Scenes From An Elevator:
An Idiotic Utena Spamfic

By: Dreiser


EPISODE NINE: You Didn't Know What.


SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where the 
shadows of Arisugawa Juri and Kiryuu Touga are seen inside. The 
entire group of girls are now peacefully dozing in a large naked pile. 
Their clothes are strewn about the elevator. Touga looks at them in 
amazement while Juri stands near the edge of the elevator where they 
recently removed the metal wiring. The top buttons to her shirt are 
undone and her hair is slightly mussed but she looks beautiful as 
always.

TOUGA: (Looks up.) Beautiful as always? The author really does 
have a thing for you Juri-san.
JURI: (Looks at the ground.) That's nice.
TOUGA: I can't believe you finally wore the girls out. I was sure that 
they'd never get tired.
JURI: (Sniffs.) It was nothing. They were amateurs.
TOUGA: You have an entirely lustful side to you that I never 
expected. It's refreshingly pleasant.
JURI: (Shrugs.) What can you do? Years of repression have gotten 
the best of me I guess. You can only suppress yourself for so long 
before you need to break loose. (She leans further over the edge to 
stare at the ground.) Miki's gone.
TOUGA: (Quirks an eyebrow.) Oh? And I never noticed him leave. 
I'm in awe at his will to survive.
JURI: (Dryly.) I'm sure he appreciates that.
TOUGA: Of course he should! I'm Kiryuu Touga aren't I?
JURI: (Looks at Touga in disdain.) So you are... (She studies the 
ground again.) Well, it's time that I got out of here.
TOUGA: (Eyes wide.) Surely you must be joking! You'll die if you 
jump from this height. You're not elastic like Miki.
JURI: (Still studying the ground.) First of all I'm an Anime character. 
We're damn near invulnerable. Unless we're in a dark series that is. 
Second of all I'm a popular Anime character. We're doubly 
invulnerable. And last of all I'm a lesbian Anime character.
TOUGA: (Raises an eyebrow.) And that means what?
JURI: (Smiles triumphantly.) Just this!

(Out of nowhere Juri produces a parachute and holds it before Touga 
who stares in shock.) 

TOUGA: (Accusing tones.) Where did you get that?!
JURI: (Smugly.) As I said before I'm a lesbian Anime character and 
that means I'm always prepared.
TOUGA: (Mulling over this.) If you had the parachute all along why 
didn't you use it earlier?
JURI: (Stares at Touga. She looks flustered.) I... uhm...
TOUGA: (Shakes his head.) Women.
JURI: (Growls.) Just for that I'm trapping you here!
TOUGA: (Looks up in shock. With wide eyes he throws himself on 
Juri's feet.) No Juri-san! You can't leave me here! Those girls are 
insatiable and I have a delicate system!
JURI: (Kicks him off.) You should have thought of that before you 
insulted me. Now get off. It's time that I escaped from this hell hole.
TOUGA: (Blinks.) You're leaving Ohtori? Because if you are you 
shouldn't. There's no place like Ohtori.
JURI: (Erupts.) No, stupid! I'm leaving the elevator!
TOUGA: (Grabs at her ankles.) Don't leave me!!
JURI: (Kicks him off more forcefully.) Don't make me get my sword!
TOUGA: (Pauses and looks up at her.) You do realize the phallic 
humor in that statement, don't you?
JURI: (Growls.) That's it!

(Juri hefts Touga up by his collar and tosses him into the pile of 
sleeping girls. They immediately wake up and begin climbing on him. 
Touga struggles futilely in their grasp.)

TOUGA: (Angry.) I'll get you for this Juri! I'll get you and your little 
Shiori too!
JURI: (Faces forward.) Yeah, yeah. That's what they all say.

(Juri takes a deep breath then jumps out of the elevator and pulls the 
parachute cord then floats safely to the ground. On landing she takes 
off the pack and tosses it aside. She then pulls a megaphone out of 
nowhere.)

JURI: (Shouts into the megaphone.) See you later, Kiryuu!
TOUGA: (Distantly shouts.) Curse you Juri! Curse you and Saionji 
and the lollipop guild a thousand times over!
JURI: (Shakes her head and tosses the megaphone aside.) I got out of 
there just in time. He's getting crazier.

