This chapter has been something of a bear, and the chapter
title was changed, but without further ado, I present for
your enjoyment......

************************

The Accidental Goddess

A Ranma 1/2 - Aa! Megami-sama FanFiction
By
D.F. Roeder

Based on the story idea, "New Life 1/2", by G. E. Jordan,
Jr., and used with his kind permission. Thanks for your
ongoing interest in this project.

---
Kudos for pre-reading and all-around help go to Vince
Seifert, Eternal Lost Lurker, T.H. Tiger, and Chris Rowley.
Cheers, guys!

Special thanks and deep bows to Vince Seifert for our
ongoing discussions and his expertise in matters manga,
Japanese language and culture, the art of fiction, general
good sense, and other innumerable areas. My work would be
far poorer without him.

Many thanks to all who responded to Chapter 1. Of those, I
would like to specially mention The Major for his mountain
of story ideas and Valandar the Red for Mythology 101.

---
Disclaimers: Ranma 1/2 and the characters therein are the
property of Takahashi Rumiko, Shogagukan, and Kitty (Japan),
and Viz Communications (USA). Aa! Megami-sama and the
characters therein are the property of Fujishima Kosuke
(Japan) and Dark Horse Comics (USA). No compensation has
been or will be received for the composition of this work -
it is for free entertainment purposes only.

C&C very welcome. Respond to FFML or privately to
dfroeder@gte.net.

Glossary of possibly unfamiliar Japanese words at the end.

<thoughts>

____________________

Chapter Two - Tender Hugs and Kisses
____________________


In the changing room of the Tendo home, the surface of the
long mirror on the wall began to ripple. The head of a young
brown-haired woman leaned out from the substance of the
mirror and looked around. Satisfied that no one would see,
Belldandy, Norn Goddess of the Present, stepped out of the
glass and the mirror returned to normal.

She straightened her housedress and turned to check her
hair, but the sound of yelling in another part of the house
drew her attention. She stepped to the door, slid it open,
and stuck her head out into the hall.

Belldandy saw two women standing in a doorway further down
the hall and two men standing behind them. There was a
commotion in the room, and she heard a girl yell "Pervert!"
and something about a sister. The two women in the hall
fainted, and the men ran off.

Belldandy exited the changing room and walked to the two
unconscious women. She laid a hand on each and determined
that they were not harmed. Stepping into the room, she saw
the new goddess randomly flitting around the ceiling and
mumbling to herself, her eyes staring but not seeing. A
mortal girl was hopping around on the foot of one leg while
holding the knee of the other.

"Konnichiwa," Belldandy began and bowed. Both occupants
stopped and looked at her blankly. "I'm here to... oh,
dear." The other two had resumed their own activities in the
middle of Belldandy's introduction. <For once, I could use
Urd. Where is she?!>

Nabiki's computer monitor began to glow blindingly, and
again, everyone stopped what they were doing to look. In a
compression of geometry that crossed the eyes and hurt the
brain, a pair of shapely, bronze-skinned legs began to exit
the screen. They were followed by the start of a dress and
then hips. Hands now grasped the upper housing of the
monitor, and the rest of the woman slid out. The new arrival
placed her feet on the chair at the desk and pushed against
it to raise herself to a sitting position.

Sadly, the chair had rollers, and Urd, Norn Goddess of the
Past, found herself hanging in midair a split-second before
landing painfully on her bottom.

"ITAAAI!" Urd rubbed the back of her head where it had
clipped the edge of the desk. Belldandy put her hand over
her mouth to cover a giggle, but Urd noticed.

"What are you laughing at?" she groused.

Belldandy pressed her lips together and waved her hands
while shaking her head. Urd gave her the evil eye as she
stood and rubbed her butt. "Oof! That smarts."

Both goddesses looked at the mortal girl, Tendo Akane, as
she joined the other women in unconsciousness on the floor.
The new goddess, Saotome Ranma, begin flying in a tight
circle, like a toy airplane on a string, and screaming,
"They're heeere! They're comin' to get me! Aaaaah! I don't
wanna go! Aaaa... UMPH!!"

Urd had reached up and snagged Ranma's ankle on a close
pass, causing Ranma's angular momentum to transfer itself
downward and pivot on Urd's shoulder joint. Kami-Ranma was
now planted face-first into the floor, arms and legs crooked
and first and fourth fingers of the hands extended.

"Uh... sorry 'bout that," Urd said. "Oh, well." She let go
of Ranma's leg, and it fell to the floor with a soft but
heavy thump.

Belldandy walked over and tsked to herself as she looked
onna-Ranma over. "Did you have trouble finding the house?"
she asked her sister. "I was beginning to worry."

"No..." Urd began, but stopped and grimaced. Using her
strongest healing spell, Urd built a weak and sputtering
golden glow on the palms of her hands. She reached back and
placed them on her derriere. "Aaah! That's the ticket." She
gave a final rub and said, "The phone rang just as you went
through the mirror. It was HIM. I have a name," she gestured
at Ranma, "to go with the body, and a couple of other
details."

"Oh?" Belldandy began to gently turn Ranma over, but gravity
took over half-way and Ranma flopped onto her back.
"Gomeeen," Belldandy warbled at the unconscious redhead.

Urd snickered. "Yeah. Her name's Saotome Ranko. Skuld'll be
along shortly with the full skinny."

"Hmmm." Belldandy straightened Ranma's features back into
something close to normal. "What's her area?"

Urd guffawed. "You won't BELIEVE this! Her Area of Influence
is Sex."

Belldandy blink-blinked while Urd continued to laugh.
Smiling weakly, Belldandy looked up at her sister with a
mixture of hope and fear. "Dearest Oneesama, I really, um,
don't feel that... um, let me see. I think, my dear, dear
Oneesama, that perhaps you should be the one to..."

"Relax, Bell," Urd smirked. "You can turn off the
sugar-drip. I've already been railroaded into it by
you-know-who." Urd sighed. "Looks like my bad habits are
finally catching up with me." <Besides,> Urd thought as she
examined the lush figure of her future student, <this could
be interesting.>

"Urd," Belldandy admonished, "I know that look. Be careful.
As a Class I, she can draw more power than you can, and
won't be able to control it properly at first."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever," Urd said, dismissing the warning
with a wave.

Belldandy shook her head. "Help me tend to the rest."

The two goddesses soon had Kasumi, Nodoka, Nabiki, and Akane
back on their feet. Ranma was still unconscious, and Akane
rushed over to check on her. She lifted Ranma's head and
shoulders up and shook her. Ranma moaned and weakly clutched
at Akane.

"Ohhh... Nabiki..." Ranma gasped. Akane dropped her to the
floor.

"Cheating pervert!" <You're MY fiance!> she thought but
wouldn't say aloud. She brought her mallet back to give her
iinazuke a good wallop, but her hammer was effortlessly
stopped a few inches from Ranma's face by Urd.

Urd gave Akane a measured glare. "No, no, kitten. You don't
go hittin' one of us."

