Author's Notes: The idea for this came while I was watching those TBS Monkey-ed
Movie Super Shorts, which are darn funny. This will lead up to a full-length
feature "movie"...Anime Airplane! (Just be glad I decided not to do Anime
Caddyshack...)
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Tenchi in..."Top Gun."
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(We jump into the movie where Tenchi has just lost his best pilot. He's looking
around for a new pilot. Sasami shows up.)
Sasami: Tenchi? Can I be your new pilot? Huh? Huh?
Tenchi: Sorry, Sasami, but you know the rules. (He points to a a carboard height
chart with the the words, "You must be at least this tall to fly a fighter
plane." Sasami is clearly short.)
Sasami: Darn...
(We switch to Tenchi flying the airplane. At the carrier, one of the Robotech
girls monitors his flight.)
Tenchi: Eh, flying isn't as bad as it looks, eh Ryo-oh-ki?
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa! (Tenchi looks on his screen, and it's translated to:
Tenchi-sama, aren't we suppose to go to the Dagobah system?)
Tenchi: Ryo-oh-ki, this isn't Star Wars!
(Switch to the war room of the Carrier U.S.S. Beans...)
Robotech girl: Tenchi! There's a couple of bogeys behind you!
Tenchi (pulling out a couple of boogers): Yeah, and there's a couple in my nose!
(The Robotech girl starts to big-sweat and panic.)
Robotech girl: Hey! There's a bogey at 2 o'clock! (Tenchi looks at his watch.)
Tenchi: It's only one-thirty! Hey, I can see your house from here!
Robotech girl: Nevermind that, he's gotten way past you! Hey, who's your
co-pilot?! Should he be telling you these things?
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa! (Translation: I'm just a cabbit! How am I suppose to know
these things! I wasn't even suppose to be in the script!) (The girl
face-faults.)
Tenchi: Ah...I see the target. (He pushes the button on his joystick. The
missles fire. We hear a booming sound.) Yes!
Robotech girl: Well...did you hit the target!
Tenchi: Yep, I did. I can't see your house anymore!
Robotech girl(big-sweating, demon-mode): MY HOUSE!!! WAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa! (Translation: Cool! Can we blow up Ranma's house from here?)
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Slayers in "Lina Inverse and the Last Crusade."
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(We see Lina and Gourry in a cave, while Shabranigdu is laughing at them,
holding both Gourry's Sword of Light and their clothes, rendering them naked.)
Shabranigdu: And now, I shall drink the Holy Grail and become immortal and
immoral! Bwhahahahahahaha!
Gourry: How embarrassing being naked like this...
Lina: Say, how come your last name is Russian?
Gourry: Huh?
Lina: Yeah, isn't Gabriev a Russian name?
Gourry: Yeah, but Lina, this isn't the time nor the place.
Xelloss (who's wearing a knight's costume): Well, come one, pick up the Holy
Grail. (to Lina) Aren't you worried that your sister Luna will die if you don't
stop him?
Lina: Actually, he didn't get her, he got Naga instead. I can afford to let
her die.
Xelloss: Oh.
Lina: You should really pay attention to the script.
Shabranigdu: Well, here it is! (He picks up a modest looking cup and fills it
with water.) With this drink, I shall become more long-lasting than the
Energizer Bunny! (He drinks it.) Funny...the water shouldn't taste like...urk!
(He starts to grow big. Really big. And age...)
Lina: Look out, he's gonna blow!
(Shabranigdu explodes. In the crater that was the demon is Mokona, looking all
rather confused, if Mokona would ever look confused.)
Mokona (looking at himself): Pu?
Gourry: Aww...look at the adorable rabbit! (Lina gets their clothes.)
Lina: I was expecting Pika-chu myself.
Xelloss: So, aren't you going to select a cup?
Gourry: Well, we could get a souvenir, ne Lina?
Lina: Ne, yourself. I'll just take that huge cup over there. (She points to a
large cup that is on a two foot tall pedestal, except the pedestal comes with
the cup. Oh, and it's all silver.)
Xelloss: Shouldn't you test it?
Lina: It's the Holy Grail. I'm not even going to test it. (She and Gourry get
their clothes on.)
Gourry: How do you know?
