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  As always, any and all comments are appreciated (thark@mangakai.org).
This will make a lot more sense if you read the first chapter, which you
can find at "http://nabiki.newberry.edu/thark/fanfic/#aboywentupahill".
No, it's neither dark nor sad.

  What's happened: Genma had a fatal meeting with a truck. Ranma left
to find a cure, since he doesn't want to break his mother's heart
further by revealing his unmaly nature. Akane accompanied him, and
after meeting no success in Japan, the two are now on a boat to China.
Behind them, Akari follows on her big pig, a newly found smaller black
pig in her arms, and Nodoka, who has destoroyed the contract and now
wants her son back (though she does not yet know of the curse),
follows on a boat of her own; as do Ukyou, Shampoo and Kodachi, who
have formed a temporary truce to get Ranma back from Akane.

  The characters used and abused below were created my Takahashi
Rumiko. She has my eternal gratitude for the entertainment her works
has brought me, and will likely continue to bring in the future.

                         A Boy Went Up A Hill
                                  or
     Akane and Ranma's Excellent^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^HGreat Adventure
        A Ranma 1/2 fanfic, by Ronny Hedin (thark@mangakai.org)

                           Chapter 2: China

  A loud splashing sound awoke Akane from her uneven slumber just as
someone hastily slammed open the door to her cabin.

  Tiredly, she tried to rub the sleep out of her eyes, disoriented for
the first few seconds. Just as she was about to shout at Ranma for not
being more careful, the girl felt the light of a lantern shine on her
head, and removed her hands, finding to her surprise that her fiance
hadn't been the one responsible. "Something wrong?" she grunted
tiredly, glaring at the sailor who had entered without quite having
awaken yet.

  The tall, dirty man just grinned at her, unintimidated. "Wrong? Oh,
no, nothing's wrong." He stepped aside to let one of his friends step
into the room. "We're just going to have a bit of fun with you, girl.
A large bit, hopefully."

  Shaking her fists in fury, Akane turned her head to the side to look
at the bunk where Ranma was supposed to be sleeping, finding it empty.

  The sailor grinned at her again, showing a long row of yellow teeth.
"Your boyfriend? Oh, we tied him up and tossed him overboard. Don't
want any interruptions."

  Eyes ablaze, Akane, now fully awake, jumped out of the bunk and into
a battle stance. "Just try, you perverts," she snarled, then had to
stiffle a yawn, mentally cursing herself for the opening it left.

  Another man entered; the captain, this time. He scratched his
unshaven chin, taking time to appreciate the view the girl gave as
she'd apparantly forgotten in her anger that she'd been sleeping in
only her panties. Lecherous smiles appeared on all the men's faces as
they drooled in anticipitation of things to come.

  Their facial expressions surprised the girl, until she finally
realized her mistake, and a blush briefly overtook her face, before
she managed to shake it off, her eyes narrowing even further in anger.

  "Really," the captain chuckled condescendingly, "you're a poor
little girl, and we're a whole crew of strong men..."

                                 * * *

  Wearily, Ranma climbed up the side of the boat, loose strands of
rope clinging to his wet, female form. He noted a series of splashes
as one man after another flew overboard above his head, and ignored
the screams for help that followed. "Those guys really had it coming,"
he mumbled to himself, as he finally heaved himself over the rail with
one last, heavy pull. "Now, where can I find some hot water around
here..."

                                 * * *

  Akane looked at the steering wheel, then at Ranma, then back at the
wheel again. "Look," she said after a while, with traces of worry in
her voice, "do you know how to navigate this thing?"

  Ranma turned to look at the wheel, placing a hand on his chin as his
brow furrowed in thought. Briefly, hope rose in the girl's chest ...
Then, he looked back at her again, his face still carefree. "Can't say
that I do."

  Hands on her hips, she tapped her foot against the deck, angry at
Ranma for not worrying. "So, how are we supposed to get to China now?"

  "If *you* don't know, maybe you shouldn't have tossed the crew
overboard!" the boy told her, his voice as arrogant and derisive as
always, and he sighed. "Sheesh, so violent..." he added under his
breath.

  Akane took a few short, decisive steps forward, bringing her angry
face within an inch of his, and her fists clenched. "Are you
suggesting I *let* those perverts..."

  "Hey, hey!" Ranma interrupted her, holding up his hands in defense.
"Don't worry." He still seemed totally unfazed by the problem at hand.

  "Don't worry?" She shouted into his face, exasperated, and turned
around, folding her arms. "Do you have *any* idea where we're going?"

  "I know where China is," he replied, confidently. "Just how hard can
it be, anyway?"

                                 * * *

  Folding the letter she'd recieved from her great-granddaughter,
Cologne cackled to herself. "So, son-in-law is in China, is he?"
Absent-mindedly, the old woman scratched her chin. "If I contact the
village, they should be able to get him easily."

                                 * * *

  With a flick of her cane, and a swift leap, the Amazon matriarch
jumped onto the table surface. "Mousse!" she shouted, the commanding
strength in her voice far beyond what one would've expected from an
old crone like her.

  Only a few moments later, the boy in question came running out of
the kitchen. "What's the matter, old ghoul?"

  Cologne snorted, jumping to another table with amazing agility.
"Who's an old ghoul?" She hit him over the head with her cane, almost
making the boy fall to the floor as he cried out in pain. "And wear
your glasses, boy; I'm over *here*."

  Holding a hand behind his head in embarassement (partially as an
effort to cover the emerging bump), Mousse turned from the potted
plant to face the old woman. "Whatever. Just tell me what it is you've
got to say," he told her, pretending to ignore the blow.

  She grinned at him."Not interested, eh? Even though Shampoo might be
in danger?"

  The boy froze. "Shampoo? In danger?"

  Hands shaking, he turned to run, and she had to hit him again to
make him stop. "Look, boy," she said, holding up a letter. "I need you
to deliver this personally to the elders."

  The possibility of a threat to his loved one making him alert,
Mousse snatched the sealed envelope out of her hands. "I will do
anything to protect my dear Shampoo," he announced, puffing out his
chest.

  Cologne just shook her head. "Make sure you hurry," she cautioned
him, in a low voice. "And it is important that you return here after
delivering it." Better make sure the boy wouldn't be in the way...

                                 * * *

  The pair having somehow miraculously managed to land the boat
properly, Ranma jumped ashore, waiting a few seconds for his fiancee
to follow.

  They surveyed their surroundings briefly. Most of the houses in the
small village were one-storied wooden ones, and there were no concrete
roads between them, only hard-trodden dirt. A child wandered by,
accompanied by a happily barking dog, and they could see people here
and there, but there were certainly no milling crowds, no plans flying
in the sky above, or any other signs of a bustling metropolis.

  Akane cast her fiance a suspicious glance. "Are you *sure* you took
the right course?" she questioned him irritatedly.

  Ignorering her, the boy scratched the back of his head in confusion.
"Strange," he said. "Last time, this was a big city. I wonder why it's
shrunk..."

  Her fist came flying, throwing Ranma to the ground, and he wearily
pushed himself up, rubbing the spot on his cheek where the punch had
hit. "Hey, what now?" he grumbled to himself, knowing that there would
be little point in asking the question out loud; she wouldn't bother
to answer, anyway.

  Meanwhile, the girl walked up to one of the nearby men. "Excuse me,
sir, could you possibly tell me where we are?" she asked him politely,
a friendly smile on her face.

  The next problem presented itself, as the man replied with a long
harangue of drawn-out, seemingly unconnected syllables, some of which
she couldn't even pronounce. "Thanks anyway," the girl grumbled, more
to herself than to the man, and stomped back to where her fiance still
remained standing. "Do you know Chinese, Ranma?" she questioned him.

  The boy shook his shoulders. "Nope, not a word."

