Warning: This fanfic is rated S because some parts, and really the entire
fanfic, tends toward excessive sillyness.

Standard disclaimers apply- I didn't create anything but the bad guys.


		     Sailor Moon: The Rejected Episodes
		     A continuing fanfic by Kristin Renee Taylor

		     Episode 5: "Sanity Doesn't Reign, It Billows."


[Setting: Tokyo at night.
	It's really late, around 3 a.m. Nobody's out and the streets are quiet.
	Or are they? Several figures move through the darkness, going swiftly
from house to house. One of them stops in the middle of the street. Soon
another goes up to him.]

Lupis: How are things going?

Man: Just as you expected, Master Lupis.

Lupis: You are having no difficulty setting the Insanity bombs?

Man: No sir.

Lupis: How about at the apartment complexes?

Man: They said that they're not having any trouble either.

Lupis: Good. Very good.

[A third man runs up to them and salutes.]

Man 2: Master Lupis, all of the houses on the street have been rigged.

Lupis: Excellant. Set the timers and regroup at the park.

[The second man salutes again and heads off.]

Lupis: Contact the other teams. Tell them to hurry things up. I want to go
to -

[He stops talking and cocks his head to one side, listening. He smiles.]

Lupis: Do you hear that?

Man: Hear what, sir?

Lupis: It sounds like... like...

[Abrubtly, he tilts his head back and let's out a howl of pure delight.]

Lupis(ecstatic): Pizza Delivery Man!

[He bounds off into the darkness. The man looks after him, confused and
slightly embarressed.]

Man: I have got to get a better job.

[He walks away.
	On a nearby rooftop, Luna and Artemis glance at each other.]

Luna: This looks bad.

Artemis: Really bad. We better get the Senshi.

[The two cats scamper off.
	Time drags by and the sun slowly peeks its head up over the horizon. As
the first rays of dawn touch the houses, there is a loud hissing noise and
the street fills with a green, glowing fog that drifts through the walls
and into the houses.]

[Setting: Juubaan Elementry School.
	Ami approaches the gates and stops, shocked.
 	Looking inside the school grounds reveals total chaos. Kids are chasing
one another, but some of them are wielding laser guns, slingshots,
lightsabers, giant stuffed animals, and other various odd weapons.
	Ami ducks and a banana cream pie goes flying over her head.]

Ami: What is going on here?

[Naru runs up to her and hits Ami in the back.]

Naru(shouts): You're it, Ami-san!

[Naru runs off. Ami stares after her. Slowly, a large, insane grin spreads
across her face.]

Ami(shouts): Just you wait, Osaka Naru! I'll get you!

[She chases after Naru. Neither of them are paying any attention to where
they are going, and are taken completley by surprise when they both crash
head first into Umino.
	Umino recovers first, sees Ami, and glomps onto her.]

Umino(scared): You've got to save me, Ami-san. Your friend is going nuts.

Ami: Which friend?

[A shadow falls over them. The trio look up to see Makoto.
	Unlike all of the other students, Makoto is dressed in a heavily
wrinkled pair of jeans and an equally wrinkled shirt with P-chan on the
front and Ryouga on the back. There is a large bandage wrapped around her
head, barely hiding the large lump there.
	Makoto is really pissed. And not just any type of 'really pissed.' Oh
no. She's pissed to the point where, even though this isn't that type of
show, she has an extremely bright green battle aura surrounding her.
	Her eyes latch onto Umino, who visibly flinches.]

Makoto(deadly): What did I tell you about glomping onto innocent young
women and removing their personals?

[Umino makes a pathetic whimpering noise. Ami and Naru suddenly realize
that it is a lot draftier than it was a second ago.]

Makoto(deadly): I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you now, Umino-san.

[Umino leaps up, laughing wildly and waving three pairs of bras in the
air.]

Umino: You've gotta catch me first!

[Umino takes off. Makoto scowls after him.]

Makoto(deadly): You might want to move, Ami-chan. This is about to get
really ugly really fast.

[Ami and Naru, both blushing furiously, hastily move away from the glowing
Senshi.
	Makoto sets herself to sprint after him. Her aura glows even brighter
and little rocks start float off the ground.]

Makoto: Aw, to hell with it.

[Her aura winks out and she walks away, muttering angrily.
	Ami and Naru facefault.]

