men suddenly thought they could hear
ominous music coming from somewhere and looked around for the source.
Unable to find it, they shrugged and went on with their work.
"Lance of Longinus inserted."
"Depth three-point-one-three-nine decimeters."
"Skin has become permeable."
"Commence sample collection."
"Roger." The man guided a complicated looking apparatus against and
then into the skin, which was previously impenetrable before the lance
was inserted. A large collection of equipment became scrap metal when IT
was first found and they had first tried to sample it's composition.
"Careful not to twist the lance while it's in contact with IT."
"Do I look like a moron to you?" He casually moved a couple steps
away from the lance.
"Yes, actually you do."
"Shut the fuck up!"
"You shut up!"
"Both of you shut up."
The two men snapped to attention as their boss passed by again.
"Yes, Doctor!"
They waited until their boss walked out of earshot, before
continuing their conversation. "Why did Ikari leave Katsuragi in charge
today anyway? They were always fighting about who was in charge of the
project."
"I don't know. It seems odd that Ikari would let that guy get all
the glory of the final stage in the project."
The two men paused again as they heard the ominous music for a
second time. This time, they looked down to one of the lower gantries
trying to find the source.
"Hey, Johnson! Turn off your damn Walkman!"
"Well, let's just finish getting that sample."
"Got it. Open the sample canisters."
The other man held out two cylindrical sample canisters. "What are
they going to do with the samples anyway?" he asked, as he watched the
other man slide the glowing sample material into the canisters.
"Hell if I know, I'm just following orders. I don't even know what
they are going to do with IT."
Both figures looked up at the tall white figure that towered above
them. It gave off a faint glow and seemed to pulse slowly, almost like a
heartbeat.
Doctor Katsuragi leaned over a railing high above the two workers.
"Hey you two! Quit slacking off! Get half of that sample to the helipad
and the other half to the operating room, stat! They have to finish
their testing on the fresh sample before we finish the insertion! And
Ikari... err... the test plan is clear that the final insertion must
happen exactly at oh-nine-forty hours sharp."
"Yes, Doctor!"
The two figures snapped to attention and scurried off with the
samples.
Doctor Katsuragi looked around and then gestured to his assistant,
a young shapely blond. "Have you seen my daughter? I wanted to get her
on the last flight out before the final tests."
The woman hesitated for a few seconds. "Um... no, Doctor. I'll call
the living quarters and see if anyone has seen her." She turned away to
hide the guilty look that crossed her face.
Doctor Katsuragi nodded and then returned to checking the
checklist. He smiled as he saw that he was keeping everything on
schedule down to the last second. <See if that fool Ikari could do
better than this! I'll show him who's in charge around here!>
-E- -V- -A-
Twenty minutes before Second Impact.
In a dark operating room, a young girl of about fourteen years old
lay naked on the operating table. A doctor and a pair of nurses operated
on her. Or butchered her depending on your viewpoint.
"It's finished," the doctor said, pulling a long instrument out of
the young girl's vagina. "The sample material is now part of her womb."
He frowned when some of the material seemed to be slowly slipping out
between the girl's folds. He used his glove-covered fingers to push the
material back in. "Suture."
One of the nurses handed him a suture needle and the doctor put a
couple of stitches across the girl's folds to keep the material in place
inside the girl's womb. <It almost seems like the material is trying to
escape, but that can't be...>
The doctor finished his sutures and put down the needle. "There,
that'll hold it. It should inseminate her eggs and produce the First
Children."
"Inseminate... right. We're not dealing with some drunk selling his
sperm to a sperm bank to buy booze here," a male voice said from the
shadows.
"You have a better term to describe the procedure?"
The man in the shadows took a long drag on his cigarette before
answering. "Looks like she's being fucked by that thing Ikari has in the
basement."
The doctor signed. "You don't like Ikari, do you?"
"No, not particularly. I think we're all being fucked by him."
The doctor looked over at them man. "He *IS* trying to save
mankind."
