Totally mad
a bit of fiction by the teflon cat


	On a large chair in a rather smoky room, in front of a LARGE computer station, sat a rather strange looking humanoid, a rather bored looking one.  It was obviously not a human, generally humans don't have triangular ears on top of their heads, nor are they covered in a deep black fur, and only the most eccentric of them would wear a near friction-less suit coat while attempting to sit in an overly large office chair.  As has been said, this was not a human, rather it was the irritatingly indestructible Teflon cat, Washus OTHER experiment (the one she found too insane to keep around) and a current temp demon.

	"Hmph, just my luck to be the 'demon of really, really, irritating stuff' today...stupid demon just HAD to go and catch a cold...how the heck DO you catch a cold down here, I mean it never gets below freezing...well most of the time" mutters, stupid snow storms".  He continued to mutter for a few minutes about the state of things in his current locale.  "Being as how everything is automated, I don't really get to anything.  This is just SOOO boring...I know!  I shall use the endless source of the best entertainment! fanfiction!!

	"Now, let me see what kind of havoc I can wreak upon some helpless fanfiction authors, shall I?  I just need to logon to helnet and get the list: `popular fanfiction authors whom nobody wants to be distracted from their writing' and print it out..."

	He leans over the console, and starts typing away madly, occasionally muttering and finally presses a button which makes a single piece of paper drop out onto the floor, after which (unknown to him) the printer jams, and the pressure starts building up in the mechanism.

	"Huh?  not a very long list...oh well, might as well make use of what I have...now the first on the list...Ah yes, Ms. Krista Perry, author of `hearts of ice'...let me think now...Ah I have it!!"  Begins pressing buttons like a madman (which is about like he normally pushes them) while wearing a maniacal grin on his face.


	The scene changes to a girl running along at a fast pace, kicking up quite a plume of dust behind her.  It then pans back, showing a large horde of demons, spirits, and the like chasing her, while waving around sheets of paper(see the first ranma 1/2 movie for a reference).  She looks back, then looks ahead again and yells "this is NOT funny!!" at the top of her lungs, and continues to run at full speed.


	Back at the room...
	"Krista: transported to the kami realm, with a copy of her story sent on ahead to the residents thereof for their reading enjoyment...tough critics I say.  Oh well, at least no one can say that she doesn't know what she's talking about anymore..."  He shrugs, "on with the list.  next we have...the eternal lost Lurker...author of many stories, and currently remaking his web page.  Ah yes, I have the PERFECT thing for him!!"  Starts pushing buttons on the console.


	Scene shifts to Tokyo, where a large purple cybernetic Godzilla is destroying everything in its path.


	Room.  "OK, mecha lurkerzilla is now on a rampage in Tokyo...sigzilla indeed.  on to the next.  Ah yes...here we have Christopher angel...another multi author, but mostly SI's...intriguing, I think I shall merge him with his own creation and send him as a gift to mother..."  pushes more buttons, while humming "they're coming to take me away".


	Jump to Washu's lab, where Washu is on the phone with our insane trickster "Aw, A new guinea pig for me? you really shouldn't have, but since you did, and one so...interesting too...I just cant thank you enough.  In fact, I take back a full quarter of all the bad things I ever said about you!  well talk to you later!"  she puts the phone down with a loud _click_ and turns to face her newest specimen with an impish gleam to her eye.  "Well...aren't YOU the interesting one.  you want to be my little guinea pig, don't you?"  Chris, who is currently being held down, gagged and wild eyed, on one of her tables tries to shake his head, which Washu blithely ignores.  At Washu's continued rambling, he gets a panicked look in his eye, and pulls a sign saying "help me!!" out of sign space.

	Jump back to the console, where our mad friend (fiend?) is merrily playing the fifth symphony on the console (incidentally causing alien cake based life forms to attempt to invade the slayers universe...where they were quickly dispatched by Linna Inverse & co.)  "Heh, maybe he will think twice before his next SI.  Next on the list of doom, we have...Zen...whom is (supposedly) writing `long and winding road'.  long and winding..." he gets a maniacal glazed look in his eyes...well more of one.  He then mutters something about perfect harassment and starts pushing buttons left and right.