Naru: What...

Ami: Don't ask, Naru-san.

Naru: Okay. (pauses) Shouldn't we go kill Umino for taking our bras?

Ami(thinks, says): Yes. Yes, we should.

[They pull out two giant mallets from places undisclosed and chase after
Umino. They pass the front gate. Usagi is there, watching the ensuing chaos
and mildly upset. Luna is perched on top of the wall, cleaning her paws.]

Usagi: I don't get it, Luna. How come when I'm finally on time, nobody
notices?

Luna: Because they don't want to die of shock.

Usagi(angry): And what is that supposed to mean?

Luna: It means that the sight of you on time for anything would kill a
person. They're ignoring you so that they won't die. It's called
self-preservation.

Usagi(incredulous): That can't be right.

[Makoto approaches them, still grumbling. Usagi sees the bandage and
gasps. Luna gets a strange look on her face and starts to sniff the air.]

Usagi(concerned): Mako-chan? Are you all right?

[Makoto keeps walking.]

Usagi: Uh, Mako-chan?

Luna(angry): Kino Makoto-san, have you been drinking?

[Makoto winces and looks up.]

Makoto(small): Oh. Hi, Luna. Nice weather, ne?

Usagi: Hello? Are you listening to me?

Luna(angry): Don't try and change the subject! Have you been drinking?

[Makoto winces again.]

Makoto: Um...well...you see...

Luna(impatient): Yes?

Usagi(shouts): Will you pay attention to me?

Makoto(fast): It's not my fault, Luna! Honest! It's all Rei-chan and
Minako-chan's fault! They pressured me into to going! You know how those
two are! They wouldn't let me refuse! (extremly fast) And then there were
those extremly cute sailors and they offered to buy me a drink and how was
I supposed to know that I would have such a lousy tolerance for alcohol and
you can't blame nothing on me becuase I'm Sailor Jupiter and --

[She looks around, frantic.]

Makoto(shouts): IT WAS PEER PRESSURE!!! PEER PRESSURE!!! THAT'S ALL IT
WAS!!! AAAAHHHH!!!!!

[She transforms into Sailor Jupiter and runs away. Luna and Usagi stare
into space for several minutes, then they turn to look at one another.]

Usagi: There is something really strange happening here.

[There is a loud thunk. They turn to see that Jupiter has run into a tree
and knocked herself out.
	A crowd of girls, led by a triumphant Ami and Naru, walks past. They
are carrying a hogtied and gagged Umino.]

Ami(shouts): Let's build a fire and burn him at the stake!

Girls(shout): Yeah!

[They all troop off.]

Luna(dry): What was your first clue?


[Setting: The Hikawa Jinja.
	Usagi, Makoto, and Ami (carrying Luna) are climbing the front steps.
Luna keeps glaring at Makoto, who is now sporting a second lump on her
head.]

Luna(growl): I can't believe you were drinking, Mako-chan. You're a Senshi;
people expect you to be more responsible.

Makoto: Gomen, Luna.

Luna(angry): You are not sorry!

[Makoto thinks for a moment and grins.]

Makoto: No, I'm not.

Usagi(bored): Oh come off it, Luna. It's not like she murdered anyone.
(deadly serious, to Makoto) You *didn't* kill anyone, right?

Makoto(shocked): Of course not, Usagi-chan!

Usagi(bored): Good.

Ami: By the way, how did you get the large lump on your head, Mako-chan?

Luna(dry): Which lump?

[Makoto shoots Luna a Look. She coughs.]

Makoto(embarressed): Well, Ami-chan, I ran head first into a wall.

Usagi(bored): Not to mention the tree.

Makoto(sarcastic): Thank you, Usagi-chan.

Usagi(bored): No problem.

Ami: Why on earth did you run into a wall?

Makoto(annoyed): I don't know! Maybe I just wanted to see what it would
feel like if I hit a wall at Mach 5!

Usagi(bored): I'm not sure, Mako-chan, but my guess is that it would hurt.
A lot.

[Makoto growls something underneath her breath. Ami flushes and Luna looks
downright mean.]

Luna(angry): When this meeting is over with, Makoto-chan, you and I are
going to have a serious talk about what a Senshi should and shouldn't say.

Makoto(small): Hai, Luna.