  It took the girl an effort of will not to fall backwards. "Let me
get this straight," she fumed. "You brought me here, without even
knowing the language?"

  "Hey," he protested, just as in the distance, unnoticed by them all,
a cute, long-haired girl stepped ashore, a small black pig held tight
in her arms. "Pop and I managed for years without knowing any
Chinese..."

                                 * * *

  All around the main square, people turned around to stare with big
eyes at the small airplane that had just landed in their midst,
forcing the previously busy crowd to part or be crushed; in fact,
several people had been hit in their heads by the landing wheels as
the vehicle caming flying down, but thankfully, none of them seemed to
be badly hurt.

  For a while, nothing happened; people stared at the white-painted
metallic bird, scratching their heads in confusion and generally
wondering just what madness lay behind this. Then, just as they were
about to start whispering to each other, the hatch opened, a stairway
slowly unfolded itself, and three young girls stepped out and down
onto the square.

  They looked at each other, then at the crowd, still staring silently
at them.

  "These peasants seem rather rude, in my most humble opinion,"
Kodachi observed with a derisive snort.

  "Never mind them," Ukyou suggested, voicing her opinions with firm
resolve. "We need to find Ranma."

  "Right you are, girl," the gymnast nodded in responsive, her voice
still as condescending as always. She took a single, elaborate step
forward, tapping the nearest man on the shoulder. "Excuse me,
commoner," she said, "have you by chance happened to see my darling
Ranma?"

  The man scratched the back of his head, turning his face slightly to
the left to look at her from a different angle, then repeated the
action in the other direction, and finally scratched the back of his
head again, confusion evident in his eyes. He still didn't say
anything.

  Angered, Kodachi gave off an irritated snort. "Don't you have any
respect for your betters, you filthy lout?" She waved a hand in the
air, pondering slapping him to produce an answer, but decided against
it. "Now, have you seen..."

  Ukyou interrupted the girl by placing a hand on his shoulders. "You
know, he probably doesn't know Japanese."

  Kodachi gave her an indigned look. "What, doesn't know Japanese?
What manner of barbarians are these?"

  "Chinese, hon." The chef sighed, shaking her head. "What world do
you live in, anyway?"

  "Well," the gymnast told her, ignoring the barb, "do *you* know this
barbaric tongue, then?"

  "Nope, but that's no problem." Ukyou flashed a smile, turning to the
third, until now silent, member of the group. " Shampoo, you're from
China, so..."

  The smile quickly faded away as the amazon gave her a dejected look.
"Shampoo sorry, but she only know very little. In village, speak
special Amazon dialect, very different from language they speak here."

  The other  two girls heaved a deep sigh. This was going to be a
*long* trip...

                                 * * *

  Ranma sighed tiredly, as yet another of the villagers rattled off a
cryptical reply in Chinese. "I don't believe this," he told his
fiancee. "*None* of  these guys seem to know Japanese."

  She nodded. "Just our luck, eh?"

  "Ah, what the heck." Angrily, the boy kicked an innocent rock off
into the distance, where it narrowly missed a window, bouncing off a
wall to land on the earthen road next to the building. "Even if we
*could* speak with them, it's not like we could just march up to
somebody and ask, 'excuse me, do you know where we can find the
secret, well-hidden legendary cursed springs of Jusenkyou?'" Resigned,
he stuck his hands firmly into his pockets.

  A small boy, perhaps ten years of age, who had been playing absent-
mindedly with a ball a couple of feet away from the pair, walked up to
them, bowing politely. "Excuse me," he said, the Chinese accent so
evident they could only barely understand his Japanese, "Was you
looking fol Ju-sen-kyou?" He pronounced the last word with elaborate
carefulness to make sure he got it right.

  "Uh..." Taken totally by surprise, Ranma looked down at the boy.
"Yes, we where. Why?"

  "Then, you take that load there to..."

  As the boy started rattling off the directions, Ranma and Akane
stared into each other's eyes, dumbfounded.

  Unseen, Akari watched them from around a corner, motioning for
Katsunishiki to keep shut with one arm while holding on to P-chan with
the other.

                                 * * *

  The three girls walked down the street, all highly irritated at
still not having managed to find anything, when Ukyou, who walked to
the leftmost side of the group, felt a tap on her shoulder. Holding a
hand out to make the other two stop, she turned around, seeing a
short, somewhat pudgy man, with cheap-looking clothes and a head that
had begun to grow bald.

  She eyed him suspiciously. "What do you want?"

  "Yes," Kodachi added in, sneering haughtily, "why did you assume the
right to halt us, commoner?"

  The man lent forward, putting a finger to his lips to silence them.
"I know someone who might know something," he whispered, a slight
accent making it obvious it was not his native tongue he spoke in. "If
you follow me, I can take you somewhere to meet someone."

  Ukyou raised an inquisitive eyebrow towards the other two. The girls
nodded slightly, and they followed the man off into the bustling
crowd.

                                 * * *

  Nodoka sighed to herself. She'd been walking the city for several
hours, and still hadn't found even a trace of her son. Maybe the man
who told her where Ranma and Akane had been heading had lied? That
would be terrible; finding them in a country as huge as China would be
like looking for a needle in a haystack...

  Starting to lose hope, she walked past a small, dark side-street -
then took a step back to look again.

  No, her eyes hadn't decieved her; at the other end of that alley
stood Kodachi, Shampoo and Ukyou. _Maybe they've found something,_ the
Saotome mother thought, her day immediately looking at least
marginally brighter.

  Just as she was about to start walking towards the trio, three large
crates appeared above their heads, slamming down against the ground
and trapping the girls inside. On the other side, she could see three
large men, their bodies all bulging with muscle, and the thugs hefted
the boxes into their hands as they jumped onto a tri-seated bicycle
and headed off with considerable speed, their thick legs pushing the
pedals around with almost perfect coordination.

  Wasting no time, Nodoka ran off after them, a determined gleam
entering her eyes as she realized she'd been the only one to see what
had happened, or at least the only one to care.

  On foot, though, she had no chance of catching up with the
kidnappers - if kidnappers they were - and she skidded to a halt as
she came out on the other side of the side-street. A surprised young
boy, who'd been riding peacefully down the road, barely managed to
bring his bike to a halt quickly enough not to run into the middle-
aged woman, and he bowed his head down as he shouted an apology, about
to get going again.

  Nodoka, however, saw her chance. "Sorry, boy," she commanded, "but
I'll have to borrow this."

  The boy didn't really understand her words, but in combination with
the woman's tone of voice, the message transmitted by the long, thin
cloth-covered object she waved in his face came across loud and clear,
and he jumped off, watching with big eyes as Nodoka sped off into the
distance.

  Briefly, he wondered if his father would believe him when he
explained that a middle-aged japanese woman in a kimono had stolen his
brand new bike.

                                 * * *

  Nodoka huffed and wheezed as she brought the bike up to the top of a
small hill. While she might have been in fairly good condition
(especially considering she was a middle-aged japanese housewife -
supposedly an unusually traditional one), there was just no way she
could keep up with three well-trained young men, and now, the other
bike had become just a small spot, off in the distance.

  As luck would have it, though, it choose this moment to stop, and
the woman could barely make out the three men carting the boxes
through the door of a nearby building. Smiling to herself, she found
new strength, and set off down the other side of the hill.

  The downhill slope gave her a much-needed burst off speed, and soon,
the Saotome mother stepped off her vehicle, letting the neon-green
mountainbike rest against the wall of a rather seedy-looking shop, a
somewhat faded sign above the dusty door announcing it to be what
Nodoka interpreted as a laundry; at the very least, its name had to do
with cleanliness of some sort.

  After a moment of hesitation, she stepped up to the door, pushing it
inwards, and entered.

