Whahahahhhh!!! Does anyone still remember that Siew Lee is a YYH fanfic
writer? 

::sniffs:: I guess no-one because I have stopped producing works for about
1/2 a year. Well, this is my *first* 100% free of yaoi fic and I don't know
how will it turn out as I took a different approach to this one. I usually
write very sappy fics but this, I tuned it down to the minimum. Somehow,
Yusuke being romantic and mushy isn't very appealing to me. ^_^;; Anyway,
credits go to Rhionae for pre-reading this fic and Ai-chan (Bulma) for
being so supportive of me when I undergo one of the worst dillemas in my
life. =) Thanks and love you guys! 

P/S 1: Thanks to Trixcy for helping me on that Yusuke-Keiko question. =) 
P/S 2: I have an alternate ending to this fic for those who can't stand the
angst here. Just e-mail me and I'll send you the part. I'll see how is the
response before I post the actual thing on my website. =) 
P/S 3: ALERT! I have moved my website to 'http://members.dencity.com/hiei'
because I got so tired of closing pop-up windows and I badly want Hiei in
my website addy. ^_^; I'm so sorry... ^_^; 

Warning: Angst 
Couple involved: Yusuke and Keiko (Yay! My #1 favourite m/f couple) 
Rating: G (nope, no lemons here. No limes too, just a... Heh! I won't give
spoilers) 

Please, this is my first fanfic in half a year, so please send me comments. 

Siew Lee 
http://members.dencity.com/hiei 
#14025577 

Set in my own alternate universe, Keiko finally makes a decision. One 
that would change the course of her life. 

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Lost in Love 

A Yu Yu Hakusho fanfic by W. Siew Lee 

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Aku seperti seekor burung kenari, 
Berterbangan ke sini sana mencari jalan pulang, 
Apakah dosa yang ku lakukan sehingga hidupku dalam kesengsaraan? 
Di manakah kebenaran mutlak yang ku carikan? 
Aku hanyalah seekor burung kenari, 
Yang mencari jalan pulang, 
Walaupun aku tahu jalan itu sudahpun lenyap... 

*I'm like a canary lost in the wild, 
Flying high and low searching for the path home, 
What sins have I done to bestow this pain? 
Where is the ultimate truth that I yearned for? 
To me, I'll be like the canary, 
Searching for its way back, 
Although failing miserably for the path has vanished... * 

	Keiko sighed softly as she read the verse that she held in her 
hands. There was a stinging sensation in her eyes but she quickly 
reached up to wipe away those tears. *Is love really that painful?* 
she asked herself softly. 

	There were shockingly familiar words in the verse, as if the 
verse itself was pointing at her. The canary was like herself, 
searching for the truth, but when would the truth be visible to her? 

	Like the canary, she had lost her path of life. 

	Like the canary, she was still looking for her way back home. 

	Her fingers were slightly trembling when she rolled the 
magazine up. It was a literature based magazine with original and 
translated works from all over the world. Keiko always loved looking 
at those works of humans deep in love, deep in hatred, or perhaps 
deep in pain. They were so realistic, in a way, that she would find 
it chillingly familiar. 

	Perhaps all humans are the same. All humans are made of flesh 
and blood. Perhaps all humans would feel the same under an identical 
set of circumstances. 

	What did she feel now? Her heart was just a swirling nebula 
filled with different sensations. 

	Maybe pain? 

	Grief? 

	Loss? 

	Love? 

	Slowly, she unrolled the magazine again and looked at the 
verse. The author had left the verse unfinished and hanging there. 
What did she mean? Keiko looked at the name and the country of 
origin. *Malaysia...* she whispered softly. The verse was there, 
leaving readers wondering about the fate of the canary. 

	Perhaps she was right. There was no ending to the canary's 
search. 

	Like herself. She couldn't even define her target now. What was 
she actually searching for? 

	*Yusuke Urameshi, where are you?* 

	With a soft sigh, Keiko leaned back into her armchair. Closing 
her deep brown eyes, she began reminiscing all those years she spent 
with *him*. When was it she last saw him? 

	Two years? Three years? 

	It had been too long now. Simply too long. 

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14 years ago... 

	She looked at him. He was just a kid, as was she herself. It 
was the first day of elementary school and the class was filled with 
loud sounds such as children crying and screaming voices. Most 
parents were saying goodbye to their children as they prepared to 
leave for work and little tear-streaked faces were everywhere. 

	But he didn't cry. 