[They enter the shrine proper. Rei is there, feeding her two crows Phobos
and Deimos. She looks up as they approach, sees Makoto, and stands.]

Rei(cold, to Makoto): I am very surprised, Makoto-san. I didn't think that
you would dare show your face at this shrine again after what you did last
night.

[The others stop. Makoto is very surprised.]

Makoto: What are you talking about, Rei-chan? I wasn't here last night.

Rei: Then you're denying it?

Makoto: Denying what?

Rei(imitaiting Makoto): "C'mon Rei-chan, let's use Yuuichiro-san for target
practice! I'm sure he won't mind!"

[Makoto blanches. The others stare at her.]

Makoto: I didn't say that!

Rei(angry): Oh yeah!? Then why is Yuuichiro-san in the hospital?

[At this point, Yuuichiro walks up to them. Rei doesn't notice him.]

Yuuichiro: Uh, Rei-san?

Rei(shouts, to Makoto): You electroucuted poor, defenseless Yuuichiro-san!
You didn't even give him a fair chance!

Yuuichiro: Rei-san?

Rei(shouts): Dammit! I was going to ask him if he wanted to go out tonight!
You've robbed me of my future boyfriend!

Yuuichiro(surprised): You were really going to ask me out?

Rei(to Yuuichiro): Shut up, Kumada! Can't you see I'm ranting about you!
(muttered) Now where was I? Oh yeah... (to Makoto, shouts) I can't believe
you have the nerve to waltz up here like everything's okay! I never want to
see you again!

[She takes a deep breath and whirls on Usagi.]

Rei(to Usagi, shouts): And if you don't put your head back on right this
instant, I'm going to punt it into the stratosphere! Do you have any clue
how annoying it is to have somebody pulling their head off while I'm trying
to rant?! Of course you don't! You proabaly don't even know the meaning of
the word 'rant!'

[By now, everybody has decided that something is seriously wrong with Rei.
	Rei stabs a finger at Luna.]

Rei(shouts, to Luna): As for you, you walking carpet, I'm no longer letting
you in my room. Do you know how long it took me to vacum up all of the cat
hair you shed during our last meeting? Never again! If I see you in there
then I'm going to put you in a box and mail you to Guam! Have I made myself
clear?

Yuuichiro: Uh, Rei-san? Why are you shouting at a cat?

Rei(to Yuuichiro): *Shut* *up*, Kumada! Can't you see I'm busy?

[She looks at Ami.]

Ami: Before you even start, Rei-chan, I was just wondering if you have
recently inhaled a strange, green, glowing gas.

Rei(surprised): As a matter of fact, I did.

Ami: When?

Rei: Some guys from FALCORP came by this morning and started spraying for
termites. They said the gas was completely harmless to humans. Why do you
ask?

[Ami, Luna, Makoto, and Usagi share a Look and nod.]

Ami: You were right, Luna. FALCORP is involoved in this.

Rei: Does this mean I'll have to stop ranting?

Ami: Only until we stop FALCORP from doing whatever is causing everybody to
act so strangly.

Rei(nods): This sounds like Senshi business.

Makoto: It is, Rei-chan. The reason why we came is to have a meeting.

Rei: Oh.

[She looks at Yuuichiro.]

Rei: I'm sorry, Kumada-san, but you'll have to go find something to do.

Yuuichiro: Sure, Rei-san.

Rei: And you've got to forget the fact that we just said anything that even
sounded like Senshi business.

Yuuichiro(grins): Sure thing, Rei-san! You can count on me!

[Yuuichiro leaves.]

Rei: Somehow I knew he'd say that.

Luna: All we need to do now is find Minako-chan.

Rei: Have you tried her communicator?

Makoto: Yeah, but all we got was her voice mail.

Rei(surprised): Voice mail?! When did we get voice mail on the
communicators?

Ami: Last week, when I gave everyone their Senshi Upgrade Ver. 5.8.

Rei: Does this mean we have new powers again?

Usagi: Yep, but we have to wait until we're faced with certain doom before
we can use them.

Makoto: Or until we're bored. Whichever comes first.

[Minako's voice can be faintly heard. It rapidly grows louder.]

Minako's Voice: Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!

Luna: What was that?

Usagi: It sounded like Minako-chan.

[There is the sound of Artemis screaming.
	A white bolt streaks past Ami, leaps onto Makoto's head and tries to
pretend that it doesn't exist.]

