As always, everything was fine.. Then _They_ just had to show up..

    And now.. Well..

     Ranma was out cold, Akane fussing over him. Shampoo might be
dead. Ryouga was still fighting, as was Mousse. Nabiki was fighting,
too.
Genma and Soun were badly injured, being overwhelmed easily in the
beginning of the battle. Kasumi was tending them. Ukkyou was
kneeling over him. Cologne was starting to be worn down. And Happosai..
was nowhere to be found. Figured.

     And I'm still semi-unconscious. Damn it.

     Overall, things were turning out badly. We need help.

     Somewhere, he heard something like thunder, and a hauty voice.
Then another voice, followed by 'Oh hohohohoho!'.

     The Kunos.

     "We're doomed.." He said, roughly. Ukkyou looked down at him.

     "You ok, sugar?"

     He winced as she helped him into a sitting position. Oh, how his
stomach ached.. "Oh, ya.. Just dandy.. Get fem-boy up and running.
I'll go see if I can get beat up again.." ~Next time some strange
goddess asks if I would like to be a hero, I'm going to make it a
point to IGNORE them.~ he thought bitterly.

     Nearby, Ranma groaned, coming back to reality. "This sucks.."
The pig-tailed martial artist said softly, wiping away the blood on
his lips. Or was it blood? Ranma sniffed, then licked. Tasted like..
Raspberry?

     "Afraid of dying, fem-boy?"

     "No, but I don't think they want us dead, Pansuto.. You didn't see
what happened to Shampoo.. She was buried.. They were stuffing
themselves down her throat!" Ranma's face twisted, then he turned
green and vomited.

     "That bad, huh?" Tarou shook his head. Funny, how easy it was to
forget your friends were trying to protect you right now.. probably
because it sounded more like a diner than a battle field. "I am sorry
for her, but we must defeat these creatures."

     "Agreed." Ranma hurriedly got up and sprinted over to help
Ryouga, who was facing off with a particularly tasty specimen.

     Tarou sighed. "Go help them, Ukkyou. I'll be fine." The brown
haired martial artist nodded, and went to help Mousse.

     Pansuto wearily got up, and went to see if Kasumi was ok. She
smiled up at him as he placed his hand on her shoulder.

     "Oh, Tarou.. are you certain we shouldn't call the police?"

     Tarou sighed.. And looked at their adversaries. The giant
Martian Donuts were every where. Each fat filled pastry was seven
feet tall, and most were armed with either giant swizzle sticks or
sprinkle colored nunchaku. "No, Kasumi.." Tarou said quietly, "I
believe the police would be all too susceptible to their heinous
wiles... Besides, I think they've already been called out.. I saw one
or two of them wearing police caps and whistles. That and I got
this.." He held up a nightstick. Kasumi nodded.

     "What do you think happened to them..?"

     "The police? Look what happened to your father and Saotome."

     They both took a moment to look at the two older men. They were
sprawled on their backs, both with stomachs the size of a spare tire.
Tarou shook his head. "I told you not to listen to them.."

     "But, but.. they were pastries!" Genma moaned.

     "And custard filled, too.." Soun groaned.

     He was cut off by the Gooie Main Pastry calling to his
henchnuts. The chocolate sprinkled 'nuts were carrying coffee creamer
drums, on which they began to bang on with their hands. The rest of
the Army of the Southern-fried Confection started chanting 'Eat me,
eat me, eat me!'.

     Tarou sighed. He swore that the leader of these masochistic
interplanetary delicacies - a giant, rectangular, chocolate filled
maple special - was his for the munching.

     Tarou's attention was jerked to Ranma's fight as an
indescribably terrible sound was heard.

     Ranma didn't like this. For some reason, this particular ill
willed sugar ball had sought him out. It was bleeding, its blood the
raspberry substance Ranma had found splattered on his lips. It had
gotten there because he had blasted the damn thing with, not one, but
three Moko Takabisha's, and still, it kept coming. The Evanjellydonut
decided to roar in a parody of its larger counterpart.. It burped. It
was the most inhuman, foul, and utterly nasty sound ever heard by
mortal ears.

     For an awkward moment, everyone stared at the Evanjellydonut. It
shifted uncomfortably on its feet. Ranma wrinkled his nose. "That's
disgusting.."

     The Evanjellydonut punched Ranma in the face for that remark. It
then looked at its hand. Its pinky was gone.

     Ranma finished chewing. "hey.. That's good!" He exclaimed,
reaching for another digit. The Evanjellydonut quickly backed away,
and Ranma advanced on it, hungrily. With one final, sickening belch
of defeat, Evanjellydonut Unit 5 ran for the hills.

     Ranma was right behind it. "Get back here, ya disgusting ball of
jelly-filled goodness!" he called.

     Tarou shook his head. That was.. strange, to say the least. He
smiled to Kasumi and headed towards a rather delicious looking apple
fritter.

     Kasumi watched as the effeminate martial artist took a giant
bite out of the offending donut. "Oh, my.. A tasty treat you want to
eat, I suppose. I do hope they leave me one.."

-----------

     Mweh. Heh. Heh. Never coming to a fan-fic near you, Pastry Wars!
or maybe, Mars HeartAttacks! Oh, no, wait.. The Sprinkles from Outer
Space!
     Who cares. It's over. Silly little fic. Why'd I write it.. Well,
after a good tedious fight between me and my own chocolate filled
maple special, my friend and I had an argument. The end result was a
remark about 'giant martian donuts', to which he gave the line, 'The
police were our last, great hope for victory.. they failed..'
     Ah, such simple things can inspire a fic..

     My apologies to Andrew Huang. That Evanjellydonut bit just was
begging to be done. Go ahead and fillet me at your leisure. I'd
proabably taste pretty good gutted and roasted over an open fire..

     C&C is always welcome.

     Flame me, I dare you! I need to heat temper this katana, anyway.

               -JJ Corley.


    One more thing: About the Chaos Chronicles.. It's not just an
Alternate Universe, it's a Fake Universe. If you'd care to know what I'm
talking about, simply read Chap.2. And sorry about the spelling.. Let's
see you people do better with a 286, a dog eared dictionary, and MS-Dos
Edit. Feh. You can't. Figures.

    And if Matthew Trotter is on this list: Dude, I'm barrowing Sarcasm
& Co. for a while. Yes, disclaimer in your favor. Yes, shrine was
erected yesterday. Yes, mass worshiping has ensued..

------------
"*Sniktt*" -Wolverine