	Keiko looked at her mother who was smiling and laughing with 
her teacher. Well, she had her kaasan today, but what about that boy? 
He was alone, sitting there, brooding. There wasn't anyone with him 
at the moment, there was just him. Keiko watched with interest as he 
took out his plastic pencil box and removed a stubby pencil from it. 
The girl gasped as the boy began drawing and scribbling on those 
boring wooden desks. 

	Still awed at the boldness of the boy, Keiko stood up and left 
her place. She walked over to the corner where the boy was sitting 
and stood there, looking at those stick-people pictures he doodled. 

	Slowly, he became aware that someone was watching him. He 
lifted up an eye and stared at her strangely. "What do you want?" he 
growled. 

	Keiko simply shrugged and took her place next to him. "Nothing, 
I just want to see what you are drawing," answered the girl amusedly. 

	He snorted and resumed drawing his fantastic pieces of art 
idly. 

	"What is your name? My name is Keiko Yukimura," began Keiko. 

	"Huh! Why should I tell you?" challenged the boy and stopped 
drawing. He turned around to face Keiko, eyeing her mysteriously. 
Keiko gritted her teeth and stood up to leave, plainly irritated by 
his rude attitude. 

	"Alright, no need to get so angry, right? People call me 
Urameshi, but you can call me Yusuke if you like..." said the boy 
quickly and ran his fingers through his hair. He looked at her and 
gestured for her to sit down again. 

	"Well... I don't think it's very nice to draw on things. Kaasan 
always tells me not to scribble on tables, chairs or walls," began 
Keiko slowly. "Where's your kaasan? Why are you alone?" 

	"Huh! Don't talk about okufuro. She is still drunk at home. She 
doesn't care about me so why should I care about her? I'm happy 
here," snapped Yusuke angrily. 

	"Yusuke-kun, it is not nice to say such things about your 
kaasan. Where is your tousan then?" asked Keiko. 

	"I have no tousan, okay? I also have no friends so stop 
bothering me." 

	Keiko kept quiet. No wonder the boy seemed so lonely and quiet. 
Perhaps there was a slight hint of anti-social behavior in him, but 
Keiko shrugged it off simply. 

	"I'll be your friend," pledged Keiko innocently, her brown eyes 
twinkling merrily. "If no-one is your friend, I'll be your friend," 
continued the young girl. 

	"Whatever," snorted Yusuke and resumed drawing on the desk. 

	Keiko shook her head at the boy. *What a classmate to have!* 

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Four years ago... 

	"Whew! That was close! Heh! Mr Tanaka's expression was 
priceless when I told him that he looked like a frog with 
spectacles!" sighed Yusuke and leaned back on an old armchair lying 
in the secluded woodwork lab. Languidly, he placed his legs up on the 
teacher's table. "Such a nice place, this area... No pesky 
teachers... Heck! This is even better than the city park where Keiko 
and I always have our picnics!" he complimented the lab a little with 
a laugh. 

	He glanced around the closed space. Air ventilators were placed 
on top the windows and slender rays of sunshine poked through the 
spaces of the wire-net. The woodwork lab was located in a far corner 
of the school compound. During weekdays, it was usually full of 
students milling around, getting their wooden projects done. 

	But then again, it was a Saturday evening. Even the sidewalks 
were deserted, so was the nearest block of the school building. 
Yusuke stifled a yawn and sighed contentedly to the quiet atmosphere. 
All the glass windows were tightly shut and only the ceiling fan was 
whirling slowly. 

	"Yusuke, Mr Tanaka sent us here to complete our work, not to 
relax and fool around!" chided Keiko and closed the door shut. She 
walked over and sat down on a wooden chair just opposite from Yusuke. 
The boy ran his fingers through his slicked back hair and put his 
legs down on the floor. "Yeah, thanks to that Tanaka and I'm stuck 
here," grumbled Yusuke and leaned forward. 

	"Well, I should be the one complaining, not you," answered 
Keiko, shifting the papers around. "You are the one who needs to have 
someone to guide you with your Chemistry project, not me. You are the 
one who is always irritating sensei until he sends you here, not me." 

	"Yeah, yeah, I know Mr Tanaka sees me as an eyesore so much 
that he would gladly get rid of me by sending me here with you," 
grumbled Yusuke and rolled his eyes, but deep inside, he was 
secretly pleased with the teacher's idea. 

	"So? Is it so difficult to stay here and do your work?" shot 
back Keiko and motioned for Yusuke to sit next to her. The boy then 
grumbled something about stupid teachers and wheeled his movable 
armchair next to the girl. 