  Nothing about the place seemed suspicious on the inside, either,
even if she *had* certainly seen establishments of higher class. A row
of greyish dresses on a rack to the side indicated that her first
assumptions about the nature of the place were probably correct, and
behind a surprisingly well-polished counter stood a bored-looking
woman who would best be described by the adjective "fat"; her red
dress, the color severely washed out, snapped tight against her forms,
making her overweight even more apparant.

  "Excuse me?" Nodoka said, to catch the woman's attention; her words
were polite, but she spoke them with enough force that the fat lady
would have no doubts about her determination.

  "Hm, yes?" The owner - if owner she was - plastered on only the
slightest smile necessary for customer relations, not looking up from
the newspaper she'd been reading.

  "Three men entered here just recently, each of them carrying a large
wooden box. Where'd they go?" the Saotome mother questioned her,
sharply.

  The fat woman shrugged. "Don't know about..." Then, as she looked
up, meeting Nodoka's face, a look of recognition came over her,
followed by fear. She hesitated, then spoke as she could see the fires
of determination burning beneath Nodoka's eyes. "A-aren't you the
mother of the evil, dangerous Ranma Saotome?" she stuttered.

  Taken totally by surprise, Nodoka could do little more than stare in
confusion at the woman. This, however, proved to be enough.

  "They took the jeep on the back yard," the fat lady hastily
explained, for some reason fearing the wrath of this japanese woman
who by all accounts should have been a total stranger to her. "I don't
know where our headquarters are, but they took the road towards..."

                                 * * *

  "Hmmm," Ranma hmmed, studying the road sign ahead of them. The boy
racked his mind, but to no avail; other than the numbers indicating
distance, he could recognize none of the characters thereupon, and
judging by his fiancee's face neither could she. With the dense forest
surrounding them, there wasn't even any helpful landmarks (not that
they'd recognize any even if they *did* exist), and both of the forks
into which the large, concrete road split were equally wide, neither
showing any sign of being preferable over the other.

  He scratched his head, looking down the road to the left, then the
right one, finally returning to staring at the sign. "Hmmm," he
repeated.

  "So," Akane questioned him impatiently, "which way do we go?"

  With considerable hesitation, her fiance pointed to the right road.
"That way, I think," he suggested.

  She raised a questioning eyebrow.

  "No, really, it is that way," Ranma insisted, trying to convince
himself. "No, wait, it's the other one. It is. I'm sure." As he neared
the end of the sentence, his voice grew firm; lying to himself was an
area in which the boy had considerable practice.

  Akane sighed, putting her hands on her hips. "Really, Ranma." She
had long since grown tired of her fiance's ability to claim knowledge
with complete confidence even when he had no idea what he was speaking
of. "This is the fourth time today. Just admit it, we're totally
lost."

  Ranma snorted disdainfully. "Who do think I am, Ryouga? Trust me, I
know where we're going."

  "If you say so." She put considerable doubt in her voice, but still
followed the boy as he started heading off down the road to the left.
A short distance behind, a short girl and a big pig followed *them*.

                                 * * *

  A bit down the road, they noted a group of people in the distance,
just where the dark forest broke out into plains, and soon, Ranma and
Akane hurried their steps as it became visible that four of the men
surrounded the fifth, their stances obviously hostile.

  The four aggressors were all large, burly men, sloppily dressed in
sturdy but dirty unwashed clothes, obviously more there to provide
shelter from weather and wind than to decorate. In combination with
the facts that neither of them seemed to have even seen a razor (or
soap, for that matter) in the last week and that they all held wooden
clubs in their hands, they could as well have held signs proclaiming
"We're bandits!"

  Though the man they surrounded was certainly not small, he seemed
obviously innocent. Quite tall, the heavily overweight cacausian man
towered several inches above the largest of the bandits, but his
plushy cheeks made him seem more jovial than malevolent, and he
quivered in fear as the attackers slowly drew closer. A pair of tight
jeans covered his thick, shaking legs, and the neon-green jacket he
wore definitely made him stand out, as well as his modern, black back-
pack.

  "Leave him alone!" Ranma shouted in warning, as he and Akane drew
closer.

  The men turned to regard the pair, understanding the intent of the
words if not their exact meaning, and disdainful smiles spread across
their faces as they waved their clubs threateningly; obviously, the
bandits didn't think much of the youngsters.

  "If I had fifty yen for every time..." Ranma muttered under is
breath.

                                 * * *

  The man, who had thrown himself to the ground, look up at his
rescuers, deep gratitude obvious in the small, round blue eyes that
had hid under his thick glasses. "Wow, thanks, kids," he said in his
native tongue, his voice surprisingly cheery considering the
predicament he had just been in. "That sure was some mightily
impressive fighting, I must say. Oh, you *do* speak English, don't
you?"

  "Um... yes, I guess so..." Akane ventured, somewhat nervously, as
the man slowly pushed himself to his feet and dusted off his clothes,
finally stretching a hand towards the pair.

  "Pleased to meet you," he said, now seeming almost to have forgotten
the whole bandit situation. "Name's Bill. Say, where are you two
heading, kids? Myself, I'm going to that cursed springs place,
Dussenkoy or whatever its name is." He grinned with a hint of
embarassement. "I'm afraid I'm not too good at those Chinese names."

  Ranma stared at them man, wide-eyed. "You're going to Jusenkyou?" he
questioned, summoning every ounce of English-skill he possessed.

  "Oh, you're going there too?" Bill blathered on, seemingly not
bothered by the heavy Japanese accent with which the boy spoke. "Yeah,
that's right." He produced a stack of papers from one of the many deep
pockets on his enormous jacket. "It should be *that* way, I think," he
said, looking in the direction from which the pair had arrived.

  Noticing their confused faces, he showed them the paper, and they
saw that it was a map of China, printed a variety of cheerful colors,
with the words "Tourist map to Jusenkyou" imprinted in large, bold
letters at the top.

  "Oh, I'm so glad to have someone to speak to," Bill told them as
they started walking, "it's so boring to be travelling all alone. You
know, it's kinda amusing, this is the first time I've been around
these parts, and just the other day, I..."

  The trio walked off, and Akari shook her head as she picked up the
small black pig (poor dear had gotten loose *again* - you could almost
think it *wanted* to escape); judging by the way the American's lips
kept moving up and down at an incessant pace, she should be very happy
she could follow them without having to get close enough to hear.

                                 * * *

  "Oh, yes, miss, I saw that jeep alright," the simple farmer said,
scratching his stubble-covered chin. "Yesterday, it must've been."

  "Oh, good," Nodoka exclaimed, glad that she'd learned Chinese in her
younger days - without it, this search would've been hopeless. "Where
were they heading?"

  "Well," the man noted, "they only passed through, so I can't say for
sure, but they went off in that direction." He pointed to one of the
two roads - other than the one the woman had arrived on - that lead
out of the village. "Seemed to be in an awful hurry, too."

  "I see. Thanks for your help." As she turned away to return to the
car she'd rented, she reached into her pocket to bring out a worn
photo of a handsome, pig-tailed young man, staring at it longingly.
"Ranma..." she whispered to herself, as so often before feeling a tear
slowly form in the corner of her eye.

  "Er, excuse me, miss," the farmer interrupted her musings, having
caught a glance of the photo.

  She looked up at him, trying but failing to wipe the sad expression
off her face. "Yes?"

  "That boy on the picture there... That's your son or something?"

  She nodded, confused. "Yes, why?" An ever-so-slight hint of
irritation crept into her voice; why'd he think it was any of *his*
problems?

  She soon regretted that anger, though. "Oh, I think I saw him," the
man answered her. "Just a few hours ago, he came passing by. Had a
girl with him, too, and some big foreigner." The man scratched his
chin again, thoughtfully.

  Nodoka felt her heart leap up to her throat as it began beating
wildly. "Really?" she asked, unable to hide her excitement. "Which way
did they go?" She hoped beyond hope that...

