Brendan wrote:

        Hi all, I've done a little with this, and the recent posts
regarding sorcery made me think you might appreciate seeing this.
Whatever C&C is apprecated.
        Oh and I decided to change things slightly so that Ranma
doesn't replace Dr. Strange.  I did have a few ideas leading up to a
storyline where the Ancient one died with no appointed successor, and a
mystic war over who would become the next sorceror supreme built and
spread.  But I also had a number of ideas which would have required Dr.
Strange to be there for them to work.
        Anyways, the fict:

Ranma Saotome: Master of the Mystic Arts
By Brendan O'Donnell
Chapter 1

        Ranma sat in a bar in Shanghai looking at the Panda across the
table from her guzzling down a bottle of Sake.  Glancing down at her
own breasts he shuddered.  She wanted to grab the bottle away from her

Inconsistent gender reference.  

father and drink until she forgot about them, until she could look in
the mirror and not see the girl looking back.  She looked at her
father.  The panda was now dancing unstably while all the customers
clapped their hands.  *Then again maybe not.*

        Ranma stepped down the hallway with one of her father's arms
pulled across her shoulders helping the panda walk beside her.  It
would have been helping if Genma hadn't been unconscious.  Just three

How is Genma walking while unconscious?

weeks in the mountains had almost been too much for them.  *Three
weeks.*  Of course part of the difficulty stemmed from Shampoo's attack
just as they were leaving which ruined half their supplies.  His father
had been barely coherent when Ranma spotted the temple through the
rising snowstorm.  It had taken what seemed like hours to make their
way to the doors.  The doors that had opened with a touch, leading into
this straight corridor down which she was dragging her father.

How do you tell the difference between a coherent and an incoherent Panda?
And whats the problem anyway?  It can't be exhaustion, since Genma and Ranma
are almost inexhaustible.  It can't be exposure, because then Genma in 
panda-form would be in better shape than Ranma.  Is it hunger?  Then maybe
you should mention that.  

        It was a large room with a domed ceiling that extended high
above.  The door she had entered was one  of almost a dozen leading
into the room.
        On a platform in a large throne who's shape suggested a
hemisphere sat a very old looking man.  He was wearing lama like robes
and siting Buddha like on the throne.

"sitting Buddha-like"  And Buddhas don't sit on thrones.  

         "Greetings traveler, You are welcome in this place."
        Ranma took a deep breath and walked forward to the platform.
"Are you the Ancient One?"
        "You seek the Ancient One?  Seek no more for you stand before
him."  Ranma stepped to the foot of the platform.  "Speak.  Tell me of
the Jusenkyo that brings you to this place."
        Ranma blinked and looked up at the Ancient One.  "You know
about that?  Can you cure me?"
        The Ancient One looked to another entrance and called, "Hot
water for our guests!"  He looked at Ranma.  "You will be more
comfortable in your original form, correct?"

Ranma would want food.  

        "Yeah."  Ranma looked down a moment and took a deep breath then
exhaled slowly.  "Look, Pop and I have been traveling for weeks looking
for you because we heard you could cure curses.  Can you get rid of
this one for us?"  The Ancient One simply looked at him a moment, then
smiled as a small man in  orange robes walked up behind Ranma and
poured a little hot water on her head from a kettle he held.  Turning
away from the now male Ranma the servant walked to the panda.
        "You and your father must be tired from your journey.  I shall
have my acolytes prepare a room for you."  He looked past Ranma to the
figure who had just restored the panda's humanity.  Turning to look at
the Ancient One the orange clad figure bowed and walked out of the
room.
        Ranma looked at the Ancient One a moment, then stepped up the
platform and grabbed the Ancient One screaming, "WE JUST CLIMBED A
MOUNTAIN IN THE MIDDLE OF A BLIZARD, SO CAN YOU CURE US OR NOT!!"

"BLIZZARD", and all caps is sufficient.  No need for a second exclamation
point.  