	Yusuke yawned again. "Keiko, why must we go to school?" he 
asked idly as Keiko began punching her calculator based on the 
questions set in front of her. 

	"Why? Simply because we will get a better living in the 
future," answered the girl simply and wrote the figure on the 
machine's screen onto her answer sheet. 

	"Heh! I wonder why okufuro always gets enough money to send me 
to school," mused Yusuke. He took the mechanical pencil from Keiko's 
hands and began scribbling on the table. "Better living? My mom 
doesn't even work, for heaven's sake! She is always drunk at home." 

	"Yusuke, you never get rid of your old habits," sighed Keiko 
and tried to grab the pencil from the boy's strong grip. "From the 
first day of elementary school, I have seen you drawing things on 
school's property." 

	"Yeah, so? It is not that Mr Tanaka will suddenly walk in and 
drag me to the headmaster's office," shrugged off Yusuke and 
automatically stopped doodling. He smiled at Keiko and watched her 
reaction. Keiko shook her head and Yusuke studied her face. The soft 
whirl of the ceiling fan blew at strands of her hair and her fair 
complexion that complimented her dark eyes caught his attention. *Why 
haven't I noticed how cute and pretty Keiko actually is? It's 
strange... I have faced or many enemies such as the Toguro brothers 
before yet I never felt my heart beating faster. Is it fear this time 
so is it something else?* whispered Yusuke silently as he looked at 
the girl. She had changed so much physically over these years and she 
had a much fuller figure now but she still had that determined look 
on her face. Yusuke snickered and thought, *Keiko 'is' a determined 
girl.* 

	"Why are you looking at me like that?" asked Keiko strangely 
and blinked once. 

	"You are very pretty today," said Yusuke in a huff. Keiko 
rolled her eyes and dismissed it with a wave. "You are still bent on 
teasing me like that," retorted Keiko. 

	"You know something, I have never kissed a girl before... Maybe 
because I don't want to catch germs or other stupid diseases," 
laughed Yusuke and stared into her eyes playfully. *Damn! Why am I 
telling her all this things?! Stop it, Urameshi!* 

	"Heh! You know pretty well no girls would want to kiss you," 
teased Keiko and placed the mechanical pencil on the table. 

	"Have you kissed any boy before?" asked Yusuke innocently and 
leaned back on his armchair again, feeling his heart beating faster 
again. 

	"Well, no..." voiced out Keiko slowly, a blush creeping 
steadily into her cheeks. She looked away but her intuition told her 
to return Yusuke's stare. 

	Slowly, she turned her head to look into Yusuke's deep eyes. 
"What is the matter?" 

	"I... er... I just want to know the sensation," whispered 
Yusuke in a near-inaudible tone. "Don't get me wrong, Keiko, I just 
want to ask that question for fun." Yusuke nearly slapped himself 
for saying such a stupid thing, but he stopped himself to wait for 
Keiko's answer. 

	"Well, if you really want to try..." began Keiko slowly, her 
cheeks burning. "I..." 

	"Really?" asked Yusuke gently. "Actually, it isn't our first 
time... Remember when you kissed me to breathe life into me?" 

	"That doesn't really count," countered Keiko and looked down at 
her fidgeting fingers. "That was under extreme conditions..." 

	"Thank you," said Yusuke and leaned forward. Keiko closed her 
eyes and waited. Gently, as if fearing to touch the girl, Yusuke 
kissed her cheek softly. 

	"Is it just that? You have nice lips..." commented Keiko 
softly, a tinge of disappointment showing in her voice. Yusuke looked 
at her cheek quizzically, his eyes questioning her. 

	"Then...?" 

	Keiko drew closer. "Kiss me if you dare," she whispered and her 
cheeks flushed an even brighter shade of pink. Yusuke was stunned, 
but he proceeded to wrap his arms around her lithe body. Slowly, he 
moved his face closer to the girl's. Keiko closed her eyes and 
waited. 

	Yusuke edged closer, but he was afraid to go anymore. *C'mon... 
Urameshi, what has gotten into you today? Because of your own big 
mouth you have asked Keiko about a kiss... Fine, if you don't kiss 
her now, you are going to be out of her life forever!* Yusuke scolded 
himself. Finally, he took a deep breath and moved forward until he 
was just inches away from her face. 

	Tentatively, he pressed his lips onto her pink ones. 