  ...but no. "That way, if I remember correctly," the farmer told her,
pointing in the *other* direction.

  "Thank you," she said, bowing politely. How she wished she could go
after her son... but he obviously still managed on his own, whereas
the poor three girls had been kidnapped, and no-one but her knew it;
no-one but her could save them. She'd never forgive herself if
something happened to them.

                                 * * *

  "Well," Bill said, looking at the pleasant smile that slowly spread
upon the pig-tailed young man's face. "this Jusenkyou, eh? From your
reaction I take it you've been here before, boy?"

  Ranma nodded. "Yep. Actually, I-"

  The american interrupted him, as he already had done innumerable
times during their short period together. "Doesn't look like that
much, does it? Just a lot of these small springs." He grinned. "We
have a place sorta like this back at home, lots of holes in the ground
with water in 'em. Well, except, of course, they're a lot *larger*; it
*is* after all in America."

  "So-" Akane tried to get a word in, but in vain.

  "These springs are supposed to be cursed, though, I hear, but I
guess you should know that, having been here before? Not like back at
home, where you could take a bath without having to fear turning into
something." Briefly, he looked at the springs thoughtfully, and both
of the young japanese felt their moods sinking, having learned that
this was a sign the american had one of his (supposedly) amusing
anecdotes coming up. "Well," Bill said, "there was this time aunt Vera
fell into one of 'em, and when she came up, she looked like a hippo.
But I guess that must've been because that fat old woman *always*
looked like a hippo." He laughed loudly.

  Ranma and Akane joined the laughter with somewhat less enthusiasm,
fearing that he might try to tell another joke if the first one didn't
go over well.

  The big, american man took a few steps forward. "Anyway, I'm gonna
go have a closer look at these things, you coming?"

  "No," Ranma answered, perhaps almost a bit *too* quickly, in his
heavily accented English. "We going to talk to guide."

  "Ah," Bill nodded in understanding, waving his hand at them. "Well,
see you later, then!"

                                 * * *

  The man smiled at them. "Yes, honorable customer, how can this
humble guide help you?"

  "We're looking for something very specific," Ranma told him. "The
spring of Drowned Boy."

  The guide's face fell. "Oh, so sorry, honorable customer. Spring is
out of order."

  "What?" Akane shouted, surprised. "You mean we came all this way for
nothing?"

  "Calm down, Akane," Ranma told her, downcast.

  "Don't you tell me when to calm down!" she screamed angrily right
into his ear, then, with a hint of embarrassement, turned back at the
guide. "Isn't there some other-"

  "Sorry, honorable miss customer, no," he interrupted her. "Very
tragic story; about a month ago, I wake up in the night because of
explosions, and when I go to look, I note someone has blown up all the
springs where some kind of male human has drowned. All water thrown
about and only big hole in ground left. It should come back but have
no idea how long it will take."

  Akane laid an arm over her fiance's shoulder, trying to shake him
out of the silent, empty staring at the ground he had fallen into.
"Guess this means we'll just have to keep looking for a cure, eh,
Ranma?" she said, with false cheerfulness.

  "Wait!" the guide interrupted them. "Now I remember, have bottle of
Drowned Boy water saved away, enough for one person. Wait, I will go
fetch."

  He entered his hut with hurried steps, and they could hear him
scrounging about inside the small building; about a minute later, he
came out, proudly holding up a black, ceramic casket.

  The pair stared at it in awe, their happiness at having found a cure
stunning them for a while ... until, suddenly, the guide stepped up to
them and emptied the contents of the casket right over Akane's head,
causing the girl to swiftly change into a tall, handsome young man
with soft, delicate facial features, the haircut fitting surprisingly
well.

  "What..." Akane snarled furiously.

  "Did..." Ranma continued, with equal anger.

  "You..."

  "Just..."

  "DO?" the both finished, screaming right into the face of the man,
the force of their voices blowing his hair backwards.

  The guide, however, did not seem to notice, as he smiled happily,
eyes closed. "I didn't recognize honorable customer, but when noticed
how you act like tomboy, I understand, must have fallen in Spring of
Drowned Girl! But, don't worry, now you never have to worry about
turning into girl again. Look!"

  He took the bucket of water he'd been holding in his other hand, and
splashed some of its contents onto the newly created boy, not noticing
that in the process, some of it hit the other boy, swiftly turning him
into a her. "Look," he smiled. "Now Honorable Customer is still boy!
So-"

  Whatever more he had intended to say was cut off, as Akane's now
big, broad hands wrapped firmly around his throat, squeezing hard as
the girl-turned-boy shook him back and forth. "Who's a tomboy, you big
idiot?" she snarled. "Why I oughta' kill you, you..."

  Swiftly, the guide swung the bucket again, letting the rest of its
content fall over his head, and in an instant, he grew, turning into a
veritable giant of man, muscles bulging across his broad shoulders.
"So sorry, Honorable Customer," he said, his voice now several octaves
deeper, as he grabbed both the young japanese by their collars.
"Cannot have fight at Jusenkyou, so I bathe in Spring of Drowned
Bouncer, and now have to throw Honorable Customer out."

                                 * * *

  With surprising strength, Cologne used her cane to flick the large
iron pot off the stove, waiting patiently as she allowed its contents
to steam off for a while before taking it outside to serve. If she
estimated his speed and the time the drop-off would take correctly,
the boy should be returning any minute now.

  Before she'd finished the thought, a gentle knocking on the window
caught her attention, and she opened it surreptiously, letting the
duck fly in. You could never be careful enough these days; if anybody
saw an animal come in through the restaurant window, it could start
dangerous rumours.

  With another flick of her cane, she lifted the pot of boiling water
that had been waiting for him, turning her back to the duck as she let
the contents spill over it.

  "So, Mousse," she said, while the boy hurriedly threw on the clothes
left for him in the corner, "did you deliver the letter."

  "Of course, old ghoul." She could sense his nodding, and decided for
the moment not to waste time reproaching him for the insult. "Made
sure the elders got it, then came right back here."

  "And I thought you were worried about your dear Shampoo, boy," the
old woman cackled. "Didn't you stay to find out what was written in
the letter?"

  Mouse snorted. "You senile old hag!" he snarled, adressing an
innocent pot standing in a corner - the boy hadn't bothered to put his
glasses on when he dressed. "You said it was important I returned
immediately, so of course I did." And judging by the suspicious tone
creeping into his voice, he now probably regretted not having checked.

  Cologne whacked him over the head with her cane. "Indeed I did. Now
get out of here, I have cooking to do."

  "Whatever." The boy left the kitchen, head held high in defiance.
  
                                 * * *

  As they walked along the small, beaten path, Akane snarled with
fury, shaking her tightly knit fists with barely suppressed anger in
front of her boilingly red face. "Ohhhh," she hissed, "just wait 'til
I get my hands on that bastard." Bloodlust shone from her wide-open
eyes. "He'll regret even thinking of cursing me..."

  The girl - currently rather masculine - trailed off. "Cursing me,"
she repeated, still angry, but with considerably less force. "Cursing
me..."

  "That's right," Ranma noted, somewhat calmer than his fiancee but
still definitely not pleased with the situation. "I'm ... sorry about
this, Akane. I guess you really shouldn't have come along."

  She ignored him, sinking to her knees as she realized, finally, what
had happened. That she was a boy, now, not the girl she had been born.
That she would turn into one whenever cold water touched her. A tear
former in her eye as the thoughts of what torture she would inflict on
the guide forced her to think of the reason why she wanted to inflict
that torture in the first place.

  Then, suddenly, she sprang to her feet again, the jump surprising
Ranma quite a bit, and she took him by his shoulders, her large, male
hands shaking her small, female fiance back and forth wildly. "Back!"
she cried desperately. "We have to go back! There's nothing wrong with
the spring of drowned girl, *I* can get still get cured!"