"Well, forgive me for being skeptical that he's going to save the
world with the help of a fourteen-year-old virgin's uterus," the man in
the shadows said, exhaling a puff of smoke from his cigarette. "Virgin
birth indeed."
"He, and the people he works for, are convinced that it had to be a
virgin in order for the material we took from-" The doctor's voice
suddenly softened, as if afraid to say the rest loudly. "-IT to work
properly."
"Kind of convenient that your daughter, Ritsuko, wasn't a virgin
then, isn't it?"
The doctor flinched at the accusation. "I am as dedicated to this
project as you are. It's not my fault my daughter happened to get
screwed by her boyfriend!" He didn't bother mentioning that he had
encouraged her boyfriend to fuck his daughter to save her from being
used as the host in this experiment. He didn't know what Ikari had in
mind for the so-called 'First Children', but he wasn't about to
sacrifice his only daughter's ability to have children to satisfy his
commitment to the project. Since he had never had the time to spend time
with his precious Ritsuko while she was growing up, he longed for the
day when he could hold his grandchildren in his arms and play with them.
<Well, once these tests are done, I can retire and go home.>
"Well, at least there won't be any problems getting the material
through customs this way, but I still think Ikari has something up his
sleeve." He took one last look between the girl's spread legs, grinned,
and then departed with a canister containing the remainder of the sample
meant for the girl's uterus. <They'll never miss it. If Ikari does try
to double cross us, this will come in very handy.> He chuckled softly to
himself as a plan formed in his twisted little mind. <Very handy,
indeed.>
"Won't it kill her?" a young nurse in scrubs asked sadly. She
brushed the hair out of the teenager's eyes.
The doctor looked over from where he was washing his hands. "Not if
they get to her in time..." He stiffened, as if he'd just let something
slip. "Never mind that now... Just get her dressed and then tell her
father that he has to get his daughter on the next flight out of here
BEFORE they begin the final tests on IT. And remember not to mention the
operation to him."
"Yes, Doctor," the other nurse answered. She pushed the younger
nurse away and started to dress the girl. As she put the girl's bra onto
the girl, the nurse had to move a small cross pendant out of the way.
-E- -V- -A-
Fifteen minutes before Second Impact.
Workers scurried around the huge figure in the underground chamber.
A young man slid up beside a young female worker in a lab coat. "Hi ya,
Baby. What are you doing after we're done with this thing?"
The woman didn't pause or look away from her work. "Oh, freezing my
ass off running around naked with you in the snow up top."
The man grinned broadly. "Cool, let's get going, babe!"
"You idiot, I was kidding! I'll have tons of data to examine after
we're done here."
"Plenty of time for that..." He paused and looked down. "Turn that
music off already, Johnson!" The ominous music stopped. "Now then...
let's find a quiet corner and melt some ice with our hot bodies." The
man gave the woman his most charming smile then leaned backward onto the
apparatus that held the Lance and struck a pose he always assumed drove
women wild.
It didn't.
What it did do was push the Lance of Longinus into IT another two
centimeters and twisted it ninety-eight point six degrees
counter-clockwise. Unfortunately, the harness the Lance was in made this
extremely easy to do. But what do you expect from the lowest bidder?
Twisting the Lance while it was inserted into IT was not a good
thing.
For instance, this meant that everyone in the base, except one
fourteen-year-old girl, would die three minutes early.
It also meant the plans of a Mr. Gendou Ikari would be delayed for
at least fifteen more years.
But the worse thing was that it meant that the young man would die
a virgin. Not that those three minutes would have changed that.
-E- -V- -A-
Ten minutes before Second Impact. Make that seven minutes.
The Antarctic facility shook as an explosion vaporized one of the
lower levels. Doctor Katsuragi raced though the shaking corridors with
his daughter cradled protectively in his arms. A large red stain was
spreading across her chest.
