On Tue, 11 May 1999, Chris Davies wrote:
On Mon, 10 May 1999, Ranma Al'Thor wrote:
such as?
Suggestions are welcomed. :)
Basically, I need Cliff Notes to follow this. But I don't have Cliff
Notes. You've introduced a good two dozen major new characters, and I
can't keep track of them all. It wouldn't be so bad if you'd introduced
them slowly over a fair # of chapters, but we've been hit with them all at
once, and I just cannot keep up.
And the Tenchi and Company presence still feels glommed on, too.
Those two objections fit together perfectly.
One of the overarcing themes of the Together Again series is, what
do you do when the rules change? Whether it's Priss dropped into a future
she never made, Akane trying to cope with the fact that her normal isn't
other people's normal (and that her weird is positively mundane compared to
some people's weird), or Tenchi&Co. dropped into a situation which they
don't understand, and which they aren't a part of.
Priss and Akane didn't feel glommed onto their situation, though. Nor did
the story feel like life would simply go on without them if they dropped
out of it. Now, if the story actually focused on Tenchi and Company's
efforts to understand a world they weren't part of, I could agree with
this, but Tenchi and Company are absent for a good 80% of the screentime
in chapter 2. They're off in the periphery while everything important
happens to other people.
Now, Akane is also fairly peripheral in the 20th century TA story, but her
narraration ties the story together; this gives her importance in the
story. The same for Priss; not everything happens to her,
but she's important to events, and we know from the start she's going to
be important.
But the Tenchi cast is just bumbling around at the periphery. The fact
that Benten has found them will likely bring them more into the center and
integrate them better. This doesn't help the first two chapters though.
[Snip Chris explaining his theme]
That's well and good, and I expected you had thought this out. I know
you're an excellent writer. But I still can't keep track of the cast, and
it hurts the story. I don't know these characters, and I'm unsure if you
can ground them solidly enough in five chapters (I'm assuming this will
have five chapters) for me to comprehend them growing or to understand the
roles they play.
I can only follow the story at all because I've read everything else
you've written, and I know enough about the world to follow the broad
strokes of the plot, even when I forget who rules what planet, who serves
who, who plots against who, who hates who, etc.
I would be very surprised if anyone could read this as their first story
by you and follow it. I love the world, the cultures, the intrigues, and
the density of the plot. But I've been gradually exposed to your vision
through all your other stories. I have an advantage that a first time
reader does not.
I didn't have this problem with the other TA stories, even though they
introduced tons of new characters as well. It's hard for me to say why
I can't keep up with them in this story. I think some of it is the degree
to which original characters completely run the plot instead of
gueststarring. With them completely in relation to each other, there's no
cues or clues for me to take advantage of my knowledge of the characters I
did know to remind myself who was who and what and where and why.
Anyway, enough of my whining. I'm enjoying the story, but it's slow going
for me because I can't keep track of the cast.
>
Let's just say that if the end of this works like I want it to work,
John, the "Dance of Life" sequence in Shiva will have competition for the
title of "most inspiring and elegaic conclusion to an epic".
Cool. I expect the best from you, and you generally deliver. :)
(Would be willing to write a Dramatis Personae listing ...)
Desperately needed. I couldn't even remember who the character loosely
modelled after me was at first when he showed up again in this chapter. I
still can't remember who anyone he was talking to was.
John Walter Biles : MA-History, Ph.D Wannabe at U. Kansas
ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu
rhea@tass.org http://www.tass.org/~rhea/falcon.html
rhea@maison-otaku.net http://www.maison-otaku.net/~rhea/
"If you're looking for a new coaster, the album _13_ is perfect for you."
--Daily Kansan Music Review