  "A-akane!" Ranma protested, her actions making him stutter. "I-I
don't know which spring it is, and after you got us thrown out, I
doubt the guide will tell us."

  She let go of him, marginally calmed down. "You're right," she
sighed. Again, tears assembled in her eyes, the shock what had just
happened making her emotional state rather volatile. "I-I'm a ... a
man! A boy! And I'll be one for the rest of my life!" Wildly, she
struck out with a fist, and her arm stretched into the air right next
to Ranma's head, making the boy glad he didn't stand closer.

  "I'm sorry, Akane." He bowed down, the rose, holding up his clenched
right fist with firm resolution on his face. "I will find a cure, for
both of us. I *must*!" The boy cradled his tall, masculine fiancee
into his soft, feminine arms. "Please, Akane calm down. I promise
we'll find a cure, but until then, there's nothing to be done. Now
let's heat up some water."

                                 * * *

  Mousse smiled to himself. The dried up old mummy probably expected
him to come help in the restaurant now, but he wouldn't be having any
of that. No, his Shampoo might come back any day now, indeed any hour,
and by then, he had to have his love-letter finished!

  Thus, putting on his glasses and grabbing a calligraphic pen, he sat
down at the desk to finish the poem he had started before his hurried
departure.

  Adjusting his seat, he scanned the paper to find the point where
he'd stopped off... then looked back up in shock. That was Cologne's
handwriting, not his own, and judging by the heading at the top, it
could only be the letter he had just returned from deliviring - or
rather, just returned from *not* deliviring.

  But if the warning to the elders was here on his desk, where was his
unfinished love-letter?

  His curiousity roused, he read on, fury rising as he got further
into the letter...

                                 * * *

  "Um, Ranma," Akane said carefully, as the pair walked down the dirt
road, well hidden by the trees on either side. "Do you really think
this is a good idea?"

  The boy shrugged. "Remember, I was in girl form before." He had,
indeed, taken great not to get splashed by water on the way to the
village. "Don't know how much contact Cologne has kept, but hopefully,
they don't know enough about me to suspect anything."

  "If you say so." She nodded, though he could see in her eyes that
she still entertained doubts about the prospect of just barging in at
the Amazon village asking for a cure.

  "They *do* live quite close, you know," Ranma observed ."Probably
used to having trouble with curses, and since we're in the area, we
might as well try. Anyway, we're so close now, it'll soon be too late
to tu-"

  Before he could finish the sentence, they detected movement in the
trees above, and looked up, seeing something moving about with
dizzying speed; only the rustling leaves hinted at his, her or its
presence. A second later, the movement took a turn downwards, and a
small girl landed in front of their surprised eyes, grinning ferally.

  No more than 4 feet tall, she defied her obviously young age by
eyeing the percieved intruders suspicously, waving an impressive spear
almost twice her height at them as she barked a few words in a
language they didn't understand (though Ranma could recognize the
dialect from his last visit to this area).

  The pig-tailed martial artist scratched his head worriedly,
wondering how he could have forgotten this problem *again*. "Err,
sorry, we don't quite understand you..." he tried.

  The girl eyed the pair with even *more* suspicion, then surprised
them by switching to a language they *could* understand, though her
accent left a lot to be desired. "You japanese? What you want?"

  Ranma looked at his fiancee, then back at the little girl,  "Take us
to your leader."

                                 * * *

  From the pair's somewhat vurnerable position in the middle of the
circle, the feeling of being stared at by seven virtual Cologne-
clones, the aged amazon matriarchs distinguishable only by minor
variations in clothes and apperance, could best be described as
unsettling.

  "So, outsiders, eh?" one of the elders said.

  The one next to her snorted. "I think we've established that fact
already, dear."

  "Still, they *are* outsiders, and one of them male, no less," a
third observed. "Almost rude of them to come barging in here and
demand to see the elders, woulnd't you say?"

  "Not really," another answered her, from the opposite edge of the
circle - forcing Ranma and Akane to swivel on the spot to face her.
"We can't have the *children* dealing with outsiders, can we?"

  "Why not?" her neighbour asked. "They're independent enough, most of
them. For example, my little..."

  *Her* neighbour snorted. "Your daughter is just a stupid little
bimbo. Why, just last week, I noticed her actually *asking* her
husband..."

  The last elder bopped the previous one on the head with a wooden
cane. "Oh, like you're one to speak. I remember when you were young,
you always..."

  Ranma coughed to regain the attention of the squabbling matriarchs,
then sweated as he felt their stares on him again. "Not to be rude or
anything," he told them, in a tone which indicated that he didn't
*really* care much for whether he was polite or not, "but there's
something we need help with."

  "Help?" one of the women snorted. "Why should we help *you*?"

  "No need to be rude, dearie," her neighbour reproached her in a
somewhat condescending manner.

  "Indeed," a third piped in. "At least we can hear them out... "

  "Well," Ranma hastened to insert as soon as the pause presented
itself, not wanting the meeting to last longer than necessary. "You
see, we're searching for a cure to a Jusenkyou curse."

  "A jusenkyou curse, eh?" The elder directly in front of them nodded
thoughtfully. "Yes, we could be able to help you with that."

  "What's a Jusenkyou curse?" another of them asked, confused.

  Her neighbour snorted. "Just ignore her, she's a bit senile," she
told the pair.

  "I'm not!" the accused woman protested under her breath, but did not
interrupt further.

  "Err, right." Ranma nodded hesitantly. "If that helps, I'm cursed to
turn into a girl."

  All the elders simultaneously nodded, thoughtfully. "That shouldn't
be a problem," one of them told him, in a friendly tone. "We should
have some water from the Spring of Drowned Boy stored away."

  "Really?" The boy immediately brightened up. "And you'll just give
me some?"

  The woman who had made the suggestion grinned. "No, of course not.
You'll have to face the..."

  Collectively, all the other matriarchs picked up where she had left
off, their firm voices booming out the words with somewhat exaggerated
drama. "Trials of the Amazons!"

  "First," one of them spoke up, "you must climb to the top of Karin
tower, and there..."

  Her neighbour bashed her over the head, hard. "Really, you should
stop watching those foreign cartoons, it's a bad influence." She
turned to adress the pair. "Actually, first, you must defeat the
village champion."

  "The village champion?" another of the elders said thoughtfully.
"That's miss Shampoo. Isn't she in Japan?"

  "Yes, she is," her neighbour observed. "We'll have to send for her,
I guess."

  "Errr." Ranma waved his hands in protest, desperately hoping that
they didn't notice his profuse sweating. "Really, we don't have time
to wait for her to get here..."

  One of the elders shrugged. "Ahwell, if you say so. I guess we can
use the one she fought in the final match, instead; she should be good
enough. Can anyone remember who that was?"

  Ranma sighed tiredly as the old women tried to decide on the
identity of the warrior.

                                 * * *

  Nodoka eyed the empty streets of the small village, finding the
whole situation strange. Sure, evening had begun to fall, and this was
no bustling metropolis, but still, she could see enough to feel that
there should be at least *some* activity even at this time of day -
and judging by the occasional lit window, the town had not been
abandoned, unless very recently so.

  Briefly worried, she retraced her route in her head, but could find
no errors in it - this *should* be where the kidnappers had been
headed - and the road essentialy stopped, so it had to be the place...

  Once more she surveyed her surroundings. Still no movement.

  _Well, I have to start *somewhere*._

  Thus, she turned to the right, entering the small but (at least on
the outside) rather modern-looking bookstore.

  A quiet bell signalled her entrance as the door closed, and on the
inside, she found the store pretty much as she had expected; books
lined up on shelves, the most attractive ones collected on a table in
the middle. At the far end, a cash-register rested on an undecorated
wooden counter, and on its far side, she could hear whisperings from
beyond a black drapery hung in a simple doorway. Faintly, she thought
she could distinguish the shapes of two men (or women) within.