He saw the door to the elevator to the helipad just before it was
engulfed in flames. "Shit... what the hell did those morons do to IT
this time?" He looked at his watch. "Damn, they weren't even supposed to
start for three more minutes. They are definitely fired this time." He
looked around frantically, then ran towards the stairs, the corridor
started crumbling around him. He cringed as the cold Antarctic air
assaulted him. <The outer wall must have been breached.>
A short time later, he stumbled out of the remains of a corridor
onto the ruins of the helipad. He frantically looked to where the
helicopter should have been. The only thing he saw was an escape pod and
a trail of cigarette butts leading to where the helicopter should be.
"Damn, that asshole from Seele took it."
He stumbled over and opened the hatch on the emergency escape pod.
He gently put his daughter into it, then began to close the hatch.
Just before it closed, he saw his daughter's eyes open. "Father?"
Her eyes were the last thing he saw before he was vaporized along
with most of the rest of Antarctica as Second Impact was initiated three
minutes early.
Somehow, the escape pod survived the blast. Considering the escape
pod was made for a Doctor Gendou Ikari's use in case of emergencies,
this would not surprise anyone who knew him. The champagne and silk
sheets, on the other hand, would be surprising to anyone who wasn't a
James Bond fan.
The teenage girl and the First Children within her survived Second
Impact.
That was until Third Impact occurred fifteen years later. And then
the definition of 'survived' changed.
-E- -V- -A-
Excerpt from 'The American Century Dictionary' - 1999 edition:
survive v. 1 continue to live or exist 2 live or exist longer than 3
remain alive despite (a danger, accident, etc...)
Excerpt from 'Shinji's Guide to the Post-Third Impact World'
- 2nd edition (Asuka tore up the first one):
survive v. 1 continue to bicker with Asuka 2 live or exist longer than
the entire population of the planet Earth 3 remain alive despite (a
power-crazed madman, Third Impact, Misato's cooking, Asuka pulling on my
penis)
-E- -V- -A-
Rei finished explaining Second Impact and her origins during it to
the gang in the theater. Shinji and Asuka were dumbfounded by the
revelations.
Misato was tracing the scars between her breasts from the injury
she sustained in her escape and then moved down to the smaller scars on
her lower abdomen from when they removed her uterus. "So that's why they
gave me a hysterectomy after I was rescued?"
"Yes," Rei replied quietly.
"Those bastards! To use me like that and then rip out my womb!"
Misato screamed. She could barely remember events in the months that
followed her waking up in the escape pod. She was in no condition to ask
why her vagina had been sewn shut or why a few weeks after her escape
they had wheeled her into the operating room to remove her supposedly
diseased uterus. "How could my father let them!"
"I believe he wasn't aware of their intentions. Originally they
were going to use the daughter of the doctor who did the procedure."
"Then why didn't they?" Misato fumed.
"It turned out Ms. Akagi wasn't a virgin."
"Damn that Ritsuko! I bet she just let some boy fuck her to screw
my life up!" Misato theorized, ignoring the fact that she hadn't met
Ritsuko until college. "I guess I should have just let that little Toma
brat fuck me when I was thirteen after all."
"That would have been a good idea," Rei agreed.
"Damn it... I can't believe you're my daughter," Misato said,
looking at Rei with a mixture of confusion and sadness on her face.
Rei seemed to consider this. "I always wondered what it would be
like to have a mother that didn't have a chipped rim."
Misato, Shinji, and Asuka all gaped in surprise.
Then Asuka smirked. "Gee, the little clone has a sense of humor."
"Do I?" Rei asked, straight-faced.
Misato felt her stomach again. "So I have a daughter. Something I
had never expected to have."
"Good luck getting child support from the First Angel!" Asuka
started to laugh. Everyone ignored her. She didn't like being ignored.
"Over the past year I had come to think of Shinji and Asuka-" She
looked at her two former roommates. "-as the kids I could never have.
And now I find out I do have a child. Ironic that our little 'family'
here would wind up together despite all that has happened."
"Gee, Mama, can I go out and play?" Asuka quipped.