	Yusuke winced slightly when Keiko's arms wrapped around his 
body. After years and years of getting involved in street fights, he 
couldn't get past without such reaction at any touch. He savored the 
salty-sweet tang on her lips as their kiss went deeper and deeper. 
Carefully, he licked her teeth with his tongue, bringing another new 
sensation down his spine. 

	Keiko shivered at the feeling of Yusuke's tongue. *It feels 
cold...* whispered Keiko in her heart but she kept quiet as she 
pulled the boy closer to her. 

	Gradually, the couple parted, slightly out of breath. 

	"Thanks, Keiko," said Yusuke and a slight shade of red crept 
onto his cheeks. Keiko stood up and took Yusuke by his arms. "Thank 
you too, you are so nice to me," whispered Keiko and hugged him, his 
warm body now so close to hers'. 

	"Heh! I just wanted to know the feeling, so don't get me 
wrong," laughed Yusuke but he still held Keiko's body in his arms. 

	"I want to feel it one more ti..." requested Keiko softly, 
her cheeks flaming as she tried to hide her face in Yusuke's 
shoulder. Before she could finish the sentence, she found a pair of 
silky soft lips sealed over her own. 

	Like a dream, they found themselves floating in and out of 
reality. Like vines, they entwined themselves with each other, 
sharing a simple kiss. 

	So simple, yet so enchanting. 

	Slowly, the couple parted, but Keiko still hugged the boy 
tightly. Yusuke placed a protective arm around her shoulders. "I know 
you will be mine one day. I know it... I don't know what to say 
anymore..." stammered Yusuke, breathing in the sweet scent of her 
fine hair. 

	"Yusuke, words are not important to us. You are important to 
me, that's all," whispered Keiko, secretly smiling in her heart. 
*Still so immature... Still so young... Yusuke, you never change. You 
never got used to saying such things. You are still the person I 
like and at least you are sincere to me. I trust you to like me too.* 

	"Ai... Aishiteru, Keiko," gushed out Yusuke, his voice 
trembling. Almost angrily, he shouted at himself mentally. *What is 
wrong with you, Urameshi? You are nuts to say this to her!*  

	Just then, the door opened with a creak and the couple broke 
apart. A head poked in and Yusuke blinked at the human. It was 
Kazuma Kuwabara. 

	Keiko was blushing fierily and she bent her head down at the 
sight of Yusuke's best friend and enemy. Kuwabara scratched his head 
and stared at them. Urameshi was coughing and clearing his throat 
while pulling at his uniform collar. 

	"Have the both of you finished your projects? Mr Tanaka asked 
me to check on you both," said Kuwabara and raised a quizzical 
eyebrow. *Why is the hell Yusuke looking uncomfortable and that girl 
blushing bright red? Yes, of course! I know that Urameshi is 
always...* thought Kuwabara craftily and touched his chin. 

	"Er, no..." answered Keiko quickly and walked over to the desk 
again and picked up the pen. "Just a few more lines and we are done." 

	"Alright then, Mr Tanaka said that the extra class will end in 
half an hour's time and he wants you guys to go over there," informed 
Kuwabara. "For now, enjoy your time!" laughed Kuwabara evilly and 
went out, closing the door as he stepped out of the lab. 

	"Stupid Kuwabara!" cursed Yusuke and glared daggers at the 
closed door. *Just right on time to spoil the air around...* 

	"Yusuke, c'mon... We need to finish up the project," began 
Keiko weakly and smiled a little when Yusuke finally nodded. He 
heaved a big sigh and flopped down on his place. 

	"Keiko, if I ever leave this place, will you follow me?" 
asked Yusuke suddenly, his face suddenly darkened. His eyes were 
shadowed with doubt and questions, making Keiko look up at him 
instantly. 

	"If... Yes, I will," pledged Keiko with a smile. Yusuke 
smiled back at her and nodded once. 

	"Thank you." 

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	That was four years ago, but it only seemed like yesterday. 
Yesterday was sweet, but today was bitter. Tomorrow? Keiko bit her 
lower lip, no-one knew what would happen tomorrow. Her fist clenched 
around the magazine tightly, wrinkling it. 

	Yusuke's last words were crystal clear on that fateful day. 

	["Keiko, I'm sorry."] 

	That day was a sunny and bright noon, but she felt the total 
opposite. 

	A tear rolled down her face slowly. Those words echoed and 
thundered in her ears endlessly. He was long gone, but his words 
remained. Keiko stood there numbly, unable to say anything. 

	More tears followed but there was not a single sound from the 
girl. For her, she had lost the track of time. There was no more 
difference between a minute and an hour. To her, each was filled with 
pain and remorse. The sun was starting to set, but she was unable to 
move from her position, almost as if she was rooted there. 