Lina: I love hockey. I know hockey. That trophy is Lord Stanley's Cup. It's the
Holy Grail of Hockey. It'll work on Nega.
Xelloss: And if it doesn't?
Lina: The worst is she'll become Hello Kitty. That can't be all that bad.
Xelloss: Alright, but you know you can't leave this cavern. If you take the
thing out, then you'll die.
Lina: That's why you're taking the cup with you, Xelloss. (She grins.) If
nothing else, we'll be stuck here. Besides, you've got a nice pad here.
(Amelia appears.)
Amelia: My sister's gonna die!
Lina: Why do you care? (Amelia thinks about for a moment.)
Amelia: You know, you've got a point. (Naga appears wearing a leotard and a
flashing a ribbon Gourry.)
Naga: I am Kodachi Kuno --- the Black Rose of Nerima! Whoohohohohohoh! (Everyone
else big-sweats. Lina grabs the cup.)
Lina: Okay, let's get this thing to work...
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Pokemon's Day Off...Sorta
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(We see Kasumi & Satoshi talking to each other in a park. Pikachu and Meowth are
playing near by.)
Kasumi: Wow. We're about ready to graduate from Pokemon school.
Satoshi: Yeah. And in all that time, we've never dated.
Kasumi: You're too short.
Satoshi: Hey! Just because I'm related to Keiichi doesn't mean...
Kasumi: Hey, and you think me being Kasumi makes me a Tendo? I don't think so.
Satoshi: At least we don't have a crazy teacher.
(Satoshi's mother comes by.)
Satoshi's mother: Satoshi...remember, I'm going to be gone all week. I expect
you to be good. (turning to Pikachu) And Pikachu, you're in charge of keeping
Satoshi in line. You can shock him as much as possible if he gets out of line.
Pikachu: Pika! (He smartly salutes Satoshi's mother. She leaves.)
Satoshi: Ah, Mom, you're no fun.
Kasumi: It'll make our adventure even more fun.
Satoshi: You really think so?
Kasumi: Heck, it didn't stop Ferris Buhler, right?
(Ben Stein slides across the screen screaming something about $5,000.)
Satoshi (to the audience): Now that's unnecessary.
Kasumi: Well, it could be worse. (She pulls out a dunce cap and places it on
Satoshi.) *That's* worse. (Satoshi sulks.)
Satoshi: You're no fun, you know that Kasumi?
Kasumi: Wanna go over to a place where the pokemons are cursed?
Satoshi: Cursed pokemons?
Kasumi: It's the next hill over the drowned evas and Jusenkyou. (Satoshi pounds
his fist into the ground.)
Satoshi: Does every damned magical thing hafta involve water?
Kasumi: I prefer magical chicken broth myself. Really takes care of colds and
frigid dates.
Satoshi: But that involves water as well. (Kasumi arches her back; her belly
hits Satoshi's face.)
Kasumi: True. Say, do you think I should get a belly-button ring? I wanna look
like Lara Croft.
Satoshi: You couldn't look like Lara Croft even if your boobs were the same
density as hers. (Kasumi whaps Satoshi with a mallet.) Hey! Just because you're
an anime/manga girl doesn't mean you hafta have a mallet!
Kasumi: True. (Kasumi looks around. Suddenly she sees that they're in an
elevator.) Um, I don't think we're outside anymore. (Satoshi looks around.)
Satoshi: Oh, no. We're stuck in an elevator. (Meowth and Pikachu run by dressed
as elevator boys.)
Pikachu: Pika!
Meowth: Next stop, Locks, Stocks, and Two Smoking Barrels!
Kasumi: I liked that movie. (Satoshi folds his arms and looks away from Kasumi.)
Satoshi: Humpf. You'd like anything that involves guns.
Kasumi: So, I'm a card carrying member of the NRA. Shoot me! (Satoshi pulls out
a cannon and fires it at Kasumi. Her body blackens.) That was not funny,
Satoshi.
Satoshi: Ha, that's payback for malleting me! Say, don't you like going out
hunting?
Kasumi: Only if involves non-pokemons. I won't kill meowth, but I'll kill a
cougar.
Satoshi (looking around the elevator): Do you suppose this is some enemies
devious attempt to keep us away from saving the world?
