Ranma 1/2: A Thought
	Ryouga woke up feeling queasy. Then he noticed the bar that hindered his
sight from view. He was not at home, obviously, nor at the Tendou Dojo. Clearly
he was in his P-chan mode ready to be apart of some lucky customer's meal. Then
he noticed the television set. It was set onto a station that he had seen before
in his numerous adventures into America. This was the NBC on NBA.
	"And the Portland Trailblazers are leading it by thirty-five over the
Utah Jazz!"
	"Well, Bob, the Trailblazers are doing all of the little things that you
need to win the championship. All of the fundamentals are really crisp and
clean, Bob."
	Then a woman flipped through the channels. Suddenly, she comes to a
friendly between Japan and Vietnam in Football. "And despite the elaborate
defensive and offensive schemes that the Vietnamese can come up with, the
Japanese are overcoming with simple, plain vanilla skill and stragedy. The
Japanese are obviously doing the little things right, no fancy-smancy schemes
necessary!"
	"That's right, Jim, and the Japanese have a five...wait make that a
six-nil lead!"
	"Well, I guess that that," said the woman.
	"Bwee?" P-chan said. The woman looked down at P-chan. P-chan tried his
best to look as sympathetic as he could.
	"Well, I guess I could take you out and run with you to fatten you up
for dinner." The woman took P-chan out from his cage. P-chan squealed as the
woman put him on the floor. Noticing that the floor was very dirty, he made out
a few words on the floor. HOT WATER, PLEASE.
	Now this caught the eye of the woman as she twitched about a bit. A pig
that can write was definately unusual.
	"Fair, enough," she said as she poured extremely hot water into a bowl.
The kind of water scientist used to use to disinfect beakers and test tubes
before ultraviolet light was put to use. Unfortunately, she didn't realize this
and the moment she picked up the bowl, she dropped it right onto the pig.
Instant boy.
	"Hello...I'm definately going to be at Mass tonight," the woman thought
as she cataloged all of the failed dates and relationships. This was the kind of
thing that would have been sent to Christanity Today if it wasn't for the
obsenely insane way this came about.
	As for Ryouga, he blinked. He heard the sounds of a golf announcer
shouting through the roar of a Kasumi-like crowd, "As for John Daly, this win of
the British Open represents never giving up, doing things one step at a time,
and knowing ones limitations. Gee, I sound like my mother."
	"Pardon my French, but you are one hot fucking stud, boy," the woman
said. "I've never seen anyone chiseled like that in my life."
	"Um...sorry. You were going to eat me."
	"If having a luau is a sorry excuse for missing a man like you, boy,
then forgive me. I had no idea that behind that pig was a stud of a man!"
	"I think I'd better make my getaway..."thought Ryouga.
	The television, however, was switched to a hockey game where the
announcer said, "It took six overtimes, but Dominic Hasek stood firm and the
Sabers win it 1-0 to win their first Stanley Cup!"
	"And Gary, it was simply letting Hasek stood firm and holding the line
while the others took risks and turn their own mistakes into scoring chances
when Hasek didn't allow the mistake to cost them. Hasek's ability to stop pucks
allowed the Sabers to go in without panicking throught this entire game."
	"You've been talking to your psychologist again, haven't you, Bill?"
	Something in Ryouga clicked. A little thought had occurred, and despite
all of the protest, shouts of doom, and doubt his brain could muster (which
could kill a horse, when used properly) that thought dominated and took over his
brain like the entire Borg civilization on the last day of the Star Trek world.
Ryouga became convinced of something that he had to do. Just had to do.
	"Sorry, but I'm already spoken for."
	"But, my sweet! I need a man like you!"
	"Sorry, but I really need to get back to the Tendou Dojo."
	"Please?"
	"No. I don't care if you're the richest girl in the world. There is
something that I must take care of."
	"Then you will come back to me?"
	A child came out. She wasn't wearing a thing.
	"Mistress! Mistress! Johnny is freaking out! He's frothing at the
mouth!"
	"There goes the photo shoot," she muttered. "I knew we should have
stolen another American kid." She turned to Ryouga. "Excuse me while I go and
help Johnny."
	******
	After watching the police arrest the woman on Child Molesting and Child
Pornography charges, Ryouga rewarded himself on the fact that not once did he
have a nose-bleed. That alone caused the thought to reverbatiate along every
avenue of his mind, supporting its notions of things. It was now time to set
things right.
	And he went straight to the Tendou Dojo, one step at a time.
	Ironically, as Ryouga got to the Dojo, the theme song from the show "One
Day at a Time" was being played. Ryouga knew that Akane had gotten hooked to old
television shows from watching "TV Land." Ranma had been practicing his balance
and fell over when he realized that Ryouga was there.
	"Ranma," Ryouga said as calmly as he could, "today is the day you'll
die."
	"Go ahead P---" Ranma did not finish as Ryouga landed a simple punch to
Ranma's face. The mere shock that Ryouga actually landed a punched allowed
Ryouga to punch Ranma some more and add in a lot of kicks. Nothing fancy, just
simple kicks and punches.
	Ranma recovered and started to try to block the punches and kicks, but
Ryouga concentrated on simple offense and defense. When Ranma blocked a punch,
Ryouga simply through Ranma onto his back and kicked him. Ranma blocks a kick,
Ryouga would either land a punch or throw Ranma over with his legs. All of these
throws and punches were getting faster and faster, making it nearly impossible
for Ranma to react to any of these blows.
	Finally, Ranma growled, sensing it was time to bring out the big guns.
He tried to start his Chestnut technique. Ryouga simply kicked him below the
belt --- actually in the groin --- and threw him over before Ranma could even
finish the fist of fury. Anything elaborate that Ranma tried, Ryouga countered
with simple punches, kicks and throws. Ranma got to the point he couldn't even
fall properly.
	And that's when he heard his bones break. Arms, legs, groin...all
cracking at once. Through the swelling of his eyes, he saw a very determined
Ryouga looking over him. Then he realized the entire Ranma 1/2 cast was looking
down at him as well. Well, most everyone, Kasumi was strangely absent. He
noticed far off in the distance, Genma, Nodoka, and Soun looking very
disappointed.
	"U-u-uh, Ryouga? That is if you really are Ryouga Hibiki."
	"Yes, Ranma it's me," Ryouga sighed. "Today, I have avenged my humility
and stupidity against myself by defeating you. I will not bother you anymore.
Oh, by the way, Ranma, would you mind if I help you on the basics after I take
Akane on a date through my parent's love motel business?"
	"That's a relief...wait a minute," thought Ranma before he lost
consciousness. 
	"Hibiki! Blested be thee in all circles, as you have defeated the foul
Sorcerer! Now the fair Akane Tendou and my pig-tailed goddess---" Kuno didn't
finish as Ryouga and Akane both kicked him into the house and right next to
Kasumi. She was watching some lecturer speaking about something while an 800
number (or the Japanese equvalent) was flashing below the screen.
	"Remember," the bald man whom Kasumi reminded her of Kojak pleasantly
said, "the way we see the problem is the problem. We must discover how we
perceive ourselves and determine the fundamental ethics that derive the
problem."
	Another voice said over that, "And if you call now, we'll tell you how
for ten easy payments of 150 yen a piece!"
	Suddenly, something clicked in Kuno's mind, and it took a lot of
watermelon hackings before the thought dominated Kuno's itty-bitty mind.
	******
	Author's notes: Call this whatever you want, but I call this therapy for
me. This school semester ended on a really frustrating note, and this is how I
got over that. I liked it so much, I'm sharing it with you. (Be very afraid.) I
hope you enjoyed this fic.
	--- Andrew