        His eyes narrowing, the Ancient One stated, "Insolence."  He
raised his arm.  Suddenly Ranma found himself pulled away from the
Ancient One.  Pulled into the air by an unseen force.  The Ancient One
stood his arm loosely pointing in Ranma's direction.  "None may lay
hands upon the Ancient One."  He dropped his arm, and Ranma fell to the
ground, collapsing to his hands and knees from shock and exhaustion.
        The Ancient One looked at Ranma, past him to his father, then
shouted, "SHAN!"
        "Master."  A voice responded from a door to the side of the
chamber.  Ranma looked toward the voice as he pulled himself to his
feet.  The dark haired man was bowing his head toward the Ancient One,
obscuring his face from Ranma.  Then he raised his head.  Shan was at
least as old as his father, with streaks of gray at his temples and in
his short cut goatee.  However as he raised his head his eyes locked

Uh...so Mordo has an agent who looks exactly like him?  You might want
to change that.  How about making him young and bald?  

with Ranma's for a moment.  Ranma forced himself to keep looking
despite the overpowering sense of malice and hate he could feel in the
older man's eyes.  Then Shan was looking past him to the Ancient One.
        "Please show our guests to their quarters for the night."
        "Of course master."  Shan turned to look at the two travelers.
 With a slight smirk, he walked over to Genma.  Reaching out his hand
he made a grasping motion, and Genma floated a few feet off the floor.
 Glancing at Ranma he commented "This way," as he left the room through
a large hall to the side.

        Ranma sat looking out the window of the room he and his father
had been given at the snow filled pass.  *According to Shan the Ancient
One said it'll be almost a week before it'll be safe for us to leave.*
 The memory of the trip to the temple through the raging storm brought
on an instinctive shiver.  *At least dad's ok,*  Ranma thought looking
over at his father who was lying on the sleeping pallet he had been
given, snoring loudly.  *Not that that's such a great thing.*  Ranma
scowled and looked back out the window.
        A minute later Ranma stood and left the room.

        Ranma stood at the doorway into the Ancient One's chamber.
*Magic.  I'm half girl now thanks to magic, and here I am hoping some
old guy has magic to change that.  Well as soon as that's taken care of
pop and I will be on our way and that's the last we'll have to deal
with magic.*  He stepped into the room, then paused glancing beside the
Ancient One's throne, where a strange orange mist was bubbling up from
nowhere.  Moving with a very un-mistlike cohesion it reared up like a

comma after "cohesion"

serpent.  "Look out!"
The Ancient One glanced at Ranma then pivoted to the mist.  He raised
his hands, speaking quietly and as the mist shape struck a glow
surrounded him.  "The Vapors of Valtor cannot pierce the shining shield

"Shining Shield"

of the Seraphim." The Ancient One stated.
        Ranma started to run across the room to the throne, *There has
to be something I can do, but that has to be magic, How am I supposed
to fight mist!*

Given that the A.O. seems to be handling things just fine, why is Ranma
concerned?  

        "Come no closer!"  The Ancient One called at Ranma who slowed
to a halt.
        The ancient one rose to his feet.  The mists boiled around him
like an amoebae trying to engulf its prey.
        "In the name of the Vistani, begone!"  The Ancient One

"Vishanti", unless he's banishing them in the name of the Ravenhold gypsies.

proclaimed, punctuating his declaration with a gesture toward the
cloud, which burst away from him.  The vapor fragments hung pulsing in
the air for moments, extended as though to reform around the Ancient
One again, then dissipated into nothingness.
        The Ancient One lowered himself into his throne, then with an
exhausted raised his hand to rest his forehead on.
        "What was that?"  Ranma said as he walked up to the throne.

"The Vapours of Valtor, weren't you listening?  First rule of magic.  
If it's alliterative, it's big mojo."

