Private Bet #7: The Prince of Pigtails
A Ranma 1/2 & Tenchi Muyo! Combo
by Shade

Disclaimer: I don't own them, AIC & VIZ do.
            I just write them.

~~~~~~
1b: Me And My Big Mouth
~~~~~~

Hovering in midair a spiky-haired space pirate feared 
throughout the quadrant for several centuries found 
herself trapped by a mere seventeen year old earthling.
To say that she was shocked by this turn of events would 
be an understatement of criminal proportions.

Ranma was equally surprised but for a different reason. 
Apparently he�d misjudged Ryoko�s position when 
he�d landed on her. As a result of this he found himself
clutching two round objects instead linking his 
arms around the demon�s waist. Puzzled by this unexpected 
development, his brain locked up trying to figure out what 
was wrong with this situation.

Left without any guidance Ranma�s hands started 
roaming freely to try and get more data. Tactile 
senses determined that the objects in question were
warm, firm to the touch, and much more then a mere 
handful. This felt awfully familar, but he couldn�t quite 
put his finger on it.....

*Squeeze**Squeeze*

Ryoko�s eyes widened.
What the hell was he doing?!

{I�m going to kil...ki....kill......oh....
.ah......Ooh!!}

His fingers discovered a smaller area that felt 
different from the rest, a hard point that tightened 
as his fingers gently explored this newest anomaly.

�Eek!!!� 

This was all happening too fast! She was the one that 
was supposed to do the seducing around here! Ryoko 
dove toward the ground in a panicked attempt to get 
this unexpected passenger off of her. While this did 
snap Ranma�s mind out of its locked up state it also 
caused him to tense up in a reflexive response to 
being smashed against the school roof, his grip 
tightened involuntarily.

�EEEK!!!�

 The resulting flood of sensation to that very 
sensitive area caused Ryoko to swerve wildly
and narrowly miss colliding into 
the third story wall. She bucked wildly
and began to zig and zag in midair, 
which only caused him to hold on more 
firmly.

In the meantime Ranma�s Central Nervous 
System was trying to relay a message to 
his increasingly distracted Brain.

(Hand to Brain! Hand to Brain! We have a problem!)

(What is it? I�m kinda busy trying to keep us alive at the moment!)

(Just thought you�d like to know that 
we�ve found out what we�re holding onto.)

(So what is it? And make it fast!)

(Ryoko�s bosom.)

(Oh that�s nice, now go do something 
useful.......*twing*....!......what did you say?)

(Ryoko�s bosom. We�re currently clamped onto 
a very nice pair of...)

(WHAT?!!!)

At this point Ranma finally realized what 
his hands had been clutching so tightly.

�Ack!�

The hands were retracted as if 
they�d touched just touched red hot coals. 
In this particular case they were practically the 
same thing.

Of course that was when Ranma realized that 
he�d just let go of the only thing keeping him 
airborne.

�AAAHHHHH!!!�
~~~~~~~~

Amazingly the young part time martial artist and 
kendo trainee managed to somehow 
land on his feet, it helped that he�d chosen to let go 
during one of Ryoko�s lower passes over the roof.

Which only left the space pirate to deal with.

The very embarrassed female space pirate who had 
just been mistakenly molested by a pair of rogue 
appendages.

�How dare you!�

�Wa..wait a sec!!! I didn�t want to 
grab you or anything, honest!!! It�s a mistake, why�d 
I want to feel up a old demon trying to kill me??!!�

Oh boy....that did it. Ryoko saw red as the insult struck 
home. A feline look of pure rage appeared that made 
all the old legends about her wrath seem like little 
kid stories.

�Why you!! Now you die!!!�

A bright orange Beam Saber materialized in her right hand as
she dove downward like a striking bird of prey. The hellish glow 
from the blade seemed to promise much pain for its victim.

�Oh shit!�

Ranma started running.
~~~~~~~
-A short while later

*PANT**PANT*

Okay time to take stock of the situation.
One roof blown to bits. 

Check.

One classroom destroyed by a gas explosion.