  She didn't have to stand there wondering very long, though; soon,
the drapery parted, and a man came out, obviously having been alerted
by the bell. Placing himself at the register, he gave her a friendly,
professional smile. "Can I help you, miss?" he asked with a slight
bow, again making Nodoka glad she had learned Chinese.

  It would all have seemed perfectly normal, except for one thing -
rather than the simple outfit she had come to expect, the man (for the
man's proportions and voice made his gender very clear) wore a blue-
and-white dress; rather like Akane's school uniform, in fact, except
of course several sizes larger.

  Her mind revolted at the thought, and she couldn't stop herself from
giving voice to the thought. "Does your *mother* know you're wearing
that ... unmanly thing?"

  The drapery parted again, this time to let out a woman,
significantly older than the man, judging by the wrinkles in her face
and her greying hair. "Did you want something, miss?" she asked,
croaking.

  The woman wore an identical dress.

  Nodoka, about to fall forward in surprise, barely caught herself on
one of the shelves, pushing a few random books to the floor in the
process. Knowing the urgency of her mission, she shook the thoughts of
the strange dresses aside for the moments, and stared at the two with
hard, firm eyes, the threat in her posture enhanced further by the
cloth-covered package on her back.

  "Three young girls were kidnapped and brought to this village." She
snapped out the words to further unnerve the two. "Do you know
anything about it?"

  She could see the sweat-drops forming on the foreheads of both
mother and son. "Wh- wh- what do you mean?" the man stuttered, barely
coherent.

                                 * * *

  Ranma looked at the log with dubious eyes, flashbacks of what
happened *last* time he ventured into this arena playing inside his
head. Out there, the champion (or almost-champion, anyway) smiled
confidently at him, the short but well-trained girl crackling her
knuckles soundly as she eyed the boy the way a wolf would eye its
prey. His failure to look scared didn't disturb her, obviously, she
expected *him* to be the overconfident one.

  With a sigh, he turned to the watching elders. "Look..."

  "What are you waiting for, boy?" one elder of the questioned him
almost before he had opened his mouth. "Get out there and get your ass
kicked already, we haven't got all day."

  Ranma ignored her."Look," he repeated again, "if I defeat her,
she'll start claiming I'm her husband, won't she?"

  Another woman snorted. "Like there's any chance of an outsider boy
like you defeating our champion."

  Ranma folded his arms across his chest. "Whatever you say, old
ghoul. Just promise I won't have to marry her after tossing her down."

  Waiting for him to recover from the seven simultaneous cane-strikes,
the elder with authority over this particular test shrugged. "Sure.
It's not like it matters, since you have no chance of winning." She
laughed disdainfully.

  "Promise?" Ranma repeated.

  "Yes, I *promise*," the elder told him impatiently. "Now get going
so we can get this over with."

                                 * * *

  Grinning confidently, Ranma wiped his hands against each other as he
stepped off the log, turning towards the elders, who were still
staring at him in disbelief.

  He opened his mouth to give some smart remark... then quickly
brought his hands to his ears, as a terrible wailing sound suddenly
began.

  "I looooost!" came the scream from behind him, the almost-champion
beating her hands wildly against the ground as she cried out her shame
of the humiliating loss, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I can't
believe I lost to a boy," she sobbed, "and I can't even *marry* him."

  "Err..." Ranma whispered to the circle of elders. "Let's get on with
the next trial, alright?"

                                 * * *

  Ranma sighed tiredly as he waited for the matriarchs to convene at
the table again, watching with dismay as they almost came to blows
over who was supposed to sit at which seat.

  "OK," the one at the position facing him said when they had finally
finished. "Now for the second trial." She scratched her chin. "If I
could only remember what it is..."

  Her neighbour snorted. "Honestly, I don't know how you ever managed
to get your position. The second trial is the dreaded gauntlet, of
course."

  "No no no!" the elder unorthodoxically clad in a t-shirt of japanese
design piped in. "You must climb to the top of Karin Tower!"

  The woman next to her bapped her over the head. "Will you give that
up already?" She turned her head briefly towards Ranma, then back at
her collegues. "Really, I like the gauntlet as much as the next
amazon, but isn't that getting a bit old? I suggest he face the
village champion of..."

                                 * * *

  Ranma stared at the small, grey plastic objects in his hands,
disbelief obvious in his eyes. "Defeate the village video-game
champion?" he he asked doubtfully. "Is this *really* one of the trials
of the amazons?"

  The elder who had made the suggestion coughed nervously. "Well, you
know, just because we're old amazon women doesn't mean we have to be
stuck in the past, boy."

  The one behind her nodded firmly. "Yeah, only that old hag Cologne
keeps insisting on that."

  A third elder smiled warmly. "Now that she's out of here, we can
*finally* enjoy the benefits of modern civilization."

  "Yeah!" the elder in the Dragonball t-shirt piped in, nodding
eagerly. "Like these wonderful japanese cartoons..."

  After she had been firmly beaten into the ground and told to keep
her mouth shut in the future, focus returned to Ranma, and the young
girl on the chair next to him, who briefly turned to flash him a
winning smile, her foots tapping against the floor impatiently as they
waited for the "Loading"-message on the TV in front of the pair to
disappear.

                                 * * *

  Just like the rest of the crowd, Akane stared big-eyed at her
fiancee and the action going on, not quite sure what to make of it.
She scratched the back of her head, unsure of whether she should be
proud or ashamed.

  The pig-tailed young man in question leaned back and forth, never
sitting still in his seat, as he waved the controller in all
directions, the sweat dripping from his hands making him come close to
slipping and dropping the grey piece of plastic to the floor several
times.

  "Hey, what's that?" he shouted in panic as something new appeared on
the TV-set, pushing the buttons franatically. "What do I do to it?"

  Beside him, the girl sighed tiredly for the umpteenth time.
Obviously, the boy had hardly even *seen* a game like this before, and
with the way he kept doing things semi-radomly, she should've had an
easy time winning - except for the well-known phenomenon known as
"beginners luck".

  A loud fanfare sounded, signally that thanks to said phenomenon, the
japanese boy now stared at the ending credits, jumping about in his
seat as he tried to get somebody to answer him on how to deal with
*that*.

  Finally, she just couldn't take it anymore, and rose, standing on
top of the chair so she could shout right into Ranma's nervous, sweat-
covered face. "IT'S OVER, OK?" she screamed, a tinge of sadness
already creeping into her voice. "You beat me, it's over, you've won.
Nobody's even defeated me in this game before, and now you... y-
you..."

  She stuttered, trying to hold her tears back, but in the end, the
dam burst, and she left the building, wailing incoherent as she ran.

  Ranma stared at her retreating form, scratching the back of his head
embarassedly.

                                 * * *

  "So, boy," one of the elders started, eyeing him disdainfully, "it
seems you somehow passed the second trial as well."

  "Don't think it's over, though!" the one sitting next to her piped
in, noticing Ranma's smile. "There's plenty of challenge left, so
don't start celebrating just yet, young one."

  "Don't interrupt me!" the first elder hissed under her breath,
hitting the second one over the head with her cane. She turned back to
the boy. "Well, anyway, for the third trial, just must climb to the
top of the village pole, and..."

  "Village pole?" the elder on the opposite side interrupted, somewhat
predictably. "Are you sure he's not supposed to climb the..." She
trailed off, noting the collective stares placed on her, and waved her
hands in front of her face in defense. "OK, OK, maybe not!"

  "*Anyway*," the original speaker began again, an angry glare daring
the others to interrupt as she spoke with a tone somewhat harsher than
would perhaps have been necessary, "after you get to the top of the
pole, you must stand there, one on leg, for a full twenty-four hours."