        "I have worked to prevent this world from falling to those from
beyond for many centuries.  In that time I have made a few enemies.
One of them tried to catch me by surprise today."
        Ranma looked at the Ancient One, the deep wrinkles lining his
face, the frail barely more than skeletal arms, the drops of sweat on
his forehead.  "You shouldn't be having to do this."
        "There is no one else to do what must be done."  The ancient
one looked into Ranma's eyes.  "Ranma, you came to me seeking a cure
for your curse.  I can end your transformations, but the change itself
is merely an aspect of what became part of you at Jusenkyo.  The
essence of that spring has interwoven itself with your karma, and if I
prevent the structured manifestation of the change, it will manifest
chaotically, causing you great."  He shook his head.  "No potential

great what?

cure will be effective or safe until you use the curse to reshape
fate."
        "So you can't help up.  Thank you for saying so."  Ranma bowed
to the Ancient One and turned to leave the room.

        Ranma slowly walked through the citadel, not looking at
anything in particular.  *No cure here then.  I shoulda guessed.  That
means we'll be leaving when the weather clears up.  Hopefully Shampoo's
given up on us, she definitely hasn't followed us through that storm.*

Comma splice.

 He stopped and glanced at the walls.  *I just hope the Ancient One
will be OK, whatever he's doing it's gotta be important.*  He resumed

Comma splice.

walking, hands clasped behind his back.  *And Shan, I don't trust that
guy.*  He looked up and saw light coming from an open archway to his
right.  Glancing through he saw Shan leaning over a table, engrossed by
a small cloud of fog rolling on its center.  Glowing orange mist, *Just
like what attacked the Ancient one.*  Then the mist dispersed revealing
a small stone figurine of the ancient one on his throne.

        "A very strong kick."  Shan commented, rubbing his bruised
cheek.  With a scowl he lashed out backhanding Ranma.  "You need to
learn not to attack your betters."  This time Shan made a quick
stabbing gesture at Ranma, who curled his body, barely keeping himself
from screaming as agony surged through his nerves like fire.  Shan
watched with a smile on his face for a full minute, then with another
gesture cancelled his spell.
        Ranma rolled onto his side and looked up at his tormenter.
"When the Ancient One learns�"
        "You wouln't be telling him anything."  Shan responded,

"won't"

gesturing once again.  Ranma suddenly felt a sensation of his throat
being grasped.  "And there wouln't be anything to make him curious

"won't"

either."  He added while gesturing once again.  Suddenly the magic
restraints faded away.  Ranma looked down at himself a moment, then
pulled himself to his feet.  As he rose Shan grabbed his face.  Ranma
attempted to reach up to counter the assault almost instinctively, but
the bonds reformed the moment his hands began to move.  Shan let go,
then with his other hand he drove a fist into Ranma's stomach, causing
the martial artist to double over and fall to his knees.  Looking at
his fist Shan commented, "Crude and clumsy, yet so satisfying."  With a
laugh he left the room.

        Ranma walked back into the Ancient one's throne room.  He had

"One's"

