On Wed, 5 May 1999, Tom Mathews a.k.a. Disruptor wrote:

	Makoto Mizuhara was anxiously pacing back and forth on the top of the Eye 

You need to shorten your line lengths.


 

	"Selene, take this," Joh said while handing her the emerald scpeter, "It 

John said

has taken somthing from you. I have taken something from you, that can never 

something

reagl."

regal

much feedom as you desire when you have acheived being mother, sister, and 

freedom as you desire

Sehkmet's.  Se will become the Kaisen flower. Kh will become Pharoh 90.  The 
remaining emerald will land closest to the moon kingdom.  That one will form 
Metallia.  The scepter itself will also be corrupted and bcome a being known 

An interesting idea.

as Madam Vadiane.   Any of the  chaotic energy left over, will be collected 

Is this something new or a reference I don't get?

by a Senshi to contain it.  Of course the little battle, between Sehkmet and 
I, will cause the system's sun where the two of us will meet to explode."

The grammar on this sentence feels clunky.

 

	Makoto Mizuhara was also trying to hold back tears.  He realised that this 
Selene person cared very deeply about her daughters and only cosigned them 

consigned them

	The group that was sent to the Forbbiden Island had made it to where 
Ifurita was stored for so many centruries.  The shrine still had large 

centuries

	Afura Mann looked at Haruka oddly.  She scanned the area and saw that there 
was no one there, bu then a sudden thought crept into her mind.  Afura Mann 
took out her talisman and activated it, to have access to her powers.  
Haruka, remembering a snippet about a phantom tribe,  closed her eyes and 
let her ears due the sensing for her.   Ami took a glance over at her two 

ears do the 

	The Space Sword shot its energy blast forward and as soon as it hit a 
certian area a figure of smoke appeared and then dissipated.  Ami scanned 
the area and saw at least four more grey skinned humanoids.  Seeing that 
they were in a cluster, Ami fired off one of her attacks.

If they're in Senshi form in this scene, I'd suggest referring to them by
their Senshi names.

 

	Ami, slightly stratled by the question, replied, "Oh.  The dias is actually 

dais

	Ami shook her head, "No, that isn't what I meant.  If Setsuna
completely winds down, it would take a mssive energy burst to restart her.  

massive 

	Haruka raised an eyebrow, "Oh? What exactly are we going to do?  We can't 
bring Pluto here becuase of those Phantom Tribe people."

because

 

	Ami said, "The dias is the only machine here and it only extends two meters 

dais

down.  Haruka if you would be so kind as to use your sword to cut the dias 
free of the attaching floor?"

Haruka, if you
 

she was done, Ami used her Aqua Illusion to raise the platform free of the 
floor by firing into the gap made by Haruka.  Once the dias was totaly 
clear, Ami started forming small hills on one side of the device and a 

Hills of what?  Ice?

	"Oops, forgot," Ami said, andd as soon as the flyer had repositioned itself 
she forze the bottom of the craft to the ice ship.

forze?

Normally, Ami can't just use her powers all day long without starting to
get tired out; or at least that's my impression, but she doesn't seem to
have any trouble here.

 John Walter Biles :  MA-History, Ph.D Wannabe at U. Kansas         
ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu       
rhea@tass.org              http://www.tass.org/~rhea/falcon.html
rhea@maison-otaku.net      http://www.maison-otaku.net/~rhea/

"If you're looking for a new coaster, the album _13_ is perfect for you."
--Daily Kansan Music Review