Akane returned the look. "Who the HELL are you to tell me
what to do?!"

Urd winced at the mention of that other place. "Urd, Goddess
of the Past, Class 2, Category 2, Limited, at your service."
She finished with a slight bow.

Akane snorted. "Yeah, RIIIGHT. Now, if you'll KINDLY get out
of the..."

Urd levitated three feet up. "You were saying?" she smirked.

Akane jumped back. Trembling, she raised her mallet in one
hand and made a fist with the other. <This time, *I'll* save
*you*, Ranma!> "C'mon! You don't scare me!"

Urd cocked an eyebrow at Akane and then at Belldandy.
Belldandy reached over and touched Akane on the back of the
head.

"Sleep," Belldandy whispered. Akane's eyes rolled back up
into her head, and she crumpled to the floor.

"Aggressive little thing, ain't she," Urd remarked as she
floated back to the ground.

Kasumi nodded and Nodoka spoke: "You have no idea." The
Saotome matriarch shook her head slowly and then fixed Urd
with a stern gaze. "I assume you have something to do with
this?" She pointed at Ranma, who was again moaning her way
back to reality.

Belldandy answered for her sister. "Not exactly. We do know
what has happened, basically, but we should wait for our
other sister for the full story. Perhaps we should all go
down and have a nice cup of tea?"

The women nodded, and Urd helped Ranma to her feet. Ranma
noticed the mallet in Akane's hand. "Uncute tomboy," she
muttered, to which Urd raised an eyebrow. Belldandy and the
others had already left the room, and Urd had her hands full
with Ranma. That left Akane to sleep it off on the floor,
but Urd wasn't too terribly bothered by it.

Urd and Ranma walked into the hall and saw Belldandy waiting
for them at the top of the stairs. The three of them
descended, both Norns supporting Ranma. When they reached
the bottom, they saw an oversized panda bear with a steaming
kettle in its paw patting a crying man on the shoulder and
growling in sympathy.

Belldandy and Urd looked at each other and then back at the
bear. The bear noticed them and poured the kettle over its
head.

"Hello, I'm Saotome Ge..."

"GET BACK!! DEMON!!!" Urd screamed. She let go of Ranma and
formed a ball of mana energy between her hands. The energy
flew towards Genma and exploded on contact, throwing him
through the side of the house and into the stone wall
surrounding the compound. He hung there for a moment, first
and fourth fingers of each hand extended, and then slowly
peeled away and fell face down onto the ground. A nice
impression of Genma's stout body was left in the rock.

Urd blink-blinked. "Why didn't he disintegrate? That
should've sent him straight to Niflheim."

Belldandy daintily stepped through the destroyed wall,
walked to the body, and placed her hand on it. Her hand
glowed briefly. "He didn't disintegrate because he's human."

"Eh?!" Urd walked over and kicked him a couple of times.
"Yeah... okay."

"Urd! You shouldn't kick him after blasting him," Belldandy
chided. She clucked over the fallen Genma, providing a
little healing energy here and there.

Genma slowly opened his eyes, sat up, and looked up at the
two women over him. "Wh-where's the truck?" he asked. Urd
snickered.

"I must apologize for my sister. She's a little trigger
happy." Belldandy glared at Urd and then bowed. "Hello, I'm
Belldandy and this is my sister, Urd. Urd, help me get the
gentleman up."

The Norns supported the wobbly Genma and walked him back
through the hole in the house. Soun was still crying,
although his wails were now focusing on the notion that the
house was about to fall down. "WAAAH! I'm really just *sob*
so, SO glad you came to stay with us *sob* Genma..." he
wailed.

The women of the household, minus Akane and including Ranma,
were standing around the foot of the stairway gawking at the
spectacle, but Belldandy shooed everyone into the tearoom.
Making an educated guess based on apparel, Belldandy coaxed
Kasumi into the kitchen to help make tea. By the time Soun's
crying had wound down and Genma had more or less recovered,
the tea was ready. Everyone relaxed from the sense of
normality provided by the serving of refreshments.

Soun sat at the head of the table, and Nodoka was seated at
the other end. Genma sat next to Soun on one side along with
Kasumi and Nabiki. The three goddesses sat on the other
side, Urd and Belldandy on either side of Ranma. When
everyone had been served, Belldandy spoke up.

"I assume that Saotome Ranko, here, is a member of the
family?" she asked.

"Ranma," Nodoka said curtly. Akane appeared in the doorway
and, watching Urd and Belldandy warily, shuffled in to sit
at the corner between Nodoka and a still dazed Nabiki.

"Ano..." Belldandy was confused. "Ranma, did you say? Then
who is Ranko?"

"Ranko doesn't really exist," Kasumi chimed in. "That's the
name Ranma sometimes goes by when he is, er, in girl form."

"He's a crossdresser?!" Urd exclaimed.

The Tendos and Saotomes face-faulted. As she rose, Akane
noticed that the skirt of Ranma's goddess outfit had fallen
over her head, revealing very form-fitting panties of shiny
metallic green. Akane began to feel a little warm. She then
noticed that Nabiki had taken a look as well and was
blushing furiously as she stared. Akane rounded on Ranma.
"You PERVERT!!" She started to rise.

"Akane! Calm yourself," Nodoka said. "There's more to this
than just my son being manly... or something."

Akane settled back into her seat, but everyone could tell
she was seething. Ranma was hunched over and trying to hide
in place. Seeing this, Urd's legendary short fuse began
burning.

"Right. Fine. What-EVER. Now is Ranko a crossdresser or
not?"

"Ranma," Genma helpfully supplied. Urd shot him a glare that
had him cowering.

"Dearest, you're not helping," Nodoka scolded. "My SON has a
little problem, thanks to his father. Whenever he is
splashed with cold water he turns into a girl, which can be
reversed with the application of hot water. It's called
a..."

"...Jusenkyo curse," Urd finished for her.

"Ah! You know of it, then."

"Mmm, although you usually don't run into many this far from
the source, but I see you each have one. I didn't put it
together right away. Sorry about the blast, panda-man," Urd
said. Genma was annoyed at the nickname.

"Actually," he began haughtily, "there are several who..."

"So," Urd interrupted, looking at Ranma while Genma glared,
"your name is really Ranma, ne?"

Ranma nodded without raising her head. Urd put her hand
under Ranma's chin and turned Ranma's head up and towards
herself. Urd smiled at her. "Welcome to the family, kiddo."

Ranma managed a genuine smile. "Arigato," she whispered
hoarsely.

----------

A pair of cool, brown eyes sat in a classically Northern
European face that would've been considered beautiful were
it not for the two slanted lines on her forehead that looked
like gashes. Curly dark-blonde hair blew around her face,
and her well-formed figure was encased in a black leather
cheongsam that softly squeaked when she shifted her
position. The outfit was not comfortable for perching in a
cherryblossom tree.

She snorted as a man was blown through the wall of the house
belonging to the cherryblossom tree. <Way to go, Urd.> Her
amused expression faltered as the bane of her existence
daintily stepped out through the hole. <Belldandy!> The
goodness radiating from her was almost physically painful.
The tree-borne watcher sucked in air, but relaxed when Urd,
white hair blowing in the breeze, followed Belldandy out.
Urd's presence alleviated the pain somewhat.

Mara, Demon Class I, grinned as Urd kicked the man after
having fried him with a force ball. <Still the same old
Urd,> Mara mused. She scowled as Belldandy cajoled her
sister into helping the stout man up and into the house.
<Goodie two-shoes! I curse you to everlasting...> "Huh?"

Mara's spiritual senses went on alert as she felt a strong
supernatural presence approach. Her gaze followed the path
of the presence, but it was quite invisible. Mara relaxed as
she realized it had cast its own cloaking spell and wouldn't
reveal her position by taxing her own spiritual camouflage.
She could perceive its aura, but the goody-goody Norns would
be effectively blocked. Couldn't have them catching on to
her presence TOO quickly.

The presence resolved itself into a man of beautiful
features sitting on the same large branch as Mara. Slight of
build with long black hair and a mildly aquiline nose, he
could've passed for a bishonen idol singer were it not for
the hard glint in his eyes and the look of disdain on his
face. His demon markings consisted of two slashes but
slanted more to the horizontal than Mara's.

"It's been a long time," Mara commented. "And what should I
call you in this age?"

"Hello, Mara. Looking good, as always." The new arrival
smirked as Mara absently twirled a lock of curly hair around
her finger in response to the compliment. "Since we're in
Japan, Retsujouki-sama will do."

"Heh. LORD 'Demon of Lust'? My, my." She gave him an
appraising stare. "I was expecting some oglers, but you
surprise me, Retsu-chan."

Retsujouki quirked an eyebrow at the demoness. "If you must,
Retsuji will do." Mara grinned in petty victory as he
continued. "I happened to be in the main office when the
event occurred. However, I suspect the entire population of
both outer planes felt that one."

"True..." Their attention was drawn to the crowd assembling
around the tearoom table, visible through the open sliding
doors. Ranma, in goddess attire, plopped down on a cushion,
her back to the watchers and her long rope of braided red
hair coiling behind her on the tatami mat.

"That her?" Retsuji asked.

"Must be."

"I assume you're here because of the Norns."

He was answered by silence, as Urd chose that moment to come
into view and sat to one side of Ranma.

"Ah, yes. Urd." Retsuji's eyes began to glow slightly. Mara
glared at him, insulted.

"Belldandy," she sniffed, "is also here. Haven't seen the
runt."

It was Mara's turn to be given silence. However, Mara was
nothing if not proactive. She slugged Retsuji on the arm.

"I'm talkin' to you!" she whispered fiercely. Feeling
slighted, Retsuji glared at Mara. Before he could respond,
however, the sound of swiftly moving water rose from the koi
pond. A deepening whirlpool was forming in the center, and
frightened koi could be seen gathering in the corners.
Retsuji opened his mouth to speak, but Mara shushed him.

"Quiet! It's the runt. Be still!" she softly commanded as
the center of the whirlpool began to glow.

----------

Urd smiled at her. "Welcome to the family, kiddo."

Ranma managed a genuine smile. "Arigato," she whispered
hoarsely. Her smile faltered as she continued, "Now, whoever
you are, just get with turnin' me back to m'old self, ne?"

"Errr... well..." Urd temporized. She was saved by a
commotion in the backyard. Water from the koi pond began
sloshing over the rim, and a golden glow began to rise from
the center.

"Very good," Belldandy declared. "Skuld's here."

The Tendo household gawked as the glow receded and a young
girl of about thirteen years ascended from the water, long
jet-black hair swirling on the rising mist. Her skin was
pale, like her middle sister's, and she also had the unusual
trio of markings on her forehead and cheeks, although hers
were deep blue open triangles with rounded corners, the
forehead marking more egg-shaped. The flared skirt of her
red-trimmed white overcoat billowed as she levitated over to
dry ground. The red and bare-metal head of a hammer strapped
to her back poked through the moving hair. She landed and
bounced once, flexing her knees a little, and looked
directly into the open tearoom.

Skuld, Norn Goddess of the Future, began to step in the
direction of the house but paused after the first footfall.
Looking around, she squinted her eyes to see what it was
that had tickled the back of her mind. She briefly
considered pulling out her scanning goggles, but the sudden
tapping of Urd's hand on the table caught her attention.
Skuld stalked toward the tearoom.

"It's about time, squirt," Urd jibed as Skuld entered.

Skuld gave her sister a haughty look. "Since I'm tired, YOU
get to do the honors!" She reached into a hidden pocket of
her overcoat and pulled out an object, which she immediately
threw at Urd. Urd deftly caught the object, a bracelet, and
beamed when she recognized it. Unhappy with the reaction she
got, Skuld huffed and addressed the people at the table.
"Got any ice-cream?"

Everyone at the table except Urd and Belldandy face-faulted.
It was the last thing they expected to hear from someone
who'd just materialized out of the koi pond. Belldandy tsked
as people reclaimed their seats. "Skuld, introductions
first, ice-cream later." Everyone tipped over again.

"Now that we're all here," Belldandy spoke to the group,
"perhaps we can get to the bottom of what's happened and
figure out what's to be done. Please sit here, Skuld." The
youngest Norn plopped down between Belldandy and Nodoka, as
far away from Urd as possible on that side of the table.

Urd's fascination with the bracelet hadn't gone unnoticed.
"Whatta ya got, there?" Ranma asked.

"Perhaps the only good thing made by my baby sister," Urd
exclaimed.

"Grrr." Skuld was ready to jump up and give Urd a thorough
verbal beating, but a look from Belldandy barely managed to
keep her seated.

Urd snorted and held up the shiny silver bracelet so
everyone could see the futuristic circuit designs engraved
on the surface, a continuous surface by virtue of a half
twist in the band.

"This," she said gleefully, "is a remote data link AND
terminal. The latest in divine-tech." Urd looked around, as
proud as if it had been 'her' invention. The blank looks on
the mortal faces surprised then irritated her. With a scowl
she shoved the bracelet onto her left arm. The bracelet
immediately generated a silvery white aura, through which
the brilliant rainbow hues of the circuits shone like stars.

"TERMINAL!" The humans and Ranma jumped as two gray
translucent panels appeared in the air, one vertical and the
other almost flat and slanted towards Urd. Their composition
had to be guessed at; some thought of smoke, others thought
of a light that had no shine, and Genma didn't bother. Urd
tapped a few keys, and the vertical panel moved away in a
slow upright spin. The panel enlarged to roughly one meter
by one-and-one-half meters while rotating to rest flat
against the uncluttered wall behind Soun. Urd motioned for
him to turn.

Ranma watched in awe as, even to his trained eye, Urd's
hands ceased to be visible past the wrists. A dull, droning
buzz arose from the super-rapid and mechanically precise
tapping of fingertips on the flat panel. <Forget the
amaguriken,> Ranma thought. <Gimme THAT! Chikushou! I wonder
if she can fight.> Everyone else was busy watching pages of
data scroll down fast enough to be a solid blur. After about
15 seconds of watching the screen and typing without
looking, Urd abruptly stopped.

"Okay, Ranko's file has been downloaded," Urd explained.

"Ranma," Genma corrected. Urd glared at him a little harder
than before.

"Dearest!" Nodoka chided. Genma huffed and turned back to
the screen.

"ANY-way," Urd returned her attention to the matter at hand.
"Here we go."

"File subject: Saotome Ranko." Urd spared Genma a withering
glance. "Sex: female. Area of Influence: Goddess of Sex..."

"Thanks a lot, Nabiki!" Ranma shot at the middle Tendo.

Still a little woozy from earlier activities, Nabiki jumped.
"Huh? Whaaaaat did I do?"

"Grrr."

"Rank, er, Ranma-chan, please." Nodoka was desperately
trying to keep this conversation on track and it was taking
its toll. <If one more person interrupts... well, my honor
is close at hand.> She absently patted her ever-present
silk-wrapped bundle.

"Ahem! As I was saying, Area of Influence: Goddess of
Sex..."

"Grrr."

"...Ahem! Class: I. Category: I. Unlimited. How the he-heck
that happened is beyond... er, gomen. Age: seventeen." Urd
droned on through the rest of the details, pausing after one
when interrupted, "Divine Weapon: Katana..."

"Aaah! Sugoi!!" Nodoka cheered. "I'm very proud of you,
Ranko-, er, Ranma-chan. You will begin training
immediately." Both Genma and Ranma winced, although for
different reasons.

Ranma wearily nodded her assent to her mother. "As long as
it doesn't involve a legendary mystical training ground,"
she sighed. Nodoka suddenly began fidgeting, looking very
nervous. Urd looked back and forth between the two, then
shrugged.

"Last item. Associated Deity or Deities: The Norns." Urd
turned to Ranma. "How did you figure on us, anyway?"

"Well... there's that little red blinking line that says
you're the Goddess of Love, and Nabiki said it was close
enough."

"WHAT?!?!?! What was that?!" Skuld was instantly in Urd's
face, mallet armed and ready. Across the table Akane eyed
the futuristic and shiny hammer with no small amount of
envy, and Nodoka was becoming increasingly annoyed at yet
another delay. Skuld confronted Ranma. "WHAT did it say,
again?!"

"Uh..." Ranma began to twitch. "I-It said, um, 'Also', um,
um, 'the Goddess of Love.' Th-there was a da-dash and her
name after it. And... and... and somethin' else, but I
forgot. O-okay? Ne?" For some reason the mallet made the
young goddess seem much... bigger. The kanji for "pain"
floated in front of Ranma's eyes.

"Can we get on with this?" Nodoka muttered.

Ranma had ceased to exist for Skuld after she got the
information she wanted. Skuld rounded on Urd again.

"YOU tried to pin this on ME back home, but it's all 'cause
of YOU, you, you... I don't know what!" Skuld took to pacing
back and forth in front of the opening to the backyard and
mumbling to herself, while Belldandy watched with a tired
expression. <Will either of them ever grow up?> she thought
and sighed.

Nodoka put her face in her twitching hands. <I honor my
ancestors. I pay my respects. Why does this happen to ME?>

A knocking at the front door finally got loud enough to be
heard over the bickering goddesses. Seeing that no one else
was inclined to greet their guest, Soun rose and stepped out
of the room. A second later Nodoka snapped, slamming her
palms on the table and then standing and unwrapping the silk
around her katana in one smooth motion.

Everyone froze. Urd and Skuld gave the Saotome matriarch a
surprised look, not quite believing the implied threat of
the sword.

"Enough!! I don't CARE whose fault it is! What I DO care
about is someone finally telling me what is going on and
what's to be done about it!" Flushed and breathing heavily,
she glared at the goddesses opposite her.

Urd and Skuld meekly took their seats, as did Nodoka after a
moment. Urd returned her attention to her terminal.

"Uhhh... where were we? Oh, yes. Affiliated Deity or
Deities: The Nor..."

"Hello, everyone!" cried a harried Dr. Tofu, following Soun
into the tearoom. Nodoka's twitching worsened. "Sorry I took
so long. Ran into that..."

"AAACK!" Ranma shot up out of her seat, intending to walk
towards the good doctor, but floated through the air
instead, still without any idea of how to stop.

"...Kuno boy. Can he ever go onnnn..." Tofu had taken note
of Ranma's lack of contact with the ground.

Ranma then heard Kasumi pipe up. "Why, hello, doctor," she
said sweetly as hearts danced in her eyes.

Tofu turned at the sound of Kasumi's voice. He spotted her
and, in the split-second before lucidity left, also noticed
those same hearts.

"Ka-Ka-Kasumi!! HAHAHA! Fancy meeting you here!"

Knowing the result and in a panic, Ranma turned at
approximately two feet from Tofu and scrabbled at air. Too
late.

"Oh! Ranma! Akane must've hit you pretty hard if you haven't
reached the ground, yet." Akane was suitably embarrassed for
one second. "Let me fix that for you!" Tofu snagged one of
Ranma's flailing cloth-covered feet.

"Aaaaah! Ha-ha-hanase!!!
     *SNAP* *PA-POP*
"ChiGAU YO!!"
     *GRIIINNNND*
"IIITAAAIII!!!"
     *CRACK* *CRACK* *CRACK*
"...itetetetete..."
     *SCRUNCH*
"YAAAH!!"
     *GRIND-POP*
"...yameteyameteyamete..."
     *POPPOPPOPPOP*
"WAAAHAHAHAHAAAA...URK!!!"
     *SNAAAAAAAP*
<...ofukuro...>

Ranma had been reshaped into a rough disc, and her
appendages pointed in the directions of the compass; arms at
North and East and legs at South and West. Her face sat in
the center of the disc, framed in the round by variously
misaligned body parts. Her breasts and cleavage were pushed
up a la Wonderbra, and her chin rested on the fleshy shelf.
She began to make a slow circuit of the room at eye level as
her limbs twitched occasionally and a strangulated baby-doll
voice ticked off three-second intervals.

"eep... eep... eep..."

The Norns had turned a startling shade of pea-green as they
had watched Ranma being twisted into an anatomically
impossible configuration. The remaining spectators were
simply resigned to let the incident run its course.

<That mortal can do that to one of us?!> Urd was not pleased
and a trifle afraid. <He'll bear some watching.>

"HAHAHA! Well, I was glad to be of help! HAHA! Must be going
now! Time for Betty-chan's high colonic!" Tofu cavorted out
of the room and through the front door. "Woo-hoooo!
Hee-heeee!"

Nodoka turned to Kasumi as Ranma floated past behind them.
"Child, as glad as I am that your doctor friend found his
way back to Nerima, you are REALLY going to have to make a
move and calm him down."

Kasumi turned questioning eyes to Nodoka. "Why, whatever do
you mean?"

Nodoka face-faulted. "You and I," she grumbled as she
returned to an upright position, "are going to have a long
talk about this, later." Kasumi winced. Nodoka addressed the
room as Ranma passed behind the fathers.

"Who usually undoes this kind of damage?"

The collective cast looked at various points on the walls
and squinched their fingertips up and down.

"I'll see what I can do," Belldandy finally offered. She
rose and snatched a passing appendage. She dithered a
moment, trying to decide where to place her hands in the
tangle of flesh. She finally took hold of the nearest arm
and leg and began an incantation.

     "Retrace and spin the thread of memory.
     Let not your body forget
     The beauty of its form.
     Cast off your twisted limbs,
     Those who cherish your beauty
     Await its return!"

A silvery glow encompassed Ranma and her body unfolded in a
second series of snaps, pops, and grinds. Ranma's mouth
opened in a silent yell and tears ran from her eyes. Hands
flew to mouths among the spectators, desperately trying to
keep their tea down. When Ranma had returned to normal,
Belldandy released her, but the redhead had passed out from
exhaustion and now floated across the table to land in
Akane's lap. Ranma cuddled up and whimpered. <Aha!> Urd
thought.

Akane looked around in a mild panic, but Urd speared her
with a look. "Well?" A little put upon, Akane hesitantly
gathered the sleeping goddess up in her strong arms and felt
a jolt of something pass into her body. A battle raged
across Akane's face, but it was over quickly. Akane clutched
Ranma tightly to her, and with a blissful smile, rocked her
back and forth. Ranma smiled and sighed, snuggling up even
closer.

"There's going to be a lot of little things to learn as the
family of a new goddess. One of the things is *that*. In
spite of your somewhat, ah, adversarial relationship,
Akane-chan, Ranko must love you very much to put herself in
your care while resting. It's no small matter for a
goddess."

Akane's bliss increased by an order of magnitude. The other
women, save a jealous and scowling Nabiki, had hearts in
their eyes, and the fathers had pulled out victory fans and
were dancing a jig, repeating the same phrase in a sing-song
chant, "The Schools are gonna join, the Schools are gonna
join..."

The goddesses readily understood the women's reactions, but
the fathers confused them. "Ano..." Belldandy began, "are we
missing something, here?"

Nodoka beamed while she explained. "There is an honor pact
between the Saotome and Tendo families that there will be a
union between the children to join and strengthen the
Saotome and Tendo Schools of Musabetsu Kakutou. As martial
artists, Ranma and Akane were chosen to fulfill this
obligation. It's wonderful to see it working out so well.
It's been a... difficult courtship," Nodoka sighed wearily.
"In all likelihood, it will remain difficult, but it seems
family honor will be upheld." With a sigh of relief, she
laid her katana against the table edge.

The goddesses blanched and traded looks. Skuld and Belldandy
focused on Urd, who grimaced, then nodded.

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but..." Everyone froze
and stared at Urd. Urd swallowed once and hesitantly
continued. "Um, well, you see, there's a stipulation for
mortal ascension. Heh. All, heh heh, all mortal obligations,
vows, bonds, and the like are rendered null and void,
including, HAHAHA, arranged marriages."

"WHAAAT!!!" Urd drew back and presented warding gestures as
she suddenly found herself hemmed in by four angry faces,
Akane, amazingly, being the fourth. Ranma had been dumped on
the table and sat up blinking. Soun's demon head appeared.

"RANMA WILL MARRY MY DAUGHTER!!!"

Urd squawked and reflexively shot a sizable bolt of mana
energy through Soun's chi manifestation. A large hole
appeared in the center of the forehead, and the demon head's
eyes crossed before it popped out of existence. Soun stood
there with a surprised look on his face.

"Look," Urd snapped after recovering, "we still don't know
if she'll even stay a goddess. Kami-sama may repeal it any
moment."

"Not happenin'," Skuld stated flatly. She'd been quiet for
the majority of the discussion due to weariness and a desire
to let her sisters handle the tricky stuff. Now, however,
she was the center of attention.

"Ummm, what I mean is, it wasn't allowed. Deleting her
godhead, that is."

Urd's eyes widened and Belldandy leaned in to speak. "Who
came forward?"

Skuld hummed and dithered. "Well, as you know, Oneesama, but
everyone else doesn't, on the rare occasion of mortal
ascension, there's always an undo option." She shifted her
attention to the rest. "In fact, unless someone important
says otherwise, we'll typically undo it and disallow the
wish. Even though a wish wasn't involved in this case, the
option was still available. As no one had come forward, we
were about to undo the godhead, but Kami-sama spoke and said
no."

Urd and Belldandy sat back and considered the implications.
The Tendos and Saotomes looked on in confusion.

"HE actually was the one to come forward?" Urd asked
incredulously.

"Hai!" Skuld chirped.

"Why?" Urd asked.

Skuld rolled her eyes and managed to look thoroughly put
upon. "You know how Kami-sama is. Capital-F Fate this;
capital-D Destiny that. In other words, HE talked a lot and
said very little. She *will* be busted to Surface World
Trainee during her training (welcome to the club, kid), but
she'll go right back to One, One, Unlimited when she's
finished. So sayeth the Lord." <That'll get Urd's goat,>
Skuld smirked to herself.

Belldandy looked at Ranma with some concern, while Urd
steamed.

"Well, Ranko," Belldandy said...

"Ranma," Genma corrected. Urd snarled and vented some of her
frustration by popping Genma with a small mana bolt. Genma's
soiled bandanna flew straight up off of his bald head.

"...um, Ranma," Belldandy continued. "I guess you're the new
Class I Goddess of, erm, Sex."

Ranma quailed and then shot into the air to hover over the
table again, arms out and appealing to every known kami. "I
CAN'T be the Goddess of Sex! I ain't even DONE it!!"

The group face-fault was heard round the world.

----------

Mara and Retsuji almost fell out of the cherryblossom tree
themselves when Ranma made her declaration of virginity. By
hanging onto nearby small limbs, they kept themselves on
their perches and were soon back in their original
positions. Mara checked the set of her leather cheongsam and
then looked at Retsuji. The lust demon's eyes were glued to
the movement of Ranma's ample features underneath her
clothing.

"A Goddess of Sex?! Well... I guess it's a good thing,
overall. Think you can take her?" Mara inquired.

"Eh?!" Retsuji shook his concentration loose and smoothed
back his hair. "What do *you* think? There's not a woman
alive who can resist me when I employ my full charm."

Mara softly raspberried him. "Right. Whatever. Just one
thing, though."

"Hmmm?" Retsuji had resumed his redhead studies.

"She's not *just* a woman, anymore."

Retsuji turned back to Mara with a smirk. "Not a problem.
She's too new, and considering her field... Well, just think
of it as a done deal. I *know* women."

Mara studied the neophyte deity. A warning itch began in the
back of her mind. "I don't know, Retsu-chan. Something tells
me there's a lot more to this than what's on the surface."
Mara rested her chin in one of her palms. "I wonder who her
opposite is..." She straightened and looked hard at her
companion.

Retsuji slumped and shook his head. "I only wish. I guess
we'll just have to wait until it shows up... What the?!"

The entire tree suddenly swayed as several beings hopped up
into its branches. Mara and Retsuji looked around in a mild
panic. Several incubi and succubi had appeared and were
perched in various places, peering into the Tendo residence.
The low-power auras of the sex fiends had been buried in the
spiritual background noise of this strange part of Tokyo,
and the two higher-level demons hadn't sensed their
approach. Instinctively, Mara extended her cloaking spell,
trying to cover the new arrivals. She felt the load lighten
as Retsuji extended his own spell. Mara gave him a grateful
look, and Retsuji nodded.

Turning, Mara hissed at the nearest newcomer, an incubus
with several interesting protrusions on its body and
grotesquely oversized anatomy.

"You guys've got a lot of balls congregating like this!"

The incubus smirked. "Ya got that right, sister."

Mara blinked and then realized what she'd said. She scowled.
"What in the Seven Sins are you doing here?"

"Someone shouted 'Goddess of Sex'," the incubus snickered,
echoed by its companions of both sexes, "and we all just had
to see for ourselves. Ne! Which one is it?" The heads and
upper bodies of the dozen or so sex fiends swayed snake-like
as they studied the various women in the house. The
cherryblossom tree began to move with them as their swaying
became synchronized. Fortunately, everyone in the house was
too distracted to notice.

"Disgusting creatures," Retsuji muttered, and Mara nodded in
agreement. Mara had no intentions of sharing anything with
these low-order mischief-makers and was intensely annoyed at
having her scrutiny of the Norns gate-crashed by so many
unconnected parties. Another concern was the size of the
dual cloaking spell. All one of the Norns had to do was look
steadily at the tree, and they would notice not the demonic
presences but the large hole in the spiritual background
noise. If they didn't notice the tree moving first, that is.
The jig would be up, then. Holding onto the branches as the
tree leaned to one side and then the other, Mara briefly
wondered if she was capable of being motion sick.

----------

People were becoming tired of the repetitive face-planting
that the day had brought. All wearily rose to glare at the
buoyant Ranma as she looked to the heavens for deliverance.
All, that is, except Urd. Urd regained her feet and quickly
grabbed the redhead in a bone-crushing hug.

"ACK!!" Ranma's arms fanned.

Urd looked heavenward herself as she squeezed the already
much-abused goddess. "Oh, thank you, Kami-sama! This is a
dream come true!" Urd suddenly squeezed harder, mashing
Ranma's face into her cleavage. "Fresh and untouched! Ready
for my instruction! OOOH-HO-HO-HO-HOOOOO!!" Ranma went
purple as blood began to leak from her nose, Akane's and
Nabiki's blood began to boil in jealousy, and one or two
people wondered where Kodachi was hiding.

"Oneesama..."

Urd looked down at Belldandy. "Yes?" she warbled. Belldandy
pointed at Urd's chest. A faint red stain was spreading on
Urd's clothing from the sides of Ranma's multicolored head.
"Oh... Well, maybe we can start this some other time." Urd
let go, and Ranma zipped away, hacking and sputtering.

Ranma swooped and hid behind Akane. She peeked over Akane's
shoulder at the white-haired goddess. "Are you all tryin' to
KILL me or somethin'?! Akane! Ya gotta SAVE me!!" Ranma
screeched.

Akane was jolted out of her smoldering anger and spun to
look at Ranma. "YOU'RE asking ME for help?!"

"Uhhh..."

Akane leapt from her seat and tackled her fiance. "Oh,
Ranma! You don't know how much this means to me!"

"ACK!" Ranma found herself caught in yet another
bone-crushing hug and had nowhere to go... except up...
several feet. Surprised, Akane let go and instinctively
flipped and landed on the table, clipping Nabiki's tea and
soaking the scowling girl. Ranma jetted to an upper corner
of the room and wedged herself in as tightly as she could,
glaring down at her family and guests. Akane stood in the
middle of teatime and watched Ranma with a hurt expression.

The hot tea turned out to be just the thing to shock Nabiki
out of her bedazzled state. She groaned and slapped her hand
to her forehead. <WHAT have I been THINKING?! Jeez, I was
ready to do the redhead ecchi!> Nabiki stood and wandered
out of the room and upstairs, mumbling to herself about
weird magnets.

----------

Mara was still hanging on, but she was turning interesting
shades of blue and green. About a dozen more sex fiends had
turned up, and the cherryblossom tree was beginning to
creak.

Demons and fiends alike jumped when a small figure crashed
into the foliage. The figure filtered painfully down through
the branches and ended up slung over the same branch on
which Mara and Retsuji were sitting. The little figure
hopped up on its feet and made googly eyes at Mara.

"Hey, sweet cheeks! Are you the new goddess?"

"An IMP!" both Mara and Retsuji said in horror.

"Yessiree! Just got promoted! There I was. Nothing
happenin'. Then BOOM! I'm a Demon, Class II. HAHAHA!" The
imp's laughter degenerated into sniffles, giggles, and
snorts. Mara put her hand on her forehead and felt like
weeping. Retsuji looked at the second-class demon with
disdain.

"You don't look like a demon. You still look like an imp to
me," Retsuji declared. "Shouldn't you look... different or
something?"

The imp deflated and flopped to a sitting position. "Yeah,
yeah. That's what I thought, too. But HE thought it would be
funny to let me grow into the position. Curse HIS dark
heart!"

Retsuji chuckled. "HE doesn't have a heart."

"Don't I know it! By the way, name's Vul."

Mara looked up. "Vul? THE Vul? Short for Vulva? The
laughingstock of the lower orders?! HAHAHAHAAA!!" Vul
scowled while Retsuji look confused.

Vul hopped up again and scowled at the demoness. "Hey! Can I
help it if I wound up assigned to a place full of freak
martial artists? These people's loved ones cause more grief
than I ever could!" He calmed down and smiled. "Things do
change, though. *I've* got an opposite, now, and she's a
*goddess*! Suck on that!!"

Their "discussion" was interrupted by the aforementioned
goddess being chased around by an amorous mortal.

<I'm competing with an imp?!> Retsuji's head began to hurt.

----------

Ranma had been creeping along the join of the ceiling and
the wall, heading hopefully for the open door to the
backyard. Everyone turned as Urd's monitor began beeping.
Everyone turned back at Ranma's cry. With a look of utter
panic, she was fanning her arms and bicycling her legs. She
abruptly fell straight onto the fathers' shogi board. Tiles
flew everywhere and the board was smashed.

"No more flying for you, Missy. You've just been busted to
Surface World Trainee," Urd smirked.

Soun and Genma had dinner-plate eyes for a second, and then
Soun burst into tears. In a flash, Genma was up and in
Ranma's pained face.

"BOY!! How could you do this to your poor father?!" He put
his fists up to his head and clenched his eyes shut as tears
squeezed out in a small river. "The Saotome Anything Goes
Special Shogi Tile Descending Sneak Attack Ascension
technique will never be perfected! It was the last and most
devastating techni... OOF!!"

A raging and recovered Ranma had kicked her father into the
koi pond. Ranma was huffing and her chest heaved. Akane
puddled to the table and watched in a trance as Ranma's
breasts went up and down, up and down. Feeling something
odd, Ranma turned her eyeballs to the side and observed
Akane's stare. She slowly turned her head and the rest of
her still heaving body around. Akane's head had begun to bob
like a toy dog's in the back window of a moving car.

"Uh... Akane? What's..." With a jerk Ranma realized what
Akane was entranced with.

"GACK! HENTAI!!" Ranma crossed her arms over her breasts.
"AKANE NO BAKA!" she shot before spinning on her heel and
stalking out into the backyard.

Akane's face fell. "Ranma?" she warbled. "Ranma-CHAN?!"
Akane leapt to her feet, scattering tea things all over the
room, and hurried after her iinazuke. "Don't leave me,
Ranma-chan!"

Ranma turned around and saw Akane barreling towards her,
arms outstretched. "YAHHH!" Ranma took off, and a merry
chase all around the Tendo compound ensued. Sadly, Ranma's
goddess apparel wasn't designed for running. Her foot kept
getting tangled in the hem, and she frequently ate dirt. At
those times Akane would catch up and glomp the redhead,
inadvertently (or perhaps advertently) putting her hands in
places that threatened to make Ranma collapse from sensory
overload.

The chase-fall-down-glomp-get-loose-chase routine lasted
about five minutes. At the end, Akane was very close to
honestly catching up when Ranma tripped again. Akane plowed
into Ranma, and they both slammed into the cherryblossom
tree.

The tree had been on the return arc of its sway as Ranma and
Akane approached, and the assorted demons and fiends had
been leaning in the same direction to maintain their
balance. When goddess and martial artist hit the trunk, the
tree abruptly lurched in the opposite direction. That left
two demons, approximately twenty incubi and succubi, and one
imp-turned-demon treading air. Had they been listening for
it, they would've heard a blonde demoness speak.

"Oh, shit..."

What fell from that tree was not Kami-sama's little green
apples.

The sex fiends fell into a biting, gnashing, and snarling
heap. One incubus got his foot caught in the crotch of a
limb and hung upside down, protrusions and what-have-you
waving in greeting. Mara and Retsuji, being wiser and far
more experienced, recognized a lost cause and bolted out of
the Tendo compound in opposite directions.

As Ranma and Akane shook off the daze from impact and
started moving around, they found themselves the
uncomfortable center of attention. Hungry eyes caressed
their forms, and the sex fiends began to advance. Akane
clutched at Ranma, and Ranma brought them to their feet. A
low, silky chanting began in the distance as Ranma and Akane
adopted ready stances. Acting on some herding signal, all of
the sex fiends leapt at the two at once. While they weren't
terribly hurt by it, the fiends weren't expecting to be
slammed, punched, punted, and smashed. The pace was furious
as the fiends simply got up and came at them, again and
again. The occasional lucky grab was swiftly reducing
Akane's clothing to shreds; Ranma's goddess attire seemed to
be made of sterner stuff. A voice shouted from the house.

"Ranma! Akane! You've got to get outta there!" Skuld
shouted. The chanting abruptly rose in volume. Ranma gritted
her teeth.

"Sure. No problem. Sheesh, what a time to get busted from
flying." While Ranma dealt with a particularly difficult
adversary, she noted out of the corner of her eye that the
remainder of Akane's clothing had been torn away, and Akane
was sobbing as she fought. <Oh, Akane! I'd give you my
clothes if I could...> "Eh?!" Ranma's clothes burst into
flying pieces of white energy that swirled away to surround
Akane. The wisps coalesced into an outfit similar to what
it'd been before, but the cut of the garment allowed for
more protection.

"Arigato, Ranma!" Akane yelled. Ranma fairly glowed until
she realized that she was the nude one, now, and the bulk of
the attacks had shifted to her. <Oh, boy.> Ranma's aura
began to manifest into the visible spectrum; she knew this
was going to have to end soon or she and Akane could expect
the worst. She was taken aback, as much as the situation
allowed, by the whitish gold color of her aura; she'd been
expecting yellow. She shrugged and allowed it to continue to
build.

With a pair of roundhouse kicks, Ranma and Akane managed to
clear the immediate attackers enough to allow Ranma to set
for a chi attack as her aura reached full intensity. <A
straight Moko Takabisha won't work. They're too spread out.
Time to improvise, Saotome-style!> Ranma put her fists
together and thrust them over her head. She concentrated her
aura in a pattern around them.

"Akane! Grab hold of me an' hold on tight!" Akane
enthusiastically obliged.

"MOKO TAKABISHA REVISED: FLAMING FAN!!"

Instead of the expected ball or beam of yellow chi energy, a
fat arc of whitish gold power spread out at roughly 180
degrees from Ranma's fists, angling down and hitting their
attackers. The resulting huge explosion left crispy sex
fiends littered in a wide and flat semicircular trench,
pulverized soil raining down and half-burying them. The
tinkle of shattered glass echoed from the surrounding
houses. The goddesses stumbled in their chanting as their
eyes grew large. <No troubles accessing mana, but we'll
definitely have to teach her some subtlety,> Urd thought.

Ranma puffed and looked at her handiwork, but the incubi and
succubi were already beginning to move around.

"Ranma!! GET OUT OF THERE!!!" Skuld screamed.

Ranma grunted and embraced Akane. She cleared the trench
with a leap and landed behind the chanting goddesses, but
she stood only a moment before collapsing. Akane bent down
in concern, and Kasumi and Nodoka hurried over, but before
they could speak, the goddesses ended their chanting with a
heavenly command.

"Begone! Begone!! BEGONE!!!"

Vul hadn't left with Mara and Retsuji; he'd been attacking
along with the fiends. As Ranma powered up for a blast, Vul
managed to get behind a succubus and use her body as a
shield. After the blast, Vul ran from one crispy critter to
another, staring into their faces and asking, "Mara?" It
held him up too long, and he was caught by the completed
spell of banishment.

The ground around the cherryblossom tree and out for about
twenty feet began to send glowing streamers up into the air.
The density increased until a solid glow came into being.
Vul and the sex fiends began to waver, their substance
thinning until they simply winked out one by one. Vul, being
the strongest, was the last to go. His cries echoed as if
from a great distance.

"Mara! I'll get you for this! Maraaaa..."

With the departure of Vul, silence reigned in the yard as
the glow quickly faded away. The Norns slumped; Urd bent
over and put her hands on her knees to catch her breath.

"Bell-chan, this is going to be some assignment," Urd
ventured.

"I fear you may be correct, Oneesama." Bell fanned herself
with one hand while wiping perspiration with the other.
Skuld just stood there, breathing heavily and collecting her
wits.

The concerned noises behind them finally caught their
attention. Ranma lay on the ground, looking very pale and
close to unconsciousness. Kasumi had found a blanket, in
that way of hers, to preserve Ranma's modesty, and Ranma had
gratefully wrapped herself up in it before collapsing again.

"Oh, dear." Belldandy rushed ahead of her sisters and knelt
down next to Ranma. "Were you injured?" Belldandy asked.

Ranma shook her head weakly. Belldandy placed a hand on
Ranma's forehead and closed her eyes for a second. "Ah!" She
opened her eyes and looked at Urd. "Oneesama, Ranma-chan has
depleted her mana reserves. Please see what her recharge
method is."

Urd nodded, returned to the tearoom, and called her terminal
back up; it had been shut down when the disturbance in the
backyard began. She scrolled through the file and raised her
eyebrows a little when she found the information. She shut
down and returned to the group outside.

"Okay, people. We need some coffee... fast!" Urd commanded.
Everyone blink-blinked.

"I'm very sorry, Urd-sama," Kasumi said, "but no one in the
house except Nabiki drinks coffee that much."

"Yeah, and I always go to the ABCB when I'm in the mood,"
Nabiki added.

"Well, someone will have to go and get some!" Urd huffed.
"And dear, just Urd, ne?" Kasumi nodded.

"If your that in need of stimulation, we do have some rather
strong tea," Nodoka suggested, slightly irritated.

"Gomen, but it's for Ranma-chan. It's her recharge method.
Well... her primary one, anyway."

Everyone including the remaining Norns looked at Urd in
confusion.

"Recharge method...?"

"Primary...?"

Skuld eyed her eldest sister suspiciously. "Primary method?"

Urd looked at Ranma strangely. "It seems our new Goddess of
Sex is just one set of dualities after another. Coffee works
for her like ice-cream does for you and sake for me, but she
can also get some small relief from, uh, well..."

The cast leaned in.

"... heh heh, from, erm, ...tender hugs and kisses?"

Everyone thumped to the ground in a group face-fault.
"Great. Juuust great," Ranma groaned. "'Hiya! I'm feeling a
little peckish. Could you spare a smooch?'"

Kasumi straightened her dress as she stood. "Since we need
it so badly, I'll hurry down to the market before it
closes."

"Bell, you feel up to..." Urd began.

"I'm tired, but I'm good for a little longer, yet.
Considering all the 'things' out and about, I'll accompany
Tendo-san," Belldandy offered. Kasumi smiled at the goddess
gratefully.

"You honor me, Belldandy-sama." Kasumi bowed.

"Please, just Bell to my friends." Belldandy returned the
bow.

"Then, just Kasumi." Another bow, blushing.

Belldandy bowed back. "Of course..."

"ARGH! Just go get the coffee!" Urd pleaded. "And some sake
for me. I'm pooped."

"Ice-cream! Rocky Road, if they have it," Skuld added.

Embarrassed, the two bowing ladies hurried into the house.
Kasumi collected her purse, and in a flurry of skirts, they
swooped out the front door.

Genma looked at Soun. "Tendo?"

"Saotome?"

"Hasn't this whole business been just a little TOO strange,
even for us?"

"Quite. The path of a true martial artist is fraught with
peril... and the bizarre."

"Quite, Tendo." Genma sniffed the air. "Time for a game of
shogi."

"Indeed."

The fathers walked into the tearoom and froze. Tears ran in
rivers as they stared at the destroyed shogi board.

Nodoka shook her head at their adolescent behavior, then
returned her attention to her son, er, daughter.
"Ranma-chan, until Kasumi and Belldandy-san return, Akane
will help keep your strength up. Akane-chan?"

"Hai!" Still under kami-Ranma's influence, Akane crawled
under the blanket with Ranma and smothered the redheaded
goddess in a full-body hug any Amazon would've been proud
of. She lightly and repeatedly pecked Ranma on the cheek.

Ranma looked at her mother with pleading eyes. "Mommmm!" she
complained, but Nodoka gave her a stern look.

"Whining is not very manly, Ranma."

Ranma sighed as Akane pasted her face with feather-light
kisses. "Great. Juuust great."
____________________

A plaid skirt, pressed white blouse, white stockings, and
white flats were not Mara's favorite ensemble, but she'd
shifted out of her black leather cheongsam in order to blend
in somewhat as she fled from the Tendo compound. The
strength of the cloaking spell and the length of time it'd
been held had left her somewhat drained and in no shape to
face the Norns. She wondered what had become of Retsuji.
<Probably scheming to get into the redhead's panties,> she
thought. <How dare he ignore me in favor of Urd and that new
tramp!> She huffed and turned a blind corner.

Mara took one step and ran into the chest of a tall man.
Surprised, she tripped as she stepped back and fell on her
rump. She looked up into a face of noble bearing, and the
formal martial arts attire and the bokken resting across his
shoulder lent a certain mystique to the figure. Mara was
speared and her heart fluttered as his dark, almost black
eyes focused on her and the man bent down to offer his hand.

"My apologies, fair lady. The Blue Thunder was mired in
thoughts of grave importance. But it is only testament to
the greatness of House Kuno and its peerless scion that such
beauty be cast before me. Kuno Tatewaki, age 17, at your
service."

Fortunately, Mara didn't register the words so much as the
tone and strength of his voice. She blinked at him and
remained motionless.

"Ah, as I suspected. You are overcome by my magnificence.
Please," Kuno whipped out a bouquet of a dozen red roses,
"take these as a token of my esteem." Since she made no move
to take them, Kuno placed the roses in Mara's lap. "Now you
must forgive me, for I am about the business of freeing my
two worthy loves from the clutches of a foul sorcerer.
Adieu, ma femme jolie." And with that, Kuno stepped around
the still stunned Mara and walked down the street, snatches
of Shakespearean soliloquy drifting on the air.

<He said I'm beautiful.> Mara looked down and slowly took
hold of the flowers and lifted them to her face. The roses
were only beginning to open, and the sweet scent rose in the
warm night air. Mara smiled dreamily as thoughts of being
crushed in the man's arms slid through her mind. His head
would lower menacingly, and his mouth would part, revealing
razor-sharp white teeth. Their lips would meet, and she
would cut her tongue on his canines, the taste of blood
driving their passion higher and higher and...

"Ite!" Mara sucked her thumb where a thorn had punctured it.
She grinned.

"'By the pricking of my thumb, Something *wicked* this way
comes.' Look out, sword boy. You may say no, but the omens
say yes, yes, YES!"

Giggling madly, Mara leapt to her feet and skipped down the
sidewalk, disappearing in a whirlwind of sulfur and
brimstone.
____________________

END CHAPTER TWO
____________________

GLOSSARY

hanase - "let me go"

chigau yo - "You got it all wrong",
     or words to that effect.

itetetete - the elision of "ite" ("ow")
     being said repeatedly.

yamete - "Stop"

ofukuro - "mother"

oneesama - "honored older sister"

iinazuke - "fiance(e)"