  "Twenty-four hours?" Ranma protested loudly. "Without moving?"

  One of the women grinned. "Without moving? Oh, you're free to move
your arms about as much as you wish."

  The boy sighed, folding his arms. "Let's get on with it, then," he
declared resolutely.

                                 * * *

  The thee girls' first reaction when they awoke to find themselves
bound, gagged and stared at (but thankfully not naked) was to shake
and bend their limbs wildly, trying - to no avail - to get out of
their bonds... but soon, they stopped their initial attempts to escape
and just stared big-eyed at their captors.

  A large crowd had gathered in the large but dimly lit room, gazing
at the trio with angry eyes from their seats in the other end of the
hall, their apparent leader giving the girls an especially stern gaze
from behind the desk at the front at which he sat, arms folded across
his chest.

  The reason for their surprise was his choice of clothing; like each
and every other person in the room, the leader wore a blue skirt over
a white shirt. The outfit - which bore a striking resemblance to the
female uniform at Furinkan High - would have been rather cute, had it
been worn by a young girl, rather than, as in this case, a middle-aged
Chinese man, a short goatee and a long moustasche hanging down from
his face.

  Obviously noticing that the prisoners had regained consciousness, he
cleared his throat to catch their attention. "So, here you are, the
villains we have heard so much of."

  The thee girls just kept staring mutely at the man, now even more
confused, and he gave off a cackling laugh, making them doubt his
mental health even further. "My nephew is an exchange student at your
Furinkan. It from him we first learned of the goddess Akane Tendo, and
in his letters we have heard much of you three." He shot them an angry
glare. "Of course, with you asking around without even realizing you
could not speak the language, like the stupid infidels you are, our
agents took notice that you were in China, no doubt trying to wreak
evil upon our goddess."

  The man grinned confidently. "Well, we'll have none of that. Now,
confess!"

  Behind him, the crowd whispered amongst themselves, clearly quite
agitated against the supposedly villanous trio.

  As soon as they felt the gags be ripped away, the girls started
protesting, all speaking at the same time. "Akane is villain!" "Yeah,
she the one that kidnapped my Ranma!" "No, *my* Ranma!" "We just
trying to get husband back from no-good violent girl!" "Whaddaya mean
'husband', you bimbo?"

  Before long, their lights went out again.

                                 * * *

  Ranma smiled to himself, surrounded on all sides by the black,
silent night that assaulted him where he stood unmoving on top of the
pole. He would, of course, have preferred just to get it all over
with, but on the other hand, he found *this* test rather relaxing -
he'd never been given much room for peace and quiet, and while he
couldn't stand any large doses of it, he certainly appreciated the
opportunity for a little respite.

  As it was, this trial really wouldn't be much of a problem, expect
possibly if he fell asleep; luckily, the wind had stopped, and the
otherwise easily swayed pole stayed still.

  As the boy pondered his recent stroke of luck - something he'd
usually didn't have in any noticeable quantity - he could hear the
sound of flesh impacting with wood; something crashed into the bottom
of the pole, making it shake all the way to the top, and Ranma had to
use every bit of balance he possessed to keep from falling.

  He peered down below, suspecting cheating on the part of the
amazons, but, at first, did not see anything there. Then, as he looked
more closely, he could just barely distinguish a small, round, black
shape from the darkness that surrounded it - a shape that could only
be P-chan.

  The bweeing noise as the pig threw itself at the pole again proved
him right, and as Ranma struggled to hang on, he wondered just how ol'
pig-boy had managed to show up *here* of all places. And did it mean
that others were nearby? That the plan to get away and search alone
hadn't worked quite as well as he had hoped?

  Unfortunately, Akane currently slept soundly in the bed that had
been provided for her - he could almost hear her snores all this way -
so he couldn't count on her to take care of the accursed pest.

  As these thoughts and others flew through his head, the boy noticed
more movement on the ground below, the sound of hurried footsteps
muffled by the grass as a human figure emerged from the nearby trees.

  The figure stopped by Ryouga, picking him up just as the pig was
about to launch itself at the pole again. Ranma looked closely and
noticed to his surprised that the figure was a short, long-haired
girl, possibly of Japanese origin, and certainly not dressed for a
journey through the wilderness. "I don't believe you managed to get
away again, little piggie," he heard her whisper admonishingly as she
held the pig in front of her face. "Don't you realize it's dangerous
out here alone? You could've hurt yourself, and you put darling Ranma
in danger, too! Come on, let's get out of here now."

  Holding the animal pressed tight against her chest, Akari turned to
walk away ... then briefly looked up, her eyes meeting Ranma's
confused stare for a fraction of a second before she ran away,
disappearing just as quickly as she had come.

  Had the boy not been occupied by keeping his balance, he would've
scratched the back of his head in surprise. He wondered just who on
earth *this* girl was, and what she was doing here... and he could've
sworn he'd noticed a slight blush on her face.

                                 * * *

  When the girls next awoke, they found their bonds were gone, but
unfortunately, the cold, dank cell in which they had been placed left
them very little room to make use of that fact. Thankfully, they had
all been left in their normal clothes, and relatively uninjured, but
that did not provide much comfort considering the circumstances.

  From beyond the iron bars that blocked the exit - thouroughly rusty,
but still looking quite sturdy - the leader, still clad in the dress
and shirt, smiled grimly at them, holding up a lantern to provide some
light. "So, you won't speak, will you?" he grunted. "Then you will rot
in here until you change your minds!"

  And with that, he turned on his heels and walked away, his hard
footsteps echoing against the stone walls as he left the three girls
alone in the darkness to ponder their situation.

                                 * * *

  "So," Ranma told the somewhat worried-looking elders, beaming
slightly. "I'm finished with your trials, now can you help me?"

  The old women turned to discuss with each other, whispering for a
while, then gradually increasing in volume as they became more and
more agitated. Finally, just before their tones would've grown loud
enough for the two japanese to discern (had they known Chinese), the
elders turned back to face them again, all smiling sweetly.

  "Oh," one of them said, "but who said that was the last trial?"

  "Yeah," one of her collegous agreed. "For the next trial, you'll
have to fix my leaking roof."

  "And wash my dirty laundry," another piped in.

  "And paint my walls."

  "And patch my outhouse."

  "And..."

  Hands on his hips, Ranma and Akane gave the group of women a hard,
unrelenting stare.

  "Okay, okay," the lead elder relented, waving her hands in defense.
"You *are* done. There's, umm, a bit of a problem, though. " A
sweatdrop formed on her forehead.

  The pig-tailed boy sighed. "What wrong?" he asked tiredly.

  "We keep a few bottles of water from the spring of drowned boy
around, just in case," the elder explained. "However, just a few weeks
ago, something happened; one morning, they had all been broken, and we
could find no signs of whomever did it."

  "Exactly," one of the others joined in. "Are you sure you wouldn't
rather be a full-time woman? We still have some of that water."

  Ranma scratched the back off his head. "Err, I rather not. But,
maybe you can help Akane?"

  The girl nodded vigorously. "I've got a boy curse," she told them
with a considerable amount of shame in her voice, "so I'll need some
of that girl water."

  "Sorry," the elders told her, somewhat apologetically. "No can do.
You'd have to go through the trails first, too."

  "Well, then," she snarled angrily, "I'll..."

  Ranma interrupted the girl by putting a restraining hand on her
shoulder. "Akane, trust me, there's *no* way you'd beat that champion,
and I mean it." He cut off her protest with a firm shake of his head,
then turned back to the elders, eyes narrowing in irritation. "So,
you're saying I went through all that crap ... for *nothing*?"

  "Actually," one of the elders told him, smiling embarrassedly, "yes,
we are."