	Fade in on a person standing in front of a large, angry looking demonic figure.  The figure begins to talk, saying "What do you mean I have to travel to the end of snake way to get back home?"  King Yama looks irritated at him, huffs a bit, then waves a form at Zen while talking "It says here in this form that you must first serve as a servant for king Kai for..."glances at the paper again, "two years before you are allowed to leave, and that means you have to travel snake way just like all the rest.  Now enough of your back talk!  It's a long way to the end of it, so start walking!"  he then gestures for one of the aids to take him away.  The aid proceeds to grab Zen under one arm and haul him off, all the while Zen yelling "but I don't WANT to have to walk that far!! come on, please reconsider?  I'm too young to die!!"  all of which king Yama ignores.


	Fade back to the room, where the nut is cackling maniacally "Is THIS long and winding enough for you Zen, eh?"  after which he falls off his chair laughing his furry head off.  After a while, he gets back onto the chair and takes a look at the list again.  "now who's my next victim...hm, phoenix?  let me bring up his files shall I?"  He presses more buttons, which causes him to be temporarily smashed against the ceiling.  "Stupid con-trolls" he mutters, "allways so imp-perfect...whoever designed this stupid chair should be pun-ished..."  the chair then dumps him onto the floor on his head, ending his prattling on in puns.  "Ouch...now where was I?  Ah yes, phoenix...hm...author of "lines of destiny" and some various other stories...what could I do to him that would be fitting, yet completely irrelevant?  hmm...oh why not?"  he presses more buttons, getting a blast of orange juice (country style, yuck!) in the face, then the machine starts humming again.


	Flash to the residence of Phoenix, who has a rather...unusual bird stuck to his head.  Phoenix is standing in front of the mirror starring at the yellow bird with his eyes bulging out of his head at the improbability of the sight "this is bad...this is EXTREMELY bad...and a terrible pun too."  he tries to remove the bird without success.  "what I want to know is how they got the egg to hatch on my head without waking me up last night?"  The bird begins to wake up at the yelling, which he doesn't realize.  "I just HAVE to email someone about this..." he says, then runs off to his computer.  the bird wakes while he is typing, and the first thing it sees is the computer, which it instantly attacks.  Phoenix groans, then says "now what am I supposed to do?" and shakes his head, while the bird happily preens itself.


	Flash to the room again, where the resident madman is fighting off a horde of crazed Tribbles.  "kind of fitting having a phoenix on Phoenix, isn't it?  oh well, onto the next..." the printer (which was printing out all 5,000,000 definitions of "glorp" by now) decided that it was time to come unclogged, and ejected all the paper into the room, burying the temp demon, and ending the threat to fanfiction authors everywhere...for a while...


authors notes:  Don't ask, just don't ask... the idea came from reading one too many revenge fics, followed by a night of sleeplessness, combined with an overdose of sugar.  If you are one of the persons mentioned and take offense at this, please drop me a line, and I will take you out of the next version of it.  If you know of someone who should be in this, or want to be in it yourself, drop me a line also at TEFLONCAT@ANGELFIRE.COM flames should be directed at a fireplace or furnace, as to warm the house.  Till next time,

later,
_tc_

Washu's OTHER experiment.

ps.  I am haveing trouble finding enough time to keep up with the ffml (now that i no longer have a decent speed connection) so PLEASE don't reply to this address, it won't get answered as fast as it would if it were sent to TEFLONCAT@angelfire.com 

thank you!
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"the world is a dark, cold, and lonely place..."


I _AM_ the Teflon coated, armor piercing, depleted
 uranium, hollow point, solid core, self propelled,
 laser guided, auto-tracking, high explosive,
 anti-personnel, incendiary, heat seeking, cat!!

was that over the top? I never can tell anymore...


!!!!!*********beware the wabbersock**********!!!!!

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