reflect@redshift.com

Rial Fletcher, Prophet of Nyrf, Fourth Dungeon Master of Zork and ruler
of
all the Eastlands.

Yo.

This story has been a long time coming for me.  It is the fusion of two
separate ideas that have been floating around in my head.  It is likely 
to be quite long.

It's going to be a little dark, a little light, a little funny, a little
weird, and a little serious.  Like me.

No Apologies Given.

Ranma & crew property of Takahashi Rumiko and whomever else owned them
last.
All other characters / situations property of whomever they are the
property
of.

Ranma 1/2 - Currently Untitled

[Note to Moderator - No, that *is* the title, for reasons as yet unknown
to
all, including me.  I like the ring of it.  Please remove this note.]

Part One

Ranma's normal method of awakening was a quiet ritual, perfected through 
long practice.  His body would stir out of sleep, dragging his mind
slowly
kicking and screaming into bleary consciousness.

At least, that is, unless someone hit him, kicked him, splashed water on
him,
or threw him out the window.  Which was why he stretched out 'waking up'
as
long as humanly possible, given the opportunity.

Not today.

Ranma sat bolt upright in his futon, sleep divorced from full and total
readiness by the thinnest of margins.  This is a neat trick if you can 
do it.  Ranma could, but only if there was an immense and immediate
danger
threatening.

He looked around nervously, searching for the danger.  Nothing attacked
him.
Nothing looked even remotely out of the ordinary.  The silence would be 
unnerving, but the steady snore of the panda he shared a room with
prevented
it from even getting to the 'slightly worrying' stage.

But even though there was no clear and present danger, Ranma was scared.

"Something is wrong."

--

Ranma tiptoed silently down the stairs, entering the dining room that
was
open to the backyard with the koi pond.  He sat down on one of the mats 
and gazed out over the pre-dawn sky, noting the faintest tinge of pink
at the horizon.

"Astronomy", Blue Oyster Cult, _Secret Treaties_
			-OR-
"Astronomy", Metallica, _Garage Inc._ (written by Blue Oyster Cult)

Ranma sighed and leaned on the large cushion to his side.  

"I wish..."

"Shit.  I dunno."

His voice seemed to awaken the pillow, which immediately pushed upwards,
knocking him back.

A furious Ryouga started yelling at Ranma, "Saotome Ranma! how dare you
lean
on me! I'll kill you!" until Ranma manage to shush him.

"Dammit Ryouga, they're all still sleepin' man, you really wanna wake
'em all
up?"

"Okay, okay.  For Akane's sake, I will remain quiet.", replied a
slightly
sulky Ryouga.  Beating on Ranma was one of the few things he enjoyed,
and
to be deprived of it stung.

"What are you doing down here?  You always sleep in Akane's room."

It was Ryouga's turn to quiet Ranma.  "Dammit, don't say that out
loud!"  After
a quick check to make sure that the conversation was still private, he 
continued, "Even with all my endurance training, there's only so much I
can
take, physically.  Especially in my cursed body.  What are _you_ doing
here, by the way?  You're never up this early."

"I dunno, man.  Something ain't right."

"Like what?  Another engagement, another betrayal of Akane?"

"I told you I don't know!  And you _gotta_ get off this Akane kick.
She's all you ever talk about.  Just ain't healthy."

"At least I appreciate her!  You constantly insult her, hurt her
feelings,
and generally cause her pain!  It's no wonder that she thinks you're a
jerk!"

"I do appreciate her, when she ain't hitting me.  Or calling me a moron,
or a jerk, or a pervert.  I like her man, I really do, but our fathers
arranged our marraige, so basically, I'm constantly wearing a 'your
future
husband and there ain't nothing you can do about it' sign around my
neck,
which pisses her off.  And she's got a quick temper to begin with, so
anything I say or do can set her off, and then she hits me!"

"I still think it's your fault.  You must deserve it."

"Oh yeah?  Sometimes, yeah, that's the case.  But listen ta this: Every
week, at least once, Shampoo glomps onta me yelling 'Ai Ren!' or 'Wo Ai
Ni'
or some shit like that, and she's an Amazon!  Strong as a damn ox!  I
can't breathe or barely even talk, yet alone get her offa me, which is 
all I can think about at the time, I think a coupla times I almost
passed
out 'cuz I wasn't getting air, and what does Akane do?"

"... Calls you a pervert for hugging Shampoo and hits you."

"Yeah! where's the justice there?"

"I.. I don't know."

"Hey, Ryouga?"

"Yeah?"

"Hey man, thanks for listening to me babble on.  If you wait here, I'll
be coming back after school and you can fight me then.  I won't run
away."

"Heh.  Like that'd do you any good, Saotome.  I can follow you to the
ends of the Earth to wreak my vengeance upon thee!"

"Ryouga, chill!  You're starting to sound like Kunou.  And that scares
me."

Ryouga replied with an amused snort, and some more Kunou-esque
phrasings.

"Yeah, though you be a foul sorceror, Saotome, and have bent to thine
will
Tendou Akane and the fair pig-tailed girl..."

With that they both collapsed laughing.  Ranma was the first to recover,
and wiping a tear from his eye, he resumed the conversation.

"So, anyway, after school lets out I'll be back here."

"Okay."

--

Akane was not happy.  Ranma had been ignoring her all day.  True, he
hadn't
insulted her, but it seemed as if he wouldn't even bother to give her
the
time of day.

Ranma was, as usual, assuming his fence-top position as they walked home
from school.  This, again as usual, made him a highly visible elevated
target.
He fell from the fence, clutched in a ferocious bearhug by one-hundred
some odd
pounds of affectionate Amazon.