"Cut it out, Asuka," Shinji scolded. "This is tough on her."
"Oooooo, little brother Shinji is trying to be the man of the
house."
"Well, I am." Shinji looked around the theater. "Do YOU see any
other men here?"
"I don't see any men at all... just three gorgeous women and a
little boy."
Shinji looked ready to explode then calmed himself. "Lucky me." He
cast a sly grin at Asuka.
"As if... don't get your hopes up." Asuka turned away from Shinji
to hide the smile that appeared on her face.
Meanwhile, a sudden thought crossed Misato's mind and she dropped
to her knees. "All those clones..."
Rei nodded, then finished the thought. "...were not clones in the
traditional sense, although we did turn out to be genetically identical
due to the material from the First Angel. The embryos that survived were
gestated in your womb after it was removed and expanded-"
Shinji interrupted. "Expanded?"
Rei nodded. "It was stretched and forced to grow using some of the
technology used later to create the Evas. They put it on artificial life
support and waited for us to be born a year later."
"A whole year?!"
"Yes, our gestation period was longer than a normal human."
Asuka smirked. "I always knew you weren't normal." She was ignored
again. She REALLY didn't like being ignored.
Misato was shaking. "How many?"
"Excuse me?"
"How many survived?"
"A little over five thousand, I believe."
Asuka smirked. "Gee, think of the stretch marks if you had to give
birth to them all." No reaction from anyone. Asuka was fuming inside.
<Pay attention to me already!>
"Five... thousand? And Ritsuko killed them all..." Misato's eyes
could be seen burning.
Rei shook her head. "No. Only those in Toyko-3. Others were used in
the dummy plugs, which the EVA series use... used. I believe every NERV
facility had a group of me."
"You really get around, don't you?" Asuka remarked, not even
receiving a twitch of acknowledgement from anyone.
"Why... why would they do all this?"
Rei shrugged. "In addition to my original function in Second
Impact, my use as an Eva pilot and as a dummy plug became necessary when
Second Impact occurred three minutes before Mr. Ikari was ready."
Shinji stepped forward and spoke with a shaky voice. "Ready for
what?"
"I believe he was going to have intercourse with his wife and come
to orgasm just as Second Impact was triggered."
The others just looked blankly at Rei until Shinji spoke. "Why?"
"I believe he thought he could control Second Impact if he was in
perfect sync with another soul. That control would have allowed him and
his wife to control my development into whatever form they choose." She
looked sadly at the ground as she finished.
Asuka snorted. "Damn, what a lame idea."
"It might have worked," Rei said calmly.
"Huh?"
"The union of a man and a woman is the most powerful force in the
universe." Shinji didn't notice Rei glance at him as she made her
statement.
But Asuka did. "I saw that! Rei has the hots for Shinji!"
Shinji stared. "What?"
Rei blushed. "You embarrass me."
Asuka pounded Shinji on the back and pushed him towards Rei. "Come
on, Shin-boy... fuck her already."
Shinji looked around and glared at Asuka. "Will you stop being so
pushy, Asuka?!"
"Come on, I know you want to. That's why you set up that other Rei
as a slut so you could spend your life in your horny little dream world
fucking the clone!"
"I didn't set it up that way, dammit! Why I ever thought I loved
you, I'll never know!"
Asuka, for once, was lost for words.
Rei silently looked between Shinji and Asuka.
Misato grabbed a bag of popcorn and sat down cross-legged on the
floor. "Damn, and I thought Shinji's perfect world was twisted." She
gulped down a handful of popcorn.
-E- -V- -A-
Ritsuko had walked slowly over to Rei and took her hand gently.
This calm action started Rei, so she didn't resist. "Rei. I'm sorry
about everything, but you really can't marry Shinji. Now or ever."
Rei grew angry again. "Shut up! You sound just like a scratched
DVD! I'll marry him... with or without your permission!"
"You can't. He's... your half-brother," Ritsuko said.
"What?!" everyone except Ritsuko yelled out.