  The woman standing next to her scratched her chin, nodding
thoughtfully to herself. "Well, we *might* have something that could
help you among the Ancient Amazon Treasures." One could almost hear
her pronounce the capital letters.

  "Yes, now that you mention it," another elder agreed, similarly
sunken in thought. "We'll have to go look."

                                 * * *

  Ranma looked on with a mixture of awe, shock and confusion as the
seven elders collectively digged through the large, dusty room full of
various strange, old-looking items of all sorts, more often than not
getting in each other's way.

  Suddenly, something came flying at him, and he barely had time to
raise his arm in time to catch the wooden staff before it crashed into
his scull. "Nyoibo," the tossing elder commented before she returned
to her searching. "Magical, and it can grow larger on command... but I
guess that's no help. Hm."

  A few moments later, the boy had  to duck, as a sharp pointed
object, vaguely knife-like, came flying at him, and got stuck in the
wall only a few inches from where his head had been. "That's the
Ensui," one of the elders told him. "Got it from one of your Japanese
ninja clans some four hundred years ago. It has special powers over
the element of water... hm... No, could be useful, but I guess it's
not really the solution we were looking for."

  In the far corner of the room, an elder gave off a short, joyful
shout, holding up some round metal object with obvious glee. "Found
it!" she exclaimed, grinning. "The plate of true... no," She tossed it
back where she'd found it, dejected. "That won't do it, either."

  Time passed, and the eyes of the two japanese grew larger and larger
as the old women came up with one weird item after another, none of
them any good, and finally, the elders reconvened before them.
"Sorry," their leader said apologetically, bowing her head. "It seems
we don't have anything that can help."

  "That's strange," one of the others commented, scratching her chin.
"I was so sure we had *something* for situations like this."

  "Oh, right!" another exclaimed, holding up her index finger as she
realized something. "We sold some of the things off to that museum
some fifty years ago." She turned to one of her collegues. "Remember,
Elder Li, that was when you gambled away all our..."

  The woman who had been spoken to hit the accusing one over the head
with her cane, hard. "You don't have to tell *them* that," she hissed,
glancing at the japanese pair.

  "Um, right," Ranma interrupted loudly, wanting to get an answer
before the elders started fighting amongst each other again. "So where
is this museum?"

                                 * * *

  "I grow weary of this deception, Elders."

  "As do we all, Elder. But remember, it is still necessary. The world
must continue to believe we are but a small, backwards village, run by
a bunch of cackling old women."

  "True, Elder, but what difference will the words of one young
japanese upstart make to the entire world?"

  "Maybe not much, Elder, but it all adds up, and considering how long
we've been working on this, we must be as careful as possible."

  "Indeed, Elder. We cannot let anything spoil our plans now that
we're so close."

  "I'm sorry. You are right, of course, Elder."

  "Yes. As soon as the international feminist conspiracy has gained
enough strength, the world shall once again know the wrath of the
amazons!"

  In unison, the elders all laughed, and laughed, and laughed, and a
cosmic observer felt a large drop of sweat collect on the back of his
head.

                                 * * *

  Sighing defeatedly, Ukyou sank down onto the thin mattress that was
the only piece of furniture in the dark cell. "It's no use," she told
the others, who were still madly trying to shake or bend the bars,
with no heat or conviction in her voice.

  Though it was hard to really tell in this darkness, despite the
seeming eternity during which they eyes had adjusted, she noticed them
stopping their efforts to turn towards her. "Guess spatula girl is
right," Shampoo reluctantly agreed after a while. "We been trying long
now, but bars will not bend." And been trying they head - the numerous
bumps that adorned the Amazon girl's normally rather hard head proved
that.

  Kodachi snorted, shaking her head. "This dark, smelly place is truly
unfit for a person of my standing." She folded her arms across her
chest, and they guessed that she stared at them down the length of her
nose, but the fact that all they could see of each other were vague
outlines lessened the effect somewhat. "It is, of course, your fault,"
she added, sneering.

  "Our fault?" Her fuse shortened by the dismal surroundings, Ukyou
could feel her anger rising, almost thankful for the opportunity to
vent some frustrations, and she crackled her knuckles, noting that
Shampoo did the same.

  "Yes, your fault," Kodachi answer haughtily, not taking notice of -
or not caring about - the other girls' irritation. "Had you two stupid
peasants not acted so rashly, we would never have ended up like this.
I will, however, be satisfied if you kneel and apologize properly."
She giggled with false friendliness. "Normally, I would of course
demand your heads."

  "Why, you!" Ukyou retorted, her face burning, and she waved her
clenched fist threateningly towards the oblivious girl.

  Just as Shampoo was about to pipe in, a soft, clicking noise
distracted the girls, and they turned about to see the outline of the
cell door glide open with a creaking sounds, a vaguely female figure
standing outside it.

  "Now, now, girls," Nodoka whispered admonishingly. "We don't have
time to argue. Let's get out of here before they notice."

  The girls stared silently in her direction for a while, stretching
out their hands to point at her, then when the immediate surprise had
gone by, they spoke out their confusion. "Y-you?" the three all
uttered in unison. "How'd you get in here?"

  The woman flashed them a demure smile, her white teeth making a
sharp contrast against the surrounding darkness. "That's a secret."

                                 * * *

  The museum guide scratched the back of his head as he adjusted the
sleeves of his traditional maoist outfit with his other hand. This was
certainly the most unusual couple that had passed through in a long
time. Usually, he prided himself on being able to tell almost directly
why people came, and concentrate on what interested them, but these?
No idea; he'd been forced to go with the standard tour, hoping it
wouldn't bore the customers.

  It was hard to decide which was the oddest one of them; the short,
pigtailed girl, whose language and behaviour were both a bit on the
tomboyish side (especially when combined with those clothes), or the
tall boy, who seemed just a little bit too feminine for the guide to
be comfortable. At any rate, they certainly constitued a fine match.
But *Japanese*? What interest could *they* have in this museum?

  The guide shrugged. On with the rest of the tour. "And here,
honorable customers," he said in his most grand and venerable voice,
"you see an AK-47 assault rifle once used by a Soviet brother to kill
more than fifteen capitalist pigs, before they could finally take him
down." The guide sniffed, faking a tear. "If you look closely, you can
see the markings on the barrel that..."

  Ranma yawned. "Look," he said, the sarcasm obvious in the boy's
voice (he'd never been one for subtlety), "all this communist junk
sure is interesting, but we were looking for some old amazon stuff
that we'd heard you had."

  "Amazon?" That stopped the guide in his tracks, and he had to pause
for a second to gather his wits. He'd almost forgotten about that by
now - but with such odd visitors, of course they'd been interested in
something odd. "I'm sorry, honorable customer, but we no longer have
it here."

  Akane, rather tired of the whole mess by now, reached out to grab
the short, pudgy man by his collar. "Look, just tell us where they are
already. I've had enough of this curse." Behind her (currently rather
masculine) back, Ranma smirked.

  The guide sweated, forcing a smile. "Curse? Ha ha," he laughed
politely. "Honorable mister customer is very funny, almost like my
cousin who works at Jusenkyou, he always insists those stupid curses
really exist." Seeing that this didn't work to dimnish the feminine
but certainly powerful boy's anger any, he hasted on with the
explanation. "Anyway, as I said, those items are no longer here. We
traded them with a russian museum many years ago to get these fine
party relics you see here."

  Behind them, Ranma sighed. "Just tell us where that musem is and
we'll get going," he told the man wearily.

                                 * * *

Author's notes
--------------
Need I say "any and all comments appreciated"? I'll say it once more,
just in case. Any and all comments appreciated. I need them. Badly.

Next in *this* series, Russia. Next on my schedule, not sure yet.



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---
Ronny Hedin, thark@mangakai.org, http://nabiki.newberry.edu/thark/
                "Momomoto, famous japanese, can swallow his nose."