Check.

One classroom blasted by a weird energy beam.

Check.

One very pissed off demon about to cut his 
head off for insulting her.

Check.

Call it dumb, call it sexist, or call it a deeply ingrained 
sense of survival but he hadn�t been able to work 
up the nerve to actually hit Ryoko. It probably would 
have only gotten her more mad at him then she already 
was anyway. If he was going to die he�d like to at least 
do so as a *whole* man.

�Um...I suppose it�s too late to say I�m sorry?�

�You got that right!�

The plan had been to just scare the Masaki kid for 
abandoning her in the dark cave. But after he�d felt 
her up and then said those mean things to her to boot 
Ryoko was out for blood, Ranma�s blood to be precise.

The deadly lance of solid light cut down.

*SNAP**HISS**CRISZZZZZTTT*

A blade of blue energy materialized from within
the torn remnents of Ranma�s schoolbag as the Master 
Key activated to defend the blood of the Royal House 
of Jurai. It parried the blow intended for Ranma and then 
thrust its hilt into the stunned school boy�s hands.

�Hey! That�s not fair!!� Ryoko protested as she swung again 
with the same lack of results. Her energy beams had no effect 
either against the other sword�s defensive forcefield.

�Lady, I�m not the one doing this! This thing�s got a mind of its own!!�

Pulled forward by an irresistible force the reluctant teenager
was forced into a duel with the ravishing buccaneer from the stars.
Gradually he drove her onto the defensive, the 
sword supplying the experience that he lacked to 
thwart Ryoko�s every strike and thrust.

One such move left the young Masaki 
eye to eye with a bountiful display of 
cleavage.

�Arrggh!!!�

The therapy had gotten him up to being able to 
carry on a coherent conversation with a girl 
from a safe distance away, *this* was an entirely 
different story altogether!

Ryoko�s anger was briefly replaced by curiosity as 
Ranma�s expression bordered on sheer terror before he 
somehow managed to move a good ten feet away from her 
before she could blink.

{What in the world?}

Then the implications of that look hit her, the cyan haired 
beauty looked down to see what had scared her opponent so.

{Why that little...how dare he!!!}

She�d never felt so insulted in her life. The blow to her 
pride was considerable, especially since Ryoko knew 
she was very attractive. Tears started to form in her eyes 
at this complete rejection of her by the one person she�d 
waited for seventeen long years to be with.

�So...So you find me that hideous do you.....�

Unnerved by the threatening shimmer he saw building in those 
heartbroken golden pupils Ranma blurted out the first words 
that came to mind. Of course that meant his brain didn�t get a 
chance to proof read his speech.....

�NO!! NONONONO!! That�s not it at all!!! You�re too 
attractive!!! It�s my fault, I�m not used to being so close to such 
a cute girl!!! It was an accident I didn�t mean to call you a devil.!!!
It�s just that this has never happened to me before!!!� 

{Did I just say what I think I said?!}

Oh well. Can�t win them all.

[Does he really mean that!?]

Suspicious yet hopeful at the same time, 
Ryoko decided to test the truth of his words.

Using her free hand she inched the shoulder of her outfit 
down....WAY down. A wind and a prayer kept the fabric 
from falling past the bounds of decency (relatively speaking).

Ranma�s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, his attention
glued to the teasing sway of the oh so thin cloth. A sudden 
weakness in his knees nearly caused him to collapse but he 
didn�t notice. Ranma�s primal instincts were torn between 
fight, flight, and something else entirely.....

{Well, well, well....what have we here...}

Ryoko�s mood improved immediately as she 
watched the effect her little display had on her choosen 
prey. Now she knew exactly what kind of punishment
to give him. Her wicked grin was not for the faint of
heart, nor did the lusty gleam in her eye spell anything 
except trouble. 

Ryoko took a confident step forward.

Ranma took a small trembling step back.

She advanced, he retreated. The mingled look of 
panic mixed with a raging case of repressed male 
hormones was getting her juices flowing, nothing like 
stalking your prey before bringing it down to prepare
for the main course. 