Gendou finally managed to get a good look at Ritsuko. "Oh... no..."
Ritsuko sighed heavily and pointed at Gendou. "Rei, this is your
father, Gendou Rokubungi."
After the large thud caused by Gendou collapsing to the floor in
shock, the room went silent.
-E- -V- -A-
A while later, Gendou was cowering in a corner as Ritsuko finished
her explanation to a very upset Yui and shocked Shinji and Rei.
"After I told him-" Ritsuko glared at Gendou, who tried to press
himself deeper into the corner. "-I was pregnant with Rei, he
disappeared. I looked all over for him, but never found him. Clever of
you to change your name."
Yui glanced over at her husband. "I was always curious why you
wanted to take my family name so badly after you got me pregnant and my
father forced you to marry me, Gendou."
Gendou had started to scratch at the wall, in hopes of tunneling
out of the room.
"You can hate me if you want Rei, but if Gendou had stuck around,
my mom wouldn't have had to protect her families' so-called good name by
adopting you like she did."
Rei glanced at Shinji, feeling a twinge in her heart. "I can't
believe all this."
"It's the truth. I'm done lying about my... our past."
Shinji reached over and grabbed Rei's hand. "That's okay, Rei, this
just makes it easier for me to protect you... as your brother."
A faint smile crossed Rei's lips.
"I'm proud of you, Shinji," Yui said.
"I am too!" Gendou said from his corner. When Yui glared menacingly
at him, he suddenly started playing with a tire.
Yui shook her head sadly. <He's been watching too much Shin Seiki
Ranma.>
-E- -V- -A-
Shinji and Rei walked together a few meters behind Ritsuko and
talked quietly.
"Are you sure you're going to be okay alone with her tonight?"
Shinji asked.
"Yes. She's calmed down since she knows that you're my
half-brother. I guess in her mind she doesn't have to fight me anymore
since she's won the battle to keep us apart."
"She hasn't. I'll always be there for you."
Rei sighed heavily. "Don't take this personally, Shinji, but
finding out we're family really sucks," she said, without looking at
Shinji.
"Yeah, I know. I'm going to do everything and anything I can to
make you happy from now on."
"Anything?" Rei said. She looked at Shinji with a slightly lopsided
grin on her face, which didn't reveal and of the pain that she felt in
her heart.
"Yes... anything. Err... we can't have sex anymore... but I'll
always be there when you have a problem."
Rei smiled. "Thank you, Shinji." She leaned up and kissed Shinji
gently on his cheek. She smirked as she noticed his reaction. "That's
not exactly a good reaction to have towards your sister."
Shinji blushed and covered his groin with his hands. "Err...
well... most brothers don't get to do the things we did."
Rei snickered. "True, only in those sleazy hentai mangas."
"Rei, I do love you."
Rei nodded. "I do too. Too bad our father is a bastard."
"Well, he does have his good points. It's not like he's some evil
maniac bent on destroying the world or anything."
"Not unless he's planing on destroying the world with vending
machines." Rei smiled and Shinji laughed at her joke. "Well, I guess
I'll have to spend some time getting to know him."
"Assuming my mom doesn't kill him tonight, that is."
When they finally reached the Akagi apartment and Rei found she
couldn't take the final step over the entryway.
Ritsuko gestured from the doorway. "Come on, Rei."
Shinji noticed Rei's expression of uncertainty and offered
something he hoped would help. "Um, Ms. Akagi, can I stay tonight? I
think your daughter needs the support and I don't think I'm old enough
to hear what my mother is probably saying and doing to my... our
father."
Ritsuko smiled as she thought of the man she had hated for so long
getting what he had coming after so long. But that didn't eliminate the
image of Rei sitting on top of Shinji from the previous night. "And let
you fuck your own sister again? Dream on, you little walking cock!"
"No! Listen... I love your daughter... my sister. I just want to
protect her. That's all."
Ritsuko appraised Shinji for a few moments. "Hmmmm, for a boy and
the son of that asshole, you're not that bad."