"Hnnh!  Shampoo!  Leggo, I'm gonna get clobbered!"

"Silly Husband!  Shampoo know Ranma like Shampoo's hugs.  Shampoo take
Husband to dinner at Nekohanten, Yes?"

There are some who would say that Akane has a short fuse.  This is not
entirely accurate.

Panic crept into Ranma's voice.  "Shampoo, Let Go!  Oh man, too late..."

Mr. Fist, meet Ranma's head.  Ranma's head, meet Mr. Pavement.  Good,
now
you all know one another.  Beddie-bye time for Ranma.

Those who know Akane well, and have had the pleasure of making the
aquaintance of Mr. Fist know the truth: Akane has no fuse at all.

Akane felt better.  Things were back to normal.

--

Ryouga stood outside the Tendou Dojo, watching as in the distance, he
saw
the Ancient Chinese Amazon Bearhug of Doom technique in action.  

He was then treated to what was perhaps his first viewing of the Tendou
School Secret Technique of Righteous Vengeance.  At least, his first
viewing
in the role of a moderately dispassionate observer.

"Ouch..."

"Oh well, he must deserve it.  He must've said something incredibly
rude.
Otherwise, Akane wouldn't have hit him.  She's a nice girl, she wouldn't
just hit someone without any real reason."

He continued his vigil, waiting for Akane to arrive.  She did, shortly,
and
after a polite word to Ryouga, went inside.

A few minutes later, Ranma straggled up the walkway to face Ryouga.

"Ranma!  What did you say to Akane to upset her!"

"Nothing.  I've been kinda preoccupied, I think I may've been ignoring
her a little."  

"You will _not_ mistreat Akane, not as long as I have anything to say
about 
it!"

"Ryouga.  After dinner.  Please?"

"Alright.  I guess you've bought yourself some time, Ranma.  It won't
last."

"Good to see you too, Ryouga.  I'll ask Kasumi if it's okay to have you
over
for dinner.  I dunno how you manage to keep going with as little as you
must
eat."

--

Dinner was tense, to say the least.  The conversation was limited to
some
surprisingly eloquent glares.

Akane and Ryouga glared at Ranma.  Nabiki gave Ryouga an appraising
look.
Ryouga glared in Nabiki's general direction.  Soun noticed this, and
glared at Ryouga.  Ryouga went back to safely glaring at Ranma.

Through all this, Ranma just looked down at his plate, picking at his
food.
Genma also was intently focusing on the food, but for reasons of
mealtime
conquest rather than those of introspection.

Kasumi just beamed, as she usually did.  She was secure in her power,
and
content.  The current storm would pass, as they all did.

--

"Alright Ranma, prepare yourself.  Tonight I get my revenge!"

"Ryouga, I'm not really in the mood.  I've got other things on my mind."

"Shut up!  You've been stalling all day!  Now we fight!"

"Okay, if you say so."

Ryouga decided to use one of his classic openings.  A straight punch
with
his right hand to make Ranma dodge to the left, followed by a sweep with 
his left leg, to make Ranma jump.  He didn't use it all the time, that 
would be too predictable, but it was a good opening, and usually ended
up with a position that was tactically sound from which to plot the next
attack.

Ryouga's initial punch landed soundly on Ranma's mouth, causing Ranma to
sit down suddenly, shocked and holding his face.

He frantically tried to abort the leg sweep which he had automatically 
started during the motion of the first blow, but it was too late.  He
had 
overbalanced himself, and he too ended up in a sitting position, staring
stunned at Ranma.

Ranma just stared blankly for a moment, then started to giggle.

"Heehee hah.. *snort* Ahahahahhahah!"

"Shut up!"

"Hah! hehehe..."

"Shut up!  What's so damn funny!"

"Heh! hehe.. Look at us *snicker* - two near _master_ level martial
artists,
and how does our latest epic *snort* struggle go?  You punch me, I fall
down,
then you fall down too!  Like two kids in a schoolyard brawl!
Hahahahahha!"

"Shut up!"

"Hahahhahahahha!"

"It's not heheh..  funny.. heeheh..."

"Bwahahahah!"

"Stop *snicker* laughing! Hehheh"

"Ahhahahahha!"

"*snort* hehehehehe.."

"Hah! I'm glad Pop didn't see *giggle* that fight!  I can hear him now!
'Obviously, boy, I've been lax in your training!'  Hah!"

"Bwahahaha!"

It took them a good ten minutes to calm down.

--

Ranma was about to enter the bathroom to clean up from the fight with
Ryouga.  Ryouga was already in the bath, but Ranma had been stopped 
downstairs by a concerned Kasumi.

After sliding the door slightly open, he slowly closed it.

"SHIT!"

He violently punctuated the scream by putting a fist through the wall.

"I LOST!"

"I FUCKING LOST!"

"I lost..."

And with that, he ran off into the night.

--

End Part One

I know what I'm doing.  This is all relevant.  I do have a plan for
the story, and everything you've seen so far is part of it.  You must
trust me on this.

The ridiculous stilting of my descriptive prose is completely
intentional.
I'm attempting to affect an effect suggesting Kunou Tatewaki on large
doses of tranquilizers.  [Ouch.  I think I sprained something.]

Oh, I am doing this in vi, so you see, it _is_ possible to format
things nicely in vi.

Comments & Criticism welcome, as are flames, but I warn you, if you
flame me I will most likely lose any respect I may have had for you.
As a general rule, flames are mindless pieces of garbage that serve
no purpose other than to stroke the ego of those who can't use the
language properly.  However, there are exceptions.  If some kind soul
were to send me a well worded, intelligent flame, I would treasure it
for the rest of my days, for such rare things are to be cherished.

reflect@redshift.com