Makoto(surprised): Artemis? What's wrong?

Artemis: Shh! Keep it down, guys. I don't want her to know I'm here!

Ami: Who?

Minako's Voice: Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Here kitty, kitty, kitty!

Artemis(terrified): Arrgh! Too late!

[Minako enteres the shrine grounds. She is playing with a yo-yo. There is
vacant, yet slightly insane grin on her face.]

Minkao: Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!

[The whooping is accompanied by Minako whirling the fully extended yo-yo
over her head before making it resume its up-down motion. She walks up to
the Senshi, taking no notice of the cowering Artemis.]

Minako(cheery): Hi, minna! Has anyone seen Artemis?

[Everyone glances at Artemis (except for Minako, who is still playing with
the yo-yo) then they look back at Minako.]

Makoto(wary): Why do you ask, Minako-chan?

Minako(sighs unhappily, pouts): Well, I wanted to play baseball with him,
but he didn't want to.

Luna: I should think not. Cats are not like dogs; we don't fetch.

[Minako laughs in a slightly crazy manner. Everyone else takes a step back
from her.]

Minako(cheery): You got it all wrong, Luna. I didn't want Artemis to
*catch* the ball. (sinister) I wanted him to *be* it.

[This is a stunned silence.]

Ami(faint): What?

Minako(cheery): I said-- (spots Artemis on Makoto's head, shouts) There you
are! Now I got you!

[She drops the yo-yo and pulls out a baseball bat from Places Undisclosed
(tm).]

Minako(insanely cheery): Batter, UP!

[Artemis screams and digs his claws into Makoto's hair. Makoto looks at the
bat and screams too.]

Rei(shocked): What the Hell are you doing?

Ami(shocked): Minako-chan, don't do it!

Usagi(shocked): Minako-chan!

Makoto(shocked): Oh my God! Not again!

[Minako swings the bat. Artemis leaps off of Makoto's head just as the bat
connects with it, knocking Makoto out cold. She collapses to the ground.
Artemis sprints off and Minako gives chase, trying to pound him with the
bat as she runs.]

Minako(still cheery and laughing hystericly): Come here, kitty! Come here,
my sweet little cat! (angry) Stand still so I can hit you! (cheery) Don't
worry, Artemis. I promise it won't hurt... (low, sinister) much.

[Setting: Outside FALCORP
	[The Senshi, in full costume, are standing outside the doors, staring
up at it.]

Moon: Geez, I didn't know it was this big. My neck's getting a cramp just
by looking up at it.

[Abrubtly, the entire building starts to shake. The top ten stories
promptly vanish, making it much shorter.

Moon: Thanks!

Voice: No problem.

[Silence. The Senshi continue to stare at the now reduced FALCORP building.
Finally, Venus steps forward.]

Venus(cheery): Well, here we are.

Others: Yep.

Venus: Once we go in there, there's no turning back.

Others: Yep.

Venus: Some of us may not come out alive.

Others: Yep.

Venus: We may get captured, tortured, beaten, killed, starved --

Mars(small): Tortured?

Mercury(small): Killed?

Jupiter(small): Beaten?

Moon(small): Starved?

[The others glance at one another and, as one, begin to back away. However,
Venus is totally oblivous to this and continues talking.]

Venus: -- have our blood drained, forced to drink all sorts of poisons, be
the unwilling subjects of horrifying experiments, and Kami only knows what
else. (pauses, cheery) Ah, well. It's a good day to die, ne minna?

[Silence.
	Venus turns around and realizes that she is alone on the street. She
looks around, surprised.]

Venus: Gee, I wonder where they went. (gasps) Maybe they were captured
already?!

[She ponders for a moment. Then nods to herself.]

Venus(determined): There's only one thing to do: Go in there and blow the
place up!

[And so the lone Sailor Senshi sets off to rescue her friends.
	Fade out.]


					******THE END (for now!)******


Criticisms? Comments? Ideas? Send them to me at sailorfalcon@excite.com

			This has been a production of Blueberry Enterprises.

--------------------------------
Kristin Renee Taylor - Bad Gal Extrodinare
B'ENT - Home of SLIDERS: THE REJECTED EPISODES
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Stargate/2347/index.html

MoonieCode(0.7.15)
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"Eagles may soar free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet
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