"Gee, thanks."
"Fine, but I'm going to make sure you can't do anything to her."
Shinji gulped as he thought of all kinds of horrid things that she
could do. Many of them involved the removal of his penis. "Err... okay,
but I'd like to have children one day."
Ritsuko looked crestfallen. "Darn. I wanted to add your penis to my
collection."
Shinji started backing up slowly.
"I was kidding, you little meathead."
-E- -V- -A-
Shinji lay on the bed as Ritsuko finished handcuffing him to the
bedpost. "Gee... I didn't know you were into bondage."
Ritsuko glared at Shinji. "It's this or my first idea."
Shinji gulped as he felt his penis retreat into his foreskin, like
a turtle into its shell when it found itself in a turtle soup factory.
"Okay, but this had better not be one of those hidden camera shows."
"Of course not. Now be a good boy and get to sleep."
Shinji sighed and rolled over.
"Good boy."
The lights went off and then Shinji felt the bed bounce. "What
the?"
"You didn't think I'd leave you alone so Rei could sneak in here so
you can fuck her again, did you?"
"She's my sister dammit! I'd never do anything with her now that I
know!"
"Yeah, I bet that's what all those guys in those hentai mangas said
before they did the nasty with their pure and innocent sisters."
"Well, I'm not sure I feel comfortable sleeping with you."
"Just remember that I'm not your sister, so there is no reason for
you to even consider fucking me."
"I don't want to fuck Rei because she's my sister, dammit!"
"So you still want to sleep with her?!"
"Yes... no... I don't know! This day has been very confusing."
"Tell me about it. Just you remember that she's your sister... give
me any reason to doubt you're anything other than her brother and...
SNIP."
Shinji gulped. "Yes, ma'am!"
"Now get to sleep. Behave yourself and maybe I'll let you keep
seeing Rei... as a BROTHER."
"Alright... all I want is what's best for her." Shinji started to
fall asleep when he felt Ritsuko's hot breath on his back. "You know,
this is the first time I've ever slept with an old woman."
Things suddenly became very painful for Shinji as Ritsuko tried to
do her best to perform her original idea using her bare hands.
-E- -V- -A-
Rei lay in her bed and cried herself slowly to sleep. "Shinji..."
-E- -V- -A-
Gendou slept on the couch. Or tried to.
-E- -V- -A-
When Shinji awoke, he found that he was no longer handcuffed, much
to his relief. He rubbed the marks on his wrists to make sure there was
no permanent damage. Just to make sure he looked under his shorts to
make sure everything was okay down there as well. He slipped out of the
bed and looked around. He wandered out of the bedroom and looked for
someone or the bathroom, whichever came first. He ended up finding the
kitchen first. "Morning, Ms. Akagi," he said to the old woman who was
preparing something at the countertop.
The woman who turned around was not Ritsuko, much to Shinji's
surprise. "Oh, you must be that boy who slept with my granddaughter."
Shinji gulped. "Err... well..."
"Don't sweat it kid... the first dick I touched was my brother's.
Although *HE* never went all the way with me." Mrs. Akagi flashed a
toothy grin.
Shinji was very stunned at the woman's manner. He had pictured
Rei's grandmother as an old biddy, much like Ritsuko, but this woman
actually seemed like the complete opposite of Ritsuko. "Err... yeah...
um... where's Rei and the ol... her mother?"
"They'll be back soon. They just popped out to get some more food
for breakfast. We weren't expecting a new family member."
"Well, I'm Rei's half-brother... I'm not really related to you or
your daughter." Shinji really wanted to leave, but if Rei was coming
back, he wanted to be here for her.
Mrs. Akagi's expression grew stern. "You're FAMILY... don't forget
it when you spend time with your HALF-SITSTER! Got it?!"
This was more like what he expected and Shinji snapped to
attention. "Yes, Ma'am!"