(Shrugging her shoulders Juri runs off into the distance as the frantic 
screams of Touga echo in the air.)

SCENE: Some wall in Ohtori Academy during an unusually
timely and frequent sunset. The figures of Shadow Play Girls
A-ko and B-ko are seen. A-ko holds a piece of paper and B-ko is 
peering over her shoulder curiously.

A-KO: (Reads mechanically.) This is a statement from the dinky 
author of this parody. Please forgive the Shadow Play Girls for 
appearing in two episodes in a row. 
B-KO: (Angry.) What sort of statement is that?!
A-KO: (Looks at her.) That's just part of it.
B-KO: (Huffily.) Still. That's not a nice thing to say. You'd think our 
talents aren't appreciated around here or something.
A-KO: What talents? All we do is perform weird shadow plays on 
this random wall and say mysterious jargon.
B-KO: (Sniffs.) If that's all you think of me...
A-KO: (Sighs.) Stop pouting. Once we read this statement we can get 
back in line for the movie.
B-KO: Oh yeah...
A-KO: (Reminds.) We can't keep Saionji waiting in line for us forever. 
Eventually he's going to realize that he's not waiting to get into his 
Kendoists Anonymous meeting.

SCENE: A very long line at some Fre... err... Japanese movie theater. 
Saionji Kyouichi stands in line with a blank look on his face.

SAIONJI: (To himself.) I never realized that there were so many 
Kendoists in need...

SCENE: Some wall in Ohtori Academy during an unusually
timely and frequent sunset. The figures of Shadow Play Girls
A-ko and B-ko are seen. A-ko holds a piece of paper and B-ko 
stands next to her.

A-KO: (Looks up.) Good, you're back.
B-KO: (Puzzled.) What was the point of that scene change?
A-KO: (Shrugs.) Probably to insult Saionji again.
B-KO: (Wisely.) Ah...
A-KO: (Mechanically reads again.) This is a statement from the dinky 
author of this parody. Please forgive the Shadow Play Girls for 
appearing in two episodes in a row.

(B-ko grumbles under her breath but doesn't say anything.)

A-KO: (Continues to mechanically read.) I needed them to read this 
statement since they're faceless and really not of any serious 
consequence in the series.
B-KO: (Enraged.) What the hell is that about?!
A-KO: (Ignores B-ko and continues to mechanically read.) I have 
recently found that many of you didn't know what 'you know what' 
was in last week's episode. Therefore I am having the Shadow Play 
Girls explain it to you now.
B-KO: (Gathers her things and mutters.) I'm going to stand in line for 
the movie again! Then when it's over with I'm going to find that author 
and break her pinkie fingers!

(B-ko stomps off while A-ko looks up from reading the piece of 
paper.)

A-KO: (Crumples the piece of paper up.) The deal is this: 'you know 
what' from last week's episode was in fact a reference to the upcoming 
Utena movie titled "Adolescence Mokushiroku". It's true that our little 
dueling skit and the reference to ticket lines was nothing more than 
shameless self promotion for the movie but what can you expect from 
this author? Pulitzer Prize winning material?

(A-ko shrugs and as she walks off to get back into line for the 
upcoming Utena movie the scene fades to black.)

To be continued...

All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a nonsensical 
out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when extremely bored. I 
shall continue to write this series when I'm extremely bored because 
sometimes I just don't feel like making the effort to write things in story 
format and sometimes I just feel like being silly. In other words don't 
take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun. And yes, this was 
partially inspired by DDFA's Waiting For Minako series.

Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com

Thrilling trailer line: What will happen next week?! Will Touga still be 
trapped in the elevator?! Why is it that lesbian Anime characters have 
such cool powers?! How long will the Shadow Play Girls wait in line 
for the Utena movie?! And what the hell is this ghostly hazard movie 
that people wrote me about?!

Thanks to Red Death all my fanfics are archived at:
http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm

For SFAE in text and other spiffy Utena fanfics go to:
http://www.duellists.tj/~utena/index2.html

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