Deciding to end this little game, enjoyable though it was, the 
space pirate teleported the distance between them. 

She forgot about the sword Ranma was holding. 
The automatic defense program was still running and Ryoko 
was still designated as hostile. It targeted her power source 
and prepared to neutralize the threat.

Both of them realized what was happening at the same moment 
as the glowing blade came up from its guard position.

{Oh no!}

Ryoko froze in shock as she watched the 
sword swing toward her wrist in slow motion.

Ranma saw the fearful expression on the girl�s face 
as the Master Key aimed for her hand and something 
within him snapped.

�NO!!!�

Digging his heels into the dirt he pulled back with 
all of his strength, trying to divert the sword from its 
course. Ranma bit down as he strained to 
stop himself from cutting off the demon�s hand, she�d 
tried to kill him moments ago but he just couldn�t allow 
her to be hurt for some reason. A salty iron taste filled 
his mouth as his gritted teeth cut into his lower lip. The 
pain drove him on, with a visible heave of effort Ranma
managed to just nick her, taking her gem off in the process.
It was a masterful feat of incredible swordsmanship that 
was made even more impressive by the fact that it had 
just been a stroke of incredible luck.

The small red gem burst into flame and disintergrated 
before it ever hit the ground. In the background Ranma�s 
entire school exploded as human and alien looked at each 
other, unsure as to what to do now. Normally the fight scene 
was resolved one way or the other but since this wasn�t a 
canon story there were no precedents to follow.

�Um....�

�Oh well, another battle lost. That�s the story of my life it seems.�

Ryoko decided to stick to her rehearsed script.
Since Ranma had just saved her from what would 
have probably have been a very painful experience
she couldn�t just start attacking him again. For starters 
she�d probably lose to that damn sword, besides she 
had other plans for her hero.....

�I�m sorry.�

Granted he hadn�t actually beat her but it seemed like 
the right thing to say at that moment. For some strange 
reason this situation of defeating a girl in combat sent a 
shiver running down Ranma�s spine.

�Oh don�t worry Ranma....we�ll meet again.�

The cyan haired girl bowed then vanished 
into the ground with a smile.

�uh.....� 

Why did he have a very bad feeling about this?

It might have been partially due the fact that the gas main
for the entire school chose that particular moment to blow.
~~~~~~

�Oh Gods, what a day.� 

Demons, Giant Explosions, Magic Swords, this day was 
starting to resemble that Anime series he watched. 
Lost Neon Saber Successer Tenchi 1/2, now that was 
a guy who had a messed up life. Tenchi Saotome was 
such a weenie even though he was a great martial artist.
He had multiple fiancees, mortal enemies popping out 
of the woodwork, and he couldn�t make up his mind and see
that the one person he could be happiest with was right there 
in front of him!

{If I was in his shoes I�d never mess up that badly! 
All Tenchi�s got to do is marry Kasumi Yuriko! It�s so 
obvious!!! How can he not see it?!}

Trudging up to his room Ranma had almost convinced 
himself that today had just been a bad nightmare resulting 
from letting Noboyuki order their dinner. His father had the 
weirdest taste in fast food. Who ever heard of a meal with no 
rice in it?!

The exhausted young man threw himself on his bed, too 
tired to even bother with a shower.

Strange, his bed wasn�t usually this lumpy....

{Wait a second.....this mound feels awfully familar....}

*Grope*

{Oh no.....}

Flinging off the covers confirmed his worst fears.

Lazily Ryoko opened one eye from where she lay.

�Welcome home...Ranma.�

Ranma raised his gaze to the ceiling as the sight of the 
disordered state of the girl�s clothes was quite distracting.

�Oh boy.....�

Maybe exploring the cave hadn�t 
been such a good idea after all...

(To be continued)
~~~~~~~~

And even more of Murphy's Military laws:

Don't ever be the first, don't ever be 
the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.

Field experience is something you don't get 
until just after you need it

If the enemy is within range, so are you

Incoming fire has the right of way.

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