Mrs. Akagi's expression softened again and the goofy smile
returned. "Good. I'll forgive you fucking her once because you didn't
know--and she is such a hot young babe after all--but do her again
and..." She chose that moment to chop a carrot in half. The worst part
of this statement, as far as Shinji was concerned, was that she never
stopped smiling that goofy grin of hers.
Shinji watched the carrot fall to the ground. Suddenly, he wasn't
very hungry. "Maybe I should leave."
"Nonsense. Go wash up and we'll be ready in a short time. Bathroom
is third door on the left."
"Well... ok." Shinji made his retreat down the hallway, but not
before hearing her last comment.
"And you'd better take a bath, I can still smell my granddaughter
on you."
-E- -V- -A-
Shinji soaked in the bathtub, staring at the unfamiliar ceiling.
This was actually the first time he really had to think about recent
events. "Great, I finally lose my virginity... only to find out she's my
sister. The guys will have a field day with this if they find out. Of
course, all of them are virgins, so I at least beat them to it. Too bad
I can't talk about it. Maybe it's for the best that we never told anyone
we were dating."
He continued to watch the steam rise from the water's surface.
"What a pathetic jerk I am."
"Maybe, but are you happy?"
Shinji started and looked over at the source of the voice. "What
the..." he gasped as he saw a ghostly image of himself standing naked in
front of the tub.
The ghostly Shinji repeated his question. "Are you happy?"
Deciding he was dreaming, Shinji answered, "I don't know. Finding
out Rei was my half-sister was pretty shocking."
"Yes, I know. But are you happy?"
"Who are you anyway?"
"I'm..." The ghostly Shinji glanced off to the side, as if
listening to someone. "The Shinji in your mind."
"What the hell does that mean?"
The ghostly Shinji glared to the side, as if scolding a red-haired
girl for a lame suggestion. Then he turned back to the Shinji in the
bath. "Just answer the question."
Shinji thought for a few moments. "Yes, I guess so. Even as messed
up as things are right now... I do have good friends and a loving
family... even if what my father did really sucks."
The ghostly Shinji paused and absorbed the information. "What do
you think of Rei?"
"I love her. And I'm going to make sure she's happy from now on."
"Despite the fact that you can't be lovers?"
"Yes. I didn't fall in love with her for her body."
"Good luck, I can't promise happiness for you, but it could be
worse."
Shinji splashed some water in his face, still wondering if he was
dreaming. "Who are you really?"
"Just think of me as... a friend who wants everyone around you to
be happy." The ghostly Shinji glared at the unseen person. "No! I'm not
going to ask him that, Asuka!" He started to fade away, but not before
his penis started to spin like a fan.
Shinji blinked a few times and then splashed some more water over
his face. "Weird..."
-E- -V- -A-
"Come on! Ask him if he's going fuck me now that he can't do Rei
anymore!" Asuka insisted. In this case, her 'insisting' included
spinning his penis.
Shinji slapped her hand away from his penis. "I said no! The
connection is broken already anyway." Shinji looked down at the
storyboards in front of him. "Well, as we agreed, it was his decision.
I'm sorry, Rei."
Rei sighed. "That's okay. Maybe she'll be happier with you as a
brother." She turned away to hide the tear that rolled down her cheek.
Misato walked up behind her daughter and put a comforting hand on
Rei's shoulder. "It'll be okay, Rei. Even if that world isn't perfect,
that Rei will have a loving brother to support her."
"I suppose. I wonder if most mothers would let a world like that
exist where their daughter was so unhappy."
Misato flinched. "I do want you to be happy, Rei. I'm kind of new
to this mother thing... Let's take it slow."
Asuka chose that moment to interject. "Okay, first thing a mother
and daughter should do is..." She pushed Rei's face down against
Misato's breast. "Breast-feed! Come on, suck away!"
"Asuka, stop..." Misato stopped speaking suddenly as she realized
that Rei was actually sucking on her nipple. She gently pried the
sucking child off her breast. "Um, Rei... you really don't have to do
that. Asuka was making one of her jokes."