	She couldn't believe it. Yusuke was gone, once again. He told 
her not to wait for him. Why? He refused to tell her the reason. 

	What had he told her? 

	Another teardrop rolled down her cheeks. 

	He told her that they were not compatible with each other. He 
told her that he was not fit for her. He told her to find another 
man that would be able to love her truly and deeply. He told he 
wouldn't be able to live anymore. 

	"Yusuke Urameshi! How could you say this to me?!" screamed 
Keiko and buried her face in her palms, sobbing uncontrollably. How 
could he hurt her like this? 

	She was lost like the canary, no path to follow, no way to 
go. Images of Yusuke's expression that day flashed past her mind 
quickly. He was still smiling, but Keiko knew that smile too well. 
His was a fake smile, a smile full of gray emotions. 

	*Yusuke is hiding something,* whispered Keiko deep in her 
heart. Until now, she was still thinking about Yusuke's actions 
that day. The way he spoke... It was unnatural. 

	"Keiko!" 

	Keiko stood up immediately, her eyes looking out to the road 
below her window. "Yusuke?" shouted Keiko, both of her eyes searching 
frantically but they met on a single form of a young man. 

	"Keiko-san, it's me, Kaguya!" replied the young man, waving his 
hand at her. With a heavy sigh, Keiko waved back at him and quickly 
wiped away the tear streaks on her face with the back of her hand. 
Leaving the magazine on her desk, she ran down to meet Kaguya. 

	"Hello, Keiko-san," greeted the young man politely and smiled 
at her. 

	Keiko nodded once. "Why are you here?" 

	"Have you forgotten? You promised to go with me to a movie 
tonight! It's already five in the evening and I thought we might have 
time to stop for dinner before going to the cinema. Besides, we can 
go to the city park afterwards to spend some time," offered the young 
man as he flashed the two tickets in front of her face. "You know, we 
have been dating so many times now and we haven't tried anything..." 

	Suddenly, Keiko felt sick and disgusted at herself. What was 
she trying to do? Find a replacement for Yusuke? Find someone to go 
with her to the city park! No, no-one could ever replace Yusuke in 
her heart. From that very moment, she knew that she would be waiting 
for him. 

	"Sorry, no... I... I am not feeling very well today... Sorry," 
apologized Keiko and turned away. Kaguya shouted after her but she 
didn't hear anything. 

	There was one thought in her mind: Yusuke Urameshi. 

	Gradually, those fast steps turned into a stride. Before long, 
Keiko was running down the street, heading for the city park. 

	The sun had began to set, its soft rays coloring the lake and 
low lying clouds brilliant shades of red and violet. Keiko leaned 
forward on the metal railings, her eyes looking far out across. 
Quickly, she dug in the pockets of her jeans for a pen and a piece of 
paper. 

	Word by word, she wrote out the ending to the verse. 

*After searching far and wide, 
The canary finally found its way home, 
Home was with it all along, 
Except it failed to recognize the path before; 
Like the canary, I pursued for the truth, 
But I found it nowhere other than in my very heart, 
Like the canary, 
I finally found the way home at last...* 

	Folding the verse with deft fingers, Keiko threw it high up in 
the air. A smile lit up her face as the gentle breeze blew it towards 
the middle of the lake. "Yusuke, I'll wait for you no matter what it 
takes..." yelled Keiko, her voice trembling with emotion. 

	Slower and slower, it floated down and finally rested on the 
face of the water. Inch by inch, it began to sink into the lake. 

	"Yusuke, I promise, I'll wait for you... I promise." 

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Author's notes:

This fanfic is dedicated to two of my dearest friends in this world. 
The first is Ai-chan, who has been so supportive of me when I lost my 
way like the canary in this fic. You are like a sister to me who I 
never have. 

Next is to the one I like a lot. One that cheered me up when I was 
hurt, one that stood up for me when I was bullied. I could only say 
this to you: aishiteru. We will remain best of friends forever and 
you will be a very special friend to me. I promise. 

Love, 
Siew Lee 

Copyright reserved 1999 W. Siew Lee 

All standard Yu Yu Hakusho disclaimers apply to this fanfic. The 
*sajak* in Malay belongs to me, so does the translation. 

E-mail: Siew Lee [wsiewlee@tm.net.my] 
URL: http://members.dencity.com/hiei (new! Better too! No ads!) 
     http://members.tripod.com/~reikai (old) 
UIN: #14025577 

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