Kasumi: No, it's probably the author's lame attempt to imitate DDFA's "Waiting
for Minako" or that other elevator thingy, "Scenes from an Elevator." You know,
that Utena thing.
Satoshi: Utena. I've seen it. It looks like an anime that had a identity crisis.
It couldn't decide if it wanted to rip off Sailor Moon, Tenchi, Eva, Ranma, or
Ah! My Goddess.
Kasumi: And many more romantic anime crap.
Satoshi: Do you know what Brock's doing?
Kasumi: Don't call him by his American name. He hates that.
Satoshi: Right. So...what's Takeshi doing?
Kasumi: Probably playing Magic: the Gathering with Kojiro and Musashi.
Satoshi: He's playing with the enemy?
Kasumi: More likely sleeping with the enemy if you ask me.
Satoshi (looking more and more surprised): Takeshi's sleeping wiht Musashi?
Kasumi: Actually, I think he's sleeping with Kojiro. (Satoshi falls over.)
Satoshi: Takeshi's gay?
Kasumi: Yeah. I figured it out after he tried to trap Tinkywinky. I had to
eventually tell him that that creature is not a pokemon, just much more annoying
thing than most pokemons.
Satoshi: That has to be a bald-face lie, Kasumi. Takeshi's a little brazen, but
he's not gay. He's just misunderstood. That's all. 
(The elevator reaches up to the top floor. The pokemons, Kasumi, & Satoshi walk
out. It just happens to be the world's tallest building in the world in
Malaysia. They look down below.)
Kasumi: Wow. Everything looks so calm and quiet from down there.
Satoshi: Yeah, until the Angels come to ruin everything. Say, stand on this
rail. Lean over. That's right...lean over... (They do. Kasumi gets picked up by
King Kong. Meowth falls over and starts a long dive down to the ground. Satoshi
looks at the terrified Kasumi and looks at Pikachu.)
Satoshi: Darn. Buhler never had this kind of trouble...
Pikachu: Pika!
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"The Ranma Show."
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(We look in a studio, where Rumiko Tashashi looks around television monitors.)
Rumiko: So...how's Ranma doing?
Ranma: Quite nicely, thank you. (Rumiko turns around. Ranma is up on top of the 
catwalk while the rest of the crew is either dead or unconscious, take your
pick.) 
Rumiko: You! How did you escape my carefully crafted world!
Ranma: I just escaped the place while everyone else was drinking to a stupor
over me and Akane's impending marriage. That's all. Oh, yeah, I did spike the
wedding punch.
Rumiko: B-b-but that's not what I wanted!
Ranma: Well, I am mad that you trapped me in a world that wasn't my own. I bet
there isn't a Jusenkyou springs.
Rumiko: No, but we did alter your DNA structure so that you can change from a
boy to a girl really easily. The spring just allowed that to be triggered.
Ranma: I thought so. And Akane isn't really Akane, isn't she? She's not even
Japanese I bet.
Rumiko: No, she's a saleslady in Hoboken, New Jersey.
Ranma: And Ryouga isn't really lost.
Rumiko: Nah, we just removed the part of the brain that controls one's
directions. We'd were going to put it back. (She pulls out a remote control.)
Ranma: Oh, don't bother. (He holds up a bunch of chips.) I found all of the
places you put a nerve inhibitor so that I could be afraid of cats.
Rumiko: Rats. (She drops the remote.) But, there's no way you could escape from
this office.
Ranma: Well, I did find that map of the studio after I maimed your assistant.
(He holds it up.)
Rumiko: Well, surely you haven't thought of everything. (Ranma holds up a remote
control device.)
Ranma: Actually, I have. (He presses a button. All of the lights in the place go
out.)
Rumiko's voice: Oh, geeze, he must of gotten into the electrical system. Can
someone please turn on the lights? Please? Anyone? Is anyone here?
(The screen brightens up to a sun-shine filled beach, where Ranma is resting in
a lawn chair. He stretches.)
Ranma: Ahh, this is the life. Hey, Rouge-chan, can you pass me the sunscreen?
(Rouge appears and passes Ranma the sunscreen. Ranma grins.) Hey, what can I
say, I dig smart chicks. Now, can you explain to me again the Theory of
Relativity? I got lost after that E=MC squared part. (Rouge starts to talk as
the scene fades away to black.)