"Oh." Rei wiped the saliva off her lips. "I didn't find it
particularly funny." Then she casually wiped Misato's nipple off.
Misato pushed Rei's hand away. "That's okay... I can take care of
that." She turned away to hide her suddenly erect nipples.
Shinji had to turn away from the girls to hide his 'reaction' to
all this.
-E- -V- -A-
Shinji got up out of the tub and began to dry off. He flinched when
he heard the door open. He blushed when he saw Rei standing in the
doorway. "Err... good morning, Rei."
"Morning, Shinji. Breakfast is ready," Rei said calmly. She glanced
briefly at Shinji's groin and smiled. "You'd better not come dressed
like that." She spun around and departed. The smile would be with her
throughout breakfast, much to the confusion of her mother and
grandmother.
Shinji sighed then looked down at his erection. "That's not the
proper reaction to have to your sister."
-E- -V- -A-
"Mein Gott! Now the little prick is talking to his prick!" Asuka
exclaimed.
"Shut up, Asuka!" Shinji said. He turned to Rei. "Are you alright?"
"Leave the clone with her mother, Shinji. Let's go fuck. I know you
want to... 'cus you love me. Shinji loves me. Ha ha!" Asuka started to
do a happy little dance.
"Just leave me alone with Rei, can't you?!" Shinji waved his hand
in a dismissing motion. Suddenly, Asuka and Misato disappeared. He gaped
at the spot they had been standing in just seconds previously. "What?"
"What did you do?"
"I don't know... Just this." He repeated the gesture, causing Asuka
and Misato to reappear.
"You jackass! What the hell..."
Asuka was cut off when Shinji gestured again, causing Asuka and
Misato to disappear. "Cool! I didn't know I could do that!"
"You have more power than you realize," Rei muttered, tears forming
in her eyes.
-E- -V- -A-
Excerpt from 'The American Century Dictionary' - 1999 edition:
family n. 1 set of relations, esp. parents and children 2 descendants of
a common ancestor 3 close-knit organization
Excerpt from 'Shinji's Guide to the Post-Third Impact World'
- 2nd edition (Asuka tore up the first one):
family n. 1 set of morons, esp. fathers who cheat on their girlfriends
with fourteen year old girls 2 descendants of a common philanderer 3
close-knit... never mind
[End - Garden of EVA 1:1 - Families Suck!]
=======================================================================
Author's notes/ramblings:
And thus begins Book One of Garden of EVA. Doesn't really suck yet, but
it'll get there.
The alternate tittle for this part was "Garden of EVA 1:1 - Rei Sucks
Misato's Tit", but that would have given away a joke. :)
I'd like to thank my pre-readers EBJ, Rex Yu, Johan Holmberg, David
Johnson, Arnold Callwood, Justin Baugh, Axel Terizaki, Thomas C Kinnen,
Taler Schilling, Thomas C. Kinnen and Rei No Tenshi for helping me find
and fix problems with this story. FFML members EeL and Michael A. Chase
were also helpful in fine tuning this story. Thank you all. Of course in
the end, any mistakes and botched characters are my fault.
Revision 0.0 - Initial draft (March 20, 1999)
Revision 0.1 - Pre-reader draft (May 1, 1999)
Revision 0.2 - FFML draft (May 16, 1999)
Revision 1.0 - Final version (May 24, 1999)
-=-
Jim Lazar
E-Mail - mailto:jimlazar@earthlink.net
FanFiction - http://home.earthlink.net/~jimlazar/anime
-=-
Kasumi found her father cradling her mother in his arms. He
had run out of tears to shed long ago, but the expression on his face
told the story.
After several minutes of silence, Soun asked with a scratchy
voice, "Kasumi dear. Will you please say goodbye to your mother?"
"Of course, Father," Kasumi said. She stood up, took one of her
mother's hands in her's, and said a soft, "Goodbye, Mother. I'll keep
my promise."
-=-
Excerpt from: Ranma-ototo: Please Save My Family