tried talking with his father about events, but while he could talk
about the attack, any attempt to mention Shan's treachery caused the
spell to silence him.  *Not that it would have mattered, if pop knew
about Shan he'd just decide to hide in his room till he could run
away.*  Ranma felt a familiar sensation of distaste contemplating his
father's cowardice.  *The Ancient One's trying to help the whole world
and Shan's trying to kill him.*  He looked at his hands.  *A martial
artist is supposed to help people, but I can't do anything about Shan!*
        Looking toward the Ancient one's throne, Ranma saw Shan bowing
to the Ancient One seated there.  Turning he walked up to Ranma, a
triumphant smirk on his fact.  "Ah, good to see you again, I was just
informing the Ancient one that the storms have cleared and you can
leave in the morning."  Shan walked past and left the room.
        Ranma looked after Shan, anger rising, then dropping as he felt
the restraints tensing invisibly.  Everything he knew, the skills he
had spent ten years developing were useless against Shan.  He had been
defeated completely, and forever.  *NO WAY!  There has to be some way
of stopping Shan.  Something that�  Wait, his spell wouln't let me warn
the ancient one, but perhaps I can learn how to overcome the spell and
fight Shan on his own terms.*  "Ancient One?"
        "Yes Ranma?"
        "I just wanted to know, can you teach me magic?"
        The Ancient one looked at him appraisingly.  "It is not a thing
that can be learned casually.  You would have to endure many hardships,
and dedicate the rest of your life to the pursuit."
        "I've got plenty of experience with hardships."  Ranma
responded.  "And I do want to learn magic.  It's something that would
be worth dedicating my life toward mastering."
        The Ancient One smiled.  "A request I was hoping to hear from
the moment you arrived in this hall.  But," he raised his hand and
gestured, "you should not make such a request while constrained by
Shan's spells."
        Ranma blinked.  He raised his hands and looked at them.  He
couldn't feel any sensation of binding, not even when he visualized his
fist smashing into Shan's face.  "You knew."
        "Shan is the agent of Baron Mordo, an earlier student of mine
who also fell to the dark path.  I knew the truth of Shan's allegiance
from the moment he offered himself as my student.  I am not beyond
hoping that I might someday redeem as I failed to redeem Mordo.  What's
more, here he is where I can watch him and keep his from harming the
rest of the world.  But now you are free from Shan's magic.  Do you
still wish to learn sorcery?"
        Ranma thought a moment.  Then he smiled and nodded.  "Yes, I
want to study sorcery under you."

        Shampoo stood just outside Joketsuzok village, looking south at

"Joketsuzoku"

the distant outlines of the mountains where her quarry had vanished
just over a month earlier.  She scowled thinking of her failure to kill
her quarry before she and her panda could escape to the mountains.
Thinking of the mountains caused her scowl to once again fade to
puzzlement as it had so often from the moment her great grandmother had
come to stop her pursuit.
*Flashback*
        ">You cannot pursue them into those mountains, Shampoo.<"
        ">Why not Great Grandmother?<"
        ">Because of honor.  The people you spoke to said that the girl
with the pigtail is seeking the Ancient One.  I have not told you of
this yet, but our family owes a great debt to the Ancient One, and any
request he makes we must honor whatever the cost.  If he had asked you
to cease your pursuit of Ranma, honor would demand that you break
tribal law and accept the consequences.<"
        "Ayah!  >What did the Ancient One do that could endebt us to
him so completely?<"
        Cologne frowned and looked at her.  ">For you it is sufficient
to know that the debt exists, and to honor it.<"  Smiling she added,
">Don't worry Shampoo, there is a villager who owes us a great debt and
when Ranma returns from the mountains we will hear.  And however the
Ancient One might feel about her death, if he doesn't tell you not to
it's not your fault for acting in ignorance.<"
*End Flashback*
        ">What kind of debt does our family owe?<"

        In a courtyard of the Ancient One's temple, Genma jumped at his
son lashing out with a spinning kick that flowed into a rapid barrage
of three punches.  Ranma avoided the first attack,  then blocked the
handstrikes, backing away the whole time.  As Genma stepped foreword to

"forward"

press Ranma's retreat, Ranma tripped falling backward.  Genma picked up

comma after "tripped"

his attack, and walked right into a fast kick his son threw from the
ground.  As Genma staggered back, Ranma spun on the ground, sweeping
his father's legs out from under him.  With a final kick, halted a
centimeter from Genma's face Ranma stated, "I win."
        "Not bad Ranma, you've definite improved enough to justify
calling this training trip complete."  Genma commented as he pulled
himself off the floor.

I have my doubts as to whether Ranma's fighting skills
would have improved much when you leave his magic out of it.  Only so many
hours in the day.  

        "We're staying, Pops."  Ranma responded as he raised his legs.
 A downward kick combined with arching his back threw him to his feet.

Where was he before?  

        Genma looked at his son, then scowled.  "Ranma, you are a
martial artist!  All this�"  He trailed off gesturing about him, "We
have been here over ten months!  You belong in Japan, not siting on a
mountain chanting mantra's all day!"

"mantras"

        Ranma sighed, and glanced at a fountain fifteen feet away.
Raising his hands he quickly gestured at the fountain.  For a second a
jet of water arced through the air splashing onto Genma's head turning
him into a panda.  Genma continued growling, stopping when he saw the
water continue it's course to splash Ranma invoking his curse.
        "Ah man!"  Ranma commented as she wiped the water off her face.
 "When am I going to get that to work right?"
        Genma raised a sign stating, "That's what you get for being
disrespectful to your elders, Boy"
        Ranma looked at her father with a very neutral expression.
Shaking her head she walked into the citadel.

He's right. 

        Ranma paused as he saw Shan standing in the room before him.
His fellow student looked at him not bothering to hide the hate in his
eyes.
        "Shan."  Ranma stated coldly, bowing slightly.
        "You have made rapid progress boy."  Shan stated.  "I was
patient for a time, but now I find I can no longer tolerate your
presence here."  Walking across the room, he came to a halt two feet
away from Ranma.  "I challenge you to Certamen in five hours.  The
looser will leave this place."

"loser"

        Ranma looked the older man in the eyes.  "Challenge accepted."

Yeah.  Shan should definitely be younger than Mordo.  In fact I think it
would work better if he was only a couple of years older than Ranma.

        "You need to learn to control your temper, Ranma."  The ancient
one commented as they walked together down the  hallway.

Ranma didn't lose his temper.  What Ranma needs to control is his ego.
Even so, Ranma has been raised to never refuse a challenge, and sorcerer
or not, he is still the heir to the Saotome school.  

        "I know.  But magic comes from within, and I learn better by
facing challenges than by studying scrolls."
        The Ancient One looked at Ranma and sighed.  "You must find
your own path, but you should not seek that path until you have
mastered the founding knowledge."  They reached a large pair of doors.
 A gesture from the Ancient One caused them to swing open.
        The doors opened into a large doomed room.  Dominating most of
the floor was a complicated set of concentric magic circles.  The
larger circle was 500 feet in diameter, and with six lines moving
inward to a second circle, which sported three smaller circles at the
intersection of three of the lines.  This circle then extended inward
in a series of partial circles attached by lines from one circle
inward, till they reached a whole 100-foot circle.  Shan stood in one
of the circles of the second circle.
        "Master."  Shan said, bowing to the ancient one.  "Let's
begin."  He added, swinging his gaze to Ranma.
        Ranma walked to one of the empty circles, the Ancient One to
the other.  "You have issued the challenge Shan, and Ranma has
accepted.  What terms do you wish?"
        Shan smirked.  "That whoever looses this contest will leave
this place forev�"

"loses"

        "For a year."
        Shan looked at the Ancient One,  the nodded.  "As you say,

"then"

whoever looses will leave and not step foot here till the sun attains a

"loses"

full cycle.  By my honor, by my life, by my art I swear to accept these
terms without complaint."
        "I likewise swear."  Ranma added.
        "Very well."  The Ancient One responded.  Raising his hands to
a triangular form before his face, he began to quietly chant.  As the
chant continued a glow sprung up around him, and suddenly the circle he
stood within began to shine with a bright bluish white light.  The
Ancient One shifted his gesture slightly, and the light spread along
the lines like molten silver being molded.
        Ranma dropped to one knee, reaching down to place his right
hand in the circle containing a hexagram that touched the line leading
to the inner circles.  Closing his eyes he focused his mind.  The power
flowing into the pattern flowed through him, gaining strength as it
continued its flow into the inner portion of the pattern of lines.  As
he felt the power reach it's peak, he reached inward a moment, and let
his astral body separate from his physical body.
        Floating into the circle, Ranma gathered the power from the
circle, and from the link with his physical form.  Opposite him he
could see Shan floating into the smallest circle, forming part of the
power he was gathering into a black armor.  Concentrating Ranma
channeled part of his power into his own defensive aspect as well.  His
protection took the form of shimmering light, which seemed to fuzz the
boundaries of his aspect.  As he reached the inner circle he focused
power into the other aspect of Certamen, attack.  Power gathered in a
sphere in his right hand.  He saw Shan forming a similar sphere between
both hands in front of him.
        Shan released his attack  The ball of energy flew at Ranma.
Ranma waited.  The sphere of dark blue power streaked with ebony
exploded five feet from Ranma, erupting into the form of a great blue
and black striped snake, which lunged at Ranma.  Ranma flew foreword,
dodging past it.  Raising himself to an airborne approximation of
standing, Ranma released about half the power he had gathered into the
sphere as a score of light darts shooting toward Shan like a cloud.
Simultaneously he focused his defensive power behind him, bracing him
against the blow impacting with his defensive field as he released his
attack.  Forming what was left of his attack sphere into a katana,
Ranma pivoted, slashing into the shake form, which dissipated from the
attack.
         Ranma spun again, feeding power into the sword he held.  Shan
wasn't in sight.   Raising his hand he concentrated defensive power
into a shield above.  Just in time to deflect most of a large black
tinted energy blast falling on him like a meteor.  Sinking from the
impact Ranma could feel the energy that penetrated the shield somewhat
disrupting his links to the circle.  The shattering of that link
wouldn't be fatal, it would however be Shan's victory.  *No way.*
Reforming his sword into a staff he flew up toward Shan, dodging
another blast as he ascended.  Twirling the staff in hands he struck at
Shan in a flurry, forcing the sorcerer backward.  Then as Ranma circled
the staff in a blow Shan flew backward to avoid, he shifted the staff
into a chain, which wrapped around his enemy.  Channeling his raw
offensive power through the chain, he was able to inflict some damage
of his own before Shan formed a dagger to cut the weapon.
        Shan dropped, flying downward at full speed.  Ranma followed,
dissolving the chain back into it's unshaped magic.  Shan pivoted a few
feet from the floor, hurling three spheres of power at Ranma.  Ranma
formed three shields, shaping the attack power to strike and disrupt
whatever attack was strongest.  The center sphere shifted into a black
furred cat.  "NO!"  Ranma cried as he focused his energy into reversing
his descent.  He let his attack power dissipate, dropped two shields
and focused every reserve into a shield between him and the cat.  As
the cat form popped like bubble on Ranma's shield, the other two blasts
struck him full force from the sides.
        From the sidelines, Genma grinned and clenched his fist.
*Yes!*

        Ranma checked the wax seal on a scroll before adding it to
several more filling a wooden box.
        "I can carry some of those if you want Ranma."  Genma commented

comma after "want"

as he finished packing his own backpack.  Ranma looked up at him then
picked up the final scroll checked it's seal and added it to the box.
Looking over the scrolls he picked up a wrapped cloth bundle and put it
over the scrolls.  Closing the lid he picked up two strips of paper,
and spread them across the top of the box.  Picking up a candle and a
chunk of wax he melted a small blob into the intersection of the two
strips.  Speaking quietly he gestured over the wax, then picked up a
small silver disk and pressed it into the wax.  A ripple of something
passed across the surface of the box.
        "Well, I pity anyone who tries to get past that."
        Genma looked at the box with a somewhat fearful expression.
"Um, what did you do Ranma?"
        "A low level aversion to keep most folk from wanting to steal
it, an alarm function to warn me if anyone's tampering with it despite,
and a little something to make whoever it is feel REAL penitent." Ranma
grinned as he finished his explanation.  Putting the box into his empty
backpack, Ranma began adding his clothes and few possessions on top of
it.
        Genma glanced at the box again.  *Ok, the scrolls wouln't make

"won't"

good kindling.  I just have to trust that getting away from here will
make the boy realize he's a martial artist and it's not his place to
throw away all of my hard work!*