(continued from part 1)

~~~~~~~~~

�CAPTAIN!!!�

�...uh?� Lt. Commander Justie Tylor of the CAF
Space Force awoke from his nice nap and great dream.
In it he�d been having a great time at the beach with Emi, 
Yumi and Azalyn-chan. That reminded him, one of these days 
he�d have to show the Empress how much fun the sand and surf were.

Speaking of which, he STILL hadn�t found out about those 
Raalgon hotsprings yet! Maybe the next time Dom captured him
he could find out. It was a shame that the others couldn�t join in until
they came to *rescue* him from the *enemy*. 

Even though both governments were now members of the Consortium 
of Civilized Worlds (CCW) they had never actually signed a peace
treaty and were technically still at war with each other, although by 
CCW treaty they couldn�t actually engage in hostilities. So every couple 
of weeks when Azalyn, Holy Empress of the Raalgon wanted to see her
 pet Paco-Paco, Dom or his subordinate Shia Has (depending on which 
one of them was unlucky enough to get the short straw) went out to 
*capture* Tylor and bring him back. He came with them willingly 
enough most of the time, but then the women on board the Soyokaze 
would get jealous and so the crew had to go and get him back from 
the Melva, the Raalgon Mothership. 

But at least the eighteen year old monarch was only one person.
The legion of WAIT (Women After Irresponsible Tylor) numbered in 
the hundreds of millions. Discovering the planet Victoria�s Secret
had been a big mistake, the Captain volunteering to lead the 
investigation expedition had been an even worse one.

But at the moment none of that was Tylor�s concern, his 
indifference to even the most grave crisis was already legendary
throughout the known Universe. 

�CAPTAIN!!!�

�What is it Mr. Yamamoto?�

First officer of the infamous destroyer, Lt. Yamamoto was a 
man who routinely gave himself an ulcer trying to make up 
his mind. Usually a by the book officer, Yamamoto possessed
an irresponsible streak that rivaled his superior�s though 
he usually covered it up quite well with layers and layers 
of regulations. 

�We have detected a group of unidentified ships closing fast!�

�Oh? That�s probably just Azalyn-chan coming to pick 
me up again.�

�Captain! They don�t match any Raalgon signature! In fact their profiles 
are more like the space pirates we were sent to apprehend!!�

Lt. Yuriko Star, the efficient intelligence officer of the Soyokaze and 
perhaps the most responsible person on board (which wasn�t really 
saying all that much) shot an exasperated look at the man that she both 
loved and wanted to strangle whenever he behaved irresponsibly.
In a way she envied her counterpart aboard the Untamed Stallion,
at least Ranma behaved sensibly some of the time. Of all the men in
all the planets in all the galaxies in all the Universe she had to fall for
the most Irresponsible Man Alive. Granite had nothing on Tylor.

�Oh, I guess that means we better do something then.�

*CRASH*

The entire bridge picked themselves up 
from their collective facefault. Sometimes they 
thought that the Captain was actually more sensible
then he was letting on and then he�d go and do 
something like this. Either he was a tactical genius or the 
luckiest idiot in the Universe. The popular money was 
riding on the latter, although after awhile several people 
were now coming to suspect the former.

�What are your orders Captain?�

Lt. Katori was the only known Buddhist Monk navigator
in the Consortium Armed Forces (CAF). His dazzling 
head of blonde hair was actually a wig, though even a close 
inspection could fail to spot the difference. Undisputedly one of
the best capital ship pilots living, the handsome officer seemed out 
of place on the rather rambunctious ship. Without his skills however 
the Soyokaze would have been scrapped long ago. 

�Hmmm....� 

The twenty two old Captain looked 
like he was thinking seriously.

By now though every one of the officers on board 
knew that appearences could be deceiving, especially in 
Tylor�s case.

�Let�s talk to them! Lt. Kim, open a channel.�

�Of course, what else could we expect from you Captain.�

A runway fashion model in her off hours, the young 
and beautiful brown haired communications officer 
possessed a tongue sharp enough to geld even the 
most officious superior. Naturally she often directed 
her scathing comments toward Tylor�s relaxed attitude,
though every now and then the part of her that really liked 
him slipped past the mask of professionalism.

�Standard hailing frequency ready.�

�Yoo hoo! This is Captain Justie Ueki Tylor, Age 22. Please 
identify yourselves since you�re approaching the Soyokaze and
we don�t know who you are. It�s a common courtesy after all.�

�Uh...captain....�

The crew had much faith in Tylor, but once again that loyalty 
was being put to the test. Sure the Captain was able to get them out of 
the messes that the Soyokaze encountered but he was usually the reason 
that they got into them in the first place!

Nervously everyone (with the exception of Tylor) looked toward the 
bridge�s display to see the unidentified ships� response.
~~~~~~~~

Aboard their ships the Scourges of the 
Spaceways (a fancy way of saying 
they�re scumsucking pirates) were breaking 
\ut in a full blown panic attack.

THE Tylor was facing them!!!

The most feared man in all of space, hailed as the greatest military 
mind in the Three Galaxies (2), had obviously been sent here by the
CAF to utterly destroy the pirate problem that the CCW had been 
having in this sector. So now their problem was trying to decide what 
they were going to do about it.

The majority wanted to surrender immediately before 
they were brutally slaughtered by the Tylor.
Several wanted to just run away and never come back,
the only problem with that was he�d probably kill them if they 
did. And a very small group actually wanted to try
attacking the Soyokaze.

Of course that resulted in quite an argument.

�We must attack!!! If we destroy the Tylor we will become famous!!�

�You FOOLS! The Soyokaze�s marksmanship 
is unequalled!! They have a PERFECT to-hit ratio!�

That was common knowledge. What *wasn�t* 
well known was *why* its record was so 
flawless, the reason that the destroyer had never missed was 
because it had never fired a shot at the enemy since Tylor 
became captain!

Captain Tylor�s opponents were their own worst enemies.
He didn�t have to attack them, they did all the work for him.
Once again this point was demonstrated.

�We should run!�

�We should give up!�

�We should kill him! He�s only one man with one small 
ship! If we stick together we can destroy the Soyokaze!�

�Are you out of your MIND?! I don�t want the Raalgon Empire 
after my head!! Not to mention W.A.I.T., do you know what those 
Amazons do to people that get on their bad side!�

�Bah, Stay here then you cowards! We�ll do it if you�re too 
afraid to!�

�No! Stop them!! If they anger the Tylor we�re all dead meat!!!�
~~~~~~

The astonished oberservers on the bridge had a front 
row seat to the ensuing havoc that broke out.

A fraction of the pirates broke from the rest to attack and 
were promptly fired upon by their comrades. The fight that broke 
out between the two factions soon ended with most of the ships on 
BOTH sides either destroyed or badly damaged.

Kim was the first one to relay the good news.

�Captain, they say that they are the Space Pirates 
in this sector! And they want to surrender!!�

�Captain you�re a genius!�

First Officer Yamamoto had never doubted him for a minute, 
never mind the fact  that he�d been about to declare Tylor unfit 
for command a minute ago in this situation.

�What�d I do?�

Captain Tylor looked puzzled before deciding to just 
smile and go along with it.

White Queen takes Black Knight.

(to be continued)
~~~~~~

Still even more of Murphy's RPG laws:

1st Law of Fighting: Picking a fight with the Coalition is a bad idea.
2nd Law of Fighting: Picking a fight with Naruni Enterprises is a worse       
              one.

Fairy folk are to be feared, not laughed at.

Dragons make good allies
Dragons make worse enemies

Stealing magic and rune weapons from a God is bad.
Stealing magic and rune weapons from Atlantis is just plain stupid.

-Mad Dog's